Chasing Shadows (28 page)

As night fell, I waited for someone to show up. Either the police or Simon's family. Surely they would be worried by our absence, and it would be logical for them to check my aunt's house because his mother knew how I was drawn to it. Simon's car was sitting outside of the house, as plain as day. Wouldn't the neighbors notice it? That is, unless they had moved it.

But no one ever showed up. Despite my fear, exhaustion weighed heavily on me. My father and the women never came back downstairs and the boys kept their watch over me, never looking the least bit tired.

I was left with my own thoughts. I kept running through the dream about my mother. I was sure she was warning me about my father, or really my father's vardoger in his body, when she asked whether blood was thicker than water. My father had given me life but the bond between us no longer existed because my father didn't exist anymore. It twisted my gut to think I had thought of my father as selfish and cold all these years, when there was a good chance that he hadn't been my father at all. It was sickening to think of the possibility that maybe I had never known my father. I had no idea when he had been overtaken by his vardoger.

My head continuously fell forward as I dozed off, and I tried to stay awake. But soon the blackness of sleep overtook me, momentarily granting me reprieve from this waking nightmare.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I was awoken by a hand slapping my face. Light was streaming in from the windows as my eyes squinted open. Rough hands were on me and I felt the rope around my ankles dropping away. My father was standing by the couch talking to Lenore as one of the boys released a wrist from the handcuff. He immediately imprisoned my wrist again after the handcuffs were disengaged from the chair.

"Hurry up with her," my father said to Lenore. "We need to put her under hypnosis again."

Lenore grabbed my arm and hauled me towards the bathroom. My joints screamed from disuse, pain shooting through my limbs from having been shackled in one position all night. Lenore helped me to relieve myself again and I wondered at her consideration when she was throwing me to the wolves. I tried pleading with her again but this time she just ignored me, not saying a word.

I was unceremoniously shoved back into the chair and restrained again. Marie and Cecelia walked into the living room and, without a word, they joined Lenore and linked hands around me. My grogginess disappeared as Lenore ordered me to close my eyes and chant.

I followed her direction but I didn't feel the sensation of sinking this time. I desperately tried to make myself slip under but the more I strained to make it happen, the more elusive it felt. I tried to pretend I was unconscious by making my body slack and evening out my breathing.

After what seemed like an eternity, I felt someone pick up my hand and hold their fingers to my wrist. I forced myself to not react when I felt a hot breath against my face.

"She's not under." Lenore's voice made me want to jerk back, but I forced myself not to react. Her voice sounded bored when she spoke again. "Stop faking it or I'll let one of the boys wake you up. The only thing they know how to use is their fists."

My eyes snapped open but it was my father I saw standing before me, not Lenore. He looked enraged.

"Do you think I'm not being serious when I say you'll suffer serious repercussions if you don't comply?" he shouted, looking furious.

"I'm trying!" I cried out desperately. "I'm trying to slip under but it just won't happen!"

My father turned to Lenore. "Is she telling the truth?"

Lenore shrugged. "I think so. There's nothing really in it for her to be pretending. Putting a seer under hypnosis is a serious strain on their body. It's unheard of to do it two days in a row. She may be too weak right now for her to go under again so soon."

My father was clearly not pleased with Lenore's explanation. His face darkened dangerously. "You said yesterday that she would be fine today!"

Lenore's exasperation was evident in her voice. "This isn't an exact science! I can't be positive about anything!"

"I'm done playing games. I need to find out how to become immortal and it needs to happen now. This charade is over."

My father stalked into the kitchen and I heard the back door slam. His words reverberated in my head. Was that their end goal? To become immortal? It was a terrifying thought.

Lenore didn't say anything after my father left. She just sat down on the couch opposite me. I could hear my father talking to someone in the backyard, but I could barely make out their voices, let alone understand what they were saying.

