Chasing Shadows (11 page)

"Come on," he sighed, grabbing my hand and pulling me back up the embankment. "Let's argue about this in the car, where we're not in danger of falling into a cesspool or freezing to death."

As annoyed as I was, I followed Simon, although I pulled my hand out of his grip. He glanced back at me with an assessing look, and then turned around, continuing to walk up to the car. I had to admit it was a lot harder getting up the slippery embankment by myself but I was in no mood to ask for Simon's help.

I glanced at Simon when we got back into his car, feeling a little guilty about my behavior. Simon was just trying to protect me and I was acting like a brat.

"Simon, I don't want to argue about this. I just really think that this palladium coin is a link to my mother."

Simon sighed, but the tension in his face relaxed. "I understand. If you're right and it can negate the effects of iridium, it's very dangerous, regardless of whether it's connected to your mother or not. Why don't you give it to me for safekeeping?"

I frowned, shaking my head. "I think it's best if I kept it. All we know so far is that it makes iridium useless in protecting me from vardogers trying to overtake me. On the other hand, Claudia seemed surprised that I was able to destroy vardogers connected to her even though she was wearing it. Maybe it has other properties that can actually help me. I can put it in my bag so I'm not actually touching it."

Simon grabbed the wrist of the hand that was holding the palladium coin, his grip so tight that I was taken my surprise.

"I really think I should take it," he said between gritted teeth. I tried to pull my wrist out of his grasp, but his hand was like an iron manacle. I started panicking, pulling my wrist harder, to the point of pain, but his grip was still unbreakable.

"Simon, what are you doing?" My heart started beating erratically as I wondered if I was dealing with his vardoger now.

"I'm just trying to protect you. Don't you trust me?" Simon's grip loosened fractionally and he was looking at me with an enigmatic look.

"Simon, you're scaring me! Why are you acting so strange?" I was finally able to free my wrist and I rubbed it with my other hand, the skin feeling raw and chafed from his rough treatment.

Simon stared at me for a few beats and I saw multiple expressions pass through his face. Regret was the most visible emotion and I was wondering why he had that odd expression when he suddenly grabbed my shoulders, pulling me towards him.

"Give me the coin, you bitch!" he screamed in my face, his complexion turning a mottled red from his rage.

I pushed at his chest frantically, realizing that Simon was no longer in control. His vardoger was. "Get the hell off me!"

Simon grinned widely as I struggled futilely. "Let's finish what we started earlier."

I beat at his chest in a frenzy, but he was too strong, pushing me hard against the car door. I forced myself to think,
think!
I knew I couldn't overtake him physically. I needed to defeat him with my powers.

I dropped the palladium coin instinctively, a gut feeling telling me that all I needed was the iridium around my neck. Simon didn't even notice that I dropped the coin, he was so intent on my struggles against him.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and concentrated, imagining my energy gathering, a flaming orb that would shoot through the vardoger, destroying it. I could feel my power mounting, the static almost palpable as the force of my energy increased. I couldn't hear anything except the rushing in my ears as the glowing sphere in my mind grew brighter, stronger. I was on the brink of hurtling it out towards Simon when I hesitated. I was scared. I had only destroyed vardogers that were detached from their people. I had never destroyed a vardoger that had already taken possession over their person. Simon,
my
Simon, was still in there somewhere. Would I destroy him as well?

He took advantage of my hesitation, slamming me against the car door so hard my teeth rattled. I stared into his blue eyes that were still just as beautiful, yet blazing with deadly intent.

"Simon, please," I whispered, praying that he could still hear me somehow. "Simon, push your vardoger back. Take control!"

Simon snarled, raising his hand, and I braced for impact. In the next second, his face became slack, his hands dropping limply by his sides.

"Caitlin?" he asked in a small voice, sounding lost.

"Thank God!" I cried, grabbing his hands. Simon pulled his hands out of my grip, shaking his head.

"No, no. Not again!" He was gripping his hair, looking frantic and wild-eyed.

