Chasing Abby (21 page)

I’m sorry I tried to push you away. I’m sorry I wasn’t the kind of sister or person you needed me to be.

I hope you’ll accept this apology and my room for the rest of the summer.

Love,

Jimi 

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

C
ALEB
AND
I manage not to piss off any beachgoers, but we agree that we’d better not stick around and press our luck. After our interesting dip in the ocean, we trudge back to the beach house in our wet clothes. Every time Caleb squeezes my hand, my stomach vaults as I remember how he moved inside me. Caleb was
inside
me! How weird and cool is that?

But as soon as the beach house comes into view, I suddenly remember what drove me out of there and onto the beach. I hope Jimi left with her friends. I really don’t want to face her right now. She’ll probably smell the sex on us and flash me a knowing smirk.

We use the outdoor shower to rinse off, then we sit on the wooden rocking swing on the porch for a while until we’re no longer dripping. Every once in a while, we hear some movement inside the house. Jimi and her friend are probably enjoying the fact that I’m gone. Probably celebrating by dancing in their pj’s.

“You ready to face the dragon?” Caleb says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Can I use you as a human shield?”

“Yeah, baby. You know how much I like it when you use me.”

I shove him and he laughs as I head for the front door. I enter the breakfast nook keenly aware of my bare feet and my damp salty clothes. If I can just avoid Jimi long enough to take a shower and put on some clean clothes, this will be much easier.

We practically tiptoe through the kitchen and the downstairs hallway, past the living room, and up the stairs to Jimi’s bedroom. My heart clenches inside my chest when I see both my suitcase and the rollaway bed are gone. That must be what all the racket was inside the house when Caleb and I were on the porch. She must have been erasing all traces of my existence.

I cover my face and draw in a stuttered breath as the tears begin to fall. “Why does she hate me so much?”

Caleb takes me into his arms and strokes my hair. “Don’t worry, sunshine. She just doesn’t know you. And if she wants you out this bad, we’ll leave tonight. Let’s just wait for the rest of the family to get back so you can say good-bye.”

“No, I want to leave now,” I whisper, the pain in my chest spreading into my stomach, making me physically sick. “I can’t do this anymore. If they don’t understand why I had to leave, then I don’t care. I don’t want to have anything to do with them. Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did I come here and put myself through this? Why did I think this would turn out well? Am I really that naive?”

Caleb holds my face in his hands and looks me in the eye. “You’re not naive. You’re just hopeful. You’re like sunshine and she—”

“She what?”

He lets go of my face and squeezes past me, then he heads straight for Jimi’s bed. He picks up a folded piece of light-blue notepaper off the comforter and stares at it for a moment before he turns around and holds it out to me.

“What is it?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know, but it has your name on it.”

I swipe my arm across my nose and take the paper from him. I unfold it slowly and my body aches with dread when I see my name written in Jimi’s handwriting. But I swallow my fear and continue reading. By the time I read the last line, I’m a disgusting, weeping mess.

“What does it say?” Caleb whispers, pulling me into his arms but never trying to sneak a peek at the letter.

I dig my fists into his back as I hold on to him and cry into his damp T-shirt. “It’s… it’s an apology.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

I whip my head around at the sound of Jimi’s voice and I’m surprised to see her standing in the threshold of her bedroom door, her eyes pink and puffy. She sniffs loudly as tears roll down her face. 

“I’m sorry I was a jerk to you,” she says, staring at the floor as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Please don’t go. I promise I’ll stop being a jerk. Just… please don’t go yet. It would break my—our parents’ hearts.”

I let go of Caleb and I walk slowly toward her. “I’ve never had a sister or brother. My mom told me that after what happened with my adoption, my parents were turned off on the whole process and they decided to not put themselves through it again. I think she told me that hoping it would influence my feelings toward my birth parents. Like I would blame them for the fact that I never had any siblings.” I reach forward and take her hand in mine and she’s still staring at the floor. “But I never felt that way. I knew that I didn’t have siblings because my parents weren’t strong enough to deal with the process. Not because my birth parents made it difficult. Just like I know…
our
parents aren’t responsible for how you reacted to me coming here.”

“They don’t deserve to have this ruined for them. I was being selfish. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know how to be someone’s little sister.”

“I don’t know how to be a big sister. But maybe we can learn together?”

She nods as she draws in a sharp, stuttered breath. I wrap my arms around her waist and I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that my little sister is at least three inches taller than me. She coils her arms around my shoulders tightly and it hurts my heart every time I feel her chest jerk from her sobs.

Finally, she calms down and the sniffling dies down. I slowly release her and we both let out a deep sigh at the same time, then we laugh.

“Well, that was just plain beautiful,” Caleb says, pretending to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye.

“Oh, shut up.” I turn back to Jimi and I think this is the first time she’s flashed me a genuine smile since I arrived eight days ago. “Want to help me do something?”

She nods. “You name it.”

I let out another sigh and glance over my shoulder at Caleb before I continue. “I need to figure out how I’m going to break it to my parents that I’m not majoring in business this fall. I’m changing my major to music.”

