Chase Banter [02] Marching to a Different Accordion (17 page)

My Lesbia, let us live and love.—Catullus

While Gitana was taking a bath, Chase fixed up the bedroom. Bud was spending the night with Stella, ostensibly to help her with the big gala dinner party the following evening. Bud had already spent the night at Jacinda’s but not at Stella’s. Bud had instituted these sleepovers as an apron string-cutting device saying, “I’m not a baby anymore. I have to make my way in the world.”

To which Chase had responded, “You’re four.”

“Going on five and I’m mature for my age. These are my highly responsible relatives who have raised children and know all about us. I think it will be all right.”

Not wanting to discredit these relatives, Chase was stuck for an answer. Gitana had been the deciding vote. “Of course, she can spend the night with Jacinda and Stella. They’re her grandparents and they’d love to have her. You can’t smother her. We don’t want her to get weird.”

Trying to make the best of the situation and to take her mind off empty nest syndrome, Chase was going to break out the All-Inclusive Wonder Night Kit. As she set up the incense holder with the sandalwood scent she felt a bit like Wile E. Coyote with his kit from Acme. She put the satin sheets on the bed and set the oil on the nightstand. She’d downloaded, or rather Bud had downloaded, the soft music on her iPod, which stood ready in its dock on the dresser. Then she lit the candles. She stood back and surveyed the room.

“Honey, what are you doing in there?” Gitana inquired. “And what’s that smell?”

She heard the splash of the water as Gitana got out of the tub. Chase peeked around the door. “Don’t put your clothes on yet,” she instructed.

“Why?”

“You’ll see. I have a surprise for you,” Chase said.

“You didn’t buy me clothes, did you?”

“Of course not, especially since Myra’s got me a lifetime supply of gift cards for the Gap—not one of your favorite stores.”

“Too stodgy,” Gitana said.

Chase turned on the music as Gitana entered the transformed bedroom. She wrinkled her brow. “What’s all this?”

“It’s the All-Inclusive Wonder Night Kit,” Chase said, beaming.

“Wonder night?”

“I personally think it should be called the Wonderful Night Kit. Come here, sit on the sheets. Did you shave your legs? It’s best that way.”

Gitana sat down and ran her hands along the sheets. Chase studied the scented oil and suddenly ruminated on the effect of oil on satin sheets. Maybe she should just put a little under Gitana’s nose and call it good. The incense was nice, though.

“These are smooth, but what is this all about?”

Chase went to fiddle with the iPod so she wouldn’t have to look at Gitana. She heard the soft swishing of the sheets and then Gitana was behind her, putting her arms around Chase’s hips.

“Have you been missing something lately?” she said as she nestled her face into Chase’s neck.

Chase flushed and her lesbian nether regions amped up as Gitana pulled her hips into her and then ran her hands up the inside of Chase’s thighs.

“Maybe a little. It seems I’ve been neglecting my Sapphic duties.” She turned around and said, “I’ve been missing you in my arms while we do amorous things.”

“Well, let’s see what we can do about that,” Gitana said, taking her hand and leading her to the bed. She slipped off Chase’s T-shirt and boxer shorts, lingering in the down under until Chase quivered. “I think your Sapphic tendencies are returning.”

As they slipped between the sheets and into each others’ arms, Chase thought that Lou did know a lot about the erotic side of things. She wondered if the shop had a library of sorts—certainly this kind of stuff could be even further enhanced.

“You didn’t have to go to all this trouble, but it is awfully nice,” Gitana said, as she ran her index finger around Chase’s nipple and then down her stomach.

“There’s scented oil, but I can’t figure out how you can use it and not fuck up the sheets,” Chase said. She was about to elucidate on the virtues of the rest of the kit when Gitana slipped her tongue between Chase’s legs and she quite forgot about the kit altogether. When Gitana eased her fingers inside and came up to kiss Chase and guide her fingers inside her, Chase forgot the rest of the world. They moved in sync until, as if planned, their bodies convulsed. Chase moaned rather loudly and then she remembered Bud. “Bud will hear.”