A few minutes later the back door slammed again and I heard footsteps walking towards me. My father looked smug when he came into my line of vision. I craned my neck to see who he had been talking to, and I froze. My body started trembling and my mind raced as it tried to come to grips with what I saw.

Simon walked up to me, his face cold and expressionless.

"Simon?" My voice was shaking as I looked up at him.

Simon shook his head. "There's no Simon here."

I was close to the edge of hysteria. It couldn't be true. I couldn't accept it.

"No! You said your vardoger disappeared!" I was openly sobbing, all my earlier bravado melting in the face of this cruel turn of events. I searched his face, looking for any sign of the Simon who had loved me so fiercely. "You said it left you the night Claudia was killed!"

Simon crouched in front of me, but there was no tenderness in his expression. Those blue eyes that had once looked at me so lovingly were glacial.

"There never was a Simon."

His words cut through my emotions that had been careening out of control. I stared at him, my mouth suddenly dry. "Wh-what?"

"Simon was gone before you met me."

I shook my head, rejecting his words. "No, that's not true! That's just your vardoger talking!" I was losing control as my world tilted on its axis until nothing made sense. I started sobbing again, but this time it was so violent that my body was shaking uncontrollably. All my hopes of escaping this nightmare collapsed along with his words.

No one spoke as I spiraled out of control. As the pain seared through my body, I heard a distant voice. A girlish voice.

Only you can help yourself. Allies are enemies and enemies are friends. The only one you can trust is yourself.

I didn't know if I was just remembering the words from when I was under, or if I was actually hearing them in my head. But they gave me the ability to grasp the last vestiges of my strength. This wasn't about me anymore. My chance for a happy ending was over. My only purpose now was to destroy as many vardogers as possible.

I looked up when my sobs had quieted. Simon was still crouched in front of me and I couldn't help but look for a glimmer of sympathy. But there was none.

He abruptly stood up and turned to Lenore. "How much longer do we have to wait until we can put her under hypnosis again?"

"It's hard to tell. I think it's advisable to wait until tomorrow so that she can get her full strength back. Then she'll be able to go fully under and we'll be able to maximize the amount she sees."

Simon sighed but nodded. My father stepped in between them and faced Simon.

"That's it? We're just going to wait until tomorrow? What the hell do we do until then? Twiddle our thumbs?" My father's mouth twisted. "While under hypnosis yesterday, she said she saw that there were some vardogers that weren't united in our efforts. That they were just pretending and were planning to work against us. Maybe you're one of them."

"Watch it." Simon's voice was low. "Don't forget I'm in charge. I've been lenient with how you've spoken to me during this charade to preserve the deception, but it's over now."

I was shocked when my father seemed to shrink at Simon's admonishment. Simon was in charge? How in the hell had this happened?

"Go track the other seers. I'll watch her."

My father and the three women slunk away and I heard them talking in the hallway. Simon looked at the two boys who lingered in the living room. "You too. I think I can handle one little seer on my own."

I studied Simon as I felt a surge of hope. Maybe this was all an act. Why else would he want to be alone with me?

Simon was silent until the others left the house. He sat on the couch opposite me and studied me, absentmindedly stroking his lower lip with his index finger. He looked so familiar, so much like the Simon I had fallen in love with. That couldn't have been just a figment of my imagination.

"Simon?" My voice wavered, sounding unsure. My hope was deflated when he shook his head.

"I guess that's a good enough name to call me as any, although technically I'm not Simon."

"I-I don't understand. When did you overtake him?"

"You only need to know that it was before I came to Maxwell."

All the physical pain I had endured was nothing compared to the emotional anguish as my heart was ripped apart. "That can't be true. You can't have pretended the entire time. It's not possible."

Simon raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it? Your father's vardoger has pretended to be him for most of your life. My deception should seem like child's play compared to that."

"But my father was cold and cruel to me. It's not that hard to accept that he was a vardoger all these years. But you..." I swallowed as memories of his warmth and tenderness rushed through me. "That can't have all been an act."

