Change of Heart (3 page)

I held my breath as he clicked the remote, unlocking the driver's-side door.

Then he clicked it again, unlocking the rest, and opened up the door to the backseat. He stood there, not moving, letting me make the decision. I could have snatched the keys out of his hand and moved around the front of my SUV. That would have been smarter.

Instead, I slid past him and climbed into the backseat.

I was making a really bad decision. I knew that. I think we both knew that. Nothing good could come of messing around with Bram. At best, things would be even more awkward between us later. At worst, we'd actually hate each other instead of the halfhearted bickering we'd been doing before.

But I didn't care.

This wasn't real life. I knew that, once Bram climbed back out of my Toyota, whatever was happening would be over. But in three days, I was going to have to deal with more real life than I wanted to, so I pushed back all the doubts in my mind.

The backseats in my car were pushed down because I'd been hauling shit for my house that week. So when we got inside the dark car, we had a wide expanse of room to move. That didn't mean it was easy though. Bram hit his head and cursed as he climbed in behind me, locking the doors with a loud honk. I got a rug burn on my elbow as I rolled to my back and scooted across the rough carpeting.

Then, finally, there we were.

I was on my back, my knees spread wide around Bram's hips, and he was coming down on top of me, bracing himself on his elbows.

“I can't see shit,” he said as our eyes adjusted to the dark.

“You know what I look like,” I whispered back, my nerves making my voice a little shaky.

“I don't know what these look like,” he argued, dropping one of his hands to slide it over my breast, his fingertips finding my nipple through my cami.

Well. It seemed as though the lack of sight didn't hinder him in the slightest.

His lips came down on mine, and I groaned into his mouth as his tongue slid across my tongue ring, playing with it for a second before he was pulling away slightly and sucking my bottom lip into his mouth.

“You had Hefeweizen,” he commented, running his lips down my jaw.

I couldn't stop the giggle that burst out of my throat.

“What? It's my favorite.” He moved his mouth to my neck, and I arched back as he sucked at the skin there, moving to my shoulder as his hand gripped the strap to my cami and jerked it down my arm.

“Shit,” I groaned as his lips moved down my breast and pulled my nipple into his mouth.

“You're so tiny,” Bram murmured, making me freeze.

I wasn't shy, and I wasn't unhappy with my body. I was small. Small hips, small breasts, small ass, short legs—the works. But no man had ever had the balls to say something like that to me before, especially while he had his mouth on me.

“Don't be an idiot,” Bram scolded, biting down on my nipple as he felt me stiffen. “Look at that sweet little nipple. Perfect size for my mouth.”

“Bram,” I groaned as my entire body flushed. I reached down and pulled at the back of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. When it reached his arms, it got stuck between us, and what little sight I'd had completely vanished as the shirt covered my eyes.

“No blindfolds this time,” Bram murmured, leaning up on one arm and then the other to pull the shirt off.
This time?

As soon as he was bare chested, I dove for his skin, licking at his nipples and biting at the skin near his collarbone. He tasted so good. Clean, with the tiniest hint of salt. It must have been warm under the bar's spotlight.

“Stop,” he said softly, then again louder. “Stop.”

“What?” I jerked back, hitting my head against the floorboard.

“No biting,” he said, not meeting my eyes as he pulled down the other side of my cami so both breasts were on display. “You can scratch the hell out of me, suck anywhere you want, but no teeth, all right?”

“Okay,” I stuttered.

“You like it?” he asked as his head dropped to my breast and his hand found the button on my jeans.

“What?” My hands had dropped to my sides when he'd told me to stop, and I wasn't sure what to do with them. I was feeling…off. The unselfconsciousness that had fueled my movements had completely disappeared, and I was afraid to do something wrong.

I was never self-conscious about sex. I figured if a guy had worked hard enough to get me naked and was still interested, there wasn't a whole lot I could do to change his mind at that point. I could howl like a cat or shake like I was having a seizure, but if the guy was still getting laid, it wasn't like he was going to stop.

“You like it when I bite you?” Bram asked again.

I wasn't sure what the correct answer was, but I couldn't stop the small sound that rumbled from my throat as he bit down gently on my nipple again.

“Yeah, you do.” He gently ran his tongue over the abused skin and leaned back to tear my shoes off. My jeans were already unbuttoned, and he jerked them hard down my hips and off one leg. My underwear quickly followed.

