Chasing Abby (28 page)

Four different projectors blast rays of light through the smoky air, all focused on a spot to my right. Within seconds, a hazy image begins to form and soon a hologram of Caleb appears next to me. He’s sitting on a stool in his bedroom with his guitar in his lap. The hologram is so well defined, he looks real. Like I could just reach out and touch him and he’d respond.

Jaxon and I had to write a proposal to the director of the physics department at USC to request to use their ultra-high-definition holographic projectors. Jimi presented the proposal for us. She’s an actress and she has more poise in her pinky than Jaxon and I have in our whole bodies. Together, we managed to get USC to let us use their projectors.

Jaxon and I have been fine-tuning the audio and video feed for the past four months. He’s also been working with the rest of the lighting crew to program the projectors and the light show for this performance. Possibly, the most important performance of my life. It only makes sense that Caleb should be there to see me through it.

The crowd gets very quiet and Caleb looks up from his guitar. “I’m kind of hoping you’ll sing while I play, ’cause you know my voice is shit. But you sing like an angel. So, yeah, here it goes. ‘Chasing Abby.’”

He plucks out a soft melancholy melody on his guitar and my hands start shaking as I sing the first line.

You’re the sun that shines down on this carnival of hearts.

The ray of light that breaks through when the curtains part.

You’re the healing breath waiting for me to surface.

The spark of hope that lights me up with just a kiss.

But you’re just beyond the horizon.

Yeah, just beyond my reach.

An ocean between us and I can’t,

Can’t find a ship on this beach.

And I’ll keep standing on this shore,

Hoping the light will catch me.

Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,

But I’ll keep chasing Abby.

’Cause time catches up with everyone,

So I’ll catch up with Abby

All through the streets and down the broken lanes.

All across the years, time and time again.

Your heart keeps me yearning, through the ages.

Your love keeps me learning, flipping pages.

But you’re just beyond the scope,

And this ship hasn’t breached.

You keep dangling the hope,

Just out of my reach.

And I’ll keep standing on this shore,

Hoping the light will catch me.

Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,

But I’ll keep chasing Abby.

’Cause time catches up with everyone,

So I’ll catch up with Abby.

When I sailed the seas and found you huddled just beyond the signs,

Thought I’d found the grail, but turns out all I found was my sunshine.

I knew then that your heart would never really belong to me,

Because blackbirds can’t touch the sky if you never set them free.

And I’ll keep standing on this shore,

Hoping the light will catch me.

Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,

But I’ll keep chasing Abby.

’Cause time catches up with everyone,

So I’ll catch up with Abby.

Fly away, my little sunshine.

Fly away where I can’t see.

Caleb stands from his stool and I stand up with him. He takes a bow and his hologram disappears into the foggy mist. I take a bow, wishing I could stay in this position so people can’t see the tears streaming down my face. I stand up and hold my fist over my heart. Then I close my eyes and thank Caleb for giving me wings.

After a twenty-minute encore where I perform three more tracks, including another of Caleb’s songs that’s not on the album, I bid the audience goodnight and head to the grassy field behind the stage. As expected, Chris, Claire, and Caleb; both my parents; and Jaxon are waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. Since we started sharing holidays together, both sets of parents have become quite friendly. They’ve even had dinner together without my knowledge a couple of times since I went on tour. 

Amy isn’t here, but she’s promised me she’ll be attending tomorrow night’s show. I am a bit surprised to see Jimi, Junior, and Ryder standing right beside Chris and Claire. Jimi wasn’t supposed to be back from California until next week and Junior and Ryder insisted they were staying home tonight to pack their stuff to go to the beach house tomorrow.

My mom approaches me first for a hug. “That was amazing, honey,” she says, squeezing me tightly. “You looked so beautiful up there. And that last song… it took my breath away. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Everyone else takes turns hugging and congratulating me until the only ones left are Jimi and Jaxon. Jimi approaches me with tears in her eyes and just the sight of it makes me feel like crying, but I keep my composure.

“Well, I don’t know what to say after all that, other than… thanks for letting me be a small part of this. I’ve been to a lot of shows with Dad, but I think this one tops them all. You were fucking phenomenal, sis. Caleb would probably do a pirouette if he saw that.”

I laugh and she hugs me a bit longer than everyone else. I can’t believe how much has changed in two years. Today, Jimi is the one person I will miss the most while Chris and I are on the road this summer. But there’s one person I won’t have to miss. And when I let Jimi go, Jaxon is standing there, wearing a crooked smile that fills me with both joy and sorrow.

Jaxon knew from the day we met that he had some big shoes to fill. Which is why, though we met almost a year and a half after Caleb’s death, it still took two months of flirting for him to work up the nerve to ask me out. And even then, it took three dates for him to try to kiss me.

I don’t blame him, though. When we first met, my favorite topic was Caleb. And there’s never a family gathering where he’s not mentioned. But Jaxon has one of the kindest, gentlest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And he’s always encouraging me to remember Caleb. Not just for the gifts he gave me, but for teaching me how to give and receive love.

Jaxon holds his hand out to me and I’m reminded of Caleb’s lyrics: “
I knew then that your heart would never really belong to me / Because blackbirds can’t touch the sky if you never set them free.”
My heart will always belong to Caleb. But Jimi is right. Wherever Caleb is, he’s beaming with pride because I got up on that stage tonight and gave my heart—
his heart
—to the music. And I danced like he was the only one watching.

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RIPPED 

A Shattered Hearts Series Novel

Thank you for reading CHASING ABBY!

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading Chris, Claire, and Abby’s story as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it.

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RIPPED 

A Shattered Hearts Series Novel

CHAPTER ONE

Adam

(Disclaimer: This excerpt is unedited and subject to change or deletion from the final book.)

I approach slowly, not wanting to anger it, then I position my shoe in just the right spot before I bring it down fast on top of the cockroach. A sickening crunch tells me I destroyed him, but Lindsay still cowers on the bed, her back against the headboard and knees hugged tightly to her chest. I slowly remove my size-thirteen sneaker from the wall where the three-inch-long flying cockroach was perched. 

It twitches slightly and Lindsay lets out a shrill scream. “I hate this resort!”

The 80-percent-dead roach falls to the floor on its back and makes a half-hearted effort to turn itself over. 

Lindsay continues to scream. “Don’t just stare at it. Put it out of its misery! It’s suffering!”

I shake my head. “Sorry, little guy. But you have to die or I’ll never have sex tonight. It’s survival of the fittest.”

I swat the roach one last time, then I scoop it up with some toilet paper and flush it away. After I wash off the bottom of my shoe, I come out of the bathroom ready to consummate our unofficial second honeymoon. But Lindsay is curled up on her side, hugging herself.

“Come on, baby. It was just one monster-sized flying roach.” I sit on the edge of the bed and push her blonde hair out of her face. “We’re on the edge of a rainforest. There’s probably critters in all the hotel rooms in this area. I’ll bet they even serve the roaches as a delicacy at the Four Seasons.”

“You’re literally making me sick with fear.”

The bungalow on the beach in Bahia is one of the shittiest rooms we’ve stayed in since I began surfing competitively seven years ago. Seven years. I can’t believe I was afraid my dad would tell me twenty-three was too old to start competing again after a two-year hiatus. Well, I’m thirty now and at the top of my game. So why the fuck am I staying in a shitty room like this?

It’s all my fault. 

The resort sold me a package, which included a bunglow on the sand and a couples’ massage in their “five-diamond” spa. I’m not allowed to get a massage from anyone other than Edie, my sports physician. But I thought Lindsay would appreciate it. And I was afraid if I didn’t book the package right away, Lindsay would change her mind about coming with me.