Cher (62 page)

For anyone who has not heard any of the cuts from the
Not.Com.mercial
album, the logical question to ask might be: “Are the songs so awful that they couldn’t be released conventionally?” The answer is “no.” The
music is well-recorded, the lyrics are straightforward and very heartfelt. However, the songs on this album are totally different in style from the entertaining pop hits that have made Cher a star. Also, knowing that this album was not going to be offered in department stores or played on radio stations, Cher was able to pepper the songs with as many four-letter words and expletives as she pleased. And she did exactly that.

The album opens up with the song “Still,” which is a great mid-tempo rock ballad of lost love. It is directly followed by the CD’s most controversial song, “Sisters of Mercy,” on which Cher spends five minutes blasting the nuns at the Catholic orphanage her mother placed her in as a baby. Explains Cher,

I wrote this song for my mother. After she had me, she got pregnant again. My father took her to Scranton, Pennsylvania, and he left her. I was six or eight months old. So she took me to this Catholic orphanage. She was completely on her own and went to work in this all-night diner for a dollar a night plus tips. She made this arrangement for the nuns to take care of me. Then, my father didn’t come back, so she got an abortion. And, she almost died, so for three weeks she couldn’t get out of bed. When she came back to see me, the mother superior wouldn’t let her. She said, “You are not a fit mother, and you have to put her up for adoption.” My mother said the [nuns] were so cruel to her. She was so without any resources, and she felt the weight of this huge establishment against her. That’s why I wrote the song (233).

Cher’s song lyrics so upset some devout Catholics that a number of church members managed to publicly jump into the fray. Sister Camille D’Arienzo, who is the president of the Brooklyn New York chapter of the real life Sisters of Mercy organization, went on record in the
New York Post
to make a statement. According to her, “If her charges [of cruelty by the nuns] are true, then there is no one of us who would not express sorrow. If they are not true, such harsh criticism, while being unfair, also carries a warning to all . . . who are responsible for the care of all people young or elderly. She’s an artist, too, so there also lingers the question of how much imagination preys into an artist’s memory” (234).

The song “The Fall (Kurt’s Blues)” was written about the suicide of Kurt Cobain. “Fear to Fly” was about the World War II veterans who defended the free world in the 1940s and were often shunned by society when they returned home once the battle was won. Similarly, the song “Our Lady of San Francisco” is about a homeless woman she once
encountered in the City by the Bay. One of the best cuts on the album is “Disaster Cake,” which Cher penned about one of Chastity’s lovers. Explains Cher, “I wrote the song about Chastity’s ex-girlfriend, Heidi. She was staying at my home trying to get her life together. I tried to talk to her, but people have always got to learn for themselves! Around my house we call it ‘learning the hard way’ ” (232).

The
Not.Com.mercial
album rounded out its eight Cher-penned songs with two from friends. One of them was “Born with the Hunger,” which was given to her by Shirley Eikhard. The other was her 1970 recording of the Sonny Bono composition “Classified 1A,” which was the disastrous single that was released just prior to “Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves.”

During the time period in which Cher released
Not.Com.mercial
on the Internet, two new Cher compilations of note were released. In the United States, MCA Records rolled out a two-disc collection called
The Way of Love
. Among the forty songs on this “best of” collection were all of her MCA-released hits from the early 1970s, four Sonny & Cher cuts from the era, and the three biggest hits from her Imperial Records days in the 1960s—including “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down).”
The Way of Love
also marks the third album appearance of “Classified 1A.” The one song on this two-disc compilation that makes its album debut here is the long-forgotten “B” side of the “Classified 1A” single, the Sonny Bono–written and –produced song “Don’t Put It on Me.” The conga-driven ballad is one of the album’s highlights. It is obviously the product of their middle-of-the-road lounge act days.

Also in stores in time for Christmas 2000 was the non-hits Cher compilation called
Behind the Door 1964–1974
, from Australian-based Raven Records. Included on this twenty-five-cut album are sixteen songs from the 1960s and nine from the 1970s. The producers who assembled this album intentionally wanted to release a Cher album that didn’t include any of the singer’s hit singles so that it could be played next to a Cher hit album without overlapping tracks.