"It's okay, Simon. You didn't hurt me. You took control before anything happened."

Simon turned away from me, bowing his head and leaning against the steering wheel, not looking at me. I watched him in silence, not knowing what to say. He had a death grip on the steering wheel, holding on so tightly that his knuckles were white, as if it was his only anchor in a world gone mad.

"Simon." I raised my hand to touch him but dropped it when he flinched violently, still not looking at me.

"Simon," I said again, this time louder with more authority. "Don't. You need to stop blaming yourself."

Simon sat up but he still didn't look at me. He started the car, easing back onto the road. His voiced was strained when he spoke. "Let's just get the hell out of here."

I was silent as Simon drove back to my father's house. He was making it clear that he didn't want to talk and I respected that he wanted some space for his own thoughts. He didn't even look at me when I picked up the palladium coin from the car floor. I wouldn't know what to say to him even if he wanted to talk, except to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, but he didn't seem to want to hear that. It didn't help that a part of me was scared of him.

My father's car was back in the driveway when we pulled up to the house and Simon let out an expletive.

"I need to try and talk to my father again. Now that I have proof my mother's body was never found, I'm not going to leave until he gives me some answers." I looked at Simon's hunched profile. "Maybe you should stay in the car. It could get...a little heated and it might be best if you're not involved."

Simon looked at me for the first time since we had left the bridge. His eyes were glittering with emotion. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk in there without me. And I swear to God, if he crosses the line I'm going to lay him out, father or no father."

I sighed, knowing there was no way to prevent Simon from coming inside, but the last thing I wanted was a physical altercation.

"Okay, you can come in. But please, no fighting. I need answers and that's not going to help me get them."

Simon's jaw hardened and he just looked at me, not agreeing to my request. I made a sound of frustration, grabbing my aunt's journal that I had brought with us, and getting out of the car. I heard Simon following me.

When we entered the house, my father called for me from the living room, surprising me. He was sitting on the sofa, looking much older than I had ever seen him.

"Sit down, Caitlin," he said wearily. He glanced at Simon, his expression darkening, but he didn't comment when Simon sat down next to me, grabbing my hand.

"Dad, about earlier—"

My father cut me off. "I want to apologize for what happened. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. It's just...your mother's death is so painful for me. I can't stand to talk about it."

Shocked was putting it mildly, as to how I felt about my father's confession. I couldn't remember the last time he had spoken to me so honestly, without criticism. I felt a flare of hope ignite inside me. I felt Simon's grip tighten in warning, but I ignored it.

"It's okay, Dad. I understand. And I didn't mean to cause you any pain. I just wanted to find out what happened to Mom. I have a feeling that it'll help me answer some questions."

My father sighed heavily before speaking. "You're right. They never found Eunice's body. The asshole who crashed into her pushed her car over a bridge into the Delaware River. They found her car, but they never found her body, even after days of searching the river. I held out hope for so long that she would somehow miraculously appear, that she was still alive. But it never happened. She was finally pronounced dead."

He was confirming everything I read in the article. I knew I had to push for more information.

"My mother...did she know about the vardogers?"

My father rubbed his face tiredly. "Caitlin, that notion came from the imagination of your aunt. Did she tell you that women in our family are born to be seers? To vanquish vardogers and save the world? It's all horseshit. Brenda is very sick. She was committed for most of her life, but nothing ever got through to her. She just kept living in her imaginary world." He paused before continuing. "She's right, we do have something that runs in our family. Schizophrenia."

I shook my head in denial, not accepting my father's explanation. "No, it's not true. I
saw
the vardogers! They tried to kill me! I've had visions of them ever since I can remember. I just didn't realize why I was having them until recently."

My father looked at me sadly. "All those times I wished you were a boy? It wasn't because I didn't love you. The mental illness seems to run in the women in our family. I just wanted to spare you the pain."

"No!" I cried out emphatically. I turned to Simon. "Tell him! Tell him you've seen them too! For God's sake, there's one inside of you!"

