Chasing the Rainbow (5 page)

Bobby at least had the decency to look like he knew he was being a jerk. Jody thought that was unfair. His overly optimistic ways had just bitten him in the ass again. Guys did this all the time, though. Right? He could be casual with Bobby G. Hell, there were plenty who’d give their left nut to be with a guy like him. Even if Jody was most definitely not that kind of guy…

When Bobby left, the door closed behind him; Jody flopped down on the couch and chugged his beer, chasing the taste of Bobby’s kisses away.

He pulled his phone out of his pants pocket and shot Alex a text
. Another frog bites the dust.

Within seconds he received a response.
Damn. Sorry, dude.
: (

“Me, too,” he said to his overwhelmingly empty apartment. “Me fucking too.”

Chapter 6

BOBBY HADN’T BEEN lying when he said he wasn’t an exclusive kinda guy. He’d spent twelve years in a committed relationship with a woman; scared of his feelings, trapped in self-imposed guilt, trying to convince himself that life was better with the devil he knew. Then he’d had his shit turned upside down and jumped at the chance to just live.

              He’d not been a total man whore, but he’d done some catching up on all those missed years of the joys of gay sex, giving himself a break for the simple fact he’d denied himself for so long. But one thing he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to give himself a break for was the look on Jody’s face when he’d left the other night. He wouldn’t say the disappointment was surprising, because he had definitely obliterated the joy in that hopeful face. The worst part, though, had been the fact he could read regret on Jody’s face.

              He’d pissed off a one-nighter before, but he’d never seen someone so plainly regret sleeping with him.

              Bobby had been off his game from the moment he stepped in the apartment and felt so strangely like he wasn’t good enough for Jody. Not only was Jody the relationship type, and funny and sexy… He also happened to be loaded, apparently. It wouldn’t be the first time a rich white boy decided to fuck around with a Guido, a “Jersey Shore” inspired walk on the wild side. It smarted, so he’d maybe been a little reckless with his treatment of Jody, allowing his need to prove something to take over. He couldn’t figure out why it’d mattered. What’d it matter if Bobby was good enough or not? They were just buddies getting off together. Not like they were going to date. He was just blowing off some steam with a sexy guy, secretly hoping it’d dull the edge of attraction that was there between them.

              He had the feeling he’d accomplished that, but good—for Jody. Bobby suspected he must be even more attracted now that he knew what the man felt like in his hand, how he kissed, how his face during the throes of passion managed to somehow be adorable and fucking sexy at the same time.

              Bobby thought maybe that explained why he was there, again, at McNamara’s. Yeah, the coffee was great, but Carlo had said it himself. There were at least ten coffee shops that weren’t chains in the next two blocks. He still found himself drawn back to McNamara’s, like a sixteen-year-old angsting after his first real crush. As opposed to a thirty-six-year-old angsting over his first real crush?

             
Christ, this whole gay learning curve was getting old.

              The barista called to say his order was up just as Bobby’s gaze landed on Jody’s across the café. Bobby’d found a small reprieve, in that Jody hadn’t seen him; too immersed in one of his books—becoming a lone person in an island of millions as New Yorkers were wont to do.

              Suddenly, Jody looked much younger himself, his lashes fluttering as his gaze flicked around the room, looking anywhere but at Bobby. But that moment, the brief and simple meeting of eyes, and Bobby saw flashes of shy smiles and lust-flushed cheeks; memories of heavy breathing and sweet kisses making Bobby feel warm inside.

              He made his way to Jody’s table, pulling out a seat, trying to pull out some of his Bobby G charm along with the chair. “How goes it, Jo?”

              Jody sat up, back rigid, as Bobby leaned closer. “You look nice today,” Bobby said, flirting, trying to ease some of the tension. Jody looked like he wanted to cave, but Bobby still saw that thing that hurt his gut—fuck knows why—in Jody’s demeanor.

