Caught (Men of the Show Book 3) (26 page)

“I don’t need this now,” Matt said on a hiss through his nose as he pinched the bridge, squeezing his eyes shut. “I just need things to move faster than they are.”

“You can’t force this. You’re going to have to take one day at a time, as much as that pains you.”

“And do what, Jay?”
 
Matt jerked upright. “Sit here on my ass and think about what a shithole my life is?”

“Matt,” Jason said, his voice equally rising. “You need to stop the feeling-sorry-for-yourself shit. It’s getting old.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I think I’m allowed some amount of self-pity when my life has taken a dump.”

Jason stood. “Yes, this sucks. Nobody has said otherwise. It really sucks that Natalie took control away from you and dealt you a crappy hand. Yes, I get all that and yes, you are allowed some self-pity, you’re allowed to be angry, pissed off—but, Matt, buddy, you’ve got to see what you’re doing to yourself.”

Matt frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re pushing everyone away. Me, your parents, other teammates…everyone who wants to help you through this, you’re pushing us away, and I can’t figure out why. We’re trying to help, do whatever you need us to, but you’d rather sit, bitch, be a dick to everyone and mope about things. Shannon, the girl you were crazy about—I could see how crazy you were for her—is suddenly gone. Why? Where did she go? What did you say to her?”

Shannon. Simply thinking her name made his chest ached. She’d upped and returned to Michigan without even saying good-bye. Matt had finally asked Jerry about her during one of his visits and had found out she’d gone back with her parents. He’d kept waiting for her to come back and demand answers from him, and when one day turned into the next without any word from her, it became that much harder for him to pick up the phone. So, he didn’t and, apparently, they were over. Shannon had simply given up on him.

“Who said I said anything?
 
Maybe she just cut her losses and got out. Didn’t want to deal with all this.”
 
He waved his hand at his leg stretched out in front of him.

Jason scowled. “I seriously fucking doubt that. What did
you
say to her?”

“I told you, she stopped by the day she was released and I didn’t see her after that.”

“What did she say to you when you saw her?” Jason pressed.

Matt shrugged. “She asked how I was. Wondered about Natalie and the story behind that.”

“And what did
you
say?” Jason asked again.

Matt glowered, realizing his friend was going to force him to say it. Admit he was the one who’d fucked up. “I told her I couldn’t deal with it at the moment and all I was focused on was getting back to baseball.”

“That was it?”
 
Jason asked, his face the perfect picture of disbelief. “You didn’t say anything else?
 
Didn’t answer any of her questions?
 
Didn’t ask about her, how she was doing?
 
Didn’t apologize for not telling her?”

“Nope. Pretty much that’s all I said.”
 
Listening to himself, Matt agreed he sounded like an asshole.

Jason closed his eyes as he shook his head. “Jesus, you are an idiot. Why wouldn’t you tell her about Natalie?
 
Why wouldn’t you tell her you needed her?
 
Why would you let her leave?”

“I didn’t
let
her leave.”
 
Matt swiped at his hair in frustration. “She just fucking left without saying anything. If I’d known she was going to, I would have asked her not to.”

“Did you try to call her or anything?”

Matt cleared his throat and paused before he said, “No.” When Jason threw up his hands as if to say “What the fuck?,” Matt took in a deep breath. “Jesus, all right! I know, I know!
 
I should have and wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say. Everything was upside down and I was trying to get my head around all of this, and I didn’t know what to say to her. Besides, it’s probably better, for her own good, to be away from me. Safer.”

“Cut the dramatic bullshit,” Jason said with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, whatever. I still don’t know what to say to her. She probably thinks I’m a big-time loser.’

“Yeah, she probably does,” Jason agreed, “but not because of what happened. No, because you need to get your head out of your ass and stop feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself. You have it all, Matt. A great family, a great girl and a great life. Not everyone has that. All you need to do is look at me and you know it’s true. We’re not all as lucky as you, so stop being a dickhead.”

With one last glance, Jason stalked out, slamming the front door behind him. Matt rested his head against the back of the couch and took a deep breath. It was hard to hear, but Jason was right. If anyone knew what it was like to have nothing, it was Jason and he had every right to ride Matt as he had. He’d acted like a self-centered idiot, was still acting like one, so caught up in the fucked-up state of his life that he ignored everyone else. He’d even told his parents to leave because he couldn’t handle them being around, even though they’d only been trying to help.

Shannon was a victim just as much as he was and the situation had thrust her life into disarray and all he could think about was himself. Not only should he be pissed at Natalie because of everything she’d done, even before the shooting, but also because she’d planned to hurt Shannon, pointing the gun at her at the last second. He’d conveniently forgotten that in his self-absorbed state. He was an ass.
 

His negative frame of mind didn’t help his recovery either. He expected nothing less than game-day shape immediately, which made him overlook the progress he had made. He needed to take things slow, he needed to do things right and he needed to start celebrating the positives.
 

And as much as Matt was reluctant to admit it, there was more to life than baseball. He knew that but the unfairness of his situation made the potential loss of the game he loved a bitter pill to swallow. But it wasn’t everything and if he didn’t get his head of his ass, just like Jason said, then he would be left with nothing. He had to try to get Shannon back, because if he didn’t, then he’d end up regretting everything and be disappointed in himself for the rest of his life.
 
And that was truly unacceptable.

Chapter 20

Toward the end of April, Shannon rushed down the highway to the airport to pick up Jerry. The call from Karen stating she was in labor had come in, and her mother had shot out of the house to the hospital quicker than Shannon had ever seen her move.