“You still with me?” Bram asked softly as he leaned back down, his hand sliding down my belly.

“I'm—” I laughed uncomfortably and flapped my arms a little. “Can I touch you, or—”

“Are you joking?” Bram snapped, jerking his head back.

“You already told me to stop, so I—” My voice was sharp as I tried to hide my embarrassment.

Bram froze above me, then scoffed, reaching for his shirt.

“What are you doing?” I asked, snagging his shirt in my fist before he could grab it.

“This was a mistake.”

“No.” I shook my head. “What?”

I wasn't ready to go back to real life. It wasn't time yet. I was lying there in nothing but a camisole wrapped around my waist for God's sake. I needed to change my tone. I needed to get him back with me.

“Can I have my shirt?” Bram asked flatly, still hovering above my body.

“No,” I blurted, making him jerk in surprise.

Without conscious thought, I pulled my knees high up on his sides, and he inhaled sharply as the skin on my thighs rubbed against his ribs.

“Jesus, you're wet,” Bram murmured, his head drooping as if it were too heavy for his neck. He pressed his body farther into mine and slid his belly against me.

“Oh shit,” I murmured as his happy trail of hair brushed against my clit. My hands flew to his back, and I pulled down hard, trying to re-create the movement.

“You're such a fucking pain in the ass,” Bram gasped, pressing against me as he kissed me hard. “Maybe if I just keep your mouth occupied…”

“Shut up,” I bitched, letting go of his back with one hand so I could grip his hair in my hand. “Please, just—” My words cut off on a strangled groan as he shifted and slid a finger inside me. No buildup. No hesitance.

“Damn, you're tiny everywhere,” Bram stuttered in surprise, making me chuckle, then gasp.

“Pants,” I said frantically, my hips moving against his hand as my mind blanked. “Pants. Off.”

My hands went to his jeans, and he sighed against my face as I rubbed my hand down the length of him.

“I'm so hard, not sure if I can get them off,” he said half seriously, pulling his finger from me in a slow glide.

“I have an X-Acto knife in the console,” I whispered back, our hands tangling as we pulled at his jeans.

“You're not getting anywhere near my junk with a knife,” he hissed back, moaning as his jeans finally loosened and he pushed them down his hips.

“Commando?” I muttered as my hands hit warm skin.

“Need to do laundry.”

I laughed lightly as he leaned back to sit on his heels, grabbed his wallet out of his pocket, and pulled out a condom.

“Hurry,” I murmured as I reached down and wrapped my hand around his dick.
Holy shit
. Bram was packing. My lips turned up in a grin. “We're working on borrowed time here.”

Bram's head snapped up as he rolled on the condom, and he looked out the windows, making sure no one was nearby. “Shit.”

He looked down at me, then up at the windows, then down at me again before gripping my hips and yanking my lower body up so high that most of my weight was resting at the tops of my shoulders.

“What the—”

I let out a high-pitched sound that I'm pretty sure I'd never made before in my life when his head dropped between my thighs and his mouth opened wide over my pussy. His beard rubbed softly against my thighs and the undersides of my ass cheeks, and I shuddered.

“Oh my God,” I gasped, squeezing my eyes closed as his tongue licked up my center, curling around my clit. The wet sound of his mouth opening and closing and licking and sucking filled the SUV, partnered with his groans and my heaving breaths.

At first, it just felt really, really good, but then he focused in, rubbing over and over my clit with his tongue, bringing me closer and closer to orgasm. My body locked, and I clenched my teeth against the urge to scream.

Then he stopped and lowered my hips back down.

“No, no!” I lifted my hips frantically against his hands. “Don't stop!”

“Shhh,” Bram murmured, coming down on top of me as I slapped at his shoulders. “Knock it off, Ani.”

I froze at the raspy sound of my name on his lips.

“You're small,” he murmured, lifting my knee high until it was wedged between his arm and my ribs.

He pressed against me slowly, and my entire body relaxed to let him in. I rolled my hips slightly as he moved, and he pulled back out a fraction before pushing forward again. Doing it over and over until our bodies were completely locked together.

Wiping a hand over his beard, he shuddered, then leaned down to kiss me sweetly. “If I woulda waited until you came, you'd be too tight for me to get inside,” he said with a soft chuckle. “This way's better.”

