Read Challenge: A Contemporary MMA Romance: Oni Fighters Book 3 Online
Authors: Natalie Gayle
“Rachel showed me the letters you wrote for counselling.” I was pissed about that but, again, not surprised. Rachel was doing what she thought was right. I’d definitely wring her neck next time I saw her. I absolutely didn’t want to hear this but I needed answers. If I had any chance of getting the demons under control, then I needed to start with the basis of truth. That much, I recognized. Anything else beyond there was totally up for grabs.
“The next bit I’m going to tell you I’m getting a little bit second hand from your mother and also from what I know.” Okay, that didn’t quite make sense, but I could run with it. “The bit you didn’t know about was that your mother had threatened to leave your father because he was bipolar and refused to get the appropriate help. He refused to take the medication. He preferred the pain pills and being the artistic sort he was prone to feeling too much. His highs were very high and his lows were indescribable. She actually loved him very much, she just got to the point where she couldn’t love him when he refused to get help. According to her, you were the only thing in his life that brought him any joy and I’d have to agree with that from what I saw.”
What did he mean from what he’d seen?
“Yeah, you heard me right. Your father and I were actually cousins.”
“Cousins! What the fuck?” How the hell had they kept that one quiet? Although now that I thought about it, it wasn’t hard to see. Mum never spoke of my father and, from what I knew, Anthony had bugger all family other than Mum and Rachel.
He gave a remorseful grin. “Yep, it’s the truth. The next bit I’m going to tell you will explain a lot more. Your father and I grew up together. Your mother knew both of us way before. In fact, your mother and I were together before she married Daniel. We were sweethearts, but so young. I’d just graduated uni and got a scholarship to do my masters over at Harvard. I couldn’t pass it up. Your mother was so beautiful and carefree, I doubt you’d even recognize her.”
Yeah, he was right. I was skeptical. My mum and carefree—nope, that idea just didn’t gel in my head.
“Anyway, the plan had always been that I’d be gone for a couple of years, do my study, then come back and we’d settle down.” He looked away and I could see the bitterness in his eyes and something that looked sorely like regret. “I’d only been gone about six months when I got a letter from her explaining that she had married Daniel and was going to have his baby.”
Fuck! Fuck!
I could see the pain on his face. His pain became mine as I felt the knife to the gut. Would I get a message from Soph one day soon to say she was marrying someone else? The only difference between Anthony and me was that he lost his girl. I’d be losing my girl and my child to another.
“I was devastated, as you could imagine. That time was about the darkest I can remember in my life. I did the only thing I knew, I worked my arse off, finished the course, and got a great job on Wall Street. Time went by and I finally got word that Daniel had passed.”
He took another long gulp of coffee.
“Call me a fool or whatever you want, but I was sitting in my shoebox of an apartment in New York one rainy winter Sunday when I knew exactly what I had to do. I spoke to my boss about getting a transfer to our Brisbane office, made up some bullshit story about family, and he bought it. A week later, I hopped a plane back to Oz.”
I knew where this was going.
“You know what happens now. What you probably wondered when you got older was how we’d got together so quickly? The truth was, we knew each other so well. We’d been together for years before.”
Yeah, that actually made a lot more sense now.
“Your mum was in a dark place when I got back and, I guess, to a degree, so was I. Your mum was devastated over the suicide, well, at least that’s what I thought at the time. And I was down on myself for ever leaving. I kept thinking what if I’d stayed?”
Yeah, what if he had? I guess I would have had a different father. Maybe he would have actually loved me, rather than for me just to have been some baggage from a previous relationship.
Was that what my child was destined to become?
Oh, fuck, history was going to repeat itself.
“I know what you’re thinking, Seth, and the biggest regret of my life is that I never worked for a relationship with you. I should have. My only excuse was I kept our relationship the way it was because your mother wanted it that way.”
I couldn’t hold my tongue.
“What sort of weak arsed answer or excuse is that?”