“Bud’s on a sleepover,” Gitana said as she gently pushed Chase’s head between her legs.

Chase ran the tip of her tongue up the inside of Gitana’s thigh. “I think I could learn to like sleepovers.” She plunged her tongue between Gitana’s legs and tasted the sweetness.

Gitana gasped as she said, “Why do you think they were invented?”

They didn’t talk anymore after that. It was all body talk and there was a lot of it. Their bodies must have seen this as two long lost friends being reunited. As a point of reference for Marsha, Chase thought, they did fall asleep after making love that night but did not in the morning. They decided the scented oil made the dogs smell nice.

In the morning they ate a huge breakfast of waffles, scrambled eggs, hash browns and yogurt with blueberries.

“I’m famished,” Gitana said, putting another waffle on her plate.

“I think it was all the p.m. aerobics,” Chase said, helping herself to more hash browns.

“You can tell Lou her All-Inclusive Wonder Night Kit makes the perfect prelude to an evening of amazing sex,” Gitana said, running her hand up the inside of Chase’s thigh.

“Maybe we could take a quick shower together before we pick up Bud?” Chase suggested.

“Or we could get Donna to pick up Bud. She’s bringing up my fancy dress and the agenda for the next three days of our lives, which are not going to be fun,” Gitana said.

“At least you get to miss the Santa Fe sightseeing tour with Lacey and the Literary Furies.”

Gitana put her hand on her heart. “I am so disappointed.”

“In lieu of that I think we both deserve a bit of fun and frolic,” Chase said. She moaned a little as Gitana pressed her hand against her lesbian equipment, which responded quickly. “I’ll call Donna.”

Gitana kissed Chase’s neck while she talked to Donna.

“Chase, you really need to be on your best behavior. Promise me no off-the-cuff odd remarks, no neurotic moments, no disappearing, no being impatient, no arguing with Lacey or anyone else, for that matter, about the state of the Lesbian Nation,” Donna said.

“So you’re pretty much asking me to completely revamp my entire personality in the next…” she glanced at the clock, “eleven hours.”

“Would you? Just for me. Myra will kill me if this falls through and then I’ll have to go back to New York and be retrained and you know I don’t like New York, it’s too fast for me. I’m just a small-town girl from a backward state and I can’t handle all that noise and rushing about. Besides, I got a really bad attack of gastritis while I was there—all that strange food and no red or green chili.”

“Donna, stop! You’re beginning to sound like the old me. I will be on my best behavior and Gitana is helping me realize my potential as a new and improved person. So we’ll see you in a couple hours.”

“Don’t forget to finish the blurb on your lesbian novel and a sample chapter, preferably one with a hot sex scene in it.”

“I won’t.” Chase clicked off and put Gitana’s hand inside the waistband of her boxer shorts. “I’ve never done it in a chair.”

“Yes, you have. I tied you up once—it was your office chair in the writing studio.”

“The good old days,” Chase said as she moved against Gitana’s hand.

“Are back again,” Gitana added.

“Yes, they are.”

Later in the writing studio Chase was arguing with her muses. The Muse of the Divine Vulva was threatening to throttle the Muse of Commercial Endeavor. The Divine Vulva was usually pretty laid-back and spent a good portion of her time in a beach chair, eating shrimp cocktails, drinking piña coladas and singing that stupid song about piña coladas. Chase still couldn’t figure this out because she didn’t eat shrimp, having seen them in their natural habitat at the estuary in Rocky Point, and she positively despised fruity drinks, so why her muse was such an avid fan of both of them didn’t make any sense.

Divine Vulva was out of her beach chair and fuming. “This is none of your business. I’m helping her decide on the sample chapter and it’s going to be hot, hot, hot.”

“I know this is for the Lesbian Nation. However, that does not exclude me from the discussion. I think she should sample a chapter that displays the depth of her writing skills—like the library scene where the protagonist is talking about Mary Daly and the politics of language,” Commercial Endeavor retorted, picking up the stapler, her weapon of choice.

