Elisabeth had been sleeping with Ryan behind my back. A lump
formed in my throat, but I swallowed it down. I wasn’t going to cry. Not over
him. My stomach let out a big growl, and that’s when I realized that I hadn’t
eaten yet. I reached over and tried to pull the cart towards me and failed. A few
minutes later, the doctor came in.
“You’re looking a little pale. Are you feeling all right?”
He asked walking over to the bed.
“Not really. My stomach hurts from just throwing up. Do you
think you can push that cart closer so I can see if there is some juice to wash
out this taste. It’s disgusting!” He pushed the cart over to me and took off
the lid. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” I replied glancing down at the grape juice and
clear broth that they’d given me.
The broth will probably settle my stomach.
“When they say liquid diet they mean it, don’t they?”
“Yes. We just want to make sure that you can keep liquids
down before giving you solid foods. It’s just a precaution. And since you just said
you threw up, it’s probably a good thing you’re not on solid foods just yet. I
do want you to tell me if it happens again because it may be something more
serious though.”
“Okay, I will. So, how long do you think they’ll keep me
here?” I said, quickly changing the subject.
“I’m not sure. We’ll have to see how everything goes before
determining a breakout plan.”
How lame. Was he trying to be hip or something? What in
the hell is a breakout plan?
“What day is it?” I asked. The last thing I remember is
graduation. Everything else is hazy.
“It’s Sunday. You’ve been here for two days now.” I frowned.
That can’t be right. I talked to Elisabeth this morning, didn’t I?
“Are you sure?” I asked, confused.
I could have sworn
…the
thought trailed.
“Yes, you came in Friday night unconscious and since then
you haven’t been conscious more than a few minutes at a time.”
“I could have sworn that I talked to Elisabeth right after
the accident, though,” I said, still fuzzy about details.
“You could have been talking to her in your dreams. It’s
said that people in a coma have vivid dreams that they think are real.” He
frowned. “Do you have a headache?”
I nodded.
“Do you remember what happened before the accident?” he
asked, concerned.
“Now, that you mention it, my head does hurt a little bit.
Is that a sign?”
“Yes, it is. I want to do some tests and we’ll see what to
do from there.”
Just then, my mother walked in the room. “Why is my daughter
having tests?”
“Well, I think she may be showing signs of a concussion and
I want to do some tests to see if I’m correct.”
“What kinds of tests?” My mother was the kind of person who
needed to know every detail about something.
He paused, but continued before my mother could ask another
question. “A CT scan is the standard test that doctors perform to assess the
brain right after injury. The scanner takes multiple cross-sectional X-rays and
combines all the resulting images to give us detailed, two-dimensional images
of Lauren’s skull and brain. During the procedure, she’ll just lie very still
on a table that slides through a large doughnut-shaped X-ray machine. It’s easy
and painless.”
The doctor turned to me. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Wait!”
He stopped in the doorway, “Do you need something else?”
“Where’s the morgue?” I asked.
Dr. Summers frowned. “In the basement level, why?”
“I want to see him,” I requested
My mother interrupted me, “I don’t think that would be a
good idea. I don’t even think that you’d be able to see him. Hospitals have
rules you have to follow. Only family members are allowed to see the deceased.”
“I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye,” my voice quivered, “I
need to tell him that I’m sorry. You don’t understand.”
“Well, we haven’t been able to get a hold of Ryan’s parents
to identify the body yet, so Lauren could do that for us. But I’ll only agree
to this if you let the nurse take you for those tests first. I know you want to
see Ryan, but I want to make sure that everything is okay with you.”
My mother turned to me. “I agree with Dr. Summers. Making
sure that you’re okay is my first priority. I still don’t know if seeing Ryan
is a good idea.” She frowned.
“I do. He's my...I mean was my boyfriend,” I said calmly. If
my mother noticed the change, she didn’t comment.
“I guess that would be okay, but you’re waiting until a
nurse comes with a wheelchair and you’re going for the tests first,” she said
sternly.
