Chasing the Music: For the Love of Music Book 0.5 (18 page)

“I’m proud of you, Stace.” But everything in him was shaken. The future that sometimes bogged him down but had felt so certain, suddenly didn’t feel certain anymore.

“Don’t be.” Her arms wrapped more tightly around her legs. “So me and Tina went out, and I… I was just dancing, and I didn’t know him or anything, but he just leaned down and kissed me and I kissed him back.”

Griffin blinked because he definitely had not seen that coming. Stacy had been nothing but loyal to him. It didn’t hurt him the way it should have. Her admission felt…more amusing than anything else because it wasn’t like her. Maybe she was changing. Growing up.

“I think his name was Jimmy, but I don’t remember.” Her words tumbled over each other, like she was trying to push her apology onto him all at once. “He didn’t mean anything to me, it was just a kiss, it was—”

Griffin held up his hand because one kiss from one stranger felt so much smaller than the way his heart had been divided. “It’s fine, Stacy,” he said slowly. “I promise.”

“I did it again.” The ache in her voice actually brought a small smile to his face. What a bizarre reaction. The thought of Lita kissing someone else made his stomach cave.

“Yeah?”

“I felt pretty. Wanted. I never did more, Griffin, I swear I didn’t. And I don’t know any of them. It was just… Just quick kisses on the dance floor.”

He reached out and touched her arm. “Stacy. It’s okay.”

She shook her head, her chin trembling. “And now I see you, and I…”

He waited for more from her, but nothing came.

“I’m so scared, Griff. Are we supposed to be...together?”

He hated that she was asking that. He hated that he was asking himself the same question. He loved and hated that part of him hoped the answer was no. Maybe if they were both ready to walk away, they’d still be something like friends. He could imagine being friends with Stacy. Being happy for her when she found some awesome guy to be with.

“I don’t know.”

“I
love
you. I don’t get it.”

Griffin took her hand in his and held it tightly. “Maybe things… Maybe things between us are just…” He cleared his throat. “Maybe we’re different now. Still close, but different.”

“I never understood when people said they still loved each other but had grown apart. Now, I sort of get it.” She sniffed and he knew she was crying. Even he was blinking as he drove, hoping no tears fell down. Close to six years of his life had been with the woman next to him. He’d watched her turn from a little girl into a teenager into what she was now.

“I still love you, Griff,” she whispered.

“I still love you, too,” he answered. But Ryker was right. He loved her, but he wasn’t
in love
with her. Probably hadn’t been for longer than he’d ever admit to himself.

He clutched her hand and she clutched his and he let the wind drown out his thoughts and his heart and how his future was now a swirling mess. His throat swelled, and he didn’t realize he’d be this heartbroken over something as simple as going their separate ways. And not even with a fight. Just a quiet surrender to the idea that their feelings had shifted enough that they shouldn’t stay together.

She moved to the middle of the seat and rested her head on his shoulder.

Such a strange thing, to be broken over each other, to not be yelling, but to know they’d done the right thing.

Griffin wrapped his arm around her and held her and knew they’d never be more than friends. It was a piece of his history gone and the rest of his future felt so wide he didn’t know how to cross it.

PART IV

You Know I'm no Good

Amy Winehouse (2007)

Twenty-One

Lita paced in her dressing room. The wood cabinets made the room nicer than some, but the stained couch was definitely…gross. Still boring, just like every other dressing room, green room, or “celebrity room” across the country.

She was ready for the show aside from boots, which she hadn’t found the strength to put on yet. When her legs wobbled like this, heels were harder. Her heart thrummed from the gallons of caffeine, and her brain couldn’t hold onto a thought.

“What’s with you?” Bridget asked as she tapped on her phone.

“Nothing,” Lita snapped.

She jumped when a knock sounded at the door and then ran for it.

Bridget’s brows went up but she didn’t say anything.

Chandler smiled as he stepped in. “The lady called. I came.”

Lita threw her arms around him and held on. Her chest still ached over Griffin, so she held on tighter. Nothing changed. She felt the same broken, emptiness she had since that morning.

“You okay?” Chandler asked quietly.

“She’s been that way all day,” Bridget said, and even though she wasn’t facing her, she knew Bridget had loosely gestured toward Lita and probably not looked over her phone.

Lita clutched Chandler more tightly and realized that Griffin had done more for her actual welfare over the past couple weeks than Bridget.

She stepped away from Chandler and glanced back at her friend. “You’re gonna hate me, Bridge…”

Bridget smirked and stood. “I’ll find someone to get you a coffee.”

Lita stepped back again and sat on her short stool, pulling her boots toward her. Might as well strap them on now. Her fingers shook as she worked on the laces, but she’d kicked out all her hair and makeup people so she didn’t have help. Too many people meant too many voices and too many opinions…

“I’m here.” Chandler sat facing her. “What’s up? You’re lucky I was already in New York, and the flight south was open.”

“And that you were willing to come.”

“And that.”

“I’m…” She jerked on her laces. “I shouldn’t have called. I mean, really. It’s stupid, I just… I’m mad and I’m hurt and I’m frustrated.”
And I can’t eat
, but those words didn’t come out.

“It’s all good. Maybe you’ll do the same for me when I need it.” He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “You wanna talk?”

Lita paused to look at his handsome face, perfect smile and for the first time she was frustrated that he was gay. She could really use someone to help her let off some steam.

“You wanna have sex?” she offered with a rueful laugh.