Shannon drove toward baggage claim, trying to hurry while at the same time not hit any of the travelers who stepped into oncoming traffic with their trail of luggage without even looking. She spotted Jerry at the end, waving his hands above his head, as he tried to ignore the people who recognized him, attempting to snap photos with their phones.

She pulled up to the curb, and Jerry sprinted over and climbed into the passenger seat, tossing his bag into the backseat.

“Go! Go!” he said.

“Have you talked to her?” she asked as she headed back toward the highway.

“No. She left a voicemail and now I can’t get anyone to answer. Why is your mom not answering?”
 

The panic in his voice was evident and Shannon quickly tried to reassure him. “I’m sure everything’s fine. Really. They’re probably getting her settled in a room and talking with the doctors.”

“I don’t know, Shan. I don’t know what to think,” he said, clearly going out of his mind and she realized no matter what she said, he wouldn’t be at ease until he heard Karen’s voice.

She picked up her phone. “Let me try my mom’s phone. Maybe she doesn’t have Karen’s phone near her.”

“She’s supposed to!
 
That was the plan in case I wasn’t back yet. Your mom is supposed to have Karen’s phone so I can be in touch.”

Shannon quickly dialed her mom’s cell. Her mother’s cheery voice came across the line after only two rings. “Hello, honey. Where are you?
 
Have you picked up Jerry yet?”

“Mom, Jerry’s been trying to get ahold of you ever since he landed. Why haven’t you answered?”

“I had my phone on me the whole time—”

Jerry reached across the console and grabbed the phone from Shannon. “Linda, where is Karen?
 
How is she doing?”

Shannon missed what her mother said, but a look of relief crossed Jerry’s face and a big grin broke out. “Hey, baby. How are you?
 
Are you cursing me yet?”

Shannon turned her shoulders slightly, trying to give him some privacy and not pay attention to their conversation. The love in Jerry’s voice rang strong and her own throat tightened with emotion. She longed to hear a man talk to her with that much love. She’d once believed she’d found it, but she’d turned out to be dead wrong.

She stopped before she delved into anything more with Matt. Once she returned from Florida, she’d put him out of her mind and moved on. He’d been clear about his priorities and none of them included her. So she’d forged ahead and started to put her life back together the only way she knew how, the only path of which she was sure. She’d gotten out of her lease in Chicago, not without paying a hefty price, and was living with her mom and dad temporarily until she found a job. She pretty much felt like a loser, but her father had put out some feelers for her while she inquired into other local firms. So far, no bites, however. While she almost resented jumping into the same lifestyle again, it was what she needed to do. It was what she was supposed to do.

Jerry hung up and handed her the phone with an embarrassed grin. “Thanks, Shannon. Sorry to flip out on you like that.”

She gave his hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry about it. You have a right to be freaking out…Daddy.”

He beamed. “That’s so awesome. I can’t wait. She’s in her room and they’re watching her. So far, she’s only dilated about two centimeters. So let’s pick up the speed. I’ll pay your ticket.”

Shannon laughed, but she did accelerate. She wanted Jerry to be at Karen’s side as their child entered the world. When they arrived, she pulled up at the front entrance and let him jump out before she parked the car. She found her mother in the waiting room outside the delivery area.

“Jerry get here in time?” she asked her.

“Oh yes, good timing. I think they were going to take her back soon, but he definitely got there in time.”

“Good.”
 
Shannon sat down and held her mother’s hand. “I can’t believe Karen is going to be a mom.”

Her mother chuckled. “Me either. She’s definitely grown up since being with Jerry. She’s going to be a great mother.”

“That’s for sure.”

Her mom squeezed her hand. “You know, I always thought I’d be here with you way before Karen.”

“Really?” Shannon said in surprise. “Why do you say that?”

“You always loved to play house when you were little. You always had all your baby dolls and for the longest time you said you wanted to have lots and lots of babies.”

“All little girls say that.”
 

“Well, maybe, but Karen never did and you were so adamant,” her mother said with a smile as she thought back on the memories. “You always asked me when I was going to have another baby, and whenever we saw a baby anywhere, you would stare in fascination.”

Shannon frowned. “I don’t remember that. When did all of that change?”

Her mother let out a sigh. “When your father decided he wanted more for you than that. You craved his attention and when he started to show it…”
 
Her voice trailed off as a sad expression crossed her face.

Shannon glanced over at the regretful tone of her mother’s voice. “Mom?”

She shook her head. “Oh, it’s nothing. You’re a grown woman now and I know you know your own heart. I once worried you were only doing what your father wanted you to do. You always were trying so hard to get him to notice you, but I know you’re past that. You’re doing what you want to be doing and if that makes you happy, then I’m happy for you.”

“Yes, of course,” Shannon said, but without much conviction.

Why hadn’t her mother said any of this before?
 
Shannon shook her head slightly. Had she been so desperate for her dad’s approval she’d been completely willing to ignore everything else?
 
She didn’t even remember her dreams of having tons of babies. Not that it was realistic, but still.
 

Her father spoke of sacrifices in order to purse her dreams, but they were different for him than her. Why hadn’t she recognized this before?
 
While her father worked and put in long hours, her mother took care of the home and family. He didn’t have to put anything on hold because her mother had taken care of it. Shannon didn’t have that. It was different for her regardless of what he said, and she wasn’t sure if she believed now that it was worth it.

The sound of feet rushing into the room interrupted her contemplation and Shannon glanced up to find Jerry standing in the doorway still dressed in green scrubs with a huge grin on his face.

“Come on, you guys!
 
Come meet Zachary Ryan Smutton.”