Dr. Summers left the room to get the nurse. A few minutes
later, a woman walked in the room with a wheelchair. She had black hair styled
in a pixie cut. She reminded me a little bit of Lucy Hale from
Pretty Little
Liars.
“Here you go. Do you need help getting in?” she asked,
pushing the wheelchair to the bed.
My mother spoke. “No, thank you. I’ll get it from here.” The
girl smiled at me and left the room. I pushed away the covers and slid my legs
off the bed. I’d been stuck in bed for the last two days, so my legs felt like
jelly as I got in the wheelchair.
I looked up. “I’m ready,” I said. She sighed and began
pushing me down the hallway. I’d never been anywhere, but my hospital room so I
looked around with interest. The walls were the same antique white as the other
rooms but with rails running alongside them for patients to hold onto as they
walked along. I saw a young guy with spiky, blonde hair walking around, one
hand on the rail and the other on the pole he drug beside him.
“What’s that?” I asked my mother, pointing to the guy.
Her gaze followed my finger. “It’s a cute guy.”
“No. Not him," I shook my head, “the thing that he’s
dragging around with him.”
“Oh that’s the thing that holds fluids. I don’t remember the
name.” She chuckled, “My brain can’t hold onto all of the different medical jargon
that your doctor keeps on telling me.”I smiled at her.
She stopped at the nurse's desk. “My daughter is scheduled
for a CT scan by Dr. Summers. Her name is Lauren Bailey.” The nurse glanced at
a piece of paper and then got up.
“Okay. If you’ll follow me we’ll get Lauren ready.” She
turned to me, “There is nothing to be afraid of. It's easy and fast.”
“I’ll bring her back in a few minutes,” she said over her
shoulder, as she wheeled me down the hallway.
“Here you go.” She said pushing open the last door on the
right, the exam room.“You can hold onto me as we get you situated here.” I got
out of the wheelchair and grabbed onto the nurses arm for support.
“Lay down. I’ll be right back.” The nurse waited until I was
comfortable and exited the room. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.
Everything
will be fine. Everything is fine.
“Lauren, its Dr. Summers. Just lay still and try not to
move.” I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything, but my mind kept
on going back to the fight Ryan and I had before the accident.
I still can’t
believe he’s gone.
“Lauren, it’s Dr. Summers again. The test is over and you
did just great. I’m going to have the nurse bring the chair in to you, so we
can get you out of here. I need to go talk to your mother for a moment.”
I sat up and waited for the doctor. The door opened a minute
later and the nurse came back in. I eased myself off the table and back into
the wheelchair.”
“Let’s take you back to your room now,” she suggested.
“Why does Dr. Summers have to talk to my mom? Is something wrong?”
I asked nervously.
The nurse shook her head. “I don’t know, honey. I’m sure
everything is fine, though. Let’s get you back your room.”
My mother was waiting outside in the hallway and I watched
as Dr. Summers walked over to her and started talking. I couldn’t hear what
they were saying, but I could tell that something was wrong by the look on my
mother’s face.
What isn’t Dr. Summer’s telling me?
“Wait, my mother
and I were supposed to go to the morgue to see Ryan’s body. I can’t go back to
my room yet.”
“Oh, okay, hold on one second.” She set the brake on the
wheelchair and walked over to the doctor, tapped him on the shoulder and
whispered in his ear. He nodded and the nurse walked back over to me.
“The doctor said to wait a few minutes and then your mom
will take you to the morgue,” she said.
“Thanks.” I smiled and continued watching the doctor and my
mother talk. A few minutes later she walked over to me.
“
Are you sure you still want to go
to the morgue? I can take you back to your room, if you want to rest. There is
also a chance that they won’t let you see Ryan because you aren’t family. You
do realize this, don’t you?” she rambled.
“Mom, calm down. You’re rambling
and, yes, I want to see Ryan. Don’t you remember Dr. Summers saying that they
need someone to identify Ryan’s body?” I asked. She didn’t answer me.