Then he began to move, shifting his hips just barely back and forth as he ground his pelvic bone against my clit.

My nails dug into his back as he pushed up until his arms were fully extended, and looked down to watch my face. I didn't know what expression I was making, and for a split second, it bothered me that he was watching me so intently, but then it began to build again. Faster and harder than before.

My muscles began to tighten and flex, and unable to control it, my leg that he'd been pressing up into his side shot straight down, my thighs wrapping around his hips like a vise as I came, making the fit of him inside me even more snug.

“Holy shit.” He snapped his hips forward hard as I pulsed around him, pulling back quickly and shoving forward again, over and over until my muscles went limp.

“Knees up,” he murmured frantically, leaning back to grip my jelly-like legs beneath my knees. He pressed them to my chest and then began to really move, pulling out almost completely and sliding back in hard three or four times before his movements went clumsy and he jerked, groaning deep in his throat.

He fell down to his elbows above me and rested his lips against my shoulder as we each caught our breath.

But as my breathing slowed, my heart began to pound.

What the hell did we just do?

I
fucked Ani.

Ani.

The words ran over and over inside my brain as I lay there on top of her, her body still clasped tightly around mine.

I needed to pull out. I really did.

I didn't want the condom to come off or leak or something—not that I saw that happening anytime soon since I seemed to still be hard as a fucking rock.

I'd just come so hard I'd practically blacked out, and I was still hard.

Jesus.

I couldn't tell if I should be dancing a jig or crying into a beer over the fact that I'd just had the best sex of my life in the back of a Toyota 4Runner with my foster sister.

But was she really my foster sister anymore? I mean, she had been at one point, but that was years and years ago. I'd never even lived with her, if we were going to get technical about it.

I groaned as I felt her hands run tentatively up my back and then slide into the long hair at the nape of my neck, and I couldn't stop myself from canting my hips forward, making her squeeze my dick in response.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow move, and when I glanced up, the homeless guy who'd been hassling us earlier was standing a few feet from the back window.

“Motherfucker,” I hissed, pulling out of Ani quickly and ripping the condom off my dick. “Get dressed. We've got company.”

I buttoned and zipped my jeans as Ani squeaked and pulled frantically at her tank top. Shit, I hadn't even taken it off all the way. Her hands were shaking as she tried to pull her jeans up her legs.

“Hey, it's fine. You've got tinted windows,” I assured her, reaching out to help her. She was freaked the fuck out, and I felt like an asshole for fucking her on a public street where anyone could have seen her.

“I've got it,” she barked, slapping away my hands as she got the jeans around her hips. “Just go.”

I rocked back and stared at her as she found the flannel she'd had tied around her waist in the bar and pulled it up over her arms.

“Go,” she said again, pushing my shirt into my hands.

For less than an hour, I'd forgotten what a bitch she was, but within minutes of getting her off, I remembered exactly why I couldn't stand her. At least I didn't feel like an asshole anymore.

I picked up and tied off the condom I'd dropped on the carpet, then used my other hand to find the keys I'd set in the armrest, unlocking the doors when I found them. I watched in satisfaction as our Peeping Tom noticed the lights flashing and raced back to his spot down the street.

“Don't get out, just climb over the seats,” I said to Ani as I climbed out of the backseat, still holding her keys. I didn't want that dumbass seeing her get out of the car. Usually, I could keep my temper at bay, but I knew if the fucker said anything, I'd go over there and beat his ass.

There was something vulnerable about a woman after sex. A softness that I didn't want anyone seeing on Ani that night but me.

I closed the door and walked around to the driver's side to open her door and hand her the keys.

“Ani—” I called when she wouldn't look at me.

“It didn't mean anything,” she blurted, glancing at me and then away. “Don't worry. I won't tell anyone about your weird little hang-up with biting.”

I was trying to be nice. I was trying to be a good guy. But the moment those words came out of her mouth, any fondness I'd felt about her and the sex we'd just had completely vanished. There was nothing wrong with asking someone not to bite you during sex—but I knew she must have caught on that it wasn't just a preference. It made my damn skin crawl.

“Thanks for the fuck,” I spat back, feeling nothing but satisfaction as she flinched at my words. I tossed her keys into her lap and slammed the door shut.
Fuck her.

