Charity's Warrior (40 page)

"So why are some people afraid of you, like Doctor Cooper? Does he know what you do?" I asked.

"He's afraid of me, but not why you think," Justin answered.

I didn't understand that exactly.

"To do what we do, there are certain things we need to have, so I've been very selective in my arrangements and investments," he explained. "It's not all guns and spy kits. I own a used car dealership in Jersey City so we can grab or hide a car whenever we need. I have several logistics companies for easily smuggling our supplies in. This hospital's owners needed our services, and we needed a safe place to go when one of us is hurt, so my name is listed next to theirs on the hospital's board. Doctor Cooper is afraid of me mostly because I'm his boss—I pay his check as far as he knows, so when I ask for something, I get it. They know not to ask questions."

"That makes sense," I said. "If you've acquired so many investments, why do you keep on doing the dangerous stuff?"

Justin smiles a little. It makes my pulse race. "Getting out is almost as hard as getting in. Not everything our hands are in is for money. The hospital, for instance, I don't take a dime out of it, on paper yes, but that goes back to my partners on the board—that's the deal. I make sure I keep my clients under control, I make clients that are enemies with each other, so they don't expose me, but we all know they could cause as much trouble for us as I could for them. We keep each other in line. We were never designed to get out of the business. It can't be closed; it will have to be passed to someone on the team. And right now the only one ready, the only one I trust, doesn't want the job."

"Lena?" I ask.

Justin nods.

"Why doesn't she want it?" I questioned.

He shrugs his shoulders, not that he doesn't know; his body says that the answer is too simple.

"She started it with me, and she wants to end with me. The only reason she's still doing it is because I am," he said.

I know I shouldn't be, but so far I am only more turned on by Justin. After my rescue, it was already obvious what Justin was involved in. Nothing he'd said so far was a shock, if anything it was better than I had envisioned. The power he has at his fingertips—I just wanna fuck him on my hospital bed!

If only my legs were working so I could wrap them around him!

If they were, I'd climb off this bed and pull his cock out of his pants and suck him off. My legs aren't working, but my pussy is fine, sending its twitches into my body and getting me wet.

I wasn't going to tell him any of this. No way was I doing anything with him until I had a bath. I feel as disgusting as you would expect after so many days in a bed. It just didn't hurt to think about his hard cock in me while his loving hands touch me everywhere.

He hasn't said anything for a few minutes.

"Is that everything?" I ask. "Because when I heard you talking with Lena, it sounded like there was much more to it. I want to know everything now, all of it."

Justin shook his head, and my stomach churned again.

"Lena doesn't know you like I do. What I just told you was the part she was worried about. I think she was concerned more about that because it affects her and the team directly," he replied.

All thoughts of Justin's gorgeous, naked body climbing onto me and humping my troubles away are gone. There is more to talk about, and he'd saved the worst for last. There was something worse than telling me he was the lead of an illegal team of espionage agents and assassins.

My voice is low and scared. "What else is there, Justin? Is this where you tell me that's not even your real name?"

He grew physically uncomfortable, rocking in the chair. His emotions are about to tear him apart. If I wasn't so terrified for myself right now, my heart would be breaking for him.

"No," he said at last, "Justin is my real name...and Paul is my middle name. Justin Paul Collins."

He didn't say anything else, waiting for me to understand. His eyes told me to put it together. It took a minute longer than it should have.

My anger erupted. "You bastard!" I breathed, fighting the tears of humiliation.

"Charity, I'm so sorry—"

"Fuck you, Justin! I get the lie about what you do, but you had no reason to lie to me about this. This was just sick. Was it funny to you, is that your thing?"

I'm so upset I want to run out of the room, but I can't. I'm trapped!

"You're right, I know. Please understand, Charity, Panther is part of what I do; it's the other half of my business. It's the legitimate security portion. All data collection, business contacts, funding—it is part of the same lie I have to tell."

"Bullshit, Justin! I get you have to be careful, but you could have just told me from day one that you owned a company and had me apply. You didn't need to invent JP and do that to me. I feel like such an idiot. I never would have thought you, of all people, would ever make me feel like this."

The tears are flooding down my face.

"JP already existed, that was
not
done to fool you" he said. "Everyone at Panther knows me as JP, everyone outside knows me as Justin. It's always been that way. I had no idea where you and I might go."

His voice choked. Seeing me in tears was more than he could handle.

"You made me fall for JP, let me do things and feel things, and you have no excuse for that. You toyed with me, with my heart, and I don't think you have any excuse to cover your ass on that one," I cried.

He dropped his head in shame. His eyes had grown glassy.

"Even if I couldn't tell you about Panther, I should never have started IM'ing you as JP. It was selfish, and I don't have an excuse for that," his voice is a complete wreck now, full of self-loathing and sadness.

"I want you to leave," I told him flatly, wiping the tears from my face.

He nodded his head softly, paused to regain himself, and then got up from his chair.

"I deserve this, Charity. I'm sorry for the lies. Even when you hate me, remember that I love you."