              “What can I help you with, Bobby?” Jody’s voice wasn’t strained, but his affect was polite, like he was only talking to him because there were customers around. Bobby knew he had to be confusing the guy, but he was feeling as conflicted in his own head so he didn’t know how to…
What are you even trying to do, Gugino? You said it yourself. You’re not ready to settle down again. Not yet.

              But did not settling down mean he had to not see Jody? People did that, right?

              “Well, I thought we had fun the other night. Maybe you wanted to grab some beers, watch a game.”

              One of Jody’s brows winged up sardonically. “You want to grab a beer. Watch a game?”

              “Yeah.” Bobby shrugged. “Pal around. You know, like friends.”

              Jody huffed, but more to himself and definitely not in a manner that signaled amusement. “That’s what we were going for? Friends?”

              Bobby knew shrugging his shoulders could only come off as petulant, but this was the only way he could think of to still see Jody and not feel… Too comfortable. He didn’t want that feeling again. He liked living. “Adults do that, right? Friends.”

              “I’m assuming you mean the type of friends with benefits.”

              Again, Bobby tried to go for flirty, but knew he was fidgeting under Jody’s disappointed gaze. “Something casual. But still friends. I thought we’d gotten to know each other fairly well over the last few months.”

              Jody shook his head sadly. “I like you, Bobby. I do. I’m ashamed to admit how much, now.” The self-derision in Jody’s tone made Bobby wince inwardly. Didn’t it do wonders for a guy’s ego to hear someone say they’re ashamed to like them? “But the other night proved to me I’m not the hook up type anymore.”

              “Oh, come on, man. Every guy’s the hook up type, huh?” Bobby smiled to show he was joking, but apparently the humor was lost on Jody.

              “Not me. I don’t want to be a piece of ass, Bobby.” Jody pinned Bobby with his gaze, smiling kindly, but sadly. “I don’t judge you if you came out to do that, to recapture your youth. I even understand it a little. But I’ve never been the type, and I certainly didn’t end my painful marriage and get my life together to mess around. Revoke my man card if you like, but that’s not me.” Jody said the words in such a way Bobby couldn’t take offense, really didn’t think Jody was passing judgment. The words stung all the same.

              He must have remained silent too long, because Jody gathered his things and rose from the table. He patted Bobby’s shoulder. “If you want more, you know where to find me. I won’t wait around, but I’d like to think I wasn’t just kissing another frog.”

              Bobby blinked as he looked up at Jody, who flushed and pulled his hand away. With a nod, Jody was off. Bobby watched Jody, and that magnificent ass he’d had his hands on not long ago, as Jody walked across the store and through a door leading into the unknown back areas of the bookstore.

BOBBY WAS ANNOYED. He was pretty certain he was annoyed with himself, but he kept putting it off on everyone and everything else. He’d snapped on more than one of his workers. Eventually Carlo had told him to pack it in and head home for the afternoon. His brother was rarely seen without a smile, but Bobby had pushed it, obviously, because Carlo had looked none too pleased.

              Definitely handling it like an adult.

              Bobby’d been stewing since he arrived home, which didn’t help because he realized how childish he’d been. He even realized he may—may—be freaking out and fucking up a good thing with Jody. No one said it had to be a big deal to see someone more than once, right?

             
“I don’t want to be a piece of ass…”

              What could Bobby do with that? Maybe he and Jody wanted things that were polar opposites of what the other did.

              But Bobby definitely wanted to spend more time with the man. He’d never talked to someone so easily, or shared similar interests outside the bedroom so much as he had with Jody. So their pasts were a little hinky, but didn’t that just make for another thing for them to bond over?

              Didn’t change the fact Jody wanted a relationship. Bobby wasn’t opposed to the idea, not completely, but he’d been in one so long before he’d come out, he didn’t know if he was ready to do that again.

              He was startled out of his thoughts when his brother banged through the front door. Bobby smiled lamely and offered a beer to Carlo, who flopped down in the recliner next to Bobby. All he got in response was a grunt and narrowed eyes. Great.

              “So. Sorry about earlier.” Bobby was man enough to say he was a pain in the ass.

