She couldn’t hold it back or stop the pressure from building. And when he returned
his full attention to her clit and buried his fingers inside her, everything burst
through her like a flash of light. The table rattled beneath her as a shout tore from
her throat and her body rode the waves of her orgasm.
He held her against his mouth, not letting up until her first peak had passed and
another was building on its heels. Then when she was about to go over again, he rose
up, grabbing at her thighs and yanking her ass to the edge of the table. Before she
could take another breath, he slipped on the condom and pushed inside her, his cock
thick and hot, stretching her without mercy.
“Again,” he demanded, thrusting into her with delicious brutality. “Come for me again.
I want to feel you.”
She didn’t need the order. Her body was already charging up the next mountain. She
wasn’t even sure the first orgasm had ever stopped. Her nails cut crescents into her
palms and she cried out again, pleasure pulsing through her and her sex clasping around
Wyatt.
He came along with her, and the world felt like it was spinning off course beneath
her as he held on to her tight.
He’d said he might not want her to leave.
He wasn’t supposed to say things like that.
He wasn’t supposed to make her feel this way.
No, no, no . . .
FOURTEEN
Wyatt scanned
through a report on his laptop and tried
to make sense of the week’s numbers, something under normal circumstances he could
do in his sleep. But this was the third time he’d been through the same report since
the company jet had taken off, and he still hadn’t processed any of the information.
His attention kept straying to the woman playing possum in the seat across the aisle
from him. Kelsey had reclined her chair fully and had turned her face away, claiming
she was tired from getting up so early.
But no one slept with a white-knuckled grip and breathing that shallow.
She’d admitted to him before getting on the plane that she’d never flown before and
that she was nervous. He’d offered her a glass of wine to help her relax, but she’d
quickly declined it. Now she was clearly going the try-to-tough-it-out-in-silence
mode.
God, he was a mindless idiot. This morning in the kitchen he’d made the egregious
error of speaking before thinking, which was something he thought he’d trained out
of himself. But apparently when he was in the midst of fucking a beautiful woman on
his kitchen table, his filter went to shit. He’d voiced his in-the-heat-of-the-moment
desire to cuff her to his bed and keep her.
Fucking brilliant.
File that under Things You Should Never
Ever
Say To a Woman Whose Been Held Fucking Captive. He’d wanted to beat his head against
the wall when he’d realized what he said.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
And it’d sent Kelsey into retreat mode as soon as she’d floated down from her orgasm.
He’d tried to apologize, but she’d waved him off as if it hadn’t mattered.
Sure.
Now, instead of allowing him to help her through her fear of flying, she’d shut him
out with faux sleeping. He needed to fix this fast. Otherwise, they’d never pull off
this sham. He needed her fully into this and feeling safe with him if they had any
chance at this working. And beyond that, he hated feeling like he’d scared her in
some way.
He tapped a few keys on his keyboard and kept his eyes on the screen. “I know you’re
awake over there, so I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen.”
She didn’t move.
“What I said in the kitchen was so out of line I can’t even begin to apologize. It
was off the cuff, and I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
She remained still for a long moment, and he wondered if she was going to keep up
the act. But finally she shifted infinitesimally, keeping her eyes closed, but letting
him know she’d heard him. “It didn’t scare me like you think. Davis never said anything
like that to me. He kidnapped me because he wanted the information I had. His obsession
was with my sister. When he raped me, he told me how repulsed he was by me and blamed
me for tempting him with my whorish body. He wouldn’t even touch me without wearing
surgical gloves because I was so
dirty
. The silver lining is that it meant he wore condoms.”
Wyatt sucked in such a harsh breath, it felt as if his ribs would crack.
Christ
. The things she’d gone through . . .
She turned her head toward him, her expression tired. “He didn’t want to keep me,
he wanted to hurt me, kill me. I know you’re not like him. You’re the opposite. When
you dominate me, you . . . cherish.”
He did. Because he knew she was the most beautiful, precious thing he’d ever had the
privilege of touching, but he didn’t say that aloud. In his gut he knew that wouldn’t
be well received right now. Any attempt at tenderness or sympathy in this moment and
she’d shut down. “Then what was it that upset you this morning?”
She shook her head, a sadness there. “Because we agreed this is temporary. What you
said . . .”
Ah
. He met her eyes. Was it possible she was more commitment phobic than him? He didn’t
think that could ever be the case with a woman. But after what Kelsey had been through,
how could she possibly trust anyone with her emotions? She was a survivor, and survivors
learned how to protect their vulnerabilities at all costs. His heart broke for her.
Being so jaded and world weary at twenty-five was its own tragedy. But at least this
was territory he could handle. “I like you, Kelsey. I enjoy being around you.”
She flinched like he’d pinched her. And it confirmed exactly how averse she was to
the idea of this turning into something emotionally driven. He had to make it clear
that he wasn’t there to sell her that bill of goods—even if it risked him sounding
harsh. She’d appreciate that more than coddling.
“But this arrangement we have is about two things for me: my business and a little
fun. In that order. This is not me trying to manipulate you into a relationship, and
it’s not me trying to convince you into some master/slave setup beyond our training.
I told you I don’t have room in my life for either.”
Her expression remained wary.
“We made this agreement because I need your help and you need mine. A very nice side
benefit is that I get to have you in my bed and under my tutelage for a little while.
I consider that a great privilege and don’t take that lightly.” He closed his laptop
screen and turned toward her. “But that’s all it is. Anything I say in the heat of
the moment is simply dirty talk and errant thoughts.” He reached out and took her
hand, squeezing it. “You don’t have to run from me, love. I’m not trying to catch
you.”
She closed her eyes and nodded, her shoulders sagging with what looked to be relief.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to lay all my shit out there. I just don’t know how to
do this.”
“Do what, love?” he asked, rubbing his thumb along the top of her hand.
She watched him for a moment, some battle going on in her eyes, and then she let out
a breath and slipped her hand from his. “I realized as I was lying here that I haven’t
had this kind of sexual relationship since I was seventeen.”
“What kind?”
She looked down at the blanket she had pulled over her lap for her nap, pinching the
fabric between her fingers. “A sober one. One where I wasn’t numb.”
He took a breath. “Oh.”
Oh
.
She glanced over at him quickly, gauging his reaction, which he hopefully masked well
enough, then went back to fiddling with the blanket. “I’ve lived a fucked-up life,
Wyatt. Partially because of the hand I was dealt, but mostly because of me and a string
of bad decisions after I turned sixteen and started dating a guy who wouldn’t take
me to prom but was happy to take me on my first bender. Yes, I know the assault wasn’t
my fault. But even before that, I wasn’t a stable person. If you knew even half of
what I’ve done, what I’ve allowed to be done to me . . . well, you probably wouldn’t
want to talk to me much less touch me.”
He shook his head. The words sounded eerily similar to the ones she’d said her captor
had tortured her with.
You’re dirty. Worthless. Untouchable.
“Kelsey—”
“But sex to me has always been like another drug thrown into the mix—a way to not
feel, to get lost, a way to manipulate. An easy escape.”
He wanted to reach out and brush her hair away from her face, to take some of that
shame from her expression, to comfort her, but he sensed she’d only slam the door
in his face.
“So I don’t know how to handle this . . . or you. I’ve been clean for a year and celibate
during that time until last night. And I thought I could add sex back in without an
issue. Obviously, I’m not going to live without it for the rest of my life. But I
didn’t realize how different doing this sober would be. Submitting to you rips me
open. That’s why all those things bubbled up last night. I don’t know how to deal
with all that
feeling
.” She turned toward him. “I thought I was handling it, but when you said what you
did this morning, it gave me this rush of confusing emotions. I don’t want to feel
things for you, Wyatt. It scares the fuck out of me. It makes me want to run.”
He reached out this time, cupping the side of her face, trying to offer her comfort
even though a clammy feeling had locked around his gut. He was happy Kelsey was opening
up to him about her past. That showed that even their brief encounters had built some
layer of trust there, had peeled back that veneer that shouldn’t be present between
dominant and submissive. But what she was revealing was so trauma-laden, so rife with
open wounds. And it began to feel far too familiar. He could sense his own psyche
going into duck-and-cover mode. He couldn’t let her get attached to him—even unintentionally.
He’d made Kelsey promise when they came to this agreement that she wouldn’t let him
hurt her. It’d been his only condition. And whether she knew it or not, this was her
keeping her promise, ringing the warning bells. Maybe nothing had changed with him
over the years. Maybe staying away from this side of himself had been a necessary
move. Because in under twenty-four hours, he was already putting another woman at
risk.
For the last week, he’d allowed himself to entertain the notion that maybe his situation
with Mia had been an anomaly, maybe his dominance hadn’t pushed her off the ledge.
But here he was again, tearing things open and leaving a woman vulnerable to her own
dangerous demons.
“Thank you for being open with me,” he said, forcing the words to come out steady
and not like they were splitting him in two. He lowered his hand to his side. “And
I refuse to put you at risk any longer.”
Her gaze snapped upward to meet his, but he was already turning away and grabbing
his briefcase from under the seat. He set his laptop aside and pulled what he needed
from his bag, then started to write.
“What are you doing?” Kelsey asked, concern lacing her voice.
He didn’t look up, just continued scribbling, doing what he should have done in the
first place even though it was digging out a huge hole in his chest. When he was done,
he tore the little rectangle of paper from the book, sealed it in an envelope, and
handed it to Kelsey. “This is my last command for you, love. I don’t want you selling
yourself in order to go to school and start the life you deserve. If you want to be
a dominant or a trainer, do that. But do it on your own terms, not for a paycheck.
And I don’t want you submitting to me when it’s only hurting you.”
Her eyes went round. “Wyatt—”
“That check will give you what you need with no strings attached. It’s not payment
for being here; it’s not money for what we’ve already done. It’s a gift.”
She looked down at the envelope, not opening it, but knowing very well a check lay
inside. “Wyatt, I can’t . . . No . . .”
He straightened his suit jacket, trying to shake off the hollow feeling letting her
go was giving him. “I’ve spent far more money on far less important things. I want
to give you your freedom. Without obligation, without rules, without ramifications.”
“I should’ve never told you about my past.” Her eyes went glassy as she gripped the
envelope in her hand. And he knew she was fighting with herself. Kelsey was nothing
if not prideful, and handouts weren’t her style. But she also wasn’t stupid.
They both knew that check meant she’d never have to get on her knees for anyone—literally
or figuratively.
“Now that you know, you don’t want to touch me either,” she whispered.
He looked up sharply, the words like razors burrowing into his chest. “You listen
to me,” he said, his words angry, measured. “I’ve
never
wanted to touch anyone so much in my life, Kelsey. Don’t take that sick fuck’s words
and put them in my mouth. That’s not fair to me or you. But regardless of how much
I want you, I refuse to risk your well-being.”
“I can’t take the money,” she murmured, her fingers tight around the envelope.
“You will. And if you try to hand that check back to me, I’ll find out your account
number and deposit it anyway. So don’t try it.”
She shook her head, some mixture of stunned awareness and heartbreak on her face.
“I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I wasn’t trying to get out of our agreement.
I only wanted to explain why I was such a head case this morning.”
He leaned back in his seat and shut his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose beneath
his glasses. “I don’t want to be the person to make you feel that way. No matter how
much I’ve enjoyed being with you, dominating you, your emotional health and stability
aren’t things I’m willing to put in jeopardy. When we land on the island, I’ll send
you back to Dallas on the jet.”
“The hell you will,” she said in a choked retort.
He opened his eyes to find her glaring at him—the wounded girl replaced by the determined
woman. “If you think I’m going to bail on my promise to help you just because I got
a little freaked out, you don’t know me very well.”
“Kelsey.”
“No, you need to listen to me now. You’re trying to help me, so let me help you, Wyatt.
I
want
to be here. Not because you’re throwing life-changing money at me or helping me out
of a bind, but because I like you and because this trip is important to you. All of
the shit in my past was there yesterday just like it is today. It’ll still be there
tomorrow. Nothing has changed except that now you know.” She pointed a finger at him.
“And I’m staying because I memorized every damn one of those index cards you gave
me on the other guests, and I can’t get those hours of my life back.”
He blinked at her, taken aback by her outburst, but then couldn’t stop his smile.
“Tell me you didn’t memorize every one of those cards.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Care to test me? I was up very early.”
He raised a palm. “No, no, I trust you. But I don’t want you to feel obligated to
do this with me.”
She sighed and slipped the envelope in her purse. A small victory for him. “You said
yourself that this money is to buy my freedom, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then let me make my own decisions. I’m staying with you this week and will play the
role to the best of my ability because I want to.” She wet her lips. “And the training
is
off.”