Chasing the Rainbow (9 page)

“You’re late. Your mother was worried, then angry. It’s my last day and I have to listen to my sister complain all day.”

“Sorry, Flo,” he said. She winked at him as his mother hustled up to him and hugged him.

“Your brothers get here on time, but you… always late.” He heard the same thing at every family event. He couldn’t deny he was frequently late, but usually he had better reasons. If he’d been on a date with a woman, she’d have been thrilled, but he definitely couldn’t use his date as the excuse.

“Sorry.” He seemed to be saying that a lot today. But he wasn’t feeling quite so apologetic when he looked up and caught Angelina’s eye. He turned a scowl on his mother, who shrugged.

“What, she was like family. Of course she’s invited.”

“Ma.” He was sick of the heavy-handed way she dealt with his breakup by not dealing with it. He also wasn’t sure why he was surprised to see Angie there, bouncing one of his cousin’s infants in her lap. Keeping her around let his ma live in denial about them not being together anymore.

He huffed, not in the mood to fight. He left his mother and aunt, going into the eerily empty kitchen. His mother must have forced everyone out, which she was known to do when she had to cook for a large crowd. He jerked the refrigerator door open; harder than he’d intended and grunted when there was no beer there.

He made his way to the adjoining laundry room. When he opened the door, he found his brother sitting on top of the washing machine, drinking a beer and texting. “Cheater.” But this was the norm; him and Carlo hiding in the laundry room with its second refrigerator—the one with the beer.

Carlo looked up from his phone. “No, just smart. I don’t know why Ma fusses so much about us being here when she loses us the instant after we say our hellos.”

Bobby just grunted and grabbed a beer from the case sitting next to Carlo. He opened the beer; chugging, and leaned against the washing machine.

Carlo chuckled. “Guess you saw Angie, then?”

“I swear to God. She doesn’t do this with anyone else’s ex. The whole ‘but she’s family’ bit.”

“It’s funny, remembering how much she hated Angie in the beginning.”

“Well, she’s definitely Team Angie these days.” Bobby pulled his phone out and frowned to see Jody hadn’t responded to his text massages.

“You’re in a mood,” Carlo observed. Bobby didn’t respond. “Everything okay? Man trouble again?”

Bobby glared at a smirking Carlo. Then he sighed, because who else could he talk to about this? “I don’t know. I think I messed up again, but I’m not sure how.” He explained how the day had been going so well, but Jody’d seemed weird at the end there.

“You think he saw you flirting with the guy?”

“I didn’t—”

Carlo scoffed. “You flirt with fence posts, Bob. You don’t mean to. Some people say it’s an Italian thing, but it’s like your natural form of communication.”

Bobby had to admit there was truth to that. Grudgingly. “I don’t see why it’d be a problem.”

“You really do suck at the dating thing, don’t you?” Carlo’s face drained of color, gaze lingering toward the door. Bobby didn’t even have to ask. He’d been dumb to have this conversation here. When he saw his mother standing at the open door, he didn’t even flinch.

“You’re seeing someone?” His mother’s expression was borderline accusatory. When he looked out into the kitchen behind her, Angie was also there, her face full-on accusing. Why she had any right to be annoyed was beyond him. He’d asked her more than once to stop accepting his mother’s invitations. She knew there was no hope at a reconciliation, so she was just torturing herself and his mother. And now she had to be here for this confrontation.

But… someone? Bobby shared a quick look with his brother, who had slumped in apparent relief. Seems she’d missed the previous pronouns so he wasn’t out. Yet. That was something.

“Why haven’t you invited her over?”

Bobby snatched another beer and wandered into the kitchen. Angie was now practicing her best impression of a piece of furniture—seen and not heard. Thank goodness for small favors.

He really didn’t feel like discussing this, not with his ex in the room and a house full of family. But he knew his mother, and he could give up a small bit of the truth to get her off his back. “It’s only been like a month.” Or three. “And it’s not that serious.” Those words tasted bad in his mouth; bad as a lie. He saw Jody’s face in his head, imagined how disappointed Jody might be to hear him say the words and realized he wasn’t so sure they were still “not that serious.” He didn’t have time to examine that, turning back to his mother, briefly catching Carlo’s mouthed “yeah right” behind her back.

It was a pretty swift kick to the nads to realize this right after he’d obviously done something to upset Jody.

“I’m gonna…,” Angie said, behind Bobby. He didn’t even watch her go. His mother frowned, watching Angie leave.

“Ma, don’t. We have a houseful. It’s not the time.” Carlo stepped in, before his mother could start. Bobby shot his brother a thankful look. He’d proven to be a helluva backup over the last few years. Bobby felt guilty they needed the buffer at all.