"You'd be surprised at what necessity can produce. I needed you to trust me, and the best way for that to happen was for you to fall in love with me. So I made it happen."

Simon's tone was flippant, as if he thought nothing of such a heartless and malicious action. I didn't want to believe it, but the person standing before me wasn't the Simon I knew. The fact that the person I had fallen in love with was nothing more than a facade almost debilitated me. I steeled myself, reminding myself that this was about more than me.

"So now what?"

Simon's eyebrows raised at my calm tone. "We wait until we can put you under hypnosis again."

I gave him a grim smile. "So you can figure out a way to become immortal? Not gonna happen."

"I wouldn't tempt the temper of your father's vardoger. He can be pretty belligerent, as you've already experienced. And vengeful."

The thought of Sarah being hurt made me consider my words more carefully. Simon seemed relaxed and conversational. Maybe I could garner some information from him that would help me to defeat them.

"So, how do you think you're going to be able to become immortal?" I shrugged when Simon just looked at me without answering. "It doesn't matter if you tell me. If you're trying to get the information from me under hypnosis, I'll see it before all of you anyway."

Simon seemed to consider my words before he spoke. "We think it's somehow tied to the palladium. Right now, all palladium does is make seers powerless and vulnerable. There has to be some way to use it so that we can overtake another body when our current one is about to expire. Being only able to overtake your own person is extremely limiting. When the body dies, so do we."

The thought of vardogers jumping from body to body was terrifying.

"What was so special about Claudia that she was able to sustain vardogers so that they didn't have to be connected to their person? How was she able to give them the power to enter me?" The thought of Claudia made another question spring to mind, but I waited until Simon answered my first one.

Simon shrugged. "We don't know. We didn't have time to study her vardoger in-depth. Claudia was overtaken right after you had the vision of it happening and, as you know, she died not too long after that. We don't know if there are more like her out there. I guess we'll find out soon enough."

"Why did you kill her? I mean, if she's so special I would think you would want to keep her around." I took a deep breath as I asked my real question. "Why did you save me?"

Simon's expression was enigmatic. "I didn't kill her to save you. I killed her to keep up the guise. I needed you to trust me because I needed to find out just how strong your powers were. It's so much easier when you're cooperating. Besides, you're no good to us dead. The type of power you wield is worth more than a hundred Claudias."

"How was I able to have a vision of you?"

Simon smiled grimly. "You'd be surprised at how powerful the mind is to suggestion. Lenore was able to plant it in your head. She can be amazing with the power of suggestion."

"How could she plant it in my head? I met her
after
my visions of you!"

Simon shook his head, obviously displeased by my lack of imagination. "Do you think you're safe just because you have four walls surrounding you? It takes more than that to stop us."

"But I
saw
your vardoger." I bit my lip as I thought it through. "I mean, I guess I saw
you.
You hadn't overtaken Simon's body yet when you attacked me. You were still a vardoger without a body. How is that possible if what you're telling me is true? That you overtook Simon before we even met?"

"Like I said, Lenore can be amazing with her powers of suggestion. She was able to make you see me instead of the actual vardoger who was unknown to you. It helped that your aunt told you that she saw me coming after you while she was under hypnosis." Simon laughed. "Little did she realize that I had already overtaken Simon's body."

"Has Lenore used her powers on me any other time? How the hell is she able to make me believe things that aren't true? To make me see things that aren't really there? To make me dream things?"

Simon's lips tightened. "Lenore's powers are unpredictable. Unfortunately, her ability to sway a person's mind to her will hasn't been honed, although God knows she's been trying. She's failed so many times trying to control your mind." He shook his head disgustedly.

"Is my aunt really dead? Is my mother alive?"

Simon ran his hand through his hair and I felt a searing pain at the familiar gesture. He seemed so much like the man I had loved. The man that I had never really known.