Cherish the Land (7 page)

Seth hadn’t. He’d heard plenty of gossip when he lived here before, even with the jackaroos trying to protect his “innocent ears,” but none of it had ever come from Macklin’s lips.

“I broke up with Ilene,” he said, trying to decide where to start. “It wasn’t working between us. There’s… someone else. There always has been, but I can’t…. He’ll never look at me. I know it’s hopeless. He’s with someone else, but at least if I’m here…. Bloody hell, I’m making a complete arse of myself.”

“Love has a way of doing that to a man,” Macklin agreed. “Here’s the deal. You can stay. This is your home as much as it is his.” Seth grimaced. He hadn’t meant to be that transparent. “But it can’t interfere with your work. Either of your work. If that means you don’t work on the same crew as him, that’s fine. I can assign you to different crew bosses. If that means coordinating your days off so you aren’t off at the same time, I can do that. But it’s up to you to handle the times when you can’t avoid him. In the canteen, in the bunkhouse—unless you’re staying with Chris and Jesse?” Seth had been tempted to do that, but that would be too much like admitting defeat. He shook his head. “Then we’ll need to find you a room in the bunkhouse too. And you’re going to have to deal with the bunkhouse gossip. Neil won’t let them talk about Caine and me, he shuts them down almost as fast when they talk about Jeremy and Sam, and they’re all too scared of Thorne to talk about him and Ian. That leaves Chris and Jesse—who are too domesticated to be interesting most of the time—and whoever might have paired off out there.”

Seth had heard enough gossip about Chris and Jesse when they were still in the getting-together stage to know exactly what to expect. He’d have to sit there with a smile pasted on and pretend it didn’t kill him every time Jason’s name was paired with Cooper’s. He’d have to tease Jason the same way he’d tease any other jackaroo once he couldn’t pretend not to hear the gossip. He’d have to put on the façade he’d perfected while living with his stepfather and act like everything was fine when nothing was fine at all. And he’d have to do it so well that his best friend didn’t suspect.

He clenched his fist, pulling the torn skin over his knuckles. The bite of pain settled him. He could handle it. “It’ll be worth it to be home.”

“You could try telling him,” Macklin said. “You might be surprised.”

“He’s with someone else,” Seth repeated. “I don’t poach. If it doesn’t work out for them, I’ll think about it, but I won’t be the other guy in this story.”

“Your choice,” Macklin said. “Now, if you’re staying, we need to talk about duties. I doubt you want to spend all your time following the mob around.”

“Carley mentioned Caine had plans,” Seth said. “Might as well use my fancy degree for something.”

J
EREMY
GLANCED
down at his watch again. Ten o’clock. How long did it take for the doctors to do their rounds? He’d expected someone to come talk to them an hour ago at least.

“Checking your watch every two minutes isn’t going to make them come any sooner,” Sam said.

“I know, but it’s been hours already.”

“Only because we got here so early. Ten o’clock isn’t that early unless you work on a sheep station, love.”

Jeremy sighed and looked at his watch again: 10:02. “If I have to watch any more bad telly, I’m going to scream.”

“Don’t do that. My ears wouldn’t survive.”

Jeremy spun around at the unexpected voice.

“Neil! What are you doing here?”

Neil shrugged in the way Jeremy had learned to expect when Neil had done something nice and then tried to pretend it didn’t matter. “I hadn’t heard anything this morning, so I figured I’d come check on you.”

“So you got up at the crack of dawn to get here?” Sam snarked. “Even if we had news this morning, you left before we could have got it to you.”

“My brothers needed me,” Neil said in such a matter-of-fact tone that Jeremy had to fight back tears again.

“We’re glad you’re here.” Jeremy’s cheeks burned at the sound of his voice breaking, but he needed Neil to understand how much his presence meant. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“What did Caine say about you coming?” Sam asked.

“He said if I wanted to spend my day off in the car, that was my business,” Neil replied. “As long as I leave by dinner, I can get home tonight. It’ll be a long day, but it’ll be worth it.”

