Caught (Men of the Show Book 3) (28 page)

“I never stopped wanting you, wanting to be with you,” he said, forging ahead, unwilling to give up. “I never stopped loving you, even when I implied I didn’t.”

“I…”
 
She stopped and shook her head before turning back to him.

“This recovery has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I made it even harder by pushing you away. I’ve needed you more than I’ve ever needed anyone, Shannon. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but I’m here, begging you for one.”
 

 
“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you want to try again,” he said as he crowded her, refusing to let this opportunity slip through his fingers. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her neck. “Say you want to be with me. Say you still love me.”

Shannon sighed as she tilted her head and leaned into him. His hands went to her waist and pulled her tightly to him. His lips hovered a hairbreadth above hers, waiting and letting her make the decision to close the gap between them. Her lips parted on a small gasp before touching his. The kiss started out light and tentative, but soon familiar heat spiked and her mouth opened to his as his tongue sought out hers. He plastered her against him, missing the softness of her, and her arms went around his shoulders. She moaned into his mouth when his fingers threaded through her hair. They separated and the same desire surging within him swam in her eyes.

“Is that a yes?” Matt asked with a hopeful grin.

She smiled. “I guess it is.”
 

He leaned in for another kiss. “What do you say you come back to my place with me?”
 

“Hmm…” Shannon murmured against his lips. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

He stood back. “How come?”

“I have a job interview later on.”

“Oh?” he said. “Where at?”

“A local law firm. My dad knows one of the partners.”

Matt paused. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but he didn’t like the sound of this. “What kind of firm?”
 

“A corporate law firm. I think there are over two hundred attorneys. It’s a great firm, one of—if not the—top firm in the area with lots of recognition, and if I can make partner—”
 

“So you’re getting back into a big firm again, even though you said you didn’t want to?” he interrupted, annoyed at the circle they seemed to be turning in.

Shannon’s eyes narrowed. “I have to do something.”

“I understand that, but I didn’t think you wanted to get back into a demanding firm.”

She let out a huff. “I need a job. I lost the one I had to be with you, remember?”

“Whether you’re with me or not, you should be doing what you want to do. Not what others want you to do.”

“I’m not,” she insisted, but her shoulders went rigid. “This is what I know, what I do.”

“So, then you’ve changed your mind about what you want?
 
Again?”

“No…I…it’s not…” she stammered, looking irritated and frustrated.

“Then what is it?
 
You want to be a partner in a big firm or not?” he pushed, anger tinting his tone.

She stepped back from him, mouth gaping in shock before she snapped it shut with anger. “I’m trying to figure everything out. I quit my job so we could be together, but then that fell apart—”

“I never asked you to quit your job. You did that yourself.”

“Because I thought it was what you wanted!
 
I thought you wanted us to be together!” she cried.

“I do. God, I do more than anything, Shannon,” Matt said with pleading eyes. “But not at the expense of your happiness. I want you to do what
you
want, be what
you
want, but not if it is one or the other. I couldn’t live with that.”

Defeat weighed on him. He couldn’t do this. He loved her and he wanted to be with her, but he couldn’t continue to go back and forth with her while she figured out what she wanted out of life. She had to understand who she was, be faithful to herself before committing to anybody else. He needed her to be one hundred percent happy with her decisions, not forever questioning them. He couldn’t live with her resenting him because he’d kept her from following her true dreams.

“I can’t do this,” he said in a low voice, unable to believe he was actually uttering the words.

Panic and fear crept into her bright blue eyes. “What are you saying?”

Matt slowly backed away from her. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can continue to battle like this. I expect to have to work on things with you, but we seem to be going in circles with what you want. What you want your priority to be. You need to figure that out before we can ever work. I don’t want you to be bitter, believing I made you choose something you didn’t want.”

“I would never…it wouldn’t be like that…” she faltered, realizing he was right.

 
“You just said as much…”
 
He stopped with a shake of his head. “And this thing with your father…I…I don’t know. I can’t compete with that,” Matt told her. “You have to live your life, the way you want. Not the way he wants. I understand you want to make him proud. Hell, I want to make my dad proud, but I have to do what’s right for me. His happiness shouldn’t dictate your choices.”

“He’s not,” she insisted, but the weakness in the declaration was clear.

“Yes, he is. I thought when you’d quit your job in Chicago that you’d finally started to step away from him, but I was wrong. You’re still putting his wishes ahead of your own. You said yourself you didn’t want to work in one of the big law firms he keeps pushing you toward, and yet you have an interview with one this afternoon rather than telling him ‘No thanks.’”

Matt placed his hands on his hips and hung his head. He couldn’t believe this was where they ended up. Grief emanated from her that matched his heavy heart, but he wouldn’t let it change his mind. He had to do what was right for himself.

“I’m sorry, Shannon. I can’t do this if it’s always going to be like this. I need…”
 
He paused and took another deep breath. “I need you to be happy with yourself and your decisions, and you’re just not there yet. God, I want you to be, but you’re not. It isn’t fair to you and it isn’t fair to me.”

“But…” Shannon started to say as her tears overflowed.

He held up his hand, stopping her. “I’m sorry,” he said with a hoarse voice as his throat tightened. He leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead, and closed his eyes, drinking in her light citrusy scent and storing it to memory. “I’ll see you…around.”

Even though it was the hardest things he’d ever had to do, he turned and walked away.

Chapter 22

Needing a dose of baby cuteness to cheer her up, Shannon called Karen to ask if she wanted company for lunch. Since Karen was in desperate need of some adult companionship, she almost begged Shannon to come over.