              “You’re damn right you are.” Carlo popped the can of beer open, cheap stuff, and took a few swigs before leaning back in the chair, eyeing Bobby as if to say, “Get on with it.”

              Bobby sighed. “You really don’t want to hear about it.”

              “Well, I figured it had to be something gay for you to be all twisted up like that. It was… different.” Bobby decided not to correct Carlo because he supposed it was “something gay,” and Carlo did seem more than interested in helping his baby brother. That was better than Bobby could probably expect if discussing the same topic with their oldest brother.

              “You don’t have to listen to my crap.”

              “If it’ll get the stick out of your ass and keep our crew from quitting when we’re behind on a project, you bet your sorry ass I want to hear.” A wicked gleam flitted through Carlo’s eye before he said, “And I have to admit, it’ll be fun to finally give you crap over a guy.”

              Bobby scoffed. “Because you never gave me crap over a girl.”

              “Not if you think back. Never seemed like it’d matter. For some reason, now it seems like it’d get under your skin. It’s fun being fifteen again.” He was surprised to realize the truth of Carlo’s words. How he hadn’t been clued in earlier was beyond him. He knew it wasn’t completely unusual for a man to realize he’s gay later in his twenties for some people, but he really did hate thinking back on all his missed or buried clues. He couldn’t think too hard on them, because it was damned depressing.

              “Are we ever not fifteen?” Bobby asked; surprised at how serious he sounded to his own ears.

              Carlo’s face flashed with horror. “Shut up with that shit. If Ma ever hears, it’ll be like vindication.”                           

              Bobby laughed out loud; relieved to feel a slight release of the tension he’d been cursed with since he’d left Jody earlier in the day. 

              “So, really, come on. What’s up?”

              Bobby smiled wryly. “I guess it is man troubles.”

              Carlo sat up and whooped, laughing. Bobby had to marvel at it for a second. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky. Carlo had never batted an eye when he’d come out. The exact opposite of what he’d expected. Yes, Carlo was a juvenile asshole sometimes, but he surprised Bobby all the time. They both knew better than to think the rest of their family would be as open-minded though.

              “So. What’s this guy’s name?”

              Bobby blanched. He didn’t think opening with the fact it happened to be Jody, the same Jody who’d hurt poor little Isabella and her mother with his gayness would help.

              “Not important right now.”

              Carlo’s brows went up, but he just took another drink of his beer, signaling for Bobby to continue.

              “I’ve been getting to know him a few months now. We finally got some….” Bobby cleared his throat, not sure how to put it. He probably could be more frank with Carlo, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to push it. This was uncomfortable on more than a few levels, nice or not.

              “Adult time?” Carlo asked, tone blasé as he reached for another beer from the case.

              “Yes.”

              “And….”

              “I insinuated it was just a casual thing.”

              “But you want more?”

              “Maybe.” Bobby fell back in his seat. “Maybe. He definitely does, though. He’s divorced. Came out later in life, too. We got a lot in common. But he doesn’t want a casual thing.”

              Carlo studied Bobby for a moment. “You must have been through this with women. I mean, Angie at first wasn’t exactly… available….” That was putting it mildly.

              “I guess. I don’t know if I’m ready to be back in a relationship. We were together almost twelve years when we split.”

              “When you split four years ago. And you’ve been full-tilt gaypalooza like the boys in little gold shorts might disappear and they’d close all the bars in the tri-state area that cater to your tribe.”

              “My tribe?”

              “You have a flag. It’s a tribe.” Carlo was so serious, Bobby snorted.

              “You’re an idiot.”

              “Takes one to know one.”

              “Mature.”

              “I know you are but what am I?”

              Bobby stared at his brother a moment before they both guffawed. The last of the tension bled from his body and he was glad he’d decided to talk to his brother.

              “Look, Bob,” Carlo said, sobering. “Don’t get pissed. I’m just gonna say this and that’ll be it. I don’t know if you were looking for advice or just wanted to sound off. But here’s my thoughts, for what they’re worth.” He took a deep breath which didn’t inspire much confidence in Bobby.