Chasing Love's Wings (15 page)

She looks up at me through her lashes and I watch as her tongue runs from base to
tip, and I shiver. Her mouth makes that perfect O and then I’m inside her mouth. “Shit.”
My mind goes blank as she sucks me in, inch by inch, until I feel the head of my cock
reach the back of her throat, and just when I think she is going to slide back up,
I feel the muscles in the back of her throat contract and I go a little deeper. “Damn
it,” I growl; she’s taking me in just a little further until she slowly slides back
up. Her hand follows her mouth along my shaft and I feel like I could explode. But
she doesn’t stop, and I’m coming closer. “Cami, stop.” She sucks me in again. “Cami,
stop, I don’t want to come in your mouth.” But she won’t stop, and it is one more
stroke and I come undone, spurting hot down the back of her throat. My eyes close
and my knees tremble. I have to grab onto her head for support and she continues to
flick her tongue across the underside of my cock, right on my piercing, and I tremble
again.

I take a fistful of her hair and pull back at the same time I pull my dick from her
mouth, and she lets it go with an audible pop. I look down at her; there is sadness
in her eyes and I can’t understand what’s going on. I lower myself to my knees in
front of her. “I’m sorry,” she says, and the tears start.
 

“Sorry for what?” I embrace her, bringing her close to me.
 

“You said stop and I didn’t.”
 

“That’s not why you’re upset. Talk to me, sweets.” My heart aches as I realize that
is the first time since we left Tarah that I’ve used that nickname on her, and I vow
here and now to use it more often.
 

“You’re going to think this is really stupid.”

“Nothing you ever say is stupid. Tell me.”

She hesitates long enough for me to start wondering what it is that she’s thinking.
But I can tell she is fighting her own inner demons to tell me whatever it is that
she has to say. I don’t push her; I want her to tell me, but I want her to do so on
her own time.
 

I hear her take a few deep breaths and I brace myself for whatever she has to say.
“I’m sorry I didn’t stop.” That’s it, that’s what’s bothering her.
 

“That’s not it, Cami, and I know it. The only reason I wanted you to stop was because
it didn’t exactly seem fair to me.”
 

She lowers her head into her hands. “I didn’t stop because I thought that if I got
you off, it would clear your mind and you’d see that—”
 

I stand up, taking a few steps back. “You thought that if I didn’t have a raging hard-on
my feelings for you would change?” I can’t stop the anger from dripping into my voice.
“You think that all I want from you is sex? That I have to say all those things to
you to get laid?”

Though she doesn’t open her eyes, she turns away from me and I can see her body visibly
shaking with the tears that are wracking her entire body. “You think that all I want
you for is your body, to be my receptacle whenever I feel like using it? What in the
Sam fucking hell makes you think that? I am so unbelievably angry that you would ever
consider yourself to be anything less than the woman I love. I am not him, Cameron.
I am not your father and I am not Reed and, goddammit, I am NOT any of those other
men you’ve had in your life.”

I walk over to her and I sit down behind her, putting my legs on either side of her.
I wrap my arms around her, trying desperately to pry my way in between her belly and
her legs. I want to hold her. I need to hold her.
 

She relaxes her legs and allows me to grab ahold of her and pull her back into me.
She turns slightly, tears streaking down her cheeks. Her lips meet mine once, twice.
She twists around, looking me in the eyes, her hands in my hair. “Show me.” She kisses
me again and I’m at a loss as to what to do. Show her? How? “Show me how much you
love me.”

She pushes me down onto the carpet and then crawls up my body, licking and sucking
her way to my nipples, where she flicks her tongue across one, then across the other.
She comes up to kiss me and I seize my chance to straighten her leg and roll her over
so that she is under me. “I’m supposed to be showing you.” I kiss her once, twice,
and finally a long, slow, passionate kiss filled with all my love and every ounce
of anger that I feel, just so that I can feel the anger to make way for the flood
of emotion I know she needs to feel and to understand. All while my free hand roams
along her body.
 

