Charlotte's Tangled Web: L.B. Pavlov (34 page)

“My mother also shared with me how important it is to have dreams. Dreams are something that only you can come up with. They are individual, they are unique, and they are attainable. Your dreams will change throughout your life, but always believe that you can achieve them. Whether your dream is to attend a certain school, to perform on Broadway, or to cure a disease, never allow anyone to deter your dreams. Choose them, believe in them, and then make them happen.

“My mother may not have lived a long life, but she lived her life in a way that was wise beyond her years. My mother was a collegiate national track champion. However, her gravestone is inscribed with ‘Wonderful Daughter, Loving Wife, Adoring Mother, and Special Friend,’ per her request. My mother did not measure her life’s successes by her accolades, which were many. She measured her success by how many people she loved and the people who loved her back, which were far more than the many trophies and medals that she earned in her short lifetime. I only hope that I live my life with half the grace that my mother did and that you take from what I have shared with you to heart.

“So, class of 2012, I leave you with these words: don’t let others choose your dreams, go after your what you want each and every day. Trust your heart and have the courage to not only follow it but allow it to lead you to magical places.

“I wish you all success and happiness in the future. Thank you.”

And he walked away. The audience gave a huge round of applause in response to the very moving speech. My heart sank. She had mentioned me in her speech. She had talked about following your heart and not listening to others, both of which I had not done. Was she trying to tell me something? No, she had written this speech over a week ago, before everything had happened. I could hear her voice reading those words, and it burned me. Her speech was beautiful and eloquent, just like Charlotte.

I was broken. She hadn’t come to graduation, and she would leave in the morning. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe it was better that I didn’t see her. I wouldn’t be able to take it. I found my parents and my brothers, and we left graduation immediately following the ceremony. I didn’t want to take photos, I didn’t want to talk to anybody, and I certainly didn’t want to go to any parties. I wanted to go home and be alone.

When we pulled up to the house, there was a moving truck in front of the Fords’ house, and the little black VW Bug was being loaded onto the truck. I felt the blood drain from my body once again. This was all really happening. Charlotte was leaving tomorrow. Everyone in the car stilled as we pulled in, and I quickly got out. I didn’t want to talk about it. I stormed into the house and marched up to my room.

I followed Daniel into the house. Preston and Devon were very upset over their brother. Grace had been very sad all week. Daniel had just stormed up the stairs at the sight of the moving truck.

Suddenly I heard screaming and what sounded like glass shattering. Devon hit the stairs before me, but I was right behind him. We took two steps at a time, racing up the stairs to Daniel’s room. Devon pushed the door open, and I saw my son, Daniel, decimating his room and screaming as if he was being tortured.

Daniel had snapped. He had literally thrown and broken everything on his desk, and he had just picked up his football picture and was in the process of shattering it over the desk as we walked in. There was glass everywhere. He was in a rage. He was crying, screaming in pain, and completely destroying all of his belongings. Preston and Grace had come up behind us and were frozen in the doorway. Devon and I lunged at Daniel, and I did all that I could think to do: I wrapped my arms around my son tightly and I hugged him. Devon did the same thing, and we both just hugged him as he cried.

“It’s OK, son,” I said quietly, trying to calm him.

Daniel slowly dropped to his knees, and we dropped right alongside him, never letting him go. Daniel cried like he had just had a limb torn off his body, and in his eighteen years of life, I had never seen him suffer like this. It was very painful to watch.

Grace came over after a few minutes. She was crying. “Daniel, we love you, honey. We are here for you. Please let us help you through this,” she said, touching his face.

“I’m so lost right now. I don’t think anyone can help me through this,” Daniel said, still sobbing.

“Well, then we will sit next to you and hold your hand until you get through it. We love you so much,” she said again.

We all sat on the floor in Daniel’s room for over an hour. Preston and Devon had started cleaning up the glass.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said in a voice that was weighed down by sadness.

“You don’t need to be sorry, son. We understand. This is a horrible situation,” I said quietly.

“I wanted to see her so bad, and she wasn’t there,” Daniel said miserably.

“I know. I wanted to see her too,” Grace said, and a tear ran down her cheek.

Daniel was exhausted from his emotional breakdown, and after his room was somewhat cleaned up, he wanted to lay down.

I went out front to check the sprinklers, and I saw Jack Sr. talking to the movers. They were loading all of Charlotte’s boxes now. He was getting her out of there as quickly as humanly possible. I walked across the street, and he met me half-way.

“Hello, Tom,” Jack said cautiously.

“Jack,” I said with evident anger in my voice.

“Congratulations on Daniel’s graduation,” he said stoutly.

“Congratulations? Really, Jack, is that all you have to say?” I asked in disbelief, the anger growing in my tone.

“What would you like me to say?” he said arrogantly.

“Well, let’s see? I’m sorry for messing up two kids’ lives? I’m sorry for being a selfish prick? That would be a good start!” I growled, and I was surprised by the words that had come out of my mouth.

Jack looked stunned by what I had said. “I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s life, I’m doing the exact opposite. Those kids are too young. Do you know that Daniel may be sleeping with Charlotte? They are out of control. And I won’t let him destroy her life! I’m sorry if that offends you, Tom,” he shot back in retaliation.

