Charity's Warrior (20 page)

Clarice touched my arm softly. "It's perfectly fine and perfectly natural after something like that. Are you talking to anyone about it? I know people throw therapy at everything, but going through an attack like that is a legitimate trauma, and you should be dealing with it the right way."

"Not yet," I replied softly.

"What are you waiting for? Do you think it's better to wait until you can't even make it through your front door? That shit happens all the time to people here. The city can be scary as hell, and shutting yourself in is a bad, and way too easy, solution," she said.

"You're right," I said. "I'm not arguing it at all. Until now, I just didn't think that I might be imagining a guy that I've really never even seen."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He got me from behind, choked me out. Someone else at the bar saw it and saved me. I never saw the guy at all, not a thing. I only know he had a dark hoodie on because of the guy that came to help, and now I think I see hoodies everywhere," I said, showing my self-frustration.

Clarice was white. She'd lost some color a few minutes ago, but now she was drained. Her look terrifies me.

"There
was
a hoodie," she said. Her voice was nothing more than a shocked whisper.

"
Excuse me?
" I asked—more like begged.

She steadied her voice and said, "When we were walking and you turned around, and I saw the look on your face when you turned back, I wanted to see too. I turned around immediately, and there was a guy in a hoodie when I turned around. I saw him right away because he had the hood up. I thought he looked like an idiot in the heat with the hood on his head, but he seemed normal other than that. He was just walking, and turned down the block he was crossing behind us. It didn't look like he was running, or hiding."

We were both silent for a bit, calming ourselves.

"Well, that doesn't mean it was the same guy," I said. "I didn't imagine him, that's a good thing, but that isn't proof it was the same guy that grabbed me. If anything, maybe my new paranoia happens anytime I see a hoodie."

Clarice touched my arm again, making us both feel better. "He really did just look like some guy dressed like a moron, but maybe it's a good idea to not be alone too much until they catch the guy, just to be safe."

"Sure," I joked, "that'll be easy."

Clarice laughed nervously. "I'm sorry," she said, leaning closer to me. Her eyes fixed on my laptop. "Why do you have your web cam on?" she asked.

I looked at my screen, not seeing anything. "What are you talking about?"

"Your web camera is on." She pointed at the utility area on my laptop, right at the light that I had been wondering about, the dot within a circle. "That's its alert light."

"I haven't turned it on," I protested.

She swung to my side of the desk. "Watch," she said, brushing me away as she took over. She went into the camera app and it instantly displayed our faces looming into the screen. "Watch when I turn it off and on."

That very light went off and on under her command. For a moment there was a feeling of relief, a nagging question answered, but as I think of all the times I'd found it on, what I'd been doing right before finding it, I feel the red flood my cheeks. She left it in the on position, and I stared at it with my chin in my lap.

"I didn't turn that on," I said, "but I find that light on all the time by itself. I've even seen it shut itself off. What would do that?"

"Nothing really. I think someone has to be controlling it," Clarice said matter-of-factly.

"Someone can do that remotely?" I asked while my stomach turned. I can't count the times I've masturbated in front of it recently.

"What do you think we do here," she answered.

I gave her a puzzled look, about my fifth of the day it seemed.

"Panther, its security and monitoring software and services. The computers we watch upstairs, most of those people have no clue we can see everything, only the top personnel that hire us and pay for us to do it for them know about it."

I think she saw the color vanish from my face again.

"We don't do it here, not internally," she added.

"How do you know that for sure," I asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"It's JP's policy," she said simply. "He made it clear he wanted his employees to know they are trusted."

"Any way we would be able to check to be sure?" I asked.

Clarice shrugged. "Not that I know. Maybe one of the R and D techs could tell you, but for the most part it's silent and hidden. I trust them here, though. I'm sure it's just a glitch."

"Probably," I said, not wanting to push the issue. I'll get it looked at or disable the camera."

Clarice spent a few more minutes with me making sure I was okay. I appreciated it, but right now I was ready to explode, and I need her to leave. She needs to get the hint and go back to her office.

I know exactly who is responsible, and I have been completely violated. I didn't need this, not today.

The fuckin' jerk!

When Clarice is no longer able to see my screen, I quickly maximize our chat program, and JP is online.
Confirmation!
I'm sure he's been watching me. He was online and hadn't said his usual hello—because he can see us, maybe even hear us, and he knows he's been caught.

I'd gone so far as to glare at the camera angrily when Clarice turned her head, giving me a moment. He needed to know I was furious.