I didn't turn back around as I walked away, but I listened closely for the sound of her SUV starting and pulling away. I wasn't about to leave her ass in the middle of Portland after some guy had stood next to the car listening to us have sex.

I rounded the corner and almost ran straight into my friend Jay.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” he asked in surprise around a lit cigarette. Then he pulled the cigarette from his mouth and inhaled deeply through his nose. “Never mind. Know exactly what you were doing. Might want to clean the pussy off your beard if you're goin' back inside.”

“I'm not,” I replied, inhaling Ani's scent. Fuck, I was going to have to smell her for the entire hour-long drive home.

“Who was—”

“Ani.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Pretty much.”

“Was it—”

“Best I've ever had.”

“In her car?”

“Yep.”

“Damn.”

“Call you later.”

“Will do.”

Jay nodded as I moved past him, taking a deep drag of his cigarette. He was probably my best friend if I didn't count my twin brother Alex and my cousins, and with just a few words from me, he'd known how completely I'd fucked up.

Ani and I had never gotten along. I didn't know if it all stemmed from the fight we'd had when I thought she was stealing shit from my parents' bedroom or if our personalities just clashed—but I couldn't remember a time when we'd ever agreed on anything.

No, that wasn't true. A little over a year ago, my sister Kate had gone through some major shit when she was pregnant with my youngest niece, and she'd been completely inconsolable. Ani and I were on the same side then—we'd both wanted to cut Shane's dick off.

But I couldn't remember any other time over the last fourteen years that we'd gotten along at all.

Ani was opinionated and rude and pushed her nose into everyone's business like she had a right to be there. Tonight in the bar had been a perfect example. She'd been curious about what I was doing, but instead of asking me or just leaving it the fuck alone, she'd followed me all the way into Portland. It wasn't some spur-of-the-moment idea, either. It took almost a full hour to drive from my parents' house to Jay's bar. She'd had plenty of time to turn around, but she hadn't.

My hands clenched around my steering wheel as I pulled onto the highway.

If she would have just turned around, I wouldn't still be hard as a rock thinking about the way her cunt had clamped down on my dick when she came.

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, turning up the radio in my truck.

It didn't matter—that's what she had said. Like I was going to get clingy or some shit. It was fine as fuck with me. I wasn't going to repeat that shit anytime soon.

I remembered the feel of her teeth against my skin and shuddered, my dick growing softer at the memory of the sensation.

Never again.

Monday mornings always blew. I had a ton of paperwork to go through before I headed out to talk to our side rod—the guy who was in charge at different logging sites. I was tired, pissy, and I never got as much done as I thought I would.

When I walked into our small office, I was already in a completely fucked-up mood before I'd even realized that there was no coffee in the pot and the place was completely silent.

“Hello?” I called out, gripping my thermos tighter as I moved toward the offices. The door had been unlocked when I walked in, so someone must have been there.

“In here,” my uncle Mike called, then cursed as I heard a loud rustling.

“Hey, where is everyone?” I asked, watching as he picked up unopened mail from all over the floor.

“Your dad is with your mom today, Trev is at that meeting he had with Mark from the mill, and Ani called in sick, which is why I'm trying to open up this mail,” he answered, grabbing letters by the handful and dropping them back on top of his desk.

“Ani called in sick?” Was she fucking avoiding me? That was real goddamn mature.

“Yup. Looks like it's just you and me today.”

“I've gotta head out to some sites and meet—”

“Nah, Trevor can do that today if you want. He's already out there.”

“Yeah that works,” I said distractedly, tapping on his door frame. “You need anything?”

“Nope, I'm gonna handle this mail and then head on home. Ellie's making me lunch.”

“It's seven in the morning.”

“Your point?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.

“No point.” I lifted my full hands in the air and backed out of his office.

My dad and uncle had started our logging business over thirty years before and were mostly retired now. When Trev and I had begun taking over, they'd balked a bit, but they were glad now for the extra time to spend with their wives and sit in front of the television.

They weren't the type of men to go golfing.

In Oregon, the logging business is really close knit. Everyone knows everyone, and your business's reputation and the reputation of the loggers you hire play a huge part in how many jobs you get. That meant, at first, the old-timers at the mills wanted little to do with Trevor and me, even though we'd been working on crews for years and they knew us. Thankfully, our dads had stayed on for a while, and eventually we'd earned a good enough reputation that we were bidding on and winning jobs pretty frequently.