His mother considered them for a moment. “Well, then go out and entertain, and get out of my kitchen.” They couldn’t move their feet fast enough.

“That was close,” Bobby said, mostly to himself.

“Yeah, well, I’d say it’s going to get worse instead of better until you fess up.” Carlo didn’t say the words with any heat, but they felt like censure nonetheless.

Well, the day had started out good.

Chapter 11

THE PARTY HAD extended into the night. After those with children went home, and the guest of honor herself had made her way up to bed, the stragglers pulled out the wine. Even his mother had tied one on. She spent the night casting unhappy looks her son’s way. She didn’t like not being in the know. Thankfully the eldest Gugino son hadn’t shown up, due to obligations to his wife’s family, because he would have been like a dog with a bone at his mother’s side.

              Bobby’s guilt had stepped up a couple notches throughout the night, Carlo casting a few meaningful glances his way each time he checked his cell phone. Jody still hadn’t messaged him. He’d planned on going over to Jody’s after dinner but since Jody wasn’t answering, not knowing whether Jody was home or not, he’d stayed behind for the wine and gossip portion of the festivities.

              He even felt a little bad for Angie finding out he was seeing someone the way she had. He didn’t know why. She knew the score and she was the one who wouldn’t say no to his mother. But some of that was his fault for not disabusing his mother of the idea that a woman—any woman—had a chance at all.

              He’d also felt like shit, looking around as some of his cousins gripped their significant others and flirted and kissed like they did. He hadn’t realized how much his closet had sucked until he realized the only reason Jody wasn’t there was because he’d hidden him. Not that he thought people would have been pleased to watch them make out like teenagers the way his cousin Maria did with her boyfriend, John, but having Jody there would have been nice.

              Which served to remind him again that he’d fucked up, probably, not telling Jody he had moved into the scary and unknown land of wanting “more.” He’d never had to have that conversation before. He’d been fucking around with guys who he’d never have wanted to come out for, and with Angie he’d just walked in with her one day, and even though his mother disapproved at first, it had just happened. And he’d never really cared one way or the other whether Angie was there or not. In fact, sometimes she just downright made the whole night more stressful because talk would turn to marriage or kids, so he’d stopped mentioning family dinners to her toward the end of their relationship.

              He sighed, rolling over on the couch he’d slept on in the basement apartment. He’d lived there during college, but mostly they all used it as a place to drink and crash during family get-togethers so they wouldn’t disturb his mother while they drank and laughed into the wee hours.

              The smell of coffee and a realization of the hour made him finally rise and shower. He wore the same clothes, but felt ten times better, if still a little tense, as he went upstairs. He sighed inwardly when he opened the door to the kitchen and found Carlo and his mother in deep conversation at the breakfast table.

              He mumbled a good morning. He felt more like a guilty sixteen-year-old than a grown man as his mother’s gaze burned into him while he poured himself a mug of coffee.

              “So….” His mother trailed off, as if it were obvious what Bobby should say. He supposed the subject was easy to figure out, but he wasn’t quite awake enough to have any kind of conversation or know how to hedge.

              “Ma, please.” Carlo sounded exasperated.

              “I can’t get anything out of your brother, so there must be something wrong with this girl, because my Bobby wouldn’t keep secrets.” Right. Bobby leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee and weighing his words.

              She teased her curly black hair with her brightly painted red fingernails, gaze boring into Bobby. “Do you think I wouldn’t approve?”

              And then some. “Ma, like I said, it’s just early days.”

              His mother sighed, loudly. “I guess I just thought you’d split with Angie for some mid-life crisis. I know the cancer wasn’t easy on you. But… she’s like a daughter to me. I’d be disappointed, but if you’re happy.” Bobby smelled bullshit, and judging by Carlo’s expression, he smelled it too.

              “What?” she snapped. “A mother can want what’s best for her sons, even if they’re grown. But you’re acting so immature. Angelina is a good woman, she fits in with the family, she’s from the neighborhood.”

              “She was married when they started screwing, Ma,” Carlo stated matter-of-factly. That earned him a glare from both Bobby and their mother. “It’s true.”

              His brother coming to his defense. Again. His mother was still trying to shove Angie down his throat, which looked like it wouldn’t stop any time soon. He looked at his phone and saw there was still no word from Jody. Fuck. How many relationships could he make a complete mess of? He was tired. And how could he even think of being anything more to Jody, having more good days with Jody, if all of this shit kept hanging over his head? Hadn’t he kept silent for the sake of her approval too long? And how much longer before Carlo was completely tired of helping him?

              He shouldn’t have to.

              His mother was waxing poetic about Angelina again when he just held up a hand and said, “Ma. Stop. Seriously.”

              Her hackles rose and she was undoubtedly about to start going off about being talked to like that in her own home. He’d heard it before, which is why he so rarely fought with her. “I’m seeing a man.”

