Wyatt could barely breathe he was so horrified on her behalf. God, how had she gone
through so much brutal trauma and still come out on the other side with such a bright
light still burning in her? The strength of will that had to have required awed him.
If he’d gone through something like that, he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to face
life with anything but hate and why-me bitterness. “Baby, I can’t even—”
She turned her head to look at him, her blue eyes pleading.
“Please, don’t,” she said softly. “I was scared to tell you because I didn’t want
that look. I was a victim of a crime. But I’m not a victim now, and I don’t want you
to treat me like one. Or change what we’re doing because of it. I can’t bear it. I
need you to treat me like the Kelsey you met at the Sugarcane. That’s who I want to
be. It’s who I am underneath all the other crap.”
He brushed hair off her face, a knot of tears in his throat. “That’s the only girl
I see, love.”
She gave a little nod, her eyes shiny. “Thank you.”
She rose up to brush a kiss across his lips, then snuggled back down on his lap. She
didn’t say anything else after that, and after a while her breathing became deep and
regular, her body limp against him. He moved a few strands of hair away from her face,
watching her sleep. She looked even younger and more fragile in slumber, the wounds
in her eyes hidden. His instinct to protect and shelter welled up in him in an overwhelming
rush. This woman deserved a champion, a warrior to shield her from any future hurt.
But he couldn’t stop his mind from drifting backward in time, to when someone else
had put herself in his hands.
He’d thought back then that he could handle it, that he could slay dragons and save
the girl he loved both from outside forces and from herself by taking the reins. But
he’d been a prideful idiot to think he could handle that kind of responsibility. That
kind of relationship couldn’t be maintained long-term, at least not with him. He didn’t
have the time or the self-control to be somebody’s everything.
But right now, he wasn’t going to question the universe’s unexpected gift of Kelsey
LeBreck. His life wasn’t set up for a forever arrangement, but right now he had seven
precious days to savor this beautiful, amazing woman. And he wasn’t going to waste
a second of it. He couldn’t erase her past and he couldn’t be her future, but he could
give her exactly what she wanted and needed right now—a few days to be the fun, carefree
girl she hoped to one day become.
Trying not to jostle her too much, Wyatt pulled Kelsey into his arms, arranged the
blanket around her, then stood. The radar showed the storm had moved past them and
there were no reports of tornado touchdowns, so they were in the clear. He carried
her up the basement stairs and through the hallway, then found his way to the other
set of stairs leading up to the bedrooms.
Originally, he’d planned for Kelsey to stay in the guest room tonight. He’d wanted
to give them both some breathing room before the trip. Plus, he never had women stay
overnight with him. But the thought of her sleeping down the hallway didn’t sit well
now. What if she woke up in the night and needed to know where something was? He knew
how disorienting a new place could be, especially in the dark.
If he gave her a choice, she’d probably take the guest room. Alone time would give
her a chance to gather herself in the morning, to rebuild her defenses before she
saw him again. If he were in her position, that’s what he’d try to do, too. But since
they’d agreed to this arrangement, the decision should be based on what he wanted
and thought was best, not on what she’d prefer.
And what he wanted was for her soft, warm body to be next to his all night. He didn’t
want her retreating behind her fortress again. He needed her bare and exposed. Open
to him. Both physically and mentally. So that she could see without a doubt that he
would be good to her and never, ever do anything to hurt or exploit her.
Kelsey stirred in his arms, curling into his hold. “Where are we going?”
“To bed, love.”
“’Kay,” she said, her voice sleep-softened and content.
He smiled and kissed the top of her head as he nudged his bedroom door open. The sheets
were already turned back, so he gently laid her down on the right side, removed the
blanket he’d wrapped around her, and then brought the bedcovers over her.
Without a sound, he went to his side and stripped off his pants, then slid beneath
the cool sheets. Already, her sweet scent was invading his space, stamping her presence
there. And he liked it. He liked it a lot.
And though he hadn’t had someone sleep next to him in more than a decade, his body
seemed to know exactly what it sought. He curled around her backside, her silky skin
pressing into his chest and the curve of her fitting against him perfectly. Everything
in him seemed to relax in sated contentment.
The feeling was as loud a warning as he could get.
Be careful with this one, Austin. Be real careful.
You can’t keep
her.
THIRTEEN
“Am I out of my ever-loving mind?” Kelsey asked, bal
ancing her cell phone between her shoulder and ear while reclining in the window seat
in Wyatt’s kitchen and trying to keep her voice from echoing through the cavernous
space.
“It’s five thirty in the morning, Kels,” Brynn said with a groan. “I thought you had
an emergency or something.”
“This
is
an emergency.” She glanced at the entryway, verifying she was still alone. “I’m going
to be leaving in a few hours for this trip, and I think I’m losing it. How in the
hell is anyone going to believe I’m really some rich chick? Or that I’m actually dating
someone like Wyatt?”
“Why wouldn’t you date someone like Wyatt? From everything I’ve heard from Reid and
Jace, Wyatt’s a good guy. Smart and level-headed.”
She blew a wisp of hair off her forehead. “Exactly. The kind of guy who never dates
girls like me. I just know I’m going to slip up and do or say something that waves
a big white trash flag.”
“Oh, honey.”
“I’m serious.” Kelsey leaned her head back against the windowsill. “I’m going to fuck
this up.”
“You are not—hold on.” There was a rustling of what Kelsey assumed were bedsheets
on the other end and then a grumbled
Where you going so early, sugar?
from her sister’s fiancé, Reid. After a quick, muffled exchange, Brynn came back on
the line. “Okay, I’m awake now. I think. And I don’t want to hear you calling yourself
trash. Where we came from is not who we are now. You know that. And money is just
that—money. It doesn’t make the crowd you’re going to be with any better than you.
All you need to do is stay by Wyatt’s side. People will believe you’re together if
you act like you’re into him.”
Kelsey sighed and barely resisted tapping her head against the wall. “I don’t have
to act that part. I am into him. I slept with him.
Am
sleeping with him.”
“You’re what?” Brynn asked in hushed surprise.
Kelsey watched a squirrel scamper through the wet grass outside, knowing she probably
shouldn’t say anything but not wanting to keep something from her sister. She’d told
Brynn enough lies in her lifetime already. “I didn’t tell you all of the agreement.”
“Uh-oh. Lay it on me.”
Kelsey explained quickly what she’d signed up for. Brynn, a submissive herself, wouldn’t
need many details to know exactly how big of a deal this was for Kelsey.
The line was silent for a few long moments, and Kelsey wondered if the call had dropped,
but then her sister cleared her throat. “Kels, you know I’ll never be one to judge
anyone in this arena. Heaven knows I’m in a glass house in that respect. But are you
sure you’re ready for such an intense experience? I don’t want you—did you talk to
Melody about this?”
“Yes. Of course, she wasn’t a hundred percent behind the idea, but said it was my
call if I felt strong enough to handle it.” Kelsey had been seeing Melody, a therapist
at the women’s crisis center where Brynn worked, once a week for the last year. “She
wants me to keep a daily journal of my moods and wants me to call her and check in
every few days. And if anything triggers me, she wants me to call her immediately.”
Brynn released a long breath. “This is risky, Kels.”
“You think this is going to make me slip up, don’t you?” she asked, voicing her own
fears. After last night, she felt more off balance than she had in months—like walking
down a long pier with broken boards, never knowing when one was going to snap. The
disorienting state of surrendering under Wyatt’s dominance had a constant hum of panic
vibrating through her. Every time she’d tried to hold on to to some safety rope of
control last night, he’d ripped it right out of her hands and sent her into free fall.
And though she’d sworn she wouldn’t ever breathe a word of it, she’d found herself
trusting him with the ugliest piece of her past. God, how had that come tumbling out?
“Of course not, honey,” Brynn answered, her voice all empathy and big-sisterness.
“You’re stronger than you think. But I also know what it can be like to be emotionally
stripped down by a skilled dom. The first time I was with Reid after I got back together
with him, it triggered a monster of a panic attack. I know you don’t get those like
I used to, but you never know when a scene might bring scary shit back to the surface.
And beyond stirring up the trauma, it can also create a false sense of intimacy and
security with the dom, make them look like a savior.”
“Is that your therapist way of telling me not to mistake good sex for love?”
“It can be an easy trap to stumble into,” she said gently. “And D/s only makes that
trapdoor harder to see.”
And it’d been a mistake Kelsey had made before—not with D/s but with every relationship
she’d ever been in. Her history of falling too fast and for the wrong guys stretched
out behind her like streamers of regrets flapping in the wind. “Wyatt’s not looking
for a relationship and neither am I. We both know when this thing will end.”
Kelsey could almost hear her sister’s frown over the phone. “Just take care of yourself,
Kels. If at any point you feel like it’s too much or you find yourself wanting to
slip back into old habits, you call me. I don’t care what time. I’ll get on a plane
and come and get you. Nothing and no one is worth going backward over. You’ve come
too far.”
She nodded, though it was to an empty room. “Okay.”
In that moment, she hated how fragile she felt, how on the brink her life always seemed.
She shouldn’t even have to worry about this. Most people were tough enough to deal
with what life gave them. Brynn had been one of Davis’s victims as a teenager and
had lived the same childhood Kelsey had—maybe worse because she’d been the oldest
and responsible for herself, their alcoholic mother,
and
Kelsey—and look how Brynn had turned out. A great career. A loving relationship. No
addictions. No fear that any wrong move would land her on junkie row.
Kelsey was tired of living her life on an electrified high wire. She wanted to be
able to try new things and take risks without the worry that she’d fall victim to
her past or her weaknesses again. Maybe if nothing else, this trip with Wyatt could
help her prove to herself that she was capable of dealing, that she wasn’t a slave
to her history.
The only terrifying part was . . . what if she was wrong? What if the craving to get
numb came back? She wasn’t sure she could climb out of that pit again if she fell
back in.
Brynn yawned, breaking Kelsey from her whirling thoughts, then quickly apologized.
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry about waking you, B. I shouldn’t have done that. But I’ve
been up since four, have tried to write my journal entry three different times, have
had to reapply deodorant twice, and am making desperation muffins as a calm-your-ass-down
plan. You were my last hope.”
Brynn laughed lightly. “It’s okay. You know you can call me anytime. Sometimes talking
it out is the only thing that works. And for the record, I think you’re going to do
great on the trip. You’re naturally good with meeting new people.”
Right.
Except usually those people wanted waffles from her, not her opinion on politics
or the stock market. She checked the timer on the oven. Two more minutes until the
muffins were done. “I figured at worst, I can talk about food. That’s like the weather,
right? Everyone loves food.”
“It’ll be fine,” her sister said, using that talk-you-off-the-ledge therapist tone
of hers. “You be yourself as much as you can and follow Wyatt’s lead. He’s not going
to expect you to know it all.”
“I know. And believe me, so far, I’ve been good at doing what he tells me to do.”
She bit her lip, peeking at the doorway again.
“Oh, really,” Brynn said, her voice taking on a don’t-mind-me lilt. “So Jace isn’t
the only Austin who knows what he’s doing in that department?”
Kelsey’s cheeks burned at the question, but before she could respond, another thought
hit her. “Wait a minute, how exactly would
you
know anything about Jace in the bedroom, Ms. Engaged-to-Reid?”
Brynn coughed. “Don’t turn the question around me.”
“Oh, nun-uh. You’re not backing out of this one. Spill.”
Brynn sighed. “Reid and Jace are best friends, so . . . you know. It was only a one-time
thing, though. Turns out sharing isn’t really Reid’s thing.”
“You trashy whore,” Kelsey teased. Up until last year when Brynn had admitted to her
that she was in a D/s relationship with Reid, Kelsey had always thought of her sister
as the ultimate vanilla good girl. But more and more she was realizing she and Brynn
weren’t
so
different. Somehow Kelsey found that comforting.
“I have my moments,” Brynn said breezily. “So now it’s your turn. Dish.”
Kelsey slid off the window seat and headed toward the oven to pull out the muffins.
“Well, I’m not one to kiss and tell like you are. I have some class and all.”
Her sister sniffed.
“But I will say the Austin gene pool is
strong
.”