“No sweat, but first we have to figure out how we’re going to break it to
our
parents that you and Caleb will be sharing a room for the rest of the summer.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

T
HERE
IS
NO
BIRTHDAY
gift I could give Claire that would ever compare to having all our children under the same roof, and getting along, for the first time in eighteen years. And we may have missed all of Abby’s birthdays, but I know that we will do anything not to miss another for the rest of our lives. 

She’s back. Abby came back to us, just the way we always hoped she would. 

In the first years of our marriage, Claire and I were very open with each other about how it felt to lose Abby. But as the years went by, and the topic was broached less often, it became more unsettling. For the last few years, as we anticipated her eighteenth birthday, it was almost taboo to bring up the subject of Abby. 

I anticipated the sadness I’d feel over losing her again, if she decided not to meet us. And the anger I might feel toward Claire when all those feelings of loss were dredged up again. But I never expected to get Abby back only to have to push her away. 

So, as I watch Claire as she watches Abby taking a nap with Ryder, I truly know how Claire feels. I don’t want my baby girl to ever go away. But, as painful as it is to admit, I have to accept that she was Brian and Lynette’s baby girl first.

“Why can’t she stay? Look at them.” She watches them with a mixture of longing and anger. “It’s not fair. It wasn’t fair then and it’s not fair now.”

“Babe, do I need to give you the same life-isn’t-fair speech I give the kids?”

“Please spare me.” She turns to me and wraps her arms around my waist as she buries her face in my neck. “Please don’t make her go.”

I hold her tightly and kiss the top of her head. “I can’t speak for you, but this has been the best seven weeks of my life. But I’ve been living in a fool’s paradise. This was always going to end. You know that as well as I do.”

“But I don’t feel right keeping this from Abby. She should know her parents are coming tomorrow.”

I thought my reaction to Abby and Caleb sharing a room was extreme. When I came home from Carolina Beach six weeks ago to find Jimi and Abby sitting next to each other on the sofa in the living room, watching videos on Abby’s phone, I almost cried tears of joy. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. But they shrugged off my excitement, as if it was no big deal, like it was inevitable that they would become the best of friends. But when they explained the new sleeping arrangements to me, I could feel my eye twitching.

Luckily, Claire pulled me aside before I had the chance to accuse Caleb of orchestrating this new friendship between Jimi and Abby so he could sleep with my daughter. Claire talked some sense into me and promised she would have a discussion with them about… protection. Just the thought of it makes me want to bash Caleb in the head with my ’68 Stratocaster. See how cool he thinks it is then.

But after six weeks with the new sleeping arrangements and six weeks of family dinners without any sniping between Jimi and Abby, I’ll admit Caleb has worked his way back into my good graces. In fact, Claire and Abby may never hear me say this aloud, but I’m actually very grateful for him. He takes care of my girl better than I ever could.

So I’m very disappointed with Lynette and Brian’s reaction. I wasn’t aware that Abby had been lying to her parents about the sleeping arrangements. Then they called Claire last night to accuse us of giving Abby the “bright idea” of changing her major from business to music. Claire was obviously confused and upset that they were accusing us of doing something so underhanded.

I grabbed the phone out of Claire’s hand. “What’s going on here?”

There was a shuffling on the other end, then Brian came on. “Did you tell my daughter it would be a good idea for her to major in music? Do you get your kicks off of ruining our lives? Now you have to try to ruin Abby’s?”

“First of all, I had no idea Abby was changing her major. This is the first I’ve heard of this. And second of all, I’m not the one ruining Abby’s life. If she wants to change her major to music, it’s obviously because that’s what she wants to do with her life. You should support her decision instead of calling me and my wife to accuse us of meddling in her academic career.”

“All you’ve done this summer is meddle in our lives! If I had any legal recourse, I’d have had Abby forcefully removed from your home weeks ago. She’s probably playing music, smoking dope, and having unprotected sex, like her wonderful parents.”

“Are you fucking serious? From what I can tell, Abby is happier here with her siblings and her freedom than she has ever been. And if she’s thinking of changing her major, it’s only because she’s trying to stay true to herself. And if you had any sense at all, you’d see how fucking talented she is and how changing her major is a good thing. And, as for unprotected sex, she can do that anywhere. She doesn’t need to share a room or an apartment with her boyfriend to do that.”

“Is she sharing a room with Caleb?”

I could have lied, but I was so pissed off at Brian’s delusional ranting, I didn’t think he could take it one step further and threaten to come get her himself. I want to tell Abby that her parents are coming for her tomorrow, but that would probably send her and Caleb off somewhere, to a motel or somewhere worse, just so she could avoid dealing with them. But if I don’t tell her, and she finds out I knew, it will be as if I condone Lynette and Brian’s attempt to corner her.

I keep hoping that once they see Abby and hear her side, they’ll understand how much she loves music. I’ll offer to get her a vocal coach and start laying down some tracks in the studio. With my help, Abby can be extremely successful. Since starting my own label thirteen years ago, I’ve helped launch the careers of more than thirty bands and eight solo artists. Nothing would make me happier than to help my daughter achieve her dreams.