She turned to the doctor instead. “Are
we going to be able to wheel Lauren down to the morgue without problems? I’m
not sure about the hospital protocol.”
“I’ll call and make sure that they
know you are coming.” He walked a few feet down the hall to a red phone and
picked it up. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but could tell that he was
talking to someone on the other line. He walked back towards us. “Everything is
arranged, go ahead.”
My mother wheeled me over to the
elevator, pushed the button and waited. “Are you sure you can do this?” she
asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I want to see Ryan,”
I said, hoping she wasn’t backing out. The doors opened and we waited for people
to get off so we could get on. My wheelchair needed lots of room. As the doors
closed my mother leaned over and pressed the basement button. I wanted to ask
my mother what the doctor had said, but didn’t know how to do it.
“Mom?” I questioned. She glanced
away from the floor numbers on the elevator and looked at me.
“Is everything okay?” she asked,
suddenly concerned. I cleared my throat.“What were you and Dr. Summers talking
about earlier? You looked worried when I came out of the scan.”
Stopping at the bottom level, the
doors slid open. She let the other passengers get off and waited until we were
alone to speak.
“I’m sorry if I scared you. Your
scan came back normal, but the doctor was just concerned about your concussion
and told me to keep track of your symptoms. There is a chance that they will
never fully go away. Are you ready to go now?” she asked.
She wheeled me over to a big desk,
“My daughter would like to see Ryan Carmichael’s body. I was told by Dr.
Summers he was still down here.”
“Are you next of kin?” the woman
at the desk asked.
“No, but he is, was, my daughter’s
boyfriend,” my mother explained. I bit my lip, this didn’t look good.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you
view the body. Hospital policy states that nobody except for next of kin is
allowed.”
“I don’t understand, Dr. Summers
said that he was going to call down here and tell you we were coming,” my
mother said.
“But can’t you make an exception?”
I piped up from the wheelchair, “Ryan is, was, my boyfriend. We’ve been
together for the last four years.”
She sighed. “I just got on shift. Let
me see if there is a note around here somewhere that I’m missing.” She began
shuffling through papers on the desk. “Here it is!” she exclaimed, holding up a
white piece of paper. I couldn’t see what it said.
She pushed a form towards my
mother.
“Sign this please.” My mother
barely glanced at it and signed at the bottom. I took a deep breath, waiting.
It felt like an eternity before
someone came to get us. A man walked through the double doors. “Right this way,”
he said, holding the door for me. It was now or never. I wheeled myself to
another pair of doors and stopped.
“Mom, I don’t know if I can do
this,” I said voice shaking.
She nodded. “If you want to back
out now, I understand.” She squeezed my shoulder. “I can stay here if you want,”
she said.
I took a deep breath, shook my
head. “No, I want you to come in with me. I need to see Ryan and I don’t want
to do it alone.”
I’d never been in a morgue before.
The only people that had died around me were a handful of relatives that I
barely even knew. I definitely didn’t think that I’d be down here identifying
my own boyfriend, wait, ex-boyfriend’s, body, ever. I shivered and rubbed my
hands up and down my arms. All I wanted to do right now was to crawl under the
covers and forget everything.
“He’s right over here.” The
attendant said, bringing me out of my daze. He walked over, pulled open a drawer,
and stood back in the corner. I rolled myself over. Taking a deep breath, I
glanced over at Ryan. He looked like he was sleeping and would wake up any
moment now.
I heard my cell phone. “Mom, that
was my phone, do you have it?” I asked, not taking my eyes off of Ryan.
“Oh yes. I almost forgot. It was
with Ryan’s stuff.” She handed it to me. I scrolled through and saw that I had
a text message. It was from the same undisclosed number as before. I began
reading, the color draining from my face.
Let’s play a game. It’s called where’s
the Murderer?
My hands shook as I handed my
phone back to my mom.