I cup her breast in my hand, then hook my finger into the cup of her bra and pull
it down, exposing that soft, supple swell of her breast and nipple in all its beauty.
I pull back from her lips and kiss along her jaw, along her neck, down to her exposed
breast, and I take her nipple into my mouth and suck, hard. Her back bows to my touch
and her eyes flutter closed.

My hand finds its way under her panties and into the dripping wet slit of her sex.
It’s on fire with her own need. I find her clit and flick once; her whole body convulses
with an urgent need for more. I flick again and again, feeling her clit swell beneath
my finger, and I know it is only moments before she explodes. I pull back from her
clit and plunge two fingers inside, hard and fast, just to pull them out soft and
slow. I repeat the process again and again until the muscles of her sex clamp down
hard on my fingers, and I watch as her whole body goes stiff and that soft red blush
spreads across her entire body.
 

I pull my hand back to begin massaging her clit once again, but she is hypersensitive
and I love watching as her nipples harden and her back bows as she quivers with each
flick. I pull a nipple into my mouth and suckle and lick, then move across her chest
to the other one. Then I slowly kiss my way down her stomach, pushing her panties
down with my hand as I bring my lips closer to the spot my hand has occupied. It’s
my tongue’s turn to devour her.
 

I ignore the fact that my balls are tight and my cock is throbbing until I’ve given
her two more orgasms with my tongue. I then pick her up off of the floor and carry
her over to the bed, laying her out and fanning her hair on the pillow over her head.
 

“I need you,” she breathes. “I love you,” she whispers as I slide myself in between
her legs. My erection is pressed between us, but I don’t move. I want to hear more.
I feel her hips rock against my cock and I know she is probing and pushing, hoping
to line me up just right so I will slide into her, but I don’t.
 

“Tell me more,” I whisper.
 

“I’m sorry I ever thought you were using me. I know now you’re not and I knew before
you weren’t.”

“So why say it, Cams. Why tell me that?”
 

“Because—” I watch her close her eyes tight. “Because we never talk about tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”
 

“Or the day after that, or next week, or next month, or next year. We’ve never once
talked about our future and where we will go from here.”

It all makes perfect sense now. She’s afraid that this is all we’ll ever be together.
“Look at me, sweets.” I watch a tear escape her eye at my nickname for her. “Cams,
look at me.”
 

I give her a minute to compose herself and she does; she opens her eyes and she looks
right at me. Her eyes are full of love and doubt and fear. “So let’s talk about our
future.” I kiss away the tear lines streaking down into her hair. “Let’s talk about
tomorrow, after I’m done loving you.” I kiss her on the lips and her hips flick once
more against my erection and I get that we are both back on the same page, both fighting
for proof. I lift my hips at the same time she lifts hers. This time she holds herself
up and I feel the head of my cock sliding into her. We both shiver as the realization
of our overwhelming love for each other washes over us.

EIGHTEEN

******

Cami

******

“The only reason I’ve never brought up a future with us is because I was afraid I
would scare you,” he says soft as a whisper. His fingers are lightly playing with
my hair and turning circles on my arm with his thumb. We’re curled up in bed after
what I can only describe as the most intimate and passionate experience of my life.
Tristan and I have had strong passionate sex before, but this was so much more.
 

“It scares me that we don’t talk about it.”
 

“I can see that now, but this is why I keep telling you that you need to talk this
stuff out with me. Cami, as much as I’d like to, I can’t read your mind.”

“It’s hard. Especially when it comes to things like Bobby. Did you know that Beau
and I were roommates for over a year before she found out that I had a trust fund?”
 

I feel him shift to look at me. I lift my head so that I can look at him. “Why?”
 

