The problem is that I’ve fallen for him hard and his intentions toward me are devastating. He doesn’t want a committed relationship with me. I’m deathly afraid that he’s like Bradley and that he just wants to indulge in women. He’s so secretive about so many things that is has me wondering just what he’s doing in Montreal. Worse yet, who, is the nagging question. Is he seeing her when he isn’t with me? Where he’s open and honest about intimate things, he’s closed off and guarded about the rest of his life. His business dealings and his family seem to be off limits. And though the investigation into the so-called stalker directly involves me, he tells me to butt out and that it’s being handled. I can’t even get the detective to take my calls now. Detective Burke never did respond to me when I contacted him about the persistent unknown calls.
The nagging questions that I have are eating away at me and I don’t want to repeat history by sweeping it under the rug and forcing it to be something I can live with. No, I need to stand up for myself and what I need for a change. If I don’t learn how to do this now, I will never get the happiness I desire. I sigh, wishing Simone’s voice wasn’t nagging me at the back of my mind. She’s always my devil’s advocate or maybe more my voice of reason. Her philosophy is that if it doesn’t work for her, she moves on no matter if it’s a relationship or a professional situation. Maybe I should take her example.
I pull my Jeep into the driveway of my parents’ house. Good, it looks like they’re at the gallery. I welcome the time to collect myself and decompress before they assault me with their barrage of questions. I grab my overnight bag and head into the house. I let myself in with the spare key that’s kept in the fake snail in the planter by the front door. Not very discreet, I think to myself. The house is always so welcoming and feels safe to me right now. It’s just the rest and relaxation that I need. I head to my room and deposit my bag on the floor. True to form, mom has left a note and care package of wine, chocolate, and lavender-vanilla bath oil for me.
Baby Girl,
Completely forgot we have an opening tonight at the gallery. Stop by if you’re in the mood, otherwise don’t wait up for us and will catch up in the morning. Enjoy the treats and help yourself to anything in the kitchen.
Love,
Mom
She’s so amazing. I don’t know how I would have gotten past the last year if it hadn’t been for their unconditional support. I am truly blessed. If only I could have their kind of love for one another in my own life. I would have everything I ever wanted.
I hear my phone buzzing in my bag. I pull it out and as if she has telepathy, it’s my mom calling.
“Hi mom, just got here.”
“Oh good, baby girl, just calling to make sure you were okay. Your dad wants to know if you will be stopping by the gallery tonight?”
“Geeze mom, I don’t know yet. If not tonight, maybe I’ll go with you in the morning and check things out. I don’t know how social I’ll be feeling tonight.”
“Okay, sweetie, just text me if you’re going to head over. Kiss kiss.” She makes a smooching noise with her mouth.
“Bye mom.” She sure knows how to put a smile on my face.
I turn to go about unpacking my bag when my phone buzzes again. This time it’s a text. I pick it up and see it’s from Simone. She must have been typing rapid fire as four new messages just came in.
3:43 PM
Clarke
OMG!! Have you been on Twitter lately? You may or may not want to, depending on your mood today.
Um no, I have not seen Twitter; I have been driving.
3:43 PM
Clarke
I am so sorry honey! I know you are super hung up on him. Hope it is not true!!
Hope what is not true???
3:44 PM
Clarke
Maybe you should just call me.
3:45 PM
Clarke
Wait, do you even use Twitter?
Oh for crying out loud Clarke, I hate it when you do this. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I’m hoping it’s nothing. I don’t think I can take one more thing right now.
I dial Simone’s number and she instantly picks up.
“Danners, holy shit! Did you see that Harrison has announced his engagement to Marion Devereaux?” She blurts out without taking a breath.
I feel a sickening thud in my stomach. I almost drop the phone as my blood drains from my face.
“Wha… What? That’s impossible!” My heart is pounding in my throat.