“Put that down. This is a civil discussion,” Chase said, making a grab for the stapler. She missed.

“I will only use it for purposes of self-defense,” Commercial Endeavor said sanctimoniously.

Divine Vulva glowered but took a step backward. “That chapter is stupid. It’s nothing but talk and more talk.”

“Hey,” Chase said.

“That chapter is necessary. The mission statement of the commune is about self-enlightenment and that scene demonstrates that very theme,” Commercial Endeavor stated.

“Oh, get over it. The commune is about lesbians being funny and having sex,” Divine Vulva said.

Chase was offended. “No, it’s not. It’s about growth, redemption…”

“And sex,” Divine Vulva cut in.

This would have gone on forever had Donna not arrived and put a stop to it. Divine Vulva flounced down in her beach chair and snatched up her piña colada. She gave Commercial Endeavor the finger but she had resumed reading
Publisher’s Weekly.
Chase sat with her head in her hands.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling all right? Do you have a fever? Oh, no, you can’t be sick. It’ll ruin everything.” Donna pulled Chase’s head back and felt her forehead. “You don’t have a fever. It’s not mental, is it? Have you taken your medication?”

“Donna, relax. I’m fine. I just can’t figure out what to use for the sample chapter. One side of me thinks I should read something hot, hot, hot”—she glanced in the direction of Divine Vulva, who stuck her tongue out at Commercial Endeavor, who disdained to look. “But the other side thinks I should choose something with more substance.” At this Commercial Endeavor nodded approvingly and Divine Vulva slurped her drink loudly.

Donna sat on the couch and looked thoughtful. “Why don’t you do both?”

“I don’t think there is a scene that has both.”

Donna, who’d read everything Chase had ever written, including rough drafts which normally Chase never trusted to anyone, snapped her fingers. “I know. How about that scene in the garden where Elsa reads Anne Cameron’s
Earth Witch
? Now, that scene is hot and educational. Anyone that reads erotic, feminist poetry and makes love to you at the same time could live in my bed forever. I love that scene and if I ever wanted to be a character it would be Terry at that moment.”

“You are fucking brilliant. What would I do without you? Now where is that scene?” Chase rifled through the manuscript.

“It starts on page two hundred and thirty.”

Chase raised an eye. “How in the hell do you know that?” she said as she found the page.

“The Muslims often memorize the Koran. I make it a point to memorize your fiction.”

“Wow.”

“Okay, let me make you a copy off the hard drive and I’ll enlarge the font size so that it’ll be easier to read.”

Chase suddenly felt uncertain. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Donna came over and rubbed her shoulders. “I’m packing the audience with your friends. Every time you feel the least bit nervous just find the face of someone who knows and loves you. Remember your first book reading at the Lesbian Lights Bookstore? Did I not hook you up?”

“Yes.” Chase still felt forlorn. “You know I don’t do well under pressure and sitting on a panel is not going to be a low-key event and it’s going to be web-streamed. This is like my worst fucking nightmare,” Chase croaked. She was working herself up into a complete panic attack.

Donna pulled a Dos Equis from the dorm fridge, opened it quickly, shoved in a lime and pulled a pack of Mentos and a vial of lavender oil from her briefcase. She handed it all to Chase. She rubbed Chase’s temples with the lavender oil while Chase sucked on a Mento and chugged the beer.

“Better?”

“I think so. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry. You didn’t give me a chance to show you my new secret weapon.” Donna pulled out a tiny electronic device and handed it to Chase.

“What is it?”

“The world’s smallest Bluetooth. Put it in your ear and let your hair out of the ponytail. I want to make sure it doesn’t show. Although, I don’t really think anyone would really notice or care. Everyone is so hooked up these days.”

Chase did as instructed.

Donna surveyed her. “Fabulous.”

“But what’s it for?”

“I’ll be backstage listening and if you get stuck I’ll be on my phone and I can help you. All you have to do to cover the delay is look meditative for a moment and,
voila
!, we are good.”