“I’d do it, you know.” He sent her an adorably uncertain glance. “I’d give it all away if it meant I could have you.”
She hung her head in dismay. “You shouldn’t have to become someone totally different. You deserve better than that.”
“I want to deserve
you
. That’s all I’ve wanted since the first minute I saw you.”
“You do deserve me. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’ve made the money too important. Not in the way some people would, but in another way that isn’t fair to you. I don’t want you to give it all away. You worked too hard for what you have to do that.”
“What does it mean if I can’t have the one person I love more than any other? What does it
matter
, Lizzie?”
“You still love me that much? Even after what I did?”
“Yeah,” he said, sounding sad. “I love you that much.” He looked over at her, the sadness prevalent in his expression. “I had forty sleepless nights to think about what my life was going to be like without you. I didn’t like the view. Not one bit.”
“I didn’t either. I hated being without you. I felt like I’d had my right arm amputated. Watching you walk away from me that night… It was devastating.”
“I shouldn’t have done that. I should’ve at least seen you home.”
“Richard took me home,” she said, referring to his driver.
“It should’ve been me. That’s another thing that’s tortured me ever since. Why would you want to marry a guy who’d walk away and leave you alone in the middle of the city?”
“I wasn’t alone. You asked Richard to see me home, and he did.”
“Which is just another example of the many privileges I enjoy—including the ability to walk away from the woman I love because I didn’t get what I wanted from her, knowing someone else will see her home.”
“That’s not how it was, Jared.”
“That’s exactly how it was!”
Mustering all the courage she possessed, Elisabeth put her mug on a table and got up to move to his chair. She couldn’t stand to be so close to him, to see him so upset and not be able to touch him.
“What’re you doing?” he asked when she approached his chair.
“Move over.”
He looked up at her for a long, breathless moment before he did as she’d asked, making room for her next to him.
When she was settled, she reached for his hand and linked their fingers. “I love you, too. I love you so much, enough to put aside all the worries and fears about the money and the ideals I’d be sacrificing to spend forever with you.”
“They’re
your
ideals, and they’re important to you. You said I shouldn’t have to give up what I am for you. Well, the same is true for you.”
“What good are all our beliefs and possessions and ideals if they keep us from the one thing we want more than anything else?”
“What if we both made some changes and gave up a few of the things that’ve stood between us?”
“What kind of changes?” she asked warily.
“I’m not going back to the firm.”
“What? Wait a minute…” His partnership at the brokerage firm was such a big part of who he was. She almost couldn’t imagine him without the custom-made suits and Hermes briefcase.
“I’ve thought about a lot of things since I’ve been here, and that’s one of them. I’m tired of working twelve and sixteen hours a day when I already have more money than I can spend in a lifetime. I’m exhausted. I didn’t know how exhausted I was until I had a month away from the grind.”
“What’ll you do?” The idea of him actually retiring at thirty-eight was inconceivable. He was too dynamic and full of energy to step away completely.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ve thought about relocating, too.”
“To where?”
“Here.”
Elisabeth stared at him, trying to decide if he was serious. He looked to be dead serious.
“Do you know that in the three years I’ve owned this house, I’d spent a grand total of ten days here before this latest visit? Look at this place. It’s like a slice of paradise, and it was sitting here unused for all that time. What am I trying to prove and who am I trying to prove it to? There’re other things I can do besides make money.”
“Like what? And don’t get me wrong. I think you have many hidden talents, but what do you see yourself doing in this new life you’ve envisioned?”
“Maybe overseeing a foundation that gives away some of the money in a productive way. Maybe helping other people to put their money to work for them. I don’t know. Nothing is solid yet except for the part about leaving the firm. That’s definite.”
“Have you told your partners yet?”
“No.”
“What do you think they’ll say?”
“They’ll be pissed. I’m the rainmaker.”
This was said without an ounce of ego. It was the God’s honest truth, and she knew it as much as his partners did.
“It’s just not what I want anymore.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure.”
“If things hadn’t happened the way they did with us, would you want out of the firm?”
“I don’t know,” he said with a sigh. “What happened with you was a wake-up call, though. I can’t deny that. People like to say money can’t buy happiness, and I’ve always disagreed with that. I grew up with nothing, so having money made me pretty damned happy. Until I lost the one thing money couldn’t buy, and the rest of it stopped being so appealing.”
“I hate that I caused that,” she said with a sigh of her own.
“You didn’t cause it. You helped me to see that changes were needed.” He glanced at her almost shyly, which was adorable. “What do you think of my island so far?”
“It’s beautiful. I really loved your friends, once I got over thinking you were fooling around with Daisy and Jenny,” she added with a sheepish grin.
“It kills me that you thought I’d be interested in someone else.”
“You do have a bit of a reputation for such things,” she reminded him with a teasing grin. She’d never once suspected him of fooling around on her. They’d spent so much time together, there wasn’t much left for anything—or anyone—else.
“Not since I met you.”
“I’m sorry I thought that. It wasn’t fair of me to show up uninvited and then jump to conclusions.”
“I’m just glad David saw you and convinced you to come back.”
“Are you? Really?”
“Of course I am. The idea that you could’ve been here and I’d never know it…” He shook his head and then glanced at her. “What would you think of relocating from the city to somewhere calmer and simpler?”
“You’re serious.”
“Very serious.”