“I just read it on Twitter and then I looked it up to confirm it on Global Next and it said that unknown sources confirmed that a union between the Towers and Devereaux families in Montreal has been announced.” She continues, “It says that it will be officially announced later today in a formal press release. I’m guessing since Montreal is like three hours ahead that something official has been released by now.”
I collapse to the floor. My breathing is shallow and raspy. I sit there in stunned silence and I momentarily forget that I’m on the phone.
“Danners?” Her voice brings me back to the moment.
“I refuse to believe that Harrison would get engaged without telling me personally. He just told me two days ago that he’s not into Marion Devereaux. We just made love before he left to Montreal Monday night. Not only that, as far as he knows, I’m staying at his penthouse. That is not someone that decides to get engaged to another woman. No! Besides all that, he’s commitment phobic after his last fiancé passed away.” I know I sound like I am grasping at straws now.
“No, something is not right here.” The tears begin to flow freely and I continue to feel short of breath.
She sighs. “I’m so sorry honey. I hope this is a prank or something. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt by some selfish mogul. Where are you anyway? Do you have someone you can be with until I get back?”
I’m trying to keep my composure and not fall completely apart on the phone. I barely choke out that I’m at my parent’s house and that I will need to talk to Harrison first before I react to any of it.
“Okay, well I am stuck here until Monday with sketchy phone reception. Let’s try to keep in touch over the weekend and I will cross my fingers for you, okay hun?”
I think I need more than fingers crossed at this point.
I attempt to take a deep calming breath, but instead it feels jagged. “Thanks Clarke, I have to go, I need to reach Harrison. There has to be more to this and I don’t want to react until I know what the truth is.” The tears continue to spill down my face.
“Danners, please let me know what happens. I’ll be dying over here! I luv ya honey!”
I mumble acknowledgement into the phone and then hang up.
I’m still collapsed on the floor when I hit send to call Harrison. Please pick up, please pick up I repeat over and over in my head. Damn it, I get his voicemail. I leave a quick message telling him to call me back immediately. I follow that up by sending a text of the same message.
I struggle to a standing position again. My legs feel like jelly and I seriously feel like I might get sick. My stomach is churning and I have bile in my throat. The thought of Harrison with another woman makes my head spin. I can’t bear the thought of some other woman’s hands on his body or having his children someday. Dear God, I think I’m becoming hysterical. I’m getting way ahead of myself. The room is spinning out of control and my thoughts have gone wild. While the image of that woman walking down the aisle with Harrison is stuck in my head, I quickly grab my windbreaker jacket and head outside for a walk on the beach. Hoping it will clear my head. I forget my shoes, but it doesn’t matter, I like the feeling of sand on my toes anyway.
Despite the cold drizzle, it feels really good to be outside walking along the shore. My toes feel numb from the cool wet sand. I raise my face to feel the salty mist cover my skin. I take a deep cleansing breath and feel my lungs fill with fresh clean air. I can’t get those grotesque thoughts of him with her out of my head and I still feel like I’m going to get sick, so I find a driftwood log and sit down. I watch the seagulls fight over some poor beached sea creature. It’s so savage; the irony is not lost on me. In a lot of ways, I feel like that little sea creature right now. I’m being pulled in different directions and my fate is yet to be determined. My tears feel hot on my cool salt covered face. I swipe them away with my hand, but they continue to flow so it’s fruitless. I can’t seem to catch my breath. My nerves have gotten the better of me. Waiting for his call is torturing me as my mind races, thinking of all the possible explanations. My mind then settles on the news clipping I received yesterday. Of course, that was foreshadowing of today’s announcement. My god, I fear the truth.
I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out to see that it’s Harrison. I feel a cold wave of dread overtake my entire body and penetrate my soul.
“Hello?”
“Hi Danielle, I guess you have heard. I wanted to get to you first but…”
I gasp for air as the tears begin to gush out of my eyes and cascade down my face.
I barely whisper, “It’s true then?”
“It is complicated, Danielle and unexpected.” He sounds withdrawn and distant toward me.