He nodded and accepted my outburst. “Nothing you can say won’t be something I haven’t already berated myself with over the years. Your mother was worried I’d develop strong feelings for you, like Daniel had for you. She was jealous of the relationship you had with Daniel and did her best to keep us as separate as possible. For what it’s worth, I didn’t figure this out fully until just recently.”
So many thoughts and feelings ran through my head and heart. My mother, the manipulative bitch—front and centre again.
Then, something stabbed at me because it didn’t make sense. “But you’ve always been really close to Rachel.”
His head dropped in what I could only interpret as shame. Finally, he raised his eyes to me. “I have. I’m not sure if you remember but about a month after Rachel was born your mother had to go back into hospital for some surgery—a hysterectomy. During that time, I looked after Rachel and, well, once I had that bond, I wasn’t letting it go for anything. Your mother seemed to know she couldn’t keep Rachel from me and never tried. I know she worried about it.”
Now that he mentioned it, I vaguely recalled it. What ran through me more was bitterness. And where had I been…out in the cold again. The kid no one wanted.
“Look, Seth, if I could go back and do things differently I would. In fact, I’d give anything to be able to do it. Now that I know the truth.”
Wishes, nothing but hollowness.
What did he want me to say? Was he looking for me to give him some sort of forgiveness. I’d never gone without anything material. It was the emotional connection I had been lacking, I mean, hey, what’s love, comfort, a sense of belonging worth when you’re a kid? Apparently, not very fucking much.
I sat there stony, determined not to let on how much this was killing me inside. Every wound I’d ever suffered as a kid felt like it had been flayed open again.
“There’s really not much more that I can say for all those years in between. Other than I’m sorry you were hurting, Seth. That’s on your mother and me.”
I took a sip of my water. My throat was suddenly dry.
“Rachel mentioned the other night that Mum had some sort of breakdown a while back. I must have been at the mines when it happened.”
He nodded slowly and looked very uncomfortable. “She did. Doctors say she had a nervous breakdown. The guilt towards you and the lies just got too much for her to bare.”
“What are you talking about?” I actually found that really hard to believe. “Guilt towards me. Forgive me, Anthony, if I find that a bit rich to swallow.”
“I can understand why you’d feel that way…there’s no simple or easy way to tell you this. Your mother’s breakdown was essentially over the fact that she’d hidden the true identity of your father all these years. You’re not Daniel’s son, Seth, you’re mine.”
I felt the floor drop and I was free-falling. Anthony was my father. Every foundation of my world was nothing but rubble. An earthquake had ripped through my soul and shattered it.
“I’m sorry this is so much of a shock to you, Seth. There was no easy way to tell you this.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I snarled, anger snapping all around me.
“I should have. I see that now. But your mother couldn’t face it and her mental state has been so fragile. I didn’t want to risk it pushing her too far.”
“Fragile, my arse. That woman could…would screw over the devil and not feel a second of remorse or concern. Oh no, as long as Irena gets what Irena wants, all’s good in the world. She’s a psychotic bitch and a grade A manipulator. What’s to say she was even telling the truth? She’s obviously a consummate liar. Did Daniel know or was he under her spell as well?”
“He knew,” Anthony said quietly. “He didn’t care though, because Daniel was sterile. Childhood illness. I never knew this, otherwise I would have figured it out straight away. That was partially why she was so pissed at Daniel. When she found out she was pregnant, she panicked and went to Daniel. He’d always been in lust with her and he immediately agreed to help her out. You know your mother, she can’t cope with being on her own. Apparently, it was all good for a while then when Daniel went off the medication because he preferred the pain pills, he wasn’t there for her anymore. She had to do it on her own. According to her, the last straw was when she couldn’t cope with the fact he paid more attention to you than to her. That morning they fought, she’d been telling him she couldn’t bare to love him if he wouldn’t get help.”
“Maybe if she wasn’t such a fucking bitch...”
“Seth!” Anthony warned. “That’s your mother you’re talking about.”
I couldn’t believe he was still defending her.