“I have no idea what happens in Daniel and Charlotte’s personal life, and it is not my business to ask. But as far as destroying her life, you are way out of line, Jack! My son has treated her with nothing but love and respect since the day that they met! This is about you achieving your dreams, or Kate’s dreams, through your daughter. If you cared about what she wanted, things would never have gone this far. You are a selfish man, Jack, and how dare you try to manipulate my son into thinking he is selfish for loving her? You should be ashamed of yourself for what you’ve done! He thought of you as a second father, and Grace and I thought of you as family. You have destroyed that kid. He can’t even function, and I will never forgive you for this!” I admonished, the anger flowing through my body.

I wanted to hit him, but I would not make things worse.

“
You
will never forgive me? Get in line, Tom! You’re not the first one to dislike my choices. But I’m looking out for my daughter, and I’m doing what I need to do to protect her,” he said staunchly.

“Keep trying to convince yourself of that, Jack. You’re doing all of this for yourself, and you have made a huge mistake,” I said, and I turned and walked away.

I slept most of the day Saturday until my brother Jack woke me up for dinner. “Time to wake up, Charlie,” he said as he gently shook me from my slumber.

When I opened my eyes, they were so heavy. My head was pounding, and I instantly felt the pain in my heart.

“What time is it?” I croaked. My throat was so dry, it was hard to make out my words.

“It’s almost six. I want to have dinner with you. Do you want to go out or eat in?” he asked congenially.

“Um, I would rather stay in if that’s OK. How was graduation?” I asked wistfully.

“Your speech was beautiful, and everyone loved it. You did a great job writing it, Charlie. I think you even hit a nerve with Dad. He was really quiet once he heard it,” he said.

I stared at him, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him what I wanted to ask him.

“And yes, I saw Daniel. I know you want to know. He looks as bad as you do. He looked pretty upset that you weren’t there,” he said sweetly.

“Really? I wonder why he looks bad? I would think he would be happy,” I said, hearing the despair creep back into my voice.

“Why would he be happy? He is as upset as you are,” he asked, confused.

“He doesn’t want to be with me anymore, Jack. He told me so himself,” I said, a spark of anger coloring my tone. I was not happy that I had to spell this out for him. He looked surprised that I got so upset.

“Listen, Charlie, he didn’t look like a guy who was happy. I don’t want to get you all upset again. Let’s get you up and go see what’s for dinner. Do not leave me to eat with Dad alone. I can’t be around him right now,” he said, looking frustrated but also concerned for me.

I ate a little bit of dinner with Jack, and he and I watched a movie together in the game room. Just sitting in the game room made me sad. I couldn’t stop thinking about prom night, and as we watched the movie, tears were streaming down my face. My brother kept handing me tissues, and he hugged me a few times.

“I’m sorry that all this has happened, Charlie. You don’t deserve what Dad is doing to you. I was actually really proud of you for applying to Notre Dame and attempting to do something that you wanted to do. You have always allowed Dad to tell you what to do, and it’s about time that you do what makes you happy,” he said supportively, wiping my tears away with a tissue.

“I don’t know if I will ever be happy again,” I said dryly.

“You will, I promise. We will get this all figured out, OK? And we leave on a plane tomorrow, so you can get away from here and have a break,” he added, looking kindly at me with hope in his eyes.

“I guess I better go upstairs and pack my suitcase with a few outfits to hold me over until my boxes arrive,” I said, standing up.

“OK. I love you, Charlie. You know that, right?” he said quietly.

“I do. I love you too. And I’m really happy you’re here with me. Thank you,” I replied, and I walked upstairs.

Of course my suitcase was already out, and Lenora had packed several running outfits, running shoes, a few pair of shorts, some tank tops, pajamas, flip-flops, and a few sundresses. I noticed that she had tucked my silver box with the “C” on it in the bottom of my suitcase, and inside was the framed photo of Daniel and I, and she had put the CD back inside. She had also placed the pink satin box inside containing the charm bracelet and the promise ring.

I wondered if it was a good idea to take all of these memories with me. Would it be easier to forget if I didn’t have them? Could I ever forget? I didn’t think so. I felt a lump form in my throat. The next day I was going to leave behind everything I knew. I thought bringing those two special treasure boxes should be allowed, at least for now.

His voice comforted me. I lifted the framed photo out of the box and looked at it. My heart grew so heavy. I loved laying in Daniel’s arms out in the hammock. Just looking at the photo, I could suddenly smell Daniel ‘s cologne. I could feel his strong arms around me. I could see his beautiful, green eyes and his perfect lips, and I could see that smile that always made me weak in the knees.

I crawled into bed and held the frame close to my chest, and I fell asleep. My alarm startled me awake at 7:00 a.m. I hadn’t been woken up by an alarm for more than a week. I sat up, made my bed, and walked into my bathroom to shower.

I slipped into my black tank dress and some flip-flops. I actually put on a little bit of mascara and lipgloss, and it felt good to get up and ready for the first time in a while. I decided to add a dab of blush because my face looked so pale. I definitely needed to get outside in the sun. I let my hair air dry wavy, and then I threw it into a messy bun on top of my head before I finished tossing a few things in my bag.

I placed the picture frame back in the box and tucked it back in my suitcase. I needed to bring Daniel with me, at least for now. My new adventure was scary, and I felt more alone than I ever had before. I at least needed my memories of Daniel with me. I looked over at my shelf, where I kept Mom’s fourteen journals. I stacked them all up, and I put them in a tote bag. I was going to set them in my father’s room before I left, hoping that he would consider reading them at some point in his life.