“What about my job?”
“You’ve given the shelter ten years of twelve- and fourteen-hour days. Aren’t you exhausted, too?”
“Sometimes. But they need me, and I need the job. I have bills that won’t just disappear because I decide to quit my job.”
“I wish you’d let me pay off your loans.”
“We’re not having that conversation again.”
“Why not? Why won’t you let me make your life easier?”
“Because I didn’t set out to have an ‘easy’ life. I wanted a fulfilling life.”
He stood and reached for her hand. “I want to show you something.”
Startled, she looked up at him. “Now?”
“Right now.”
There, finally, was the Jared she recognized. She saw him in the spark of excitement that lit up his eyes as he waited for her to take his hand and let him lead the way. How could she resist him?
Chapter 6
Jared hoped he was doing the right thing and not making everything worse by showing Lizzie the Chesterfield Estate. During another long, sleepless night, he’d allowed his mind to wander, to picture the ideal life for himself. Lizzie had been right smack in the middle of it as his fantasy wife and the mother of his fantasy children.
Their fantasy life had transpired here on Gansett Island, where he’d found true friends and a sense of community he’d never experienced in the city. He’d found people who seemed to like him for who he was rather than what he had, and the desire to make a life here for himself—and maybe Lizzie, too—had filled him with a new sense of purpose. He’d had a brainstorm at three o’clock in the morning that he was now eager to share with her.
After a quick call to the broker he’d met the day before, they took showers, had cereal for breakfast and set out in the Porsche.
“Where’re we going?” she asked as they left his driveway.
“You’ll see. Soon enough. In the meantime, enjoy the scenery.” Gansett was at her most beautiful this morning with bright sunshine, brilliant blue skies and a cool ocean breeze. Thank goodness Lizzie had missed the heat wave a few weeks back, which had made life miserable for everyone, even those like him who were fortunate to have air-conditioned homes.
“The scenery is quite something,” she said as they drove along a coastal road where they could see the day’s first ferry steaming toward the island. “What do you suppose it’s like in the winter?”
“From what I hear, it’s quiet and cozy and remote.”
“And that appeals to you?”
“Greatly.”
She had no reply to that statement, and he didn’t attempt to defend it. She either wanted what he did, or she didn’t. He couldn’t force it on her, and he had no plans to try. His plan, such as it was, included showing her the Chesterfield Estate, sharing his idea with her and seeing what she thought of it. The rest would be up to her.
He’d come to the conclusion that he couldn’t change everything about himself to suit someone else, even someone he loved as much as he loved Lizzie. He could only hope that she’d see what he did when she saw the Chesterfield place and that his idea would appeal to her. If it didn’t, they’d have to talk about whether their individual visions for their lives had any hope of matching up into a life together.
That was the only way this could work. He very much wanted it to work with her, but he was no longer willing to sell his soul to the devil to make it happen. That last bit had also been part of the middle-of-the-night revelation.
They drove into the long driveway that led to the estate where Doro Chase waited in her sporty red car. She emerged wearing a bright smile when Jared pulled up behind her and cut the engine. Was it his imagination or did her smile fade when she saw the woman riding shotgun in his car?
“What is this place?” Lizzie asked.
“It’s the Chesterfield Estate.”
“Oh, the one you might be buying? It’s amazing.”
Encouraged by her first impression, he said, “Come see the rest.”
Doro greeted him with a handshake and another for Lizzie when he introduced her to the broker. “I’ve spoken to Mrs. Chesterfield’s executor, and your offer is under consideration by her heirs.”
“That’s good to know,” Jared said. “I’d like to show Lizzie the house. Would that be all right?”
“Of course. I’ll unlock it for you.” When she had the door open, she turned to them. “Would you like a guided tour?”
“No, thank you,” Jared said. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Take your time.”
“Thanks.” He ushered Lizzie into the black-and-white-tiled foyer with the crystal chandelier hanging over a table bearing bright yellow roses, sunflowers and other blooms he couldn’t easily identify.
“This foyer is bigger than my whole apartment!” Lizzie said, taking it all in with an awestruck expression he found enchanting.
“I knew you’d say that.” She’d said the same thing once about the living room in his New York penthouse.
“It’s true! Show me the rest, Jared. I want to see it all.”
Her enthusiasm filled him with hope, an emotion he hadn’t experienced since the night it all went so wrong between them. He focused the tour on the downstairs rooms, which would be ideal for what he’d dreamt up at three a.m.
“It’s incredible,” she declared as they stepped onto the wide veranda that overlooked the ocean. “Are you going to move here if the sale goes through?”
“No,” he said emphatically. “Hell no. I don’t need all this.”
Her brows knitted adorably. “Then why are you buying it?”
“Truthfully? It’s kind of embarrassing, and it’s one of those things you’ll see as proof of my excessiveness.”
“This I’ve got to hear.”
“Initially, I made the offer because Jenny and Alex love this place, and they wanted to get married here. Because it’s on the market, their request was denied. I figured if it was no longer on the market but rather owned by a friend, they could have the wedding they both deserve.” He told her about Jenny’s fiancé being killed during the 9/11 attacks and Alex’s mother battling dementia. “They’re so happy together, and after all they’ve both been through, I thought they should have the wedding they really wanted.”
“So you spent millions of dollars to do that for them?” she asked softly.
“It was nothing to me and everything to them.”