“Yeah, you’re right, it is my mother. Only problem is, she’s been a crap one my whole life…and don’t even try to deny that Anthony, or is it Dad now?”
His head dropped again. “I’ll leave you to decide that one, Son.”
That term had always grated on me. I guess the only thing was now it was true.
“You never knew or guessed?” It seemed so incredible to me. All these years, I’d thought my father was dead. Fuck, I’d mourned him, longed for him, and he’d been right there under my nose nearly my whole life.
I felt so ripped off.
“I really didn’t. You never looked like me. Thank God, you took after your mother’s side. The only thing I really recognize now is your drive and determination. That’s all me.”
I had to give him that. Anthony was a genius. He was also a very successful businessman which suited Irena just fine. She enjoyed the best of everything.
There was one thing that was still bugging the hell out of me and maybe Anthony had the answer, maybe he didn’t.
“Why does she hate my lifestyle? She bawled Soph out in the hospital and she’s always hated how I partied. But now I know what I know, I’m guessing there’s more to it?”
“She sees your unsettled lifestyle very much reminiscent of herself. She’s been worried that you are going to end up in the exact position you are in now, in fact—a tenuous relationship and an unwanted pregnancy.”
My temper snapped.
“My relationship is not tenuous and this baby is not unwanted. Don’t let me ever hear you speak of either like that again.” He snapped back at the icy chill of my voice. I didn’t speak the entire truth, but I wasn’t going to have Sophia and our baby subjected to the opinions of the most selfish and manipulative bitch I knew.
More importantly, I was not going to ever let my child feel like they were baggage or not wanted. I knew all too well what that felt like and no child of mine was ever going to live with what I’d carried for years.
“I guess I misunderstood then. Rachel said you were having troubles.”
“No relationship is perfect. And I’m damned sure I don’t have all the answers. What I do know is what I don’t want in a relationship. I’ve had plenty of first hand experience of living in the wings of one of those. Just answer me one question, Anthony, why? How can you love her with all the lies and deceit, the hurt she’s subjected us all to?”
He was quiet for a moment. “The love is bigger and real love forgives.”
Jesus!
“I recognize her flaws. Unfortunately, all you see is the flaws, I also see the beauty and the way she makes me feel. I know you must think it strange that I can tolerate her after the lie she’s had me believe all these years. Some days, I hate her for it. I could resent her and rage at her for keeping my son from me, but you were right there the whole time. I blame me more for not trying harder to be a better father to you. I was blind and I never got the chance to see the real son I had in front of me. For that, I will always feel shame and remorse. But through it all, one thing I know is that the love I feel for her is always more than the hate.”
It was incredibly hard to believe. Preposterous.
There was no way I was going to be able to mentally process what I’d learned right now. I wasn’t even going to try.
“So, where does this leave us?” I asked him.
He studied me for a moment and I looked into the eyes of my father for what felt like the first time. “Well, Seth that’s up to you. I’d really hope that one day we can have a loving, close relationship. I also know I have no right to either ask it or expect it of you. The ball’s in your court.”
Yeah, it was, and that wasn’t the first time I’d heard that little phrase in the last couple of days.
“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how I feel about anything to do with you and Mum right now.”
“I understand and respect that, Seth. We’re not going anywhere. Take a little time and think about things. I know it’s a huge amount to take in and you’ve got your own family to worry about now.”
My own family…Sophia and the baby.
“I just hope that even if we can never have the relationship we should have always had that at least you won’t deny us seeing our grandchild.”
Emotions bombarded me for all directions and I’d had enough. Heard enough.
There were a lot of emotions I still needed to sort through from what he’d told me, but I was also absolutely certain about some things as well.
And those things were:
I had somewhere I needed to be.
S
uck it up
, Soph.
I told myself.
He wasn’t coming.
I just knew it.
One of Dr. Collins’ staff had set me up in the room with the ultrasound machine. I was laying waiting, my flat belly exposed for the sonographer to do their thing.
Eden took my hand, seeming to sense my disappointment.
