He held up the covers, inviting her into bed.
Anxious to be covered, she scooted under the white comforter with the yellow daisies. “I like this room. Did you do it yourself?”
“Hell no,” he said with a scoffing laugh. “Sydney Donovan did the house. She’s a decorator on the island.”
“She did a nice job.”
“Yes, she did.”
“Are we going to talk about comforters and paint, Jared?”
“I don’t know. Are we?”
“It’s safer.”
“Probably,” he acknowledged. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say right now, and that never happens. I always know what to do and what to say.”
Because she couldn’t help it, because she’d missed him so terribly and because she loved him more than anything, she reached for him. “You could hold me. I’ve missed having your arms around me.”
For a second she thought he might reject her, but he didn’t. Rather, he slid under the covers and put his arms around her.
Elisabeth released a sigh full of relief as she pressed her face against his chest and heard the strong beat of his heart for the first time in far too long. Acting out of habit, she slid her leg between his and closed her eyes against the burn of tears at the familiar scratch of his hairy legs against her much smoother skin.
He held her so closely, so tightly she could barely breathe. “Lizzie… God, am I dreaming this? Are you really here with me?”
“I’m here. I’m right here.”
And then he was kissing her and stealing the breath from her lungs with his fierce possession of her mouth. He quite simply devoured her. All she could do was surrender to him, which she did willingly. She met every stroke of his tongue with one of her own, wanting to give him everything he needed.
He pulled away abruptly, startling her. “What?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t be with you this way unless I know you’re here to stay. Are you?”
She wanted to say an emphatic yes so he’d go back to kissing her, but she couldn’t do that. Not yet anyway. “I… I don’t know, Jared. We have so much we still need to talk about.”
“Then we’ll talk, but until we do, I can’t do this. I’m not Superman, Lizzie. I’m not made of steel.”
She blinked back tears brought on by the pain she saw etched into his face. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never meant for that to happen.”
He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Elisabeth watched him go, remembering how he’d once told her he couldn’t stand to sleep without her on the rare nights they’d spent apart, all due to his business obligations. She could only hope they could find their way back to each other, because she hated sleeping without him, too.
Chapter 5
Knowing he was too keyed up—and turned on—to have any prayer of sleeping, Jared went outside to the pool, where he swam twenty-five laps in an effort to do something productive with the energy zinging through his veins. Lizzie had come back. She’d gone to his office every day, hoping Marcy would tell her where he was.
Why hadn’t Marcy told him that?
Because, asshole, you told her you didn’t want to hear from Lizzie, and she took you at your word
. God, was it true that she hadn’t actually declined his proposal? Was it possible he’d read the whole thing so wrong and had subjected them both to more than five weeks of hell all because his ego was so huge he couldn’t imagine that the woman he loved had actually rejected him?
Still, he hadn’t imagined that she’d shaken her head after he proposed to her. That meant “no” in any language. He’d relived that moment over and over again, and the shock of it still had the power to reduce him to tears if he allowed himself to go there.
“Not going there,” he said out loud as he floated on his back and stared up at the stars dotting the sky. That was one of the things he truly loved about Gansett. It was so dark that the stars seemed almost close enough to touch. He’d never been anywhere that allowed for better stargazing than the island that had come to feel like home in the last few weeks.
He’d made real friends here, the kind he used to have before he made a shit ton of money and found himself separated from the people he’d grown up with. Any time they contacted him now it was because they needed something only he and his money could provide. He’d stopped taking their calls once he realized they were all the same. Even his own siblings had become people he barely recognized after he struck it rich.
Lizzie had been the one person in his life he could count on to keep it real. She didn’t give a shit about his money. She never asked him for anything. Rather, she was often visibly uncomfortable when he tried to do things for her or give her things that most women would love. His Lizzie wasn’t most women. He’d known that right from the start. She’d called him out on his bullshit, cut him down to size with her sharp rejoinders and made him want to be a better man so he might be worthy of her.
He’d never been happier in his life than when he’d been with her. Until she shook her head at that pivotal moment and crushed him. Having her back in his arms, even for a few short minutes, had brought home the magnitude of what he’d become without her. He barely recognized the face in the mirror each morning. The once-confident king of Wall Street had been demolished by love. Imagine that.
He uttered a laugh that became a groan when he pictured her in the tank top and boy shorts that had starred in all his fantasies since he last saw her. She had no idea how incredibly beautiful she was to him, and the sight of her in the simple yet revealing outfit had made him want to beg her to take him back, to forgive him for any sins he might’ve committed.
He’d noticed, however, that she’d lost weight she didn’t have to lose. He’d seen it in her face, where her cheekbones were more prominent, as well as the sharpness of her hip bones. The thought of her not eating because she was upset over what had happened between them made him sick with worry.
It pained him to realize he’d do anything, give up everything, to have her back in his arms. It pained him to know she was sleeping in his house, and he’d been stupid enough to think he could actually sleep knowing she was there, within reach yet still so far out of reach. Wearily, he pushed himself out of the pool and sat on the deck for a long time, thinking it through from every angle while wondering—and fearing—what tomorrow would bring.
*
Lizzie was awake early. She wasn’t entirely certain she’d actually slept, and if the aches in her neck and eyes were any indication, the sleep she’d gotten hadn’t been refreshing. There’d been weird dreams in which she’d run after Jared and he’d moved quickly out of reach. She hoped the dreams weren’t a metaphor for how this day would unfold.