              He was sure his eyes were as wide as his mother’s and Carlo’s. The words had just tumbled out. But they didn’t feel wrong. He felt like he was doing the right thing, finally moving in a clear direction rather than being stagnant, stuck in the same pattern he’d been in since life pressed pause that day he heard the doctor say “We need to discuss your blood work.”

              She looked baffled, flicking her gaze from Bobby to Carlo then back again. Carlo smiled encouragingly. “You knew about this?” she asked Carlo.

              “Ma, don’t get mad at Carlo. I asked him not to tell.”

              “I don’t understand this, though. You…. with a man?” She shook her head. “Not my son. You were with Angie for so long. Does she know about this?”

              “Of course she does. I told her when we were breaking up.”

              “No. I don’t believe it. Why tell me now?” She held up a hand. “You know what? Never mind. I can’t hear this right now.” And with that, she stood and went stomping up the stairs. Bobby watched her go, not surprised by her actions, but still stung by them.

              “That went well,” Bobby grumbled, earning a small laugh from Carlo.

“Bob,” Carlo said, softly, after a few beats of silence. Bobby looked at his brother. “Give her time, okay? She loves you, but you just blew up a bomb on her world view.”

              “Yeah,” was all Bobby could muster. He was a little confused by all the things he was feeling right about then. He was proud of himself for finally saying it, but hadn’t he read somewhere it was bad to come out during a disagreement. Then again, the Guginos were always disagreeing. Arguing was a favorite pastime for his mother.

              But he also felt a million other things, like anger and shock. And he wanted to talk to Jody, which was a first for him.

              “Bob, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you said something. But really, why now?”

              “Was there ever going to be a good time?”

              Carlo huffed. “With our mother? No. She’d always have reacted like that. I’m just surprised is all I’m proud of you, and all, it’s just… yeah, surprising.”

              “It just felt right. Like I’ve been messing everything up lately and this was the first step to setting some things to rights.”

              Carlo nodded. “You mean with that guy you’re seeing.”

              “I mean with all of you. You constantly having to cover, Angie not being able to move on, Ma with her worrying.” He took a deep breath and admitted to a truth out loud. “And yes. With him.”

              Carlo grinned mischievously. “But it’s ‘not that serious’.”

              “Shut up, Carlo.”

              “Did you get things squared away yet?”

              “It’s a lot to square away.”

              “Well, you’re not getting anything done sitting here and whining about it.”

              Bobby sighed. He wondered if his brother would be as accepting if he knew the man in question was Jody, because Carlo had been as vocal about his anger at poor Izzy Fiorino’s bastard ex as everyone else had. He had a split second where he wondered if he ought not leave well enough alone. They’d always given Jody a hard time about being a rich kid, the one who wasn’t from their block. And they hadn’t even realized, as Bobby hadn’t until recently, just how well off Jody and his family were. According to his family’s feelings regarding both break-ups, would they blame Jody for “taking” Bobby from Angie? He knew them all too well. Jody didn’t deserve that shit. He probably deserved better than Bobby.

              But even the idea of not seeing Jody any more bothered Bobby too much to consider. Maybe it was selfish, but for the first time ever, he felt like maybe he could give something an honest go. His brother was right, though. He was getting nothing done just sitting around his mother’s house brooding.

              “Bob, stop thinking so hard. God, it’s not that difficult is it? Just go after your meeting tomorrow. You’ll be in your suit. No one seems to be able to resist your salesman routine.”

              “Sell myself?” Bobby laughed, surprised that he didn’t think it was a half-bad idea.

              “Isn’t that what dating is?”

              “I wouldn’t know.” He’d explained to Carlo on a few drunken nights how his past “relationships” had worked, how he’d never really tried or cared. Carlo’s heavy expression at the moment said he understood where Bobby was coming from, probably remembering those same conversations. He’d dropped his teasing demeanor and studied Bobby carefully.

              “This is new.”

              “What?” Bobby asked.

              “It’s strange seeing you insecure.”

              “Everyone is, aren’t they?” Bobby shrugged.

              “Not you. I’ve never seen you… worked up like this.”

              Bobby dropped his head in his hands. “I feel ridiculous.”

              “So. Stop sharing your feelings with me. Share them with this guy. I hear that’s how the relationship thing works. And for the record, I’m proud of you; for today.”

              Bobby glance up at his brother. They’d always been close, but he was really glad he had Carlo on his side. He had the urge to hug his brother. So he did. They thumped each other on the back, then separated in that awkward way they tended to when they got too mushy.

              That’s how this relationship thing works. Was he ready to jump? He’d certainly gone headfirst into being gay. Maybe it was time to do the same with a relationship. If he hadn’t fucked it up too badly, already.