Simon hesitated before speaking. "Maybe there's a way to explain all of this. It would be a lot easier to accept your father's explanation than the existence of shadows trying to take over the world."

I ripped my hand out of his grip, looking at him as if I didn't recognize him. "You know that's not true." My voice was trembling badly and I tried to steady it. "How the hell can you explain you attacking me? How can you explain Sarah's vardoger trying to enter me? You saw it!"

I was screeching but I didn't care. All I could think of was that everyone was trying to make me believe I was crazy. And I knew it wasn't true.

"Simon attacked you?" my father asked sharply, staring at him.

"
He
didn't attack me. His vardoger did!"

My father stretched out a pleading hand, as if he were trying to reach me beyond the insanity he thought controlled me. "Caitlin, even your mother knew how sick Brenda was. They were friends since junior high, and even back then Brenda was always talking about the spirits that would visit her in her dreams. To show her the future. Your mother tried to help her, but she was beyond help. I didn't cut ties with my sister after your mother died. Your mother and I cut ties with her after you were born. Your mother didn't want Brenda affecting you with her sickness."

"No, no, no, no, no," I moaned, gripping the sides of my head, shaking it back and forth. "It's not true, it's not true! I
know
what I saw. I'm not crazy!"

"Caitlin, I know I've been hard on you." My father's voice was quiet and full of anguish. "I blame myself. I was so afraid that you would turn out like my sister that I was cold and critical with you. I was just trying to make sure you didn't start becoming paranoid and imagining things like her. I thought I could ground you in reality."

Simon tried to hold my hand again, but I pushed him away, glaring at him through my tears. "Don't touch me!" I hissed, his betrayal hurting like nothing else could. I didn't know why he was doing this to me, why he was lying about what he had experienced, what he had seen with his own eyes, but I knew I would never forgive him.

"I think that's enough for today," my father said wearily. "It's starting to get dark. Why don't we get something to eat and then we can turn in early. We can talk more about this tomorrow."

I shot up from the couch, looking at my father and Simon with disgust. "Just leave me alone."

I grabbed my aunt's journal and ran up the stairs, storming into my bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

Chapter Ten

A confusing mixture of emotions was roiling inside of me. I felt anger, betrayal and sadness, but also a niggling sense of doubt. Could my father be right? Could I be crazy?

I shook my head at the thought. There was no way I had imagined everything. And I wasn't the only one that had seen it. Simon, Sarah and Grant had been witness to it as well. For some reason, Simon was pretending that he believed my father.

I ripped my cell phone out of my pocket, quickly hitting the speed dial for Sarah. I knew that out of everyone, she was the one person who could calm me down.

"Is everything okay?" she immediately asked, not bothering to waste time with a greeting. As much as I didn't want her to worry, it reassured me that she knew there was cause for concern.

"Not really. My dad is trying to convince me that I'm just crazy. He says that schizophrenia runs in our family. But Simon is going along with it. He looked at me like I was crazy, even with everything he's seen!"

"Why would he do that?" Sarah sounded aghast and it confirmed that I wasn't crazy. Relief rushed through me, because a tiny part of me had begun wondering if I really was just crazy.

"I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with his vardoger. It took control of his body again."

"Oh my God! Did he hurt you?"

"No!" Despite feeling deeply betrayed by Simon, I still felt the need to defend him. "He was able to take control before anything happened."

Sarah took a deep breath. "Caitlin, I know you care about Simon. But...maybe you should keep your distance from him. I don't think you're safe with him. You have no idea when his vardoger will take control. I mean, you slept in the same bed with him last night! How do you know he wasn't the one that locked the bedroom door? I thought I was going to lose it when I heard you screaming and I couldn't open the damn door!"

I could hear panic rising in Sarah's voice and I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and trying not be affected by her alarm. She wasn't saying anything I hadn't already thought myself, but I knew I could never leave Simon. Even now.