Before the controversy from Cher’s song “Sisters of Mercy” had a chance to cool off, the “Dark Lady” diva made one of her most high-profile cross-marketing appearances, on the top-rated American television show
Will & Grace
. Not only did she make a brief appearance on the program itself, but the TV show was also used to market the latest Cher collectable item: the forthcoming Barbie doll series Cher doll. Although the doll was not going to be available to the public until the spring of 2001, it made a notable debut on national television.

The special Cher episode of
Will & Grace
was broadcast on November 16, 2000. The character of Jack gives his friend Will a new Cher doll for his birthday, knowing that Will wouldn’t want it—allowing Jack to keep it for himself. In several of the successive scenes, Jack is seen playing with the doll, and doing very affected Cher impersonations. Finally, it leads up to a scene at a coffee shop, where Jack has provided his Cher doll with a seat at the table all her own, complete with a children’s “booster” chair.

The real-life Cher shows up, looking very classic “Cher,” complete with bell-bottom jeans and a fall of waist-length straight hair. She tells Jack that even she thinks it’s a little bizarre that he is talking to her doll as if it were a real person. However, supposed Cher expert Jack doesn’t realize that he is actually talking to the real Cher. He then accuses her of being a drag queen. This comment leads to a comical competition between Jack, imitating Cher, and Cher, just being herself.

Finally, in disbelief, the real diva tells Jack to “get a life” and then turns to leave. However, unable to let the job go unfinished, Cher turns back to Jack and sings a chorus line of her signature song “If I Can Turn Back Time.” When Jack still doesn’t “get” it, he in turn does an over-the-top impersonation of Cher singing the same lyrics. Unable to resist driving her point home, Cher is compelled to slap Jack on the face, reciting her famed
Moonstruck
line: “Snap out of it!”

Although she’s on camera less than two minutes she manages to steal the whole show, while effectively plugging the new Cher doll. The Cher doll instantly became the most highly anticipated collectable doll of the new century! According to the
New York Times
, “[It was] a decision by Cher to donate her fees from the sales of the [Cher doll]. Mattel said the organizations receiving those donations would include a foundation that fights facial and cranial disorders among children and a foundation raising money for the National World War II Memorial in Washington [D.C.]” (235).

When the year 2001 debuted,
America Online
ran the New Year’s resolutions of several media stars. Cher expounded upon several new album projects she hoped to record and release by the end of the year. “I want to do a live album at Carnegie Hall of old standards, like the ones I used to do on
The Sonny & Cher Show
. And I want to do a country album with all the really great country artists. A Christmas album too. That’s what I always say, ‘Ok, this is the year I’m going to do those three albums’ ” (236).

In May of 2001, when the new collectable Cher doll hit toy outlets, it turned out to be quite a work of finely crafted art. According to the Mattel Toys website, the doll is dressed

in a daring lavender gown designed by Bob Mackie. The Cher doll achieves incredible likeness to her namesake. True to life details including authentic face sculpting, dramatic face paint, and a gorgeous mane of black hair. And the dress—a stunning lavender ensemble fit for this legendary entertainer. Crisscross halter, floor-length skirt and a fabulous feather boa make a bold statement. Silvery swirled detailing accents the gown, adding just the right amount of sparkle to this already breathtaking doll (237).

To say the least, Cher’s huge late 1990s comeback was an inspiration to many of her hit-making contemporaries. Says former LaBelle singer Sarah Dash, “I still enjoy her talent today. She has really given me the incentive, because, of our peers, for her to come back in such a big way, was truly fantastic. Santana
and
Cher. I mean don’t rest on your laurels! I am anxiously awaiting to see her again, and find out what she does next” (84). Supremes star Mary Wilson is among Cher’s biggest supporters. “I don’t know how she did it, but I’m just glad that she did, because she’s just one of those people, that you don’t expect that from—and she came through with it,” says Wilson of Cher’s return to the top (238).