It helped that Ani ran our front office, and half the men that came in and out of there had a damn crush on her.

Where the fuck was she?

I settled down into my old computer chair and scrubbed my fingers through my beard. This was ridiculous. If she couldn't handle seeing me at work, how the fuck was she going to be able to sit through Friday night dinner when everyone was there?

I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and called her, grinding my teeth together when she didn't answer and I got her voicemail.

Fuck it.
I had shit to do, and I didn't have time to baby her. I hung up without leaving a message and started going through the files on my desk. I had jobs to bid or my guys weren't going to have any wood to cut.

The week passed by slow as hell. We were busy, so there was a ton of stuff to do, but Ani hadn't come into work all week and it was messing with my head. Every time the front door to the offices opened, my stomach churned with nerves until one of the guys passed by my office. I was getting to work early and staying late—but Ani didn't stop by once.

It was driving me insane. I was barely sleeping, and when I did, it wasn't deep. Part of me thought it was a good thing that she'd taken the week off; it gave us some time to get our heads straight before we had to deal with each other. But the other part was fucking dying to see her. I wanted to know where we were at. Were hostilities at a standstill or were things worse than they were before?

She needed to grow a pair and just face me already.

I walked into my mom and dad's a little late Friday night, dragging ass. I hadn't wanted to go to dinner. I just wanted to head home, grab a beer, and sit in front of the TV in my underwear—but I wasn't going to be the one who didn't show up.

I'd
been where I was supposed to be that week. I wasn't going to be the one who flaked out on family dinner.

“Hey, Mom,” I called as my mom came out from the kitchen.

“Dinner's on the table,” Mom said with a smile, looking me over closely. “You're late, and you look tired.”

“I am tired,” I replied, kissing her head as I reached her. “Long week.”

“Well, let's fill you up and then you can head on home.”

I followed her to the dining room and let my eyes sweep over the table. Dad, Trevor, Aunt Ellie, Uncle Mike. I tried to keep my face blank as I realized Ani wasn't there. I was fucking pissed. She didn't even show at family dinner?

I stewed as we started dishing up the homemade mac and cheese. My aunt must have cooked that night because mac and cheese was her specialty, not my mom's.

“Where's Ani?” I asked when I couldn't take it anymore. I immediately wanted to bite back the words.

“She had some other stuff planned tonight,” my mom said with a shrug, like she hadn't guilted me into changing any set of plans I'd ever made that would land during family dinner.

“She wasn't at work all week,” I said, staring at my food like it was the most important thing I'd ever seen. “She go on vacation?”

I glanced up at my suddenly quiet family and looked at their faces around the table. “What?”

“She had some stuff to do this week so she took some sick leave,” Trevor said flatly, not even looking at me as he spoke.

“Sure she did,” I said under my breath, shoveling a forkful of food into my mouth.

“What?” my mom asked, turning to me.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, then looked quickly at my aunt. “This mac and cheese is good, Auntie.”

“Thanks, honey,” Aunt Ellie said with a smile, turning to my dad to talk about…whatever it was they'd been talking about before I interrupted.

I couldn't focus on anything happening around me. My skin felt tight, and my head was beginning to throb at my temples from clenching my jaw so hard.

“I'm gonna head out, Mom,” I finally said when I couldn't sit there a minute longer. I was being rude, and I
always
stayed to help with cleanup, but I was so wound up I knew there was no way I was going to be able to stay at my mom's for another hour to do the dishes.

“Okay, you go home and get some rest,” she said, reaching out to rub my back and making me feel like an absolute dick for pretending that was why I was leaving.

I said my good-byes and headed out the door before anyone else had stood from the table.

Then I drove across town to the little house Ani had bought six months ago. It was a fixer-upper, built in the 1930s, but what it lacked in looks and function, it more than made up with charm. It was actually kind of perfect for her since she had four men in her life that were good with their hands and willing to pitch in. The first thing she'd done was paint the outside, which didn't make any sense whatsoever but she'd said she wanted to come home to a pretty house, even though the floors inside had been covered in olive shag carpeting and she'd had no appliances in the kitchen.