Chaos (17 page)

Sebastian

Thursday (three days later)

Christmas Day

The gray sky and freezing drizzle that tapped against the bedroom window suited my mood for the moment. I’d woken up that morning with Payton in my bed, and I’d been happier than I ever remembered being on Christmas. At least since my mother had passed away.

While I lay there, not wanting to move and possibly disturb Payton while she slept, I thought back to the last Christmas I’d had with my mother. My heart hurt when I realized that the memory was fuzzy.

It was true, time moved on. Those of us who were left behind did keep moving forward, even when it hurt so much that I thought it wasn’t possible. Somehow, I’d made it through one day. Then another. And another until I found myself lying in bed with the woman of my dreams next to me and a whole new future set out in front of me.

That was where I had found myself when I’d tried to conjure up the image of my mother on that cold Christmas morning when I’d woken up to find the leather jacket I had been wanting beneath the ratty little Christmas tree that we’d been using for as long as I could remember.

“Open it.”

“What is it?” I teased my mother, who was sitting on the edge of our dilapidated sofa, watching me with bright eyes.

“Open it, silly. I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Fine,” I said, pretending to be upset that she wouldn’t just tell me what it was.

Grabbing the box wrapped in a thin paper dotted with Christmas trees and reindeer, I dropped to the couch beside my mother.

“You’re the slowest gift opener I know,” my mother told me, laughing.

What she didn’t realize was that I was enjoying her excitement as much as I was looking forward to opening the gift. If it meant she would keep that smile on her face all day, I’d go even slower.

It took me a few minutes because I made sure I didn’t tear the paper, being methodical in how I peeled back the tape before unfolding the paper from around the brown cardboard box. Whatever was inside was heavier than I’d expected it would be. But based on the square shape, I had no idea what it could possibly be.

My mother must’ve gotten tired of the anticipation, because she grabbed a butter knife that was sitting on the table and quickly sliced the tape that kept the cardboard closed. Her laughter was infectious, and I found myself chuckling as I pulled open the box and peered inside.

“Holy shit,” I muttered.

“Do you like it?” my mother asked, completely ignoring the fact that I’d cursed. She usually got on me for my language, but not today.

“It’s…” I looked at my mother as I pulled the black leather jacket out of the box and laid it across my lap. “Mom, this is too much.”

“Oh, hush. It is not.”

The jacket was the only thing I had wanted for Christmas, but I’d never told my mother that. I knew we couldn’t afford it, and I had given up on the idea of even saving enough of my own money to get it. Yet somehow she’d known.

I hadn’t realized that I was crying until a sob wracked my chest and Payton looked up at me, her sleepy gaze finding mine in the soft light peeking through the blinds.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, her hand planted firmly over my heart.

“Sorry,” I said, my throat tight. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“My mother,” I told her, pulling her closer to me and pressing my lips to the top of her head. She pulled the blankets up over us both and curled up against my side.

“Can you tell me?” she asked.

I told her about the memory of that morning, and by the time I was finished, a tear had escaped her eye, landing on my chest. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I thought she had possibly gone back to sleep, but then she spoke. “Do you think we could go visit her this morning?”

“My mother?” I asked stupidly.

“Yeah.”

“I’d like that.” It had been over a year since I’d visited my mother’s grave, and I liked the idea of spending Christmas morning with her. It would give me a chance to introduce her to the woman I intended to marry.

Payton and I showered together, lingering for longer than necessary after I buried myself inside of her against the tiled shower wall. I hadn’t been able to resist, and neither had she. In all honesty, it was the best Christmas present I’d ever received, being able to make love to her first thing in the morning.

Knowing most places would be closed, Payton made coffee and then we slipped out the door. I hadn’t seen Leif yet, so I figured he’d slept in. Forty-five minutes later, we were pulling up to the grave site, parking on the narrow road that wound through the cemetery. There were other cars pulled off in the grass, and I figured there were plenty of families having to make their Christmas visits to their loved ones the same way I was.

What I hadn’t been expecting was to find my father’s Lexus parked in the grass, just a few yards from my mother’s headstone. I swallowed hard and then climbed out of the truck, helping Payton out behind me. We walked hand in hand across the frozen grass that was littered with dry leaves that had yet to be raked up.

