Chain Letter (44 page)

“Why would anyone in their right mind put Jimmy and me together in the same car?”
I demanded.

Alex dropped all pretense. “Could it be that I’m sick and tired of you whining about
how he dumped you when everything was going so perfect between you two?”

I glared at her. “We’re best friends! You’re required to listen to my whining. It
doesn’t give you the right to invite the one person in the whole world who ripped
my heart out to go on a road trip with us.”

“What road trip? We’re just giving him a three-hour ride. You don’t have to talk to
him if you don’t want to.”

“Right. The five of us are going to be crammed into your car half the afternoon and
it will be perfectly normal if I don’t say a word to the first and last guy I ever
had sex with.”

Alex was suddenly interested. “I didn’t know Jimmy was your first. You always acted
like you slept with Clyde Barker.”

Clyde Barker was our football quarterback and so good-looking that none of the girls
who went to the games—myself included—cared that he couldn’t throw a pass to save
his ass. He had the IQ of a cracked helmet. “It was just an act,” I said with a sigh.

“Look, it might work out better than you think. My sources tell me Jimmy has hardly
been seeing Kari at all. They may even be broken up.”

Kari Rider had been Jimmy’s girlfriend before me, and after me, which gave me plenty
of reason to hate the bitch.

“Why don’t we be absolutely sure and invite Kari as well,” I said. “She can sit on
my lap.”

Alex laughed. “Admit it, you’re a tiny bit happy I did all this behind your back.”

“I’m a tiny bit considering not going at all.”

“Don’t you dare. Ted would be devastated.”

“Ted’s going to be devastated when he sees Jimmy get in your car!”

Alex frowned. “You have a point. Debbie invited him, not me.”

On top of everything else, Debbie had a crush on Ted, the same Ted who had a crush
on me. It was going to be a long three hours to Las Vegas.

“Did Debbie think it was a good idea for Jimmy to ride with us?” I asked.

“Sure.”

I was aghast. “I can’t believe it. That bitch.”

“Well, actually, she didn’t think there was a chance in hell he’d come.”

That hurt. “Love the vote of confidence. What you mean is Debbie didn’t think there
was a chance in hell Jimmy was still interested in me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No. But you both thought it.”

“Come on, Jessie. It’s obvious Jimmy’s coming with us so he can spend time with you.”
Alex patted me on the back. “Be happy.”

“Why did you wait until now to tell me this?”

“Because now it’s too late to change my devious plan.”

I dusted off my blue-and-gold cap and put it back on. “I suppose this is your graduation
present to me?” I asked.

“Sure. Where’s mine?”

“You’ll get it when we get to Las Vegas.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’ll see.” I already had a feeling I was going to pay her back, I just didn’t
know how.

I WAS AN IDIOT TO
get in Alex’s car. But i was not fool enough to sit in the backseat between Ted and
Jimmy. Debbie ended up sandwiched between the boys, where she looked quite content.

It was two in the afternoon by the time we hit the road. Our parents had insisted
on taking us three girls to lunch, but it was only fun as long as our appetites lasted.
We were anxious to get to Vegas. Also, there was tension between Alex’s and Debbie’s
parents.

It was rooted in the UCLA fiasco and the ugly talk surrounding it. The truth was Debbie
had only been accepted by the University of Santa Barbara—an incredibly beautiful
campus, in my humble opinion—and she had graduated second in our class, while Alex
had finished thirty-eighth. Alex made no effort to soften the tension, wearing a UCLA
T-shirt to lunch.
Out of the five parents present, my mom was the only one who did much talking.

No one was jealous of me. I had finished tenth in our class and my SAT scores equaled
Debbie’s, but I hadn’t bothered to apply to college. It was a money thing, I didn’t
have any. And I couldn’t apply for financial aid because my father was rich.

Silly me, I kept hoping my father would suddenly remember he had a daughter who had
just graduated high school and who needed six figures just to get an undergraduate
degree. But so far he had not called, or written, or e-mailed me.

My mom didn’t appreciate his silent rejection. She bitched about it whenever she had
a chance. But I took the rejection in stride. I only cried about it when I was alone
in my bed at night.

I hardly knew my dad but it was weird—I missed him.

“I enjoyed your speech,” Jimmy said to Debbie as he and Ted climbed aboard in a deserted
parking lot far away from any stray parental eyes.

“Thank you,” Debbie said. “I was afraid it was too long. The last thing I wanted to
do was bore people.”

Christ
, I thought. Her thirty-minute speech had been twenty minutes too long. I knew because
neither Alex nor I could remember the last twenty minutes.

Debbie had spoken on the environment, of all things. What did she know about that?
She had grown up in a goddamn desert.
We didn’t have an environment, not really, just a bunch of sand and dirt.

“Your point on the impact of methane versus carbon-dioxide gases on global warming
was important,” Ted said. “It’s a pity the tundra’s melting so fast. I wouldn’t be
surprised if the world’s temperature increases by ten degrees in our lifetimes.”

“Won’t happen,” Alex said, swinging onto the interstate and jacking our speed up to
an even ninety. She always sped and often got stopped by the cops. But so far she
had yet to get a ticket. Go figure.

“Why do you say that?” Ted asked.

“We’ll never live that long. We’ll die of something else,” Alex said.

“Like what?” Jimmy asked.

Alex shrugged. “That’s my point. Here we’re worrying about carbon dioxide raising
the temperature and now it turns out methane is the real culprit. That’s the way of
the world, and the future. You can’t predict nothing.”

“Anything,” Debbie muttered.

“Whatever,” Alex said.

“What are you majoring in at UCLA?” Jimmy asked Alex.

“Psychology. I figure there’s going to be a lot of depressed people pretty soon.”

“You plan to cash in on their sorrows?” Debbie asked.

“Why not?” Alex replied.

“You’re so altruistic,” Debbie said sarcastically.

Alex laughed. That was one of her great qualities—she was almost impossible to insult.
“I’m a realist, that’s all.” She added, “Jessie thinks the same way I do.”

“Not true,” I said. “No one thinks the same way you do.”

Alex glanced over. “You have the same attitude. Don’t deny it.”

“My attitude changes from day to day.” Ever so slightly I shifted my head to the left,
to where I could see Jimmy. I added, “Today I feel totally optimistic.”

Jimmy was dressed simply, in jeans and a red short-sleeved shirt. His brown hair was
a little long, a little messy, but to me it had been a source of endless thrills.
It might have been because it was thick and fine at the same time, but when I used
to run my fingers through it, I always got a rush. Especially when he would groan
with pleasure. One night, I swear, I did nothing but play with his hair.

His eyes matched his hair color, yet there was a softness to them, a kindness. People
might think “kind” an odd word to apply to a guy but with Jimmy it fit. He was careful
to make the people around him feel comfortable, and he didn’t have to say much to
put others at ease.

When we had dated, the one thing I had loved most about him was how he could sit across
from me and stare into my eyes as I rambled on about my day. It didn’t matter what
I said, he always made me feel like the most important person in the world.

It had been early October when he asked me out. He came into the city library where
I worked and we struck up a conversation in the back aisles. I knew he was dating
Kari so I kept up a wall of sorts. I did it automatically, perhaps because I had liked
him since our freshman year.

He must have sensed it but he didn’t say anything about being broken up with Kari.
It was possible they were not formally divorced at that exact moment. He kept the
banter light. He wanted to know what I was going to do after graduation. He was in
the same boat as me. Good grades, no money.

He left the library without hitting on me for my number. But a week later he magically
called and asked if I’d like to go to a movie. I said sure, even before he explained
that he was free and single. He picked me up early on a Friday and asked if I felt
like going to Hollywood. Great, I said, anything to get out of Apple Valley. We ended
up having dinner and watching three movies at the Universal CityWalk. We didn’t get
home until near dawn and when he kissed me good night, I was a total goner.

First love—I still feel it’s the one that matters the most.

We spent the next ten weeks together and it was perfect. I was in a constant state
of joy. It didn’t matter if I ate or drank or slept. I just had to see him, think
of him, and I’d feel happy.

We made love after a month, or I should say after thirty dates. He swung by on a Saturday
after work. He was a mechanic at the local Sears. My mother was at work at the nearby
Denny’s, where she was the manager, and I was in the shower. I didn’t
know he was coming. Later, he said he’d tried knocking but got no answer. That was
his excuse for peeking inside my bedroom. But my excuse, for inviting him into my
shower, I can’t remember what it was. I don’t think I had one.