As soon as he left, I was crying again. Now that I am alone I don't have to try to be strong for anyone, don't have to be a warrior. Right now I can feel and be exactly what I am, a woman feeling deceived and used, and even grief at the loss of a friend I thought I had in JP.

Justin had saved me and broken me in one swoop. I cried myself to sleep.

JUSTIN HAD LISTENED TO
me, maybe even better than I wanted him too. A week has passed since I asked him to leave, and he hasn't been back. That was enough time for me to start missing him desperately. It was enough time for me to understand that I hadn't lost JP, that I had the best of them both in one man.

And then it was even enough time for me to grow angry at him for not trying to get me back!

If he loves me so much, where the hell is he? Where's his fight? I know exactly where he's been, diving between anything with two legs that will open for him!

Okay, I know that might not be true, but I'm pissed.

The hospital is discharging me today. Nearly everything is back to normal. I still have some weakness in my right leg, but the physical therapy I'm in is working, and they are keeping me on the program as an outpatient. I've been getting around with a cane just fine, and we are all hopeful it won't be permanent.

Lena had apparently given me a cover story at the office in case I wanted to keep the job. I haven't seen or heard from her, but John brought all the assistants up a few days ago to see how I was recovering from my "car accident."

I'm not comfortable staying on at Justin's company, but I didn't see a choice right now. I'm in no shape to go job hunting, and it's too late to go back on the lie I started with my family.

And you know what—fuck it—I'm good at the job and I deserve it.

Anyway, I'm pretty certain I know how Justin will play it, the same way he was playing everything else. I spoke to Trisha earlier, another person I had to lie to, and Justin hasn’t been there in weeks. He doesn’t have the courage to show up any more. We need each other right now, I need the job, and he needs me to keep my mouth shut, so he's going to stay away. By now, a guy like him, he's probably moved on to the next thing that makes his dick hard.

That one made my heart ache. It was difficult convincing myself that I'm over it.

I grabbed my cane and slid my ass to the edge of the bed. For a week I have been trying to fix myself up with nothing but a hospital comb, some lip gloss and toiletries from the gift shop, and a hair tie the nurse was good enough to give me. I
cannot
wait to get home and get my own things. I shuffle my gimpy leg into the bathroom and fight the urge to cry when I see my reflection in the tiny mirror.

I'm brushing my teeth when I think I hear the door to my room. I freeze, listening to see if I was right.

"If you spit out the toothpaste, you can come out here and see what I have for you," I heard Lena say.

I smiled, and spit into the sink.

When I step out of the bathroom, Lena is sitting on the end of my bed. Next to her are some of my clothes from my apartment, one of my favorite Rag & Bone Lily sweaters and black stretch leggings. Beside that is a small bag, and I can see things stuffed inside. I'm not surprised at all that she has my stuff, and it's pointless to ask how she got in. That's like asking Picasso how he paints.

"Well, you don't even need this stuff. You're gorgeous even when you're not made up. That just pisses me off," she laughed.

"Oh my God, thank you so much," I said, limping to her and hugging her tightly. "You're a life saver."

She hugged me back. "Any change on the leg?" she asked, "Or they just want you to stick with the therapy?"

"Sticking to therapy for now. It seems to be working," I told her. She was pretty current on her information despite that I haven't seen her.

"Good," she replied with another smile. She's holding something back, I can tell. She motioned to the bag. "Come on, get ready. They're discharging you as soon as you want. I'm giving you a ride home."

I grab the bag and carry it into the bathroom with me, leaving the door open so we can talk. It didn't feel right getting ready without some music, so I turned my phone on and let it play with the volume down enough that I could hear Lena.

"How's the office?" I ask, prolonging what I know she's really here to talk about.

"Same as usual," she said. "The girls are looking forward to having you back, but no one’s more excited than John. He absolutely refused to use a temp while you were out."

The conversation is so superficial it bottoms out quickly. We listen to Rihanna's Diamonds and I can hear Lena quietly singing along. Her voice is beautiful.

"Of course you can sing, too," I shouted. "Why am I surprised?"

Lena laughed. It was the loud genuine one that she reserved for special occasions. It feels like forever since I heard anyone laugh without some hint of concern or reservation.

"I'm a girl with many talents," she joked.

We fell silent for a little while again, and I managed to finish shaving my legs as I sat on the edge off the tub, hospital gown hiked up around my waist. Thank God, my Cherry Blossom lotion was in the bag. Probably my imagination, but my legs felt like they'd grown reptilian without it. I dump a gallon or two into my palm and work it into my legs.

I washed my face with my own cleanser, brushed my teeth with my own toothbrush, and started putting on my own makeup.

I'm in heaven!

Maroon 5's "One More Night" was halfway through on my phone when the awkward silence with Lena got annoying.

"We're obviously going to talk about him at some point," I said as I worked on my hair. "You two don't have many secrets between you, so you know what he did—you knew when he was doing it. You can't tell me not to be pissed."

"No," Lena said easily, "I wouldn't tell you that. I get it. I was pissed at him myself when he told me about the IM’ing—I promise you I didn't know a
thing
about that."