Shannon let herself in and moved into the kitchen, where she was certain she’d find her sister. Sure enough, she spotted Karen digging through the refrigerator.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey, yourself,” Karen’s voice answered from within the fridge.

Shannon strode over to the bassinet in the corner and peeked down at the bundled lump nestled inside. “He’s conked out, huh?”

Karen dumped a load of vegetables from her arms onto the counter. “Yeah. I just fed him.”

Shannon pouted as she brushed a light fingertip across her nephew’s full round cheek. His little fingers flexed, but otherwise he remained fast asleep. She gently ran a hand over the shock of dark hair on top of his head that stood out in stark contrast to the white sheet of the bassinet. He was definitely a miniature Jerry. “Bummer.”

“He’ll be up in a while and I’ll even let you take diaper duty,” Karen said with a big grin.

“Gee, thanks,” she said as she sat on the opposite side of the counter. “What are you making?”

“I’ve got some chicken and bacon, so I thought I’d make a Cobb salad for us. That good?”

“Yes, perfect. Anything you make is perfect.”
 
Shannon glanced back over at the bassinet, striving to ignore the jealousy storming through her. This was what she wanted, where she wanted to be in her life, even though for some reason, acceptance of this continued to evade her. “I bet Jerry can’t wait for them to done with their road trip so he can get home.”

“When he had to leave after we brought Zach home, he about cried. The man is more of a mess than I am with my hormones all over the place.”

“Aww, how cute. He was over the moon at the hospital. I didn’t think he was going to let anyone else hold him.”

“He wasn’t going to,” Karen said. “I had to remind him I was the one with the boobs and therefore, I had to hold Zach in order to feed him.”

Shannon laughed. “That’s awesome. You got a good one, Karen.”

An expression of pure love filled Karen’s face and her eyes misted. “I do, don’t I?
 
Now stop or you’re going to make me cry like a fucking sap. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Guess who’s preggers?”

“Is she?” Shannon said, guessing who immediately. “Oh, that’s wonderful!
 
I know they’ve been trying.”

“Yep. She’s only about a couple months along, and they didn’t want to tell anyone yet, but I guess Chase hasn’t been able to stop smiling, and I pulled it out of Maddie since she’s been dragging so much lately. She’s due in the beginning of November.”
 

Envy surged through her again. Her turn would come one day, she kept telling herself. Maybe. “I’m so happy for them.”

“I’m jealous since they have a built-in babysitter with Bree. She’ll make an amazing older sister,” Karen said. “Anyway, enough of the baby talk. It gets old, even to me. So what have you been up to?”

Shannon shrugged. “Just trying to find a job. I really need to get moving on that and get out of Mom and Dad’s. I have the money for my own place, but still figuring out location. Waiting to see if we get any bites on some of the firms we’ve contacted.”

“Are you only looking here in Michigan?”

“There’s a couple back in Chicago that Dad knows, but yeah, mostly here. I would prefer to stay nearby so I can spend time with my gorgeous nephew.”

Karen eyed her and Shannon could tell she wanted to make a comment about the job search, but, thankfully, she kept her mouth shut for once. Instead, she said, “How are things with Matt?”

“Matt?” Shannon asked. “Who said anything about Matt?”

Karen paused as she studied her and then she sighed. “I take it you’re still avoiding him?”

“I was never avoiding him,” Shannon told her with huff. “He made it loud and clear what his decision was. He basically put me in the position of having to choose him over a job. Sorry, but I’m not going to do that, especially given everything that has gone down between us. It’s not like he’s Mr. Trustworthy.”

“I thought you loved him and wanted to come up with a compromise?
 
You both have very demanding jobs, but there’s got to be a middle ground somewhere.”

“Wait a minute,” Shannon said as she held up her hand. “I thought you were mad at him?”

“Of course I am,” Karen said. “But I’m sure he had his reasons for not telling you about Natalie, which I’m sure he told you about. If you’re okay with it, than I am. I never thought he kept it from you because he wanted you to get hurt or anything. I was just pissed that it had to get as far as it did before it all came to head. It was scary as hell and I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life, but it’s because of Matt that you’re weren’t more hurt than you were. You might not be here today if it wasn’t for him, so I have to remember that.”

Shannon froze. “What are you talking about?”
 

“What do you mean?” Karen said. “He pushed you out of the way. He basically threw his body in front of yours when bat-shit crazy chick pulled out the gun.”
 
When Shannon continued to look at her with a puzzled expression, Karen’s eyes widened. “You did know he took the bullet for you, didn’t you?
 
How else did you think you got hurt?
 
I thought you remembered everything.”

“I…I didn’t know,” Shannon said, stunned. “I assumed I got caught up with people rushing her.”

She recalled the weight of something heavy landing on top of her, and the searing pain in her head and shoulder, but she hadn’t known Matt had thrown his body in front of hers. He’d stepped between her and Natalie, and because of her, his career was in jeopardy. She hadn’t pulled the trigger, but the bullet had been meant for her. She’d clearly seen Natalie change her aim in her direction. Matt had risked his life for her and this was how she paid him back. Being wishy-washy about what she wanted and afraid to take a stand for who she was. She hadn’t even said, “Thank you.”
 
No wonder he walked away from her. She would have too.
 

*
 
*
 
*

Stepping up to the reception desk of the law firm of Danner, Honeyman and Wagner, Shannon introduced herself. “Hello. Shannon Morrison here to see Mr. Walters.”

The receptionist smiled brightly at her. “I’ll let them know you’ve arrived. Please have a seat.”