Chasing Shadows (29 page)

"I didn't come here to answer all your questions. I'd recommend you stop talking now for your own good."

Simon's menacing tone made all thoughts of the man I had loved so desperately vanish. I was quiet for the rest of the morning and Simon made no overtures to speak. It was unnerving having him just sitting there watching me, but I coped by not looking at him. It was easier to think of a way out of this without being constantly reminded of everything I had lost.

I was startled when Simon stood up and my eyes shot to him. His movement made me nervous but he just walked past me into the kitchen. While he was gone, I tried to writhe my body to dislodge the palladium necklace from around my neck, but it was impossible while I was bound to the chair. I immediately stilled when I heard him walking back towards me.

Simon set a glass of water and a sandwich on the coffee table and sat next to it. When he put the glass to my lips, I turned away. It was one thing to accept food and water from Marie, or even from one of the sullen boys. It was another thing to accept it from someone...no,
something
that had played me for a fool this whole time.

"It's for your own good." Simon's voice was stern, as if he were lecturing a small child. "You're only hurting yourself if you don't eat and drink."

As much as I hated to accept it from him, I knew he was right. The minute the cold water hit my lips I gulped eagerly. I avoided Simon's eyes as he fed me the sandwich. He was close. So close that I could smell his cologne. I wanted to laugh hysterically, finding it perversely funny that a vardoger still did such mundane human things like putting on cologne.

I was relieved when I finished the sandwich, hoping that he would now move away. I tensed when I heard the front door open. My father walked in and dropped onto the couch.

"Where is everyone?" Simon was still sitting on the coffee table next to me when he asked the question.

"Still tracking. I decided I should come back to see how our little guest is doing." I flinched when he stood up abruptly, coming closer to me. "Maybe we can make some progress of our own. Pain is a great motivator. There's a possibility that she didn't tell us everything she saw while she was under hypnosis yesterday. We could make sure."

Simon stood and faced my father. "You need to stop being so reckless. We have to think about the end goal, not about getting your kicks through torture."

My father narrowed his eyes but he kept his gaze on me. "You deserve a little payback for all the grief you've given me all these years."

I barely registered his hand raising before I felt him backhand me with such force that my chair tipped back, almost toppling me over. Simon grabbed the back of my chair to steady it, and then released it when I was firmly on the ground. I felt a flash of doubt at his action. Why would he care if I fell back? It didn't align with him being a vardoger. But when he spoke there was no emotion in his voice except irritation.

"Do I really have to have this conversation with you again? She's a means to an end. After we're done with her, we'll either be able to overtake her or we'll kill her. Until then, control yourself."

There was a ringing in my ears as my head throbbed. When I dropped my head to try and push away the pain, I saw Simon's hand closest to me clenched into a fist. He was gripping so hard that his knuckles were white and his fist was trembling. It was clear that he had been affected by my father striking me. Hope is such a horrible and wonderful thing. It was wonderful because it left open the possibility that Simon wasn't a lost cause. That he was pretending so that he could try and figure out a way for both of us to escape this. It was horrible because if I was mistaken, I didn't know how I'd survive the betrayal again.

I looked up at my father to see if he had noticed Simon's reaction but he was too busy frowning at the cell phone he had pulled out of his pocket. He walked out of the living room with the phone to his ear.

Simon sat back down on the couch and I couldn't stop searching his face for a clue. For any sign that this was all an act. But his face remained impassive. He didn't look up when the front door opened and the two boys walked in. He simply said, "Watch her," and walked away.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The rest of the day was sheer torture. I was tense and wired, preparing myself for something to happen. Not knowing my fate was almost worse than something bad happening. My imagination was in overdrive with all the different possible scenarios. Yet the day remained relatively calm.

Lenore came back to the house when night fell, although Marie and Cecelia were nowhere to be seen. I hadn't seen Simon since he had left me earlier, so I was surprised when he walked back into the living room. He addressed Lenore who was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. It had irritated me to no end that she was doing something as banal as flipping through a magazine, as if nothing was out of the ordinary, while I was strapped to a chair in front of her.

"You're going tracking again."

Lenore frowned. "Now? Isn't it a little late?"

Simon ignored her and glanced at the boys. "You too."

My father walked into the living room. "Let's go. I got some good information on a powerful seer. If everything goes according to plan, we can bring her back here tonight."

My stomach dropped at the idea of another seer being trapped by these monsters.

The house was eerily quiet after they left. Simon dropped onto the sofa in front of me. He shushed me when I started to speak. "Don't talk."

Simon cocked his head as if he were listening for something. Several minutes passed as we just sat there until he finally stood up and peered out the window. I opened my mouth to speak but instead I squeaked in alarm when he suddenly rushed towards me. But instead of attacking me, he started untying the rope around my ankles. My heart started thudding as I stared at him.

"S-Simon?"

Simon glanced up at me. "There's no time to talk right now." He succeeded in freeing my feet and dug into his pocket, pulling out a key and unlocking the handcuffs. He then took the palladium necklace off me and threw it to the floor. When Simon pulled me up to stand I immediately tilted forward. My limbs had been in the same position for hours and they ached painfully and were unable to hold my weight. Simon grunted as he caught me and bent at the knees, flinging me over his shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes.

I gripped his waist and tried not to smash my face against his rear end as he started walking quickly and then running. I had no idea where we were going since the only view I had was of his backside, but my heart soared when I felt the rush of cold air hit me. It was glorious to be outside after being trapped in that house, even though it was freezing.

I didn't say a word. I was too scared that they would hear us and it was too hard to speak in the position I was in anyway. Simon seemed to be running for a long time before he stopped abruptly, setting me down gently on the ground. I gingerly straightened, grateful when I was able to stand on my own despite my aching muscles.

