Chasing the Rainbow (13 page)

              “Fuck yes, Bobby.” Thwack, thwack, thwack. Jody reached both hands around to grab onto Bobby’s firm, shapely ass, then leaned his head up, closing his lips on the fat head of Bobby’s dick. Bobby never had a lot of pre-cum, but there was just enough to make him taste like sex and Bobby. Jody loved that taste, even if cum wasn’t necessarily his favorite thing.

              Jody held his head still and pulled Bobby forward by his ass, sucking him down best as he could in that position—which was why it wasn’t his favorite. Bobby started fucking his mouth in earnest, heavy balls swinging. Jody used one hand to fondle them; Bobby’s breathing hitched. He stopped and pulled back, looking at Jody with that strange, unreadable expression again.

              “Bobby?”

              He rolled off, wordlessly, and grabbed lube from the bedside table’s drawer before returning back to Jody, dirty smirk back in place. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, Jo.”

              Bobby put on the condom, slicked himself and Jody, and pressed in with a speed and a need that surprised Jody. He wasn’t forceful, but his thrusts were more erratic, more desperate than usual. It didn’t hurt by any stretch of the imagination. The yelp of pleasure Jody let out got him a guttural, animal grunt from Bobby as he pounded away.

              But… something was off. And the fact that Jody was aware of it through toe-curling pleasure, spoke of the effect its weight had on Bobby’s actions.

              Jody stopped Bobby. “Bob, Bobby… Stop. Stop.”

              Bobby paused, half-buried. His eyes grazed over Jody. “You okay?” His breathing was heavy, but more from acrobatics than lust.

              “Are you okay?”

              His face shuttered, which annoyed Jody, who added, “Fine. Just… get off.”

              Then his façade broke. “Please no. Jo, I just… I need this. Please. Need you.” The naked, raw sound of his voice shook Jody to his core. Bobby had never said he loved Jody. Those words: need you—were as close as he’d ever come. Jody couldn’t fathom what the hell was going on in that pretty head, but how could he deny Bobby?

              He wrapped his legs around Bobby’s middle and pushed until he was on top, sinking to the hilt. The way Bobby shuddered was a powerful feeling. Jody grabbed the back of Bobby’s head and kissed him, but wouldn’t let Bobby get carried away with it. He kissed Bobby’s chin—rose up, lowered again—kissed his cheek—rose up, lowered down—kissed his throat.

              “Fuck, Jo. You’re killin’ me,” Bobby said. His voice was thick, but not with lust—not all lust. Jody looked into Bobby’s eyes, still not sure what he saw there. He gripped Bobby’s hair at the back of his head a little tighter, placed a closed mouth kiss to his lips, then leaned his forehead on Bobby’s before rising up and lowering himself on Bobby again. He picked up speed, never separating their foreheads unless he was kissing Bobby, who’d gripped Jody’s ass, a cheek in each hand.

              Bobby’s breathing hitched every once in a while, and some war was going on in those eyes. This whole thing felt heavy, important. Bobby started thrusting up and Jody started meeting those thrusts, until they the sound of lap meeting ass was a loud clapping in the room. They both grunted and moaned and whimpered.

              Bobby lost it first, a slight stutter, a sob and he wrapped his big arms around Jody pulling him into a grasping hug as he spilled himself in the condom inside Jody. They stayed like that for a moment, breathing; just being together.

              After another minute or two, Bobby pulled back just a bit and gripped Jody’s cock, which was painfully hard, the head a deep red color now. “Stay like that,” Bobby said. “Just sit.” Bobby started stroking Jody’s cock and thrusting up into Jody, his cock just hard enough to make Jody shiver with each prod inside him. It didn’t take much time at all before he let out an almost embarrassing squeaky grunt. The whole fucking last twenty minutes, forty minutes, hour or six—he had no goddamn clue how long they’d lasted—had been the most emotionally and physically intense thing he’d ever felt, and with sparkles and explosions; he went off. He shot between them so hard some landed on his chest.

              Bobby held him for a while, still inside him, both breathing heavily and shaking with exertion. Jody’d never felt so drained, from his heart to his balls.

              Eventually, they did come apart and clean up; dressing in gym shorts they dug out of Jody’s dresser. When Jody finished in the bathroom, he followed the sound of the beeping microwave in the kitchen. Bobby’d set most of the food back up on the table and had opened each of them a beer.

              Jody wasn’t sure what was right or wrong here. It was apparent something had been up, something was bothering Bobby, but looking at him now, how relaxed he was post-coitus, you’d not know he’d been as high strung as he had when he’d arrived.

              Bobby pulled his Chicken Lo Mein from the microwave and placed it on the table before coming to Jody, smiling, and wrapping an arm around his lower back to pull him into a kiss.

              “So. How was your day?” Bobby asked, smiling as he sat down at the table. Jody blinked.

              Bobby looked up, a pleading in his eyes, even as he smiled playfully. Jody flicked his eyes to the food then to Bobby. Then he did all he could do—he mussed Bobby’s hair and walked over to his seat, taking a drink of beer. “Not so bad. Oh, did they send enough sweet’n’sour, your highness?”

              And like that, conversation was normal. Jody was concerned. He’d let it go for now, let Bobby come around. Really, how could he complain about that sex? And Bobby obviously needed to let it lie.

              Jody didn’t know if he liked it though, and he didn’t even know what it could be.

Chapter 15

JODY HELD OUT the fucking cookie crumble mocha thingy that Bobby liked. He got a grunt of approval for his trouble, which irked him to no end. When Bobby returned to his work, replacing the hardwood floors in the dining room, Jody gritted his teeth. He glanced Carlo’s way, pointed at Bobby in frustration. Carlo shrugged. That was helpful.

              He didn’t even know Carlo was supposed to be there, and he was disappointed they had company. He hadn’t seen Bobby in two days and wanted to know what the actual fuck was going on. It’s not that Bobby hadn’t spoken to him since their crazy emotional sex two nights earlier, but he’d certainly not been talkative. He’d even begged off coming over the night before. Jody had a sinking feeling with each word the man didn’t say.

              His distance, the shuttered way Bobby looked at him, was unnervingly like the first time they’d fooled around—when Bobby had been a dick. Jody had stewed on it, worked himself up, even if it hadn’t been that long. He knew Bobby was slow coming around to talking about shit when things bothered him, but Jody thought things were going so well. He couldn’t take feeling like Bobby was reverting to his old bullshit, backing out of the relationship.

              But other than making it official, they hadn’t exactly made any promises. Not like Jody needed a ring or anything, but not being shut out… That’d be nice.

              Jody went upstairs to what would be Bobby’s bedroom. There, his overwhelming melancholy gripped him. He looked around, thinking how he’d been a dumbass and let his romantic side run away with him. He’d been silly, getting so attached and allowing himself to imagine there was a possibility this might one day be
their
bedroom.

              He sniffed. Not like he wanted to live in Brooklyn anyway.

              Right?

              As he opened the can of paint and readied the paint roller, he couldn’t help allowing himself a few seconds to wallow. But after a moment, he realized how concerned he was. Maybe something was really wrong?

              He couldn’t even fucking concentrate.

              “This is fucking ridiculous!”

              “I agree.”

              Jody jumped and turned to Carlo. Missing was the man’s usual nonchalance, his easy, often playful smile.

              “Something’s up with him, man.”

              “Yeah,” Jody grumbled. “I’ve danced this dance with him before.”

              “Really?” Carlo seemed legitimately surprised.

              “I don’t want to bad mouth him, but yeah. It’s like when he blows hot and cold. It’s been a long warm period so I guess I should have known there was a freak out around the corner.”

              Carlo cocked his head, thoughtfully. “I don’t know,” he said slowly. “This feels… different. He’s been so unlike his old self up until now. Even this is beyond his usual mood swings. Don’t you gays have some sixth sense about these emotional things?”

              Jody glared. “You’re an idiot. I can’t imagine how you don’t have more friends.”

              “I have plenty of friends. We’re just not all….” Carlo waved his hands, clearly indicating Bobby.

              “Yeah, well, I’m not sure I’m any better equipped for this than you.” Jody sighed and leaned against the wall. “It’s like we came this far, but he’s finished with me all over again.”

              Carlo quailed. “No. No, man. I don’t think it’s that. When he does talk, it’s Jody-this-and-Jody-that. It’s almost disgusting.” Carlo shrugged. “Maybe it’s the situation with Ma? I know that’s been bothering him.”

              “He’s not talking to you either?”

              “Only when necessary.”

              That was puzzling. Bobby and his brother were close. According to Carlo, Bobby’d even been really open when things hit the fan between them early on. Jody thought back on all their times together, all the fun they’d had, the amazing summer. He remembered making love and baseball games and… It didn’t fit. This abrupt change.

              “Fuck this. He’s being an idiot. Somebody needs to kick his ass or something.”

              Carlo’s brows went up. “I think I like it when you’re not being the blushing librarian.”

              Jody scowled at Carlo. “Just… go to lunch or something.”

              “What, no intervention?”

              “Not family-style.”

              Carlo waved his hands. “Say no more. I don’t need to see angry sex. No way.”

              Jody rolled his eyes as he followed Carlo, who made quick work of running down the stairs, tossing a quick goodbye over his shoulder, and bolting out the front door. Jody was silent for a bit, watching Bobby, who was oblivious to Jody’s seething behind him. No. There wouldn’t be angry sex, but he would get the bastard to spill.

              “Is this our seventy percent?” Jody asked.

              Bobby jerked, startled by the sound of Jody’s voice. He turned on his haunches and looked at Jody like he’d lost it. “Our what?”

              “It’s a thing. In romance novels. It’s always at seventy percent, eighty percent. One of the characters does something to send the other guy running, or they have this big moment where you wonder if they’re going to make it because… Well it’s fiction and you have to have a moment that makes the reader wonder if they’ll work out. It’s the edge of the seat thing. But it’s a romance and you know they’ll end up living happily ever after, because that’s how it works. And if
this
is that part of our story, I can live with that. I get it.”

              Bobby plopped down on the stack of wood next to him and Jody wanted to smack him when he saw Bobby’s lips twitching. “I’m glad you’re amused, Bobby. Really. Because I don’t know whether to be pissed because you’re pulling away when we have this good thing going on, or concerned. Or should I be concerned
and
pissed because you’re going through something and not telling anyone.”

              “You think I’m breaking up with you?” Bobby sounded bewildered. Jody grunted incredulously and threw his hands up.

              “I promised myself after all the infuriating times you’ve been a pain in the ass that I wouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t be clingy and ask you where we stood. But I can’t not say something. You’re making me crazy. I’ve given you space, let you come around, but even your brother is worried. Bobby, we’re adults. Nothing is solved by holding shit in. You have to talk shit out with people who care. Or at least be honest if you want them to fuck off and die. So just… hit me with it.”

              Bobby’d looked away, eyes cast down. Jody wanted to throttle the man. He was quiet for a long, long moment. But Jesus. When he finally looked back up, the storm clouds brewing there were breathtaking and heartbreaking and all those poetic things one says about how they feel when the person they love is that fucking devastated.

              “Bob….” Jody said, taking a step forward. He was silenced by Bobby reaching out a hand and hooking a finger in one of the belt loops on Jody’s jeans. Bobby pulled him close and with a broken, “I’m sorry,” buried his head in Jody’s stomach and wept.

***
 

BOBBY FELT OVERWHELMED. This moment was why he’d been afraid to confide in Jody, to let Jody touch him. He didn’t know if he was ready to face reality or be seen as damaged in Jody’s eyes. But Jody was right. He couldn’t keep going like he was. He didn’t want to hurt Jody. He didn’t want to push Jody away.

              He felt horrible, absolutely gutted, that even for an instant Jody thought Bobby would leave him. He didn’t want this to be their seventy percent, or whatever Jody said. He certainly didn’t want it to be their end. Fuck.

             
“You have to talk shit out with people who care.”

              He felt like a punk, weeping and snotting on Jody’s shirt, but he couldn’t stop himself for a minute. He didn’t think he’d even cried during his first bout with cancer. In fact, he hadn’t allowed himself to lean on anyone, and he’d quickly chased Angie off.

              He didn’t want to make a mess of this.

              “Bobby….”

              The concern dripping from that one word made Bobby pull back, shaking his head emphatically, trying to catch his breath. Jody dropped, taking a knee so he was eye to eye with Bobby, searching his face.