Brynn laughed. And Kelsey realized how good it was just to girl talk with her sister
for a change. For so many years, it was always Brynn playing parent/protector/therapist
to Kelsey, taking care of her because she sucked at taking care of herself. But now
they were finally getting a chance to develop a friendship. It was . . . nice, normal.
Bizarre.
“Well, good for you, Kels. I hope you let yourself enjoy this then. A sexy trip with
a nice guy may be just what you need. As long as you—”
“I know.” Kelsey slipped on an oven mitt and pulled out the tray of orange macadamia
muffins, nearly dropping her phone in the process. “I’ll be careful. If he tries to
push me too far, I’ll channel my alter ego.”
“That’s right. That’ll straighten him out. No one puts Lady K in a corner . . . or
something.”
Kelsey groaned. “Lame.”
“Sorry, I need caffeine. Are you still going to be back in time to do the last-minute
wedding stuff with me? I mean, if everything is cleared up with that jackass Howie
Miller by then?”
Damn, was it that time already?
All this drama had sprung up so fast, she’d lost all sight of what had been going
on before that day in the alley. She hadn’t even broken the news to her sister that
she planned to move after all this was over. Some maid of honor she was going to make.
“Sure, you bet.”
“All right, well, take a deep breath, bake your muffins, and walk into that retreat
like you belong there.”
“Will do.”
But she knew the words were still a good percentage bravado. She was skilled at playing
roles, at being whoever she needed to be when the situation called for it, but she
knew if anyone looked too hard, they’d see the frayed edges, would see that she didn’t
belong.
She just had to hope to God no one would take the time to really see her.
The guy sleeping upstairs had already seen far too much. She prayed he’d keep his
promise and not treat her any differently now that he knew. She didn’t want to be
Fragile Girl on this trip. She wanted to be his sub. A little fun. A little training.
A lot of sex.
Which is exactly why she’d hopped out of bed so quickly this morning when she’d woken
up and realized they’d slept next to each other all night, spooning. Waking up in
his arms had felt too damn good, the urge to turn over and cuddle too strong. This
was not supposed to be about lazy mornings in bed.
She set her phone down and slid the muffin tray onto the stove to cool. She couldn’t
put the drizzle of white chocolate on them yet or it’d melt off. So she went to her
purse to pull out the little notebook she’d bought on Melody’s suggestion. She turned
to the first page and began to write.
She was still scribbling a few minutes later when Wyatt strolled into the kitchen,
all tousled hair and wrinkled pajama bottoms. “And I thought I was an early riser.”
She stared at him for a moment, the contrast to his normally super-polished look hitting
her like a punch to the gut. Man, how could this version of him be even more knee-weakening?
It wasn’t fair. How was she supposed to keep things cool and casual when her body
had some sort of pre-wired, lose-your-shit response to him?
“I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.”
And felt you curled around me naked and warm and too damn tempting.
“So I figured I’d make us some breakfast.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever woken up to such a delicious scent.” He walked over to her,
dimples showing, and pulled her to a stand, making her wonder if he was referring
to the muffins or her. Lord knows she’d buried her nose in his pillows absorbing
his
morning scent—soap, fabric softener, and that spicy undercurrent of man—before climbing
out of bed. She’d only slipped on one of his dress shirts and a pair of panties this
morning, but the look on his face said he appreciated the outfit. He tugged her by
the front of her shirt and hauled her against him. “But I was looking forward to having
you
for breakfast, Ms. LeBreck. Imagine my disappointment when I rolled over to a cold
bed.”
Her heart lifted at the fact that he wasn’t all puppy eyes and
Are you okay?
after her revelation last night. His tone and expression were pure sex, served up
hot. She slid her hands up his bare chest, her body quaking with awareness at his
nearness, his warmth. “I’m sorry. I figured you’d want to sleep in, and I didn’t want
to risk waking you.”
“Mmm, thoughtful. But unnecessary.” He nodded at the notebook sitting on the table.
“What are you up to?”
“Just making a few notes for the trip,” she said, the lie rolling off her tongue like
an automatic reflex.
“How diligent of you. But that furrowed brow you had is way too serious for so early
in the morning.” His hands drifted down over the curve of her ass, causing her to
wince ever so slightly. “Are you sore?”