“He might have got held up. Traffic can be horrific, you know that.”
I did know and it could well be the case.
The problem was, he wasn’t here and, even though I had Eden, it wasn’t the same. I felt so alone. I wanted Seth, even if he didn’t want us.
“He’s not coming.”
“Hey, you don’t know that, and even if he doesn’t make it, we’ll get through this. Sisters forever, honey.” Eden squeezed my hand and gave me a comforting smile.
“Sisters forever,” I repeated in agreement.
The sonographer came in, turned off the lights, and sat down at the stool in front of the ultrasound machine.
“Good morning, ladies. I’m Karen. Just going to smear a little gel on your belly and we’ll see what the little one’s up to. The gel maybe a bit cold.”
She put a huge dob of gel on my lower abdominals and started to smear it around with the probe in search of where my baby lay safe in my belly.
A few seconds later, a little blob appeared on the screen and the unmistakable swooshing noise with the thumping beat came through loud and clear.
“Baby’s heart is good,” she said and took some measurements. Eden grinned down at me and I squeezed her hand.
“Can you tell if it’s a girl or boy yet?” I glanced up to see the technician peering at what looked like the belly of my baby. But, hey, I was no expert.
“Umm, sometimes at this age, it’s much easier in a few more weeks.”
She moved on and took some measurements of the baby’s head and neck to complete the testing in conjunction from yesterday’s bloods for Down Syndrome.
“It’s real, Eden. There really is a baby in me.” I knew it was a dumb thing to say, it was just so surreal.
She burst out laughing. “Of course there is.”
“Ladies, I’m just going to get Dr. Collins to come take a look.”
I suddenly felt uneasy. “Is there a problem?”
“Just standard procedure. Dr. Collins likes to take a look at all these tests. I’ll be right back.” She got up from the stool and was gone.
When the door closed, I looked over at the screen. “Hey, little one.”
“So, what do you think? Boy or girl?” Eden asked me.
“Mmm, I don’t know…it’s not as if I have a clue about babies. I guess I have a fifty, fifty chance of getting it right.”
“True, very true,” Eden agreed. “Well, I think it’s a boy.”
“Why? What makes you think that?”
“Don’t know, just a feeling.”
“Fair enough.”
“Do you have a preference?”
Did I? I’d only just really come to terms with the fact I was having a baby in the last couple of days. I really hadn’t given the sex of the baby much thought.
“I don’t think so, at the moment, anyway. Besides, aren’t I just supposed to say—healthy?”
“Exactly. The world needs both good women and good men. My niece or nephew will be one or the other.”
The door opened and Dr. Collins came in, followed by Karen.
“Morning, ladies. Let’s take a look at what we’ve got here.”
He picked up the probe and started rolling it over my belly. Once again, he went through the motions of running the measurements. I could see the little numbers appear between the points on the screen.
Then, he seemed to spend a lot of time on the baby’s belly and feelings of dread and fear rose up and threatened to choke me.
Something was wrong. I just knew it.
After what seemed like an eternity of staring at the screen, he turned to me. “Sophia, it looks like the baby’s belly has become distended with fluid.”
Was that bad?
What did it mean?
“At present, your baby’s little tummy is measuring the size we would expect for a twenty-one week old fetus. This fetus is twelve weeks. See that black spot there?” He pointed to it on the screen and ran the probe over it on my belly. “That’s not supposed to be there.”
A little gasp escaped from Eden’s throat and her body tensed up beside mine.
I couldn’t talk; my throat had closed over and my body felt frozen in fear.
“All the other tests look good. But, I’ll be honest. I’ve never seen ascites in a fetus so young. If that is what it is. What I’m going to do is get a fetal specialist to take a look and we’ll figure out what to do okay?”
Words wouldn’t form. All I could do was nod my understanding.
“Let me just go make a couple of calls and get this sorted out.” He passed me a towel to wipe off the sonar gel.
A few seconds later, they were both gone from the room again.
I looked at Eden and I knew she could see the terror in my eyes, because I could see the same in hers.
She stroked the hair back from my forehead. “It’ll be okay, Sophia. Have faith, it’ll be fine.”
Faith?
My world was crumbling. There was something terribly wrong with my baby, our baby, and the baby’s father didn’t even know.
“Seth, Eden. He needs to know.”
She nodded. “You’re right.” She took her phone out of her handbag. “Let me call him now.”
I watched her hands fumble as she turned on the phone and entered the pin. Her hands were like my heart erratically jumping around all over the place.
Deep breath, Soph. Stay strong. Our baby needs you.
I told myself.
I watched her pull up Seth’s number and call. I held my breath while I heard the telltale ring, ring, ring.
My heart sank, even further…voicemail.
To hear his voice and not have him answer when I needed him so bad—it was the worst sort of pain.
“Seth, it’s Eden and Sophia, please call immediately when you get this.”
She hung up and fired off a quick text to him as well.
Then she dialed another number.
It rang and rang, the sound seemed even louder to my ears in the silent room. “Please, Xan…pick up!” Eden begged as it was just about to go to voicemail.
“Hey, Gem.” His voice was clear and I realized Eden had pressed the speaker button.
Relief flooded me. He sounded winded and I figured he’d been training.
“Xan you’re on speaker, you have to help us,” She blurted out.
“What’s up, Eden? Are you okay? What’s happened?” His voice was on high alert.
“I’m fine. We’re at the hospital. Xan, there’s something wrong with the baby. Seth’s not here and really needs to be.”
I listened to my sister explain it all to him and I was so thankful to have them both. I could rely on them one hundred percent.
“Right. Hang tight, Gem. I’m on it. I’ll find him and get him to the hospital as soon as I can.”
“But you’re training…” It kind of all registered as I blurted it out.
“Fuck training Soph. Text me the details of where you need us to go to.”
“Thanks, Xan. I love you.” Eden replied.
“I love you, too! Try not worry. I’ll get him and see you both soon.”
Xan would find Seth and everything would be okay.
It had to be, didn’t it?
The fear was killing me.
What a craptastic morning!
As if all the shit Anthony—or was it “Dad”—laid on me wasn’t enough. I’d deviated from normal programming. Never before had I ever bought flowers for a woman.
Today, I’d left the breakfast and been headed to the hospital, on a mission to make things right. I got a wild idea that flowers would be good.
Wrong!
Fucking brand new car stopped and wouldn’t start again.
What the fuck?
Today, of all days. I wanted to be there, no, I needed to be there. Sophia shouldn’t have to do this alone, wouldn’t be doing it alone very soon if I had my way.
Now, I just had to wait for a cab, maybe I could still make it? I grabbed my phone off the passenger’s seat of the car from underneath the bouquet of flowers. I’d forgotten to put it in my pocket when the tow guy brought the car here.
I glanced at the screen. Ten missed calls.
WHAT THE...???
I started to scroll to the call screen when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Thank fuck I got you, man.” It was Xan. “Where the hell are you now?”
“Dealership at Springwood, my new car’s dead.”
“Don’t leave, I’ll be there in ten to get you.”
“Look, Xan, I’ve got a cab coming I should have been at the hospital thirty minutes ago.”
“Eden just called. She told me to get you. There’s something wrong with the baby and they’re both scared out of their minds.”
Fear, terror, dread, all seemed to smother me at once. What was wrong?
“Look, I don’t know any real details. Just that Eden sounded really worried told me to get you there and Soph wasn’t making much sense at all.”
“Right. I guess I’ll see you in a few then.”
“Roger that.”
I hung up and then I realized I was shaking.
There was something wrong with the baby and my guts were like acid. My emotions were all over the fucking place.
Think, Seth, logical.
Focus on the problem.
I called and cancelled the cab.
Then, I saw the text from Eden. I sent her one back in response, letting her know I was on my way.
Soph…she’d be beside herself. I need to be there. I wanted to be there.