I choke on my own tears and clear my throat.
“What do you mean exactly, that it’s complicated? Are you or are you not engaged to Marion Devereaux?” I feel the pulse in my neck pounding and my breathing has now increased to a pant.
“Danielle, the short end of it is no, I am not marrying her, however, for all intents and purposes I am engaged to her. As I said, it is complicated and I need you to trust me. I can’t tell you anything else about it right now. ”
What the fuck? I’m supposed to trust him? Oh no way. Enough is enough, so I let him have it.
“I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel better that you’re engaged to her, but you have no plans to actually marry her? How is that grounds for trusting you? You need to do better than that! Why did you tell me she means nothing to you? Why did you insist that I stay in your penthouse while you were gone? And, why did you fuck my brains out right before you hopped on a plane with her?” I scream into the phone.
“I am not in a position to tell you the details surrounding my engagement. Just know that I am not marrying her and at the end of all of this, the truth will come out and all will be crystal clear at that time.” He sounds like he rehearsed that. Something just does not jive here.
The tears start flowing heavily from my sheer frustration and despair. I’m trying to disguise my heaving and sobbing by holding the phone away from my mouth. I collect my breath.
“Damn it Harrison, you are cold and callous. You must think I’m just someone you can play with and then throw away when you’re done, I-”
He interrupts. I stand up and start pacing a path into the compacted wet sand. I have my hair twisted around my fingers so tight it’s cutting off circulation.
“Whoa, Danielle, I have been nothing but honest with you about what I wanted from our arrangement. I never promised anything further. “
“Arrangement? That’s what you call it? Have you have been just using me for your own entertainment until you landed Marion?” I once again scream into the phone.
“Oh no, don’t you get this mixed up with your ex-husband, Danielle. I have feelings for you. I just cannot act on them right now. I am asking you to trust me until this is over.”
He has feelings for me. That’s the first I’ve heard of any feelings other than how his body feels, which has always been rather evident. I think for a second and attempt again to dry my eyes.
I try to calm down, “Harrison, if you want me to trust you, then you need to tell me the truth about EVERYTHING. I need questions answered now, truthfully.”
He doesn’t answer right away.
In a cold and ominous hushed voice, “The truth is a dangerous game, Danielle.”
What the fuck kind of answer is that?
A second later, I get a beep and I hold the phone so I can see whom it’s from; it’s Unknown Caller, again.
That’s it, I’m done. I’m sick of being stalked by this phantom caller, I’m done with my home being invaded and having the feeling of being followed. And I’m done with feeling like I’m only entitled to half a relationship. With that, I hurl my phone as far and as hard as I can into the cold salty Pacific Ocean. With a
splash
that alerts the ravenous seagulls, my phone is gone.
Void of emotion, I say, “Goodbye Unknown Caller. Goodbye Harrison.”
Book Two
Goodbye unknown caller. Goodbye Harrison.
“Danielle… Danielle?”
All he hears is a beeping and then a voice says, “Call failed.”
“Damn it!”
After throwing my phone in the ocean, I sit back on the log and have the biggest cry I have had since my dog, Barney, died when I was nine. After sobbing uncontrollably for at least the better part of an hour, I stagger back to the house. I have a lump in my throat and need a glass of water. I take the glass back to my room. I undress and take a quick steaming hot shower. I then crawl into bed and sob myself to sleep. I sleep straight through my crazy parents coming home and through Stormy jumping into bed with me. I awake the next morning and am disoriented. For one brief second, I have forgotten all of the previous day and the end of Harrison and me. When my mind snaps on, the despair sets in and then the tears return. I don’t notice that Stormy is in bed with me until I feel her snout nuzzling my head. I reach up to pet her and find a brief moment of solace. Then the guttural sobs ensue. My mom must have heard me from the kitchen. She knocks lightly and then pops her head in the door. One look at me and she comes rushing forward while yelling for my dad to get in here.