According to actress Sally Kirkland,

Cher has been through a lot of ups and downs. It is hard for me to identify with someone who has had it too easy, and hard for me to identify with someone who doesn’t get back up and fight for what she believes in. She is definitely the type of person who has a lot of tenacity. Cher just keeps reinventing herself, and she has been amazingly feisty about keeping in the limelight and remaining true to herself. Role models like her come few and far between. I identify with her for standing up for women, and consistently aligning herself with good causes (70).

Now that Cher is at an all-time high in her career, will she be content to rest on her laurels for a while? According to her,

I keep hoping I’m going to catch that Frank Sinatra wave and never have to prove myself again. You know, that one big wave Sinatra hit, and then he was “Sinatra” forever and ever? But I’m really fine with the peaks and valleys. It’s the valleys that make me—force me—to reach further. I live an artist’s life. It’s not supposed to be smooth and nice and tidy and neat. I don’t like the valleys very much when they’re happening and I’m always surprised when I peak again, but I just keep doing it (192).

Yet, isn’t her life much more interesting as a roller coaster, than if it suddenly all became smooth sailing? “Oh, it’s a lot better to read about than it is to live,” she insists.

Yeah, it makes good drama, but it’s really difficult, especially when everybody’s saying, “There is no way Cher is gonna pull it out this time,” and I also find myself thinking, “Shit! There is no way I’m gonna pull it out this time!” But I’m responsible for my own downfalls, because I am a very strange combination of stability and instability. Emotionally, half of me is solid and down-to-earth, the other half is Judy Garland. But I’m fine with it. I’m good with it, actually. I have lemons, and I make lemonade (192).

Although she is at the peak of her career, she still feels hemmed in by people’s preconceptions of her. She is also frustrated being the age she is currently. “I hate my fifties,” she claims.

They suck. I never felt older until I hit 50. And the way I first noticed was through my work. When I was 40 I was playing opposite somebody who was 21, and nobody noticed. But at 45, as you start to look older, all you can do is look good for your age. There’s a certain span of time—and I’m very much there—when you have to wait till you can play the Shirley MacLaine/Anne Bancroft roles. So what am I supposed to do? Like, go camping for 10 years. . . . When you turn this age, you’ve been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, got the poster, been the poster. You have to figure out new, creative ways to stay vital, interested, have new dreams. Maybe I’ll come back as a cowboy. Maybe next time I’ll do better (171).

More film directing seems to be an obvious option for Cher. “There’s a place for me to make my talent visible. I don’t know if it’s in front or behind the camera, but I know I can contribute,” she claims (171).

It is interesting to note that many of Cher’s biggest-selling songs, like “Take Me Home” and “Believe,” resulted from her literally being talked into recording them. It is as though the kind of music Cher thinks she ought to sing isn’t always what people want to hear her singing. With
regard to her complaints while recording the
Believe
album, Bob Esty explains,

I heard she hated the experience, like the
Take Me Home
experience, again. But at least this time, I hope, that she’s come to realize that when you are good at something, and people like you doing it, you’ve got to accept it. Maybe it’s not your favorite music. And maybe you don’t understand why people like it, but they love it and love her. I was thrilled to find out that she was going to perform “Take Me Home” in her act. She is bigger than any of the rock acts she is emulating, and they all want to be her! I hope she is having a good time with the music she is doing now, because everyone else is sure enjoying listening to her do it (101).

As of late, Cher has also become weary of her tattoos. She has also publicly stated that she is considering getting them removed. “When I got them, no one else had them. Now everyone has them. They’re not so fabulous anymore” (171).

While Cher has worn wigs ever since her days on
The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour
, in the mid-1990s, she began wearing them exclusively for all of her public appearances. Since that time she has been experimenting with blonde wigs, red wigs, black wigs, and white wigs. “You know, I’ve worn wigs my whole life when I work, so they don’t ruin my hair,” she explains.