Choices
Authors: S. R. Cambridge
Choices
By: S.R. Cambridge
Thank you Viola!!
S. R. Cambridge
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This book is a work of fiction.
Any references to historical events, real people or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
To my three favorite little people…feel the fear and do it anyway! If Mommy can do it so can you!
Chapter Twenty-Five: Truth and Bittersweet Victory
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Questions answered
Chapter Twenty-Eight: News Clipping
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Unimaginable
Chapter Thirty-One: New Origins
“You know there is more to ice cream
- and life for that matter - than just chocolate chip cookie dough! I’m just suggesting that you step out of the box. Look…there are so many choices-caramel surprise, birthday cake, raspberry chocolate…c’mon be adventurous!”
“I’ll have chocolate chip cookie dough” Vanessa groaned.
“Me, too!” squeaked Jacob.
“Me, three!” chimed Brielle
.
“Oh, you three exasperate me. If I didn’t love you so much, I’d throttle you!”
“Thanks, Mommy, I love you too!” Jacob quipped as he wrapped his little six -year old arms around me.
It was a beautiful early spring afternoon in Pennsylvania, which made it a perfect day for ice cream, not too warm and not too cold. It was just glorious, really a rare treat. My family lives in an upper middle class neighborhood close to the city of Philadelphia. I really love it here. The change of seasons is spectacular to me, others would disagree. I love being close to the city and the Jersey Shore. I love the history and culture of Independence Hall, Elfreth’s Alley, Christ’s Church and other homes and places that our forefathers bestowed upon us. The excitement of the city is pulsating and enticing. I would wither away and die if I wasn’t able to be close to The Philadelphia Zoo, The Art Museum, South Street, The Reading Terminal, The Italian Market, Chinatown, The Light Show at Christmas, Le Bec Fin, The Striped Bass, Fago De Chao and the Jersey Shore. The rhythmic pulse of the city is overwhelming, tantalizing and impossible not to explore. It is so exciting to me I can taste it. I’m just a plain and simple girl at heart. We are even close to New York, too. My husband, Paul would like to move a little further south. He always tries to tempt me with lower taxes and the home of my dreams but, I ain’t budging. My heart belongs here - close to the city I love.
We
traveled back to the minivan with our delicious treats and got settled before we headed home for round two of the day’s events…dinner, homework, bath and bedtime. The ice cream was an unexpected treat. I needed to do something to break up the monotony of my day or life however you wanted to look at it. Gosh, I can’t believe Vanessa is old enough to sit in the front seat. Brielle isn’t too far behind and my little blue eyed surfer dude is growing like a weed. My heart aches any more when I look at them. It’s a constant reminder of my own mortality as well as how quickly life moves and changes. Wasn’t it just yesterday, when I found out I was pregnant. Yeