The kitchen was strewn with dirty dishes. Sam, Adam and Jenny had obviously had breakfast and lunch. Cereal packets stood open on the worktop and bread and assorted spreads lay abandoned on the table. The washing machine hadn’t been emptied. The kitchen bin was overflowing, and Toby had obviously been taken out for a walk recently, judging by the damp, sandy, paw prints on the kitchen floor.
I walked through to the hall to hang up my jacket and saw that the answer machine was blinking. There were two messages. I wandered back to the kitchen as I listened to them. The first made my heart thud. It was from Robbie. He sounded awkward, saying he was leaving a message for Rosemary McAllister and that he hoped I was all right and had got over the shock of meeting him.
The second was from Tom. “I hope you got my note. I thought I’d give you some space. I’ll be back tomorrow after work. I hope you’ve got over it all – seen sense. We’ll talk tomorrow evening. Oh, and could you try and get my dry cleaning tomorrow? I need the suit for a conference on Monday. And my car is due a service. Can you book it in? Bye.”
I put the phone down on the worktop, turned to the table and swept dishes, food and cutlery onto the floor. I threw back my head and laughed – a horrible, cackling laugh that changed to a howl, and then I sank down onto a chair and cried messily and loudly.
Adam came running to the kitchen accompanied by Toby who was barking loudly at the commotion. “Mum, Mum, what’s happened? What’s wrong?”
I stared at him. I couldn’t form any words.
“Mum, what is it? What should I do? Mum!” He held me by the shoulders and shook me. Then he went to the kitchen door and called out, “Sam, Jenny!” He came back to me. He took my hand and said, “I’ll call Dad – it’ll be all right.”
“No!” This was all I could say. No, no, no!” I shook my head slowly from side to side.
Poor Adam looked distraught.
“Sam, Jenny!” he shouted.
“What?” Sam called from along the hall. “What do you want? We’re watching something on TV.”
“Come here!” Adam bellowed back over the dog’s barking. “Shut up, Toby. Go to bed.”
Sam gasped as she stepped into the kitchen. “What’s up - Jesus! What’s happened? Mum, my God, Mum. Adam?”
Jenny followed her sister into the room. She looked scared as she surveyed the scene. “Mum, are you ok? Adam, did you do this?”
“No! I was just coming out of the loo when I heard a crash and Mum laughing like a witch. I came to see what it was and found Mum like this. Didn’t you hear it?”
“No, we’ve got MTV on. Did Mum do all this?” Sam pointed at the debris.
“I suppose so. She was sitting there howling and crying when I came in.”
“Mum, what’s the matter?” Sam came over and sat beside me. I couldn’t stop shaking my head and I couldn’t stop the tears. She put her arm round my shoulder. “Jenny, Adam, you two start getting this lot cleared up. I’ll get her a cup of tea and phone Dad.”
I grabbed her arm. “No!” She put her hand on mine as I gripped her.
“I suggested that already,” said Adam. “She said no to me too.” He put the broken bits of crockery onto some newspaper and retrieved the cutlery and unbroken dishes.
“Why does she not want Dad?” Jenny asked, as she mopped up the mixture of jams and milk.
“I think they had a bit of an argument after Robbie left last night. Dad’s staying at the hospital tonight. There was a note,” said Sam.
I could see and hear the children, but it felt like it does in a dream. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t. I tried to move, but I seemed to be paralysed.
“I knew this would happen,” said Adam.
“Him turning up and telling her all that crap.
What’s he after, for Christ’s sake? It’s not like Mum’s his mother. And did you see Dad? He certainly didn’t want him around! And then Mum hit
me
and now she’s like this, and Dad’s left home.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Ad, don’t go over the top. She shouldn’t have hit you. I’m sure she knows that,” said Sam. “Robbie didn’t mean any harm. He thought Mum knew about him. She just needs to get used to the idea. And Dad’s obviously in trouble for keeping Robbie a secret. It’ll be fine.”
“Oh will it? Well, I don’t want anything to do with the creepy little git!”
“This isn’t about you, Adam.” Jenny spoke gently and put her hand on Adam’s arm. He shook her hand away and filled a bin bag with all the broken bits he had gathered.
“Quite,” said Sam. She squeezed my hand. “Come on, Mum, I think you should go to bed and I’ll bring you up that cup of tea.”
I remember being vaguely shocked that Sam was making me a cup of tea - that was a first. She gently pulled me to my feet.
As she guided me towards the hall she turned to the other two. “Once Mum’s settled I’ll go and collect Maxy from Ruby’s and I’ll get us a takeaway for tea on the way back. Can you two finish clearing up in here and that washing needs to go in the drier.”
At the foot of the stair my eldest child gave me a motherly hug and said, “On you go. I’ll just be a couple of minutes getting your tea. Why not have a nice bath before you go to bed.” I clung to her, and wondered at the very concept of a grown up Sam.
I found my voice, “Thank you, sweetheart, I’m so sorry about-”
“Don’t be. Go and have a soak.”
I did as I was told. I drank my tea in a wonderfully hot and bubbly bath. I lay back in the water. I looked at my diseased breast and I cried for it. Then I thought of Heather and Robbie and cried for them. Later, when I was in bed and propped up on several pillows, trying to eat some of my share of a Chinese takeaway, there was a knock and Lucy came in. Lucy, my dear friend for more than thirty years, was here, exactly when I needed her to be. I pushed my tray away as she approached and sat down on the bed. We hugged.
“How did you..?” I could say no more. I cried again, but this time with relief. It was so good to see her.
“Sam phoned me, asked if I could come over.” She took my hand and stroked my hair. “What’s been happening to you, Rosie?”
I first saw Lucy Montgomery in the assembly hall on our first morning at the Edinburgh High School for Girls. We were waiting, along with the rest of the new intake, to be called forward into our classes. Heather was instantly at home, talking to lots of girls she’d not met before. But Lucy looked as nervous as I felt.
When our names were called for the same class, she came over and linked her arm through mine. Her fair hair was in two long plaits. She was petite and pretty. She told me she lived with her parents and her brother on their farm in East Lothian and that she’d hardly ever been to Edinburgh before that day. She said, “I think I’ll be your friend,” and smiled up at me. And that was it, we’d been friends ever since.
Lucy held my hand as I told her the events of the past couple of days. She gasped when I told her about Robbie and about slapping Adam. But mostly she listened without comment. However, when I voiced my suspicions about Tom being Robbie’s father, she couldn’t help interrupting. “Oh no, Rosie, no, you’ve got that wrong –you must have! Tom wouldn’t, not Tom.”
“I don’t know what else to think. I mean why would he keep Robbie a secret all this time? They were attracted to each other –him and Heather – you must remember?”
“Well –yes – I suppose so. But with Tom, it was surely just the fact that you and Heather were identical – he wasn’t going to be repulsed by her, was he? And Heather, she was your sister – she wouldn’t have done anything. Anyway – she had other –interests.”
“She was a junkie – you can say it, Lucy –she was a no-hope, heroin junkie. Why not sleep with Tom? She had nothing to lose. She and I weren’t even speaking at the end of her life.”
“Yes, I know – but Tom and her – I don’t think so. But it’s what you think and I’m sorry. I only hope you and Tom can get past it. There’s more though, isn’t there – more you have to tell me?”
“Yes, there’s more.” I took a deep breath and told her about the cancer. Then she hugged me and we both cried.
“So now you know. You know it all,” I said at last.
“Yes and I don’t know what to say, Rosie, except I’m here for you.”
“That’s all you need to say.”
“I’m so glad Sam phoned me. She’s a great girl, isn’t she?”
“I’m only beginning to realise how much she’s grown up. Since she came back from Australia she’s seemed like she was before – a messy, self-obsessed teenager – but she surprised me this evening!”
“She just needs a chance to prove herself. With you always doing everything for her, why would she ever do anything?” Lucy smiled as she said this. She, like Ruby, was always telling me off for running about at the beck and call of the kids.
“Sam’s got the kitchen gleaming and Jenny’s checked Max’s homework and got him all organised for school tomorrow.”
“What about Adam? Did you see him?”
“He was helping the girls in the kitchen when I arrived, but he disappeared upstairs while I was talking to Sam. Probably needs time on his own to figure it all out. It doesn’t take much to unsettle Adam, does it?”
“No it doesn’t. He was already stressed out with the exams. He was very negative about how he’d got on and now all this other stuff has happened.”
“I’m sure he’ll get over it, especially if the other three are as laid back about Robbie as you say. Anyway, you need to rest. I’ll send Max in to say good night. He could probably do with a hug from his Mum. I’ll phone Kirsty tonight and tell her you’ll not be in tomorrow and that you’ll be in touch. I’ll also ask Jenny to organise Max in the morning.”
“I can’t argue! Thanks, Lucy.”
“Don’t even think about arguing. You need looking after and if you really don’t want Tom to do it, then you’re stuck with me.”
“No, I really don’t want Tom and I meant what I said about not wanting him to know about the cancer – and the kids – they’re not to know either – not yet anyway.”
“Okay – whatever you say. But you’ll have to tell Kirsty, and your colleagues will obviously wonder when you go off on sick leave. It’ll be difficult to keep it secret. Tom and the children might hear it from somewhere else – do you want that?”
“No, but I need to get used to the idea myself first. I need to be in charge of this.”
“I know you do, Rosie. I know you do.”
Chapter Ten
Next morning, Jenny brought me breakfast in bed.
“You can lay the tray down. I’m not going to throw the china around.” I smiled sheepishly.
“I’m glad to hear it. How are you feeling?”
“Better, thanks. This looks nice.” I indicated the tea and toast she’d brought. “I’m feeling quite hungry.”
“Well, eat up then.”
“Yesterday was a really bad day. I’m so sorry I lost it like that.”
“Was it the shock of Robbie and falling out with Dad?” Jenny sat down on the bed.
“Yes – it all got a bit much. Robbie’s announcement was very difficult for me - and for Dad. But you’ve not to worry – none of you’ve to worry. We’ll sort it all out.” I patted Jenny’s hand.
“Good – I’ve seen Max off to school and Sam’s away to work. No sign of Adam yet though, so I’ll take Toby for a walk and then I’m meeting up with some of the girls to go into town. We’re celebrating the end of the exams with some retail therapy and lunch. We might go to the cinema or back to someone’s house to crash. Will you be okay?”
“Of course I will. You go and have a good time. You deserve it. You’ve worked so hard.”
“Well, if you’re sure. I’ll text you later and let you know what we’re up to. Oh, that reminds
me,
I’ll put Robbie’s mobile number in your phone – you know – in case you want to get in touch with him.”