Rachelle’s headstone had been cleaned off, probably by my father, and there was a bouquet of roses in the small vase that had been pulled from its hiding place in the ground.

“Hey,” Conrad greeted us both.

He looked as though he’d been crying, and I think that was the first time in my life that I’d seen him cry. It made him seem more human to me, something I’d had a hard time believing him to be for the last decade.

The three of us stood there in silence for a little while, and then Payton surprised me when she introduced herself to my mother. I couldn’t hold back the tears, and I didn’t give a shit what it made me look like. I’d cried plenty of tears for my mother over the years, but never because I wished she could’ve been there to meet the love of my life face-to-face. She would’ve loved Payton, and Payton would’ve loved her. I knew that much.

Payton continued to talk to her softly, her hand squeezing mine tightly. When she was finished, she took a step back, releasing my hand. I knew it was my turn.

“Mom,” I said, my voice rough with emotion. I swallowed hard, trying to get the words out. “This morning, when I woke up, I was thinking about the leather jacket you bought me for Christmas that last year we were together. I’m not sure I ever really told you how much that jacket meant to me. I’ve still got it, actually. One of the few things I have from back then. I just wanted to let you know that you’ve outdone yourself this year, though. That jacket, it meant so much to me. But the gift you gave me this year is something I promise to cherish for the rest of my life. So, thank you.”

I glanced at my father, noticing he was studying me, tears in his eyes.

Payton stepped forward, linking her arm with mine and hugging my bicep. “What did she get you this year?” Payton asked softly.

“You,” I said simply.

Sebastian

After an emotional morning, I didn’t think anything could possibly change the course of the day for me. After visiting my mother’s grave, Payton managed to convince me to take her to the track. We spent two hours out there, sitting on the track in my truck while we talked. She told me about Christmases at her house growing up, and I told her about some of the ones that I remembered. There weren’t many from after my mother died, because Christmas hadn’t been the same without my mother, and even though he seemed somewhat remorseful now, Conrad still hadn’t been much of a father to me. Not even on holidays.

Usually I’d spent the day alone; sometimes I’d spent it with Toby’s or Leif’s family. Knowing that I would never have to spend another Christmas alone because I had Payton had been the upturn in my day.

But then we pulled up in front of my house right at noon. Payton had said she needed to get something so we could go to her parents’ house for dinner. Upon seeing the influx of cars in my driveway, I realized it had all been a setup.

“Surprise,” Payton said softly, her hand on my knee.

I stopped the truck and stared over at her.

“You did this?”

“Well, it wasn’t all me.”

I recognized several of the cars parked out front; others I had no idea who they belonged to. Finally, Payton urged me to pull around to the garage, so I did. When she led me inside, the overwhelming aroma of turkey flooded me, along with the chatter of at least a dozen people. Maybe more.

“What the fuck?” I mumbled under my breath as I looked around my kitchen. There was food everywhere, and Leif was sporting an apron, of all things, as he pulled a turkey from the oven.

“Merry Christmas.” I turned to respond to the greeting to see Payton’s parents standing side by side smiling at me. Her father shook my hand, a knowing look on his face.

I figured he was remembering the conversation we’d had last week when I’d made an impromptu visit to his house.

After I hugged Susan, Payton led me through the crowd, stopping to say hello to everyone there. It took a while, because it seemed everyone I knew
was
there. Aaron and Chloe, Leif’s three brothers—Garrett, Sean, and Dale—and their mother were all in the kitchen working side by side to get the food ready. Derrick, Toby, and Toby’s parents were in the living room, talking. Aaliyah was standing off to the side, watching Leif. Even Aaron’s parents were there, now chatting with Susan and Hal.

“I can’t believe you did this.” I pulled Payton against me, pressing my lips to her forehead.

“I wanted to get you something for Christmas that no one had ever gotten you.”

“Well, I’d say you succeeded.”

“Come on in here and help with the food,” Leif yelled, his eyes meeting mine over the heads of the others.

I laughed, releasing Payton and making my way into the kitchen. “I’m willing to help, but don’t expect me to put on an apron.”