“Because I knew almost immediately upon meeting her that money was a sticky subject
with her. I didn’t want to flaunt the fact that I had more money than I knew what
to do with at that time. I eventually told her, and it was hard. I honestly thought
I was going to lose her as my best friend over it. When Bobby’s funeral came around,
I didn’t want her to come. I knew it was going to be ugly and I didn’t want her to
see it. But she insisted and she came, and it turned out that I was glad she did.
She was, too. That was when she met Mick for the first time.” I smile tentatively
at him, hoping to hide the fact that, like Jolene, I feel a little jealous about Beau’s
engagement. But I’m not fooling him.
 

“Is that where some of this is coming from? Mick’s proposal?” I know I blush beet
red and I try to hide my face by putting my head back down. His hand is there, on
my chin, pulling me back to look at him. “It is, isn’t it?”

“No,” I say too sharply.
 

“Uh huh. You should know better than that by now, I know when you’re lying to me.”
He smiles. “Tell me.”

I decide that it is not worth the fight anymore. “It’s part of it. It is part the
fact that Beau has found that man she wants to spend the rest of her life with and
he sees that in her too. The other part of that is the fact that they will be getting
married and they will eventually be starting a family, and I’m deathly afraid of where
that will leave me in Beau’s mind.”

“I love it when you’re jealous.”
 

I playfully smack his chest. “I am not jealous.”
 

He laughs. “Yes you are.” He kisses my forehead, and there is that shiver of goose
bumps that flies across my skin. That is something I know I never want to get used
to when it comes to him. “Cami, every single minute of the future I see is filled
with images of you and me, and maybe even little ones running around. I’d propose
to you right now if I knew you’d say yes, but I am also enjoying us just the way we
are. We start talking about marriage and then other things factor in.”
 

I pull my hand up to rest on his chest and I place my chin on top. “Other things like
what?”
 

He takes a deep breath. “Things like you starting your career at Bold, me getting
my post-
Love Is Burning
career moving forward. Hell, Cams, I don’t even have a place to live. When I’m not
with you, I’m in hotels. I feel so unstable and I’ve felt that way for a long time.
When I’m with you, I’m finally starting to feel some sense of normalcy and stability,
but I’m not quite there yet.” He pauses momentarily. “Sure, I have loads of money
— because I don’t spend it.”
 

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips. “Don’t spend it? My ass. Do you not
remember your Tarah bill?”

He laughs a little at that. “Oh I remember it, it’s hard to forget over two hundred
thousand dollars.”
 

“I told you that I’d pay for half of that.”
 

“Shh, we’re done talking about that. I told you no before, and I am saying it again.
No.” I roll my eyes at him and he smirks at me. “Seriously, though, my career could
be over tomorrow. I could get cut from
Catalyst
or whatever the hell the next one in New York is the minute they find someone better
or decide to give up. I could not find another script I like, then I end up settling
just so I can do movies. Cams, my career is a nightmare and there are no guarantees.”
 

“There was one point you were ready to give it all up.”
 

He adjusts himself underneath me and puts his head back onto the pillow. “I’m still
not sure that might not happen.”

“Is that what you want?”
 

He sighs. “I don’t know. It’s not as fun as it was before.”

“That’s my fault.”
 

His head comes off of his pillow and he looks at me. “Explain, please?”
 

“Well look at the last six weeks. Things were great, you go to L.A., then you come
home to find me in the mess I was in, then we come to Montana and I’ve been miserable
and a bitch. Look at everything around you, Tristan, don’t you think that factors
into why you’re not enjoying yourself?” As soon as the words leave my lips I’m not
sure that’s really how I wanted to say that, but I do my best to brace myself for
whatever he has to say back.
 

“These last six weeks have downright sucked. I won’t lie, Cami. I was so afraid to
leave you, scared shitless about what I was going to come home to. I thought maybe
if we got away and came up here, out of your condo, things would be better, but they
only got worse because he’s thirty minutes away, and after today, I don’t know what
to expect from you anymore and it scares me.”
 

His voices falls off to a whisper toward the end.