              Jody reached over and grabbed the slightly soggy napkin that’d been wrapped around Bobby’s frozen coffee. Jody always got him his favorite, too. And he’d treated Jody like crap.

              “I wasn’t… This isn’t the same. I promise. I wasn’t running, Jody. I was just… I’m sorry.”

              “Stop being sorry, Bobby, and talk.”

              “When I got cancer, I lost my shit, Jo. I did everything on my own. Even after I came out to Angie she wanted to help, and I hurt her bad, because I wouldn’t let her see me.” Bobby blew his nose. “Sorry, I’m gross.”

              “Bobby, I really could care less about your runny nose.” Jody placed a hand on Bobby’s knee and squeezed it gently. “Are you saying…?”

              “You’ve always been great with that. You didn’t ask weird questions about my fake ball.”

              Jody’s head jerked back, expression confused.

              “You have to know one of them is a fake. I told you. Testicular….”

              “Oh,” Jody said. Like talking about his testicular prosthesis was everyday conversation. “I guess I didn’t really think about it, but it… Obviously it wasn’t an issue.” Only Jody. He really seemed to not give a damn. Though, Bobby imagined it would matter much more to the ball owner than others.

              Something seemed to dawn on Jody because his face flickered with a realization. “Bob, is that why you freaked when I went for your balls the other night? Did you think I might feel it?”

              “Uh. No. You’ve been feeling it for months,” Bobby said, a little squeamish that they were explicitly discussing the thing that made him most uncomfortable in the world.

              “Then what’s up?”

              Bobby inhaled deeply. “I went for my checkup. Every six months or so, to make sure I’m still in remission. It’s a whole five-year, cancer-free thing.”

              Jody’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, a concerned frown marring his pretty face. “They found something?”

              Bobby lifted one shoulder noncommittally.

              “Dammit, Bobby! What?”

              “The doc noticed a lymph node in my groin was swollen. Called for some blood work. Something was off so we had to do more tests. We won’t know anything for a couple days.”

              Jody gripped Bobby’s face in both hands. “Oh, baby. You were freaking out all by yourself?”

              “I didn’t want to worry you.”

              “Bobby, that’s ridiculous.”

              “And, vain as it may seem, I wasn’t completely altruistic.”

              “I love it when you use your ten dollar words,” Jody teased. Bobby chuckled for what felt like the first time since he’d gotten that call the other day.

              “I didn’t want you to think of me being broken or diseased. That’s how I felt the first time. Helpless. It’s….” Bobby shook his head, unable to really verbalize it. He’d felt unmanned during chemo, weak and diseased. And this was his worst nightmare, that the cancer would come back. “I didn’t want you to have to worry about it, but I didn’t want to be damaged goods.”

              “Bobby. I would never think that.” Jody forced Bobby to look him in the eye, holding his head steady. “You’re about my favorite person in the world and you make me happy and we’re so good when we’re good. When we talk and just are us it’s so great. I’d rather be there for you. This feeling unsure about us hurt. But I understand.” That sort of hung there between them. Bobby believed completely that Jody was sincere, he felt like a heel.

              “Oh, Jody,” Bobby said, breathing in the man’s scent, soaking in his presence, him just being there made Bobby happier than any one person had before they’d met. “How could I not have told you I’ve fallen for you?” He felt horrible he’d let Jody doubt even one more second. “It’s like, since I realized that I was gay, since I really just accepted it and started being… Well, gay. I guess it’s like I wasn’t so much chasing my youth, as I was chasing this rainbow. And everyone saw it. This huge part of me as a person was unlocked. I wanted to squeeze so much rainbow, the fucking Skittles popped out because I just knew it’d catch up with me again. Cancer. Mortality. That five year window; it’s a bitch. It’s… scary. But now. Now I found you and fuck the rainbow. It’s like I’m walking into the sun. The sun makes the rainbows so the way I see it, that’s better. I’m just. Scared. And… I need you.”

Jody opened his mouth to speak but a sob burst out. Bobby silenced him, stealing a sweet, gentle kiss. He wrapped his arms around Jody and let himself cling for a minute. One overwhelmingly, forget-the-world moment of bliss.