“No worries, bro. I’m secure enough in my masculinity to wear this thing,” Leif told me, his gaze moving past me.

I didn’t have to turn around to know he was looking at my sister, who was still holding up the wall less than a foot away. I reached for her, pulling her against my side and kissing her temple. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me, too,” she said softly. “I’m glad Payton invited me.”

“How do we wanna do this?” Toby asked, his burly form moving through the kitchen, forcing others out of the way. “We takin’ it in there or just serve yourself in here?”

“There’s too much food. Just serve yourself,” someone else said.

While everyone piled their plates full, I watched from the sidelines, waiting until the room had emptied somewhat. I urged Aaliyah to get food, and she did, but not until Leif motioned her toward him. Once they were out of the way, I grabbed Payton, and we made our way through the line, filling our plates before joining everyone in the dining room. The dining table didn’t hold that many people, but I noticed that someone had relocated the table from the breakfast nook so that everyone had a seat.

The doorbell rang just as I was about to take my seat. I excused myself to see who it was. When I opened the door, I got another shock. My father was standing on the front steps.

“Hey, son.” His words came out choked, as though the emotion he’d been riddled with that morning was still lingering.

“Hey, Dad. Come in.” I stepped back out of the way so he could come in. That was when I noticed he had some people with him. A woman and a man, along with two young kids, probably around ten or eleven.

“Hi, Sebastian,” the woman greeted softly.

Payton arrived to stand beside me, her arm wrapping around my waist as I stared back at the woman.

“I hope you don’t mind that I invited a few people,” Conrad said softly.

“The more the merrier,” Payton said. “Come in, please.”

I took a step back, but my eyes were still trained on the woman.

“Sebastian, I’m not sure if you remember, but this is…”

“Tina.” Her name barely passed my lips.

When it was obvious I wasn’t going to say anything more, Payton stepped in and introduced herself while I listened intently.

“I’m Payton. And you are?”

“Tina. I’m Sebastian’s aunt. This is my husband, Randy. And our kids, Chelsea and Jeremy.”

I swallowed hard. My aunt Tina was standing in my foyer, her husband and kids by her side. She looked nothing like the woman I remembered. She looked … healthy. No longer did she have dark circles beneath her eyes or sallow skin. Clearly she’d cleaned herself up over the years and even managed to start a family, although if my math was correct, she’d started a little later than most parents.

When she stepped forward, looking as hesitant as I felt, I smiled. “It’s good to see you,” I told her.

“Truer words have never been said,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me so tightly I thought my head was going to pop off my body.

“Hey, kids. I hope y’all are hungry because we’ve got so much food.” Payton took the kids as though she’d known them all her life and led them into the kitchen, leaving me with the adults.

Tina gave me a small smile and then took her husband’s hand, following them into the kitchen. And then it was just my father and me standing there, watching the others.

“You’ve got a good woman there,” Conrad said, and I glanced over at him.

“Payton’s … amazing,” I said.

“She’s certainly managed to open my eyes,” Conrad told me.

I looked at him, unsure what to say to that.

“It might take a while, Sebastian,” he began softly, “but I’m going to make it up to you. I’ve been a shitty father, I won’t deny that.”

I watched him briefly, then glanced back at my aunt. My mother’s sister. The woman who’d been plucked from my life so long ago. I hadn’t heard from her once in the last eleven years, but now she was in my house, eating my food.

“It wasn’t her fault,” Conrad said, apparently reading my mind. “It was mine. I’ve spent far too many years cowering beneath my own mistakes, Sebastian. I wouldn’t let her see you, although she tried so many times.”

“Lauren?” I asked knowingly.

“As much as I want to put all the blame on her, I can’t. I made my own decisions. I just didn’t make the right ones, son.”

I turned to look at my father then. And this time I really looked at him. At the man I’d hated for so long, and I realized right then that I could forgive him. It might take some time, but I could eventually forgive him.

“Thanks,” I said, holding out my hand to shake his.

He ignored my hand and reached for me, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tightly. It took a moment for me to return the gesture, but I finally did.

After all, it was the first time he’d hugged me.

Ever.