Dragging herself out of the comfortable bed, in which she’d clearly done a lot of tossing and turning, as the sheets were all over the place, she headed for the shower.
As she turned the water on, another memory came to mind. Jared had always told her he loved the way she looked first thing in the morning with her hair all over the place and her face red and puffy from sleep. She thought she looked awful, but he loved her that way.
She turned off the water, brushed her teeth and ventured out of her room to see if he was up yet. They’d spent much of their time together naked, but she’d never felt more exposed than she did this morning, walking through the house, wearing nothing but the tank and boy shorts.
The house was truly gorgeous. Jared’s decorator had gone with a subtle nautical theme that Elisabeth loved. She admired people who could pull together a space so effortlessly when her own decorating efforts resembled thrift-store chic, although using the word “chic” might be giving herself too much credit.
This was the kind of understated class that surrounded Jared in all the spaces he occupied, including his New York City penthouse, his office and the beach house in the Hamptons. Why, she wondered, had he bought this place when he already had a house at the beach?
They’d learned early on to avoid the topic of his vast wealth because it brought home the many differences between them that nothing—neither love nor time nor commitment—could bridge. He simply existed in a world so far removed from hers that she could barely fathom the differences. So they’d focused on the things they had in common—enjoying live music, supporting causes that mattered to people in need, sampling hole-in-the-wall restaurants and taking long walks in their city. These were things regular people did together, and during those times she could almost delude herself into believing he was a regular person.
Then he’d show up in a Bentley, dressed in a ten-thousand-dollar tuxedo, to take her to a benefit for one of his favorite causes, and she’d be reminded he wasn’t like her. He wasn’t like anyone she knew or had ever known. Her friends had told her she was insane for being intimidated by the money.
Most of them, herself included, still had staggering student loans that would take a lifetime to pay off. To them, the idea of a wealthy, generous boyfriend was a dream come true.
But Elisabeth had never been wowed by money or material possessions. Her parents had raised her to believe that money could never buy happiness, that true happiness came through meaningful connections to other people, work that made a difference to those in need and a life committed to looking beyond herself. One of her dad’s favorite sayings was to think globally but act locally.
Elisabeth had embraced that slogan through her work at the shelter, where she made a real difference for women who’d survived abusive relationships, who were recovering from addiction and facing other challenges most people couldn’t begin to imagine.
Her life had been unfolding exactly as planned until that night at the Ritz when her gaze connected with Jared’s startling blue eyes. In the forty days she’d spent without him, it had become clear that she could, perhaps, go forward without him if that was what it came to. But she would never again be the person she’d been before she knew him. Everything was different now. He’d changed her in ways that might only be apparent to her, but they were glaringly apparent nonetheless.
“You’re up early.”
The familiar sound of his rough early morning voice startled her out of her thoughts. As she turned to face him, she realized she’d been staring out the bay window that overlooked the ocean.
He looked as exhausted as she felt, she noted on a quick glance. Wearing only a pair of running shorts, he stood with hands on hips, his pose almost defensive.
Chilled, Elisabeth crossed her arms over her chest to hide the physical effect his presence had on her. “So are you.”
He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“I didn’t sleep too much either.”
Running his fingers through his hair, he seemed on edge, restless and maybe a bit nervous, which was wildly out of character for him. Jared James was never nervous. In fact, she’d often accused him of being confident to a fault. Naturally, he’d scoffed at that. “Coffee?”
“I never say no to coffee.”
Was it her imagination, or did he seem relieved to have something to do? She followed him into the beautiful kitchen and took a seat on one of the stools at the center island. Watching him move around the kitchen reminded her of many other mornings with him. He was a morning person. She was not. He’d enjoyed tending to her moodiness—okay, grumpiness—with coffee and breakfast he cooked himself and served her in bed.
When he plunked a mug down in front of her, Elisabeth realized she’d once again been lost in memories of the sweetest time in her life. As always, the coffee was made to her liking with cream and a hint of sugar. “Thank you.”
“Let’s go out on the deck.”
She picked up her mug and followed him through the sliding door. “This is amazing,” she said of the cozy teak furniture and potted plants someone had obviously spent a lot of time putting together. “I meant to tell you that last night.”
“Can’t take the credit,” he said as he stretched out on one of the chairs. “Sydney again, with some help from Alex.”
Elisabeth perched on the chair next to his. “I’m stunned to hear you didn’t do all this yourself.”
“No, you’re not.”
The teasing exchange almost felt normal. Almost. The pain was ever present, casting a dark cloud over everything despite the crystal-clear sky above.
“Could I ask you something?” he said after another uncomfortably long silence.
“Anything.”
“Why, exactly, did you shake your head that night? You may not have said the word ‘no,’ but that’s a no by anyone’s standards.”
Elisabeth gripped her mug tighter, which was necessary as her hands began to tremble. Here it was. The moment of truth. “It was the same thing, the one thing that’s stood between us all along.”
“The goddamned money,” he said with a growl of frustration. “Do you know I’ve spent most of my time here thinking about how I might get rid of it—all of it?”
Knowing how hard he’d worked for everything he had, Elisabeth gasped with surprise at that revelation. “Jared—”