My head was all over the place after that bullshit from this morning. Two things were clear.
I wanted Sophia and she needed me.
I wanted our baby and he or she needed me.
That would have to do for right now.
The rest would just have to wait until I had time to figure it out. The most important people in my life came first.
Somehow, Xander made it in eight minutes, not ten.
I was waiting at the curb and he slowed down only long enough for me to heft myself in.
“Thanks, mate.”
“No problem,” he said, pulling out into the traffic.
“Do you know anything?”
“Nope, sorry. What happened?”
“I was on my way to the hospital and decided to stop off and get something for Soph. Car decided not to start. Has to be electrical, might be a dodgy key who knows right now!”
“It’s brand new!”
“That point hasn’t escaped me. Nor the service manager when I chewed his arse. I don’t pay eighty grand and expect the thing to die in the first month.”
“Ah, no!”
“Seriously, it’s just par for the course today.” He gave me a sideways glance as if to say,
“What?”
“I had breakfast with Anthony.”
“Your step-dad?” He all but screeched, so very unlike Xander. He was Mr. Unflappable.
“Yep, the one and only.”
“What the fuck for?”
“Seems there were a lot of secrets in my family Anthony and I had no idea about for a longtime.”
He briefly looked at me, surprise and curiosity were all over his face. Xander was a mate and wouldn’t ask.
Instead, I decided to offer. What was the point in keeping the secret? I was refusing to think about all the emotional stuff for the moment. “There’s too much to go into now Xan. The abridged version is Anthony is apparently my biological father.”
“What the FUCK?” he shouted.
“Yeah, that seems to be the phrase of the day too.”
He was still shaking his head in shock.
“Oh, I can top that, if it’s at all possible. Anthony and the man I thought was my father were actually cousins.”
“Jesus H Christ on a raft.”
“There’s more, lots more. But seriously, today Xan—not even going to think about it. I just need to make things right with Sophia. Her and the baby are my priorities. That was the only positive to come out of this morning. The rest is in my rear view mirror. Doesn’t matter here nor there. They can have their bullshit games. I want no part of it, nor do I want to create more for my future. I’m not going to let history repeat itself with fucked up families. I’ve played that game for almost thirty years.”
I hadn’t really thought about any of this. The words were just coming out of my mouth and I believed them. This was how I felt. I’d never been clearer on anything in my life.
Xander was still shaking his head, struggling to believe the bombshells I’d dropped on him.
“Things cleared up for me. After all the crap I went through and living with those people that are apparently my family, I am dead set certain I’m not going to put Sophia or our child through it. If she wants me, I’m there. God knows, I probably don’t deserve it. But I’m ready to give it everything. I need normal. My whole life was a damned lie. One created by other people. From here on out, I’m in the driver’s seat and I’m making the calls on what happens.”
He nodded. “Good for you, mate. That’s exactly what you need to do. You’re heading for thirty. It’s time to stake out the family you want, not the fucked up shit you’ve been enduring.”
I realized for the last ten years, I’d half-made that choice of not being part of my family by distancing myself. Although, I realized now I’d still been living in an emotional limbo land. Now I had the truth, I could let it all go. If I had anything to do with them, it would be very much on my terms.
We might share blood, that didn’t mean we shared the same mindset on how family should be.
Fortunately, the traffic had lightened right off by this time of day and we got to the hospital with a straight through run.
“You know where you’re heading?” I asked. Last thing we needed was getting lost in this place.
“Yeah. Specialist suites. Eden said to park here and take the linkway that joins to the hospital.”
The urge to run was high. I just wasn’t sure how wise it was.
My stomach was churning as we reached the door to the specialist suite. I pushed it open with more force than necessary.
Every head in the waiting room shot up as I strode to the reception desk.
“Can I help you?” She looked a little taken aback by our abrupt entry.
“I’m Seth Harris, my girlfriend, Sophia Sommers, is here with her sister.”
Understanding seemed to immediately register with her and she stood. “Right this way, Mr. Harris. I’ll take you back to her.”