“Uh…” Chandler laughed a little. “Not my thing, no. But if I were interested, you’d be at the top of the list.”

“Yeah.” Lita sat up taller before remembering she had bootlaces to work on. “Thanks.”

“Did you get rid of Bridget for a reason?”

Did she? She finally got her first boot tied, but wasn’t even sure how tight her knot was, her arms felt so weak.

“I thought I wanted to talk, but I don’t. Not about this. My heart…” She hit a fist to her chest. “I’m just stupid and I knew what I was getting into or not getting into, but it still…”

“It still hurts. I’m sorry.” He reached out for her again, but she didn’t want sympathy. Sympathy would lead to more tears, and she didn’t want to cry, she wanted to be angry. Furious. Humiliation was an easy emotion to turn into anger, and anger felt a lot more powerful than anything else she could think of.

“Hey. That band out there does a cover of
I Wanna Be A Rockstar
, right?” she asked.

Chandler shook his head. “I have no idea.”

Dave. She needed Dave. She needed on stage. Had to burn energy.

She pushed outside her dressing room and ran straight into Ryker. “Dave?” she asked.

He pointed.

Wait. He’d know.

“The guys playing now do a cover of
I Wanna Be A Rockstar
, right?”

He nodded.

“Maybe I’ll join them.”

“No, Lita, I—” Ryker started but she turned away.

“All I found was Griffin,” Bridget stopped in front of Lita with a Superfood.

Lita grabbed the bottle and chucked it down the hall. “I’m not a damn child. Who the hell does he think he is?”

The words had barely left her mouth when Griffin rounded the far corner, followed by Stacy. Just seeing her drove all Lita’s frustrations and humiliations in deeper.

That’s it. She was done.

Lita spun on her heel and moved to the back of the stage grabbing her guitar from its case on the way.

She stopped behind two guys in black that she knew weren’t her crew. She threw an arm around each of them. “You guys with them?”

Two sets of eyes were wide on her. “Yeah,” one stammered.

“Think you can convince them to let me on for
I Wanna Be A Rockstar
?”

“It’s their next song.”

Lita walked forward until she was almost onstage and then stopped, her legs jigging back and forth with anticipation. Maybe adding Bailey’s to her coffee when she rarely drank hadn’t been a good idea.

She just needed out there. On stage. The energy from the crowd would hold her up. Keep her together, even though Griffin and Stacy were behind her. Too close. Bridget was supposed to make sure that didn’t happen.

The band’s song was wrapping up and the second the last note was played, she stepped onstage and immediately the crowd went insane.

She was wanted, dammit.

Lita threw her hands in the air and let out the scream she’d wanted to let go since walking from Griffin’s room that morning. Weeks of emotion had slammed into her since that moment, and tonight she was going to make up for it. With her mask of makeup, messy hair and outfit, Lita was going to pour herself into her night, and it would be her best show yet.

Throwing the drink was childish, but Griffin knew he was crossing a line by bringing Bridget a juice instead of the coffee that was asked for.

He stopped in the dim light and leaned against the wall.

“Thanks for letting me come,” Stacy said, nearly having to yell over the sound of the music. She seemed to be completely oblivious to Lita’s mood, or Griffin’s, for that matter.

“I didn’t…” He reached out and took her hand in a relaxed move. “I didn’t want to just walk away after the drive and then not know how to talk after that, you know?”

Stacy nodded and let her hand drop.

Lita’s scream filled the stadium and Griffin cringed.

She was being reckless and childish, and it was at least partially his fault.

“Tonight should be an interesting show,” he said.

Stacy followed him to where he normally watched, and Chandler stood against the wall.

Stacy froze, her hands once again clasped over her mouth. Right. Chandler was sort of a big deal. But why was he there? Lita had said they were just friends, but
were
they just friends? Was Lita playing some kind of game, or was it coincidence that he arrived the day that Stacy had?

The spare guitars were set out and ready. Lita had her mom’s red guitar slung over her shoulder and was singing her heart out next to the lead singer of the other band.
I Wanna Be a Rockstar
. How fitting.

Griffin stared and watched; feeling like only half his Lita was there. That she was pushing something that shouldn’t be pushed. Every word and every strum on her guitar looked forced. Shoved.

The other band was slowly replaced by her band, but she wasn’t stopping for any longer than she normally did between songs. Her face was sweaty, she was out of breath, and he stepped closer to the open stage to watch.

“I’m gonna sing something alone for a moment, give my band a chance to catch up with me back there.” She gasped for air, and wobbled a bit under the lights.

Ryker was helping her guitarists set up but Griffin was glued to the spot.

She hit the first note and the crowd went silent.

Griffin held his breath.

His song. She was singing one of
his
songs. She sang the soft words harsh, grinding at the word love, turning his love song into something dirty. The further she got, the more pissed he was. How dare she do that? She’d never asked if she could use it, and… It felt like she’d ripped that whole night of friendship out from underneath him.

Ryker stepped up next to Griffin. “You know what’s up with her?”

“Aside from her being childish?” Griffin snapped.

The crowd went crazy screaming when she finished.

“Wasn’t that
great
?” Her head turned and her eyes met Griffin’s with so much anger he took a step back. “That was written by one of my crew and probably inspired by his girlfriend who came to visit him. Isn’t that
sweet
?”

Her tone was mocking, and Griffin turned away when her voice rattled again.

“Let’s get him and his girl out here, huh?”

The crowd screamed again. Lita stared at him with so much...emotion. Hatred or something like it.