Finally she left my office. I watched her go through the door and disappear, and I made sure no one else was lingering out there.

Then I gave my camera the most evil stare it has ever received. The hot, steam-like breath snorting from my flared nostrils melted the keyboard, and the fire from my eyes slowly melted the camera and monitor. Okay, not really, but it was close.

Suddenly, as expected, a yellow JP box appeared on my task bar. Without changing my glare, I moved my mouse to it and clicked it open.

"I am so so sorry. I know u need n deserve to yell at me, but after—please let me explain b4 u sign off,"
he had sent.

"How FUCKING could u?"
I replied.
"I trusted u! Actually, fuck that—you started doing this b4 I knew or trusted u at all! UR A SICK JERKOFF!"

He paused, unsure if it was his turn yet or not. I didn't help him.
Let him figure it the fuck out!

"I didn't mean for it to go like that, but I did. It's my fault. I let a little curiosity turn into an addiction,"
he sent at last.

"Curiosity?"
I said, shooting him yet another vicious glance through the web cam.
"It's a sickness! Ur a common Peeping Tom, a fuckin criminal! Do u have any idea how u made me feel? If u knew what the fuck I've been going through lately, I didn't need this! It's not just the move and new job."

"I just meant curiosity as the reason y I installed our surveillance app in the 1st place, breaking my own policy"
he explained.
"When I saw u on the security camera, I was instantly attracted to u, and I had to see you close up. I can't explain myself in words that well, but I was virtually helpless, and it was not 4 anything perverted—I just wanted to c ur face. I didn't expect anything else that happened."

"Maybe,"
I replied, not ready to ease up on him.

"It was supposed 2 just b a quick push install, get a closer look at u, and then uninstall, but u were so beautiful, I thought I'd leave the app 1 more day, just 2 c u 1 more time. That was all a mistake, I know that,"
he sent.

I’m still angry, but the flattery is helping, I can't deny it. And maybe I was also embarrassed at myself and I needed to understand that. I should have known better than to undress in front of a machine, let alone touch myself, I had to own that piece. Now that we had actually participated in chat sex, maybe I needed to be less worried about the embarrassment. But he still had to own not turning it off when it was the decent thing to do.

"That 1st
night
I watched u, I was online, and when I saw u were 2, my curiosity kicked in. I should have stopped immediately! Once I saw what was happening, I should have stopped and removed the app the next day. I know that. I don't have any excuse,"
he sent.

"No, u don't!"
I snapped back.

I waited for him to give some excuse anyway. That's what guys do, find some reason this was somehow all my fault. I should have known better, which was partially true, but it wasn't his place to say.

"I'm sorry I did that,"
he typed.

It was becoming hard to yell at him, hard to be furious.

"What I can tell u is that I was completely taken, swept up by u, by ur beauty and sexuality. U are so gorgeous, and at that moment, I was helpless to look away, to stop,"
he sent.
"I should have signed off, for decency, for morality, but I am JUST a man. It would have been like closing my eyes to a Monet. It was raw and intense, and seeing u reduced me to an animal,"
he sent.

Now it was even harder to maintain my anger. The compliments were intense, and I could feel my face blushing. I didn't want him to see that.
"Regardless, u didn't have the right! U snuck into a private moment."

"You're absolutely right,"
he sent.

The bastard! His
not pissing me off
was really starting to piss me off.

Something else came to mind, something that would be even worse.
"Did you film any of it?"

"NO!"
he sent.
"I promise u I did NOT do that!"

I shook my head.
"It's hard to believe u right now,"
I sent.

He paused.
"I understand, and I deserve it. I didn't, if I could prove it I would, but I don't think there's a way to do that."

"What stopped u?"
I asked.

"Honestly, I didn't even think about it. My blood was racing, heart pounding. All I thought about was how incredibly hot u looked. And I was 2 busy at that moment to think about recording it,"
he answered.

"Busy doing what?"
I asked.

He didn't answer.

"Well?"
I sent, pressuring him.

Finally he answered me.
"What do u think? What could I have been doing while watching the most gorgeous naked woman I'd ever seen?"

It took a moment, and then even when it came to me, I wasn't sure I had it right.
"U mean...?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean,"
he replied.

I don't know why, if it had been anyone else telling me they jerked off while spying on me I would have been even more distraught, but knowing JP had was actually a turn on.
A big one!
And I think it made me smile a little even though I tried not to.