I threw my arms around Simon's neck, clinging fiercely to him as I felt pure elation rush through me. "I knew it," I whispered. "I know it couldn't have been an act."

Simon hugged me back momentarily but then pulled back. "We have to get out of here. It was by sheer luck that your father got that call. He was suspicious when I sent them out earlier to track seers so he was spying on us outside the house, hoping to hear something damning. But he doesn't suspect a thing now since he was the one to instigate the latest outing."

It was dark and I was shivering, but I could have cared less. We were on a quiet residential street and I was surprised when Simon led me to an unfamiliar car.

"Get in."

I followed Simon's orders and climbed in. Simon slid into the driver's seat and started the engine.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I watched Simon driving.

Simon gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I don't know. Just far from here."

I still didn't understand how he was able to fool my father and Lenore. "How did you convince them that you were really a vardoger?" I hesitated as a thought struck me. "Is your vardoger still inside you?"

Simon didn't answer for a while. My anxiety and confusion grew the longer he avoided answering the question. He finally glanced at me, but only for a brief second, and then he looked back at the road. His voice was low when he spoke.

"I wasn't lying to you before."

"Wait, what?" I turned my body sideways so I could fully look at him. "What are you talking about?"

Simon's profile was tense and I could see that he was clenching his jaw. He didn't turn towards me when he answered.

"I'm not who you think I am. I've been a vardoger since you met me. I was able to fool your father and Lenore because it's the truth."

I stared at him, my mind blank. Nothing he was saying was making sense. "Why are you saying that? You don't have to pretend anymore."

Simon smiled grimly and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "That's the ironic thing. What you think is a lie is the truth. What you think is the truth is a lie."

I felt a flare of anger. "Stop talking in riddles! Everything in my goddamned life is a riddle!"

Simon took a deep breath and then started talking. His voice was quiet but seemed to fill every corner of the car.

"I took over Simon's body his sophomore year in college. It was ridiculously easy. He was so open and unguarded. A bottle of sleeping pills and he was gone. Everything had gone according to plan. My power was growing and I had the foresight to plan for the future instead of all the stupid vardogers that only lived in the moment. I knew we'd never survive in our current state. Seers were growing stronger and destroying more and more vardogers every day. I knew the only way to defeat them was to band together."

I was dumbstruck by Simon's words, unable to speak. He continued talking despite my lack of response.

"But there was something wrong. Emotions were left behind. When a vardoger overtakes their person, they retain all their knowledge and information. After all, we're actually an extension of the person. We have all their memories. It allows us to slip into their life seamlessly. But there was an imprint of emotions left behind with Simon. That's not supposed to happen. All of a sudden, I could feel emotions that I had never experienced before. I could feel joy and regret. I found myself being able to be empathetic. To put myself in someone else's shoes." Simon grimaced. "For a vardoger, that's the worst nightmare possible. We're not immune to emotions, but our emotions are usually exclusively destructive, like hate and anger. Not love."

I swallowed loudly at his last statement. "So...are you saying you became like Simon? The real Simon?" I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I was half expecting Simon to laugh and say it was all a big joke.

He shook his head. "No. The imprint of emotions allowed me to feel, but they weren't Simon's emotions. I'm nothing like Simon. He never felt strongly about anything. He had no desire to go to Yale, but his father wanted him to attend so he went without a fight. He enjoyed playing music but was wasting his talent because it was too much of an effort to try and pursue his dream. He was a decent guy but everything about him was tepid at best. It used to drive me crazy to witness his apathetic approach to life when I was just his shadow."

"If you've overtaken Simon's body and you're truly a vardoger, why did you help me escape?" My hands were clasped together so tightly on my lap that they began to tingle. I couldn't believe that I was actually entertaining the idea that he was telling the truth. I briefly wondered if this was some sort of trick he and my father had planned to lull me into a false sense of security.

Simon looked at me for the first time since he had started telling his story. I wanted to reach out and stroke his face when I saw the anguish in his eyes, but I was afraid. If what he was saying was true, he was the enemy.

"What I felt for you...what I
feel
for you..." Simon's voice trailed off and he looked back at the road. "I love you, Caitlin. I feel it in every fiber of my being. It started out as an act. I was trying to push all those feelings away, to convince myself I hadn't been corrupted by weak emotions. Then one day I woke up and realized I didn't want to lose those feelings. If it meant I was weak, I'd rather be weak and be with you, rather than be strong and lose you."

"I don't know what to say." My voice was strained and I fought to speak more forcefully. "All this is pretty unbelievable."

I jumped when I felt Simon touch my clasped hands, pulling them apart so he could grasp one of them in his. A part of me wanted to pull away, but my emotions won out and I squeezed his hand. Simon's jaw relaxed fractionally.

"Do you love me?"

"I don't even know who you are," I whispered. My heart jumped into my throat when he pulled the car to the side of the road. We were on a deserted street and I didn't know if anyone could hear me if I screamed.

"I'm still the same...person that you thought I was before you knew the truth." Simon smiled at me sardonically. "I admit the 'person' part is a bit of a stretch." His expression turned serious as he continued. "I'm willing to do anything for you, Caitlin. Even if that means having to leave you."

An arrow of fear shot through me at his words. Where was Simon planning on going? I was willing to try and accept the craziness of his story because I knew regardless of what the truth was, I loved him. It was a little hard to come to terms with the fact that he had killed the real Simon and a part of me demanded that justice be served. But he wasn't the same...
thing
that had overtaken Simon, was he? He had changed to become a real person. To me, he
was
Simon. Not the Simon he had overtaken, but the Simon that had made me laugh and feel joy. The Simon that had made me believe anything was possible because of his love. I wondered if I was damning myself by loving a vardoger, but I realized I would rather be damned with Simon than blessed without him.