“It wasn’t your day off,” Jeremy said with a frown. He was out of it, yes, but he knew Neil’s day off was always Sunday, not Saturday.

“Caine seemed to think it was when he made that comment last night,” Neil replied with a shrug. Gratitude surged through Jeremy again. Whatever happened with Devlin, Jeremy would still have a family, one far more reliable than his brother had ever been.

“Mr. Taylor?”

Jeremy took a deep breath and steeled himself to face the doctor.

“Yes, I’m Taylor.”

“We did another CT scan on your brother this morning. That’s why it’s taken me so long to come talk to you.” The doctor’s tone was kind, overly so.

“It’s bad news, isn’t it?” Jeremy said. He shivered despite the room being warm. Sam and Neil flanked him, the heat from their bodies steadying him. He wasn’t facing this alone.

“It’s not good news,” the doctor agreed. “We drained the blood that was putting pressure on your brother’s brain in the hope of reducing the risk of brain damage, but the bleeding hasn’t stopped despite the medication he’s on, and the pressure is building back up. We’ve scheduled another procedure to relieve the pressure, but the longer this goes on, the harder his recovery will be.”

“Will he recover?” Jeremy asked. “Don’t give me platitudes. I don’t want to hold on to false hope. If you do this procedure and relieve the pressure, does he have a chance of recovering?”

“I don’t have an answer to that,” the doctor said. “The brain is an unpredictable organ at best, and so many factors can influence the situation. Factors we can’t account for right now. If the bleeding stops and we only have to relieve the pressure, his chances are better than if we relieve the pressure but the bleeding continues. We aren’t equipped to do the kind of surgery your brother needs. He needs to go to Sydney. Normally we wouldn’t transfer a patient as unstable as he is, but I’m afraid if we don’t, we’ll lose him anyway.”

“What do you need me to sign so you can transfer him?” Jeremy said hoarsely. “I’ll take full responsibility if it’s what it takes to save his life.”

“I’ll have a nurse prepare the paperwork,” the doctor said. “We’ll see how he does through the second procedure. It could be his vital signs will stabilize once the pressure on his brain goes down again. If that happens, we can transfer him with no problem. We have a few minutes still before we start the procedure. Would you like to see him?”

Jeremy almost said no. He had too few good memories of Devlin and more than enough of him lying unconscious in a hospital bed. If he didn’t go and Devlin died, though, he’d always regret it. He’d go in for a moment, tell Devlin to get better, and come back out to wait. “If it won’t delay the procedure.”

“They’re still prepping the room. I’ll show you back.”

Jeremy nodded and followed the doctor. Sam and Neil stayed right next to him, buoying his flagging spirits with their silent support. Maybe they wouldn’t be allowed into Devlin’s room with him—he didn’t know how strict the hospital would be about visitors—but they’d be waiting for him right outside when he finished. He might be the only one in the room with Devlin, but he wouldn’t have to face it alone.

The doctor led them to the same room as the night before—not that Jeremy expected it to be a different one, except the way things were going, he wouldn’t have been surprised—and stood aside to let them enter. Neil hesitated on the threshold, but Jeremy grabbed his arm and pulled him inside too. If the doctor would let them all in, Jeremy wanted his whole family with him. Sam slipped his hand into Jeremy’s on the other side, surrounding him in their support.

Devlin’s skin looked sallow in the bright light despite the tan from a life spent outdoors. It hadn’t even been a day since his accident, but his cheeks had taken on a sunken appearance. His chest rose and fell in time with the hiss of the respirator, and a machine beeped in time with his pulse. If the bursts of sound were less steady than Jeremy’s own pulse, that was to be expected, given the state Devlin was in.

“Go talk to him,” Sam urged. “Maybe he can’t respond, but that doesn’t mean he can’t hear you. We can step outside if you don’t want us listening in.”

Jeremy shook his head. Sam and Neil knew how badly his relationship with Devlin had deteriorated since he’d moved to Lang Downs. Nothing he could say now would come as a shock to them. If only he knew what to say….

“Bloody hell, Devlin,” he muttered finally. “Why’d you have to get yourself in this mess? You couldn’t have hired a new foreman and shared the load a little? How am I supposed to run things on Taylor Peak when I live on Lang Downs? And don’t say I’m not supposed to. I can’t very well leave it to go to hell in a handbasket while you’re in here getting better. I’d never forgive myself, even if you forgave me. Of course you’d probably hate me more for doing things my own way while you weren’t there to stop me.” He choked back a sob. “I’ll even try to do things your way for once if you’ll just get well so I can turn it back over to you. I’ll stay out of your hair and stop trying to change your mind about Sam and me and about Lang Downs and everything. I’ll disappear completely if that’s what you want. Just don’t die on me.”

Sam wrapped his arm around Jeremy’s waist and Neil put a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, and that did in his control. He turned into Sam’s embrace, buried his face against Sam’s neck, and cried.

J
ASON
WALKED
into the canteen well after breakfast was over on Saturday morning, but Kami and Sarah always left extra food warming on the weekends for the jackaroos who had the day off. He’d find something to eat and then he’d find Seth, since Seth wasn’t in the canteen like Jason had hoped he’d be. That didn’t matter. He had time. Seth was back to stay, so they didn’t have to hoard every hour like a dragon with its treasure. They could miss each other now and then and still have plenty of time to spend together.

So why did it feel like Seth was slipping through his fingers?

He ran his hand through his hair. It was getting long. He’d have to ask his mother to cut it when he went to Sunday dinner. He filled a plate with eggs and toast and sat down to eat, grimacing as his arse came into contact with the hard bench. Normally that would bring a smile to his face, a reminder of a thorough fucking the night before, but this morning it just annoyed him. He could already hear Seth teasing him.

“What did my eggs do to make you scowl at them like that?”

“Morning, Sarah,” Jason said, summoning a smile for Macklin’s mother. “Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” she asked as she sat down across from him.

“Not really,” he replied. He knew Sarah wouldn’t be bothered by him being gay—she certainly didn’t love Macklin any less because he was gay—but he didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about his current conundrum. It was all in his head anyway. He got tired of reminding his errant heart that Seth was straight and only interested in Jason’s friendship. It didn’t do any good anyway.

“Did you and your young man have a spat?”

“Something like that,” Jason said. It looked like he’d be talking about it even if he didn’t want to. “I like him, but I’m not sure I’m in love with him. It’s too soon for that. He doesn’t seem to share those concerns.”

“I’m going to tell you two things,” Sarah said, “and it’s going to sound like I’m contradicting myself, but hear me out. First, time runs differently here on the station than it does elsewhere. You spend far more time with people here than you would in the city. You only have one group of people here, so work, your social life, and your downtime all include the same people. You can get to know someone pretty fast out here. Second, don’t let him rush you into something you aren’t ready for. I know what it’s like to feel trapped into something, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, much less on a sweet lad like you. I guess what I’m saying is if it’s right, time isn’t a reason to delay, but if it’s wrong, it’s wrong no matter what. And if you don’t know which it is yet, then don’t make promises you might not want to keep.”

“Thanks, Sarah,” Jason said. “I really just want to spend a day with Seth. That always puts things back in perspective for me.”

“You’ll have to hurry if you want to catch him,” Sarah said. “He was heading to the tractor shed to do a little maintenance and then out to check on some of the drover’s huts. Macklin put him to work right away.”

Jason grabbed a piece of toast and bolted for the door. “Thanks again, Sarah. I’ll see you at dinner.”

She shook her head at him even as she waved him off. He stuffed the toast in his mouth and headed toward the tractor shed. Seth’s car was still outside Chris and Jesse’s house, but Seth would probably take one of the utes if he was heading out into the tablelands.