It didn’t matter—once again, it was perfect.

I felt something profound lying in his arms that I had never imagined a human being
could feel. I was absolutely, totally complete, as if I had spent my entire life fragmented.
Just a collection of cracked pieces that his touch, his love, was able to thrust together
and make whole. I knew I was with the one person in the world who could allow me to
experience peace.

Later, when I tried to explain my feelings to Alex, she looked at me like I was crazy,
but I sensed she was jealous. Despite her many lovers, I knew that she had never felt
anything close to what I had with Jimmy.

Six weeks after our shower, he was gone.

No, that would have been easier, had he just vanished. Had he died, I think it would
have been simpler to bear. But no, I had to see him every day at school, Monday through
Friday, with Kari—until she graduated early, at the end of January. He told me he
had to go back to her. He didn’t say why. But watching them holding hands across the
courtyard, I couldn’t help but feel the smiles and laughter he shared with her were
all fake.

But Alex said they looked real to her.

And she was my best friend. I had to believe her.

“Jessie,” Jimmy said, startling me. It was possible my discreet peek out of the corner
of my eye had accidentally lengthened into a long, lost stare. Had he caught me looking
at him? He was too polite to say. He quickly added, “Do you guys know where you’re
staying?”

“At the MGM. Aren’t you? That’s where our class got the group rate.” I paused. “Don’t
tell me you don’t have a reservation.”

He hesitated. “I wasn’t sure I could get off work this weekend. By the time my boss
finally said okay, I tried calling every hotel on the Strip but they were booked.
I thought when we got there I’d see if there were any cancellations.”

“That will be tricky on the weekend,” Debbie warned.

“No biggie—you can always stay with us,” Alex said.

A tense silence ensued. Ted must have immediately shorted out at the thought of Jimmy
sleeping in the same suite as me. The idea drove me nuts as well, but for radically
different reasons. Debbie was annoyed that a guy might be staying with us period.
Despite her lust for Ted, she was a prude. She glared at Alex and spoke in a deadly
tone.

“Nice of you to volunteer our accommodations.”

Alex ignored the sarcasm. “Hey, the more the merrier.” I knew what was coming next.
Alex was never going to let me get away without putting me on the spot. She glanced
my way and smiled wickedly. “Let’s vote on it. Jessie, you okay with Jimmy sleeping
in our suite?”

I had to act cool, I thought, it was my only escape.

“As long as we get to use his body in whatever way we see fit.”

Alex offered me five. “Amen to that, sister!”

I gave her five while the three in the backseat squirmed. Ted turned to Jimmy. “If
you get stuck, stay with me and Neil. We can always call down for a cot.”

“You’re rooming with Neil Sedak?” Alex asked, stunned. “That guy’s never stepped out
of Apple Valley in his life. Plus he was our class valedictorian, which means he’s
got to be a nerd.”

“You have something against nerds?” I asked.

“I love nerds!” Alex said. “You know me, I’m never ashamed to admit my best friend
works at the library. But I’m talking about Ted’s rep here. Ted, if you spend a night
with Neil, everyone will assume you’re unfuckable.”

“Hardly,” I said. “I know two girls who’ve slept with Neil.”

“Who?” Alex demanded, getting out the first half of the word before suddenly grinding
to a halt. I smiled at her knowingly.

“Is someone forgetting a certain confession?” I asked.

Alex acted cool. “Confession is private.”

“Oh, my God, Alex. You didn’t,” Debbie squealed with pleasure. Screwing Neil the Nerd
went above and beyond the UCLA admission-man rumor. This one would be all over Las
Vegas before the weekend was done. Alex cast me a dirty look.

“Tell her it ain’t so,” she ordered.

“It’s possible it ain’t so,” I said. There was more truth to
Alex’s remark than I let on. I
was
a bit of a nerd. The reason I worked at the library was because I loved to read.
I was addicted. I read everything: fiction, nonfiction, mysteries, sci-fi, horror,
thrillers, biographies, romance novels, all the genres, even magazines and newspapers.
It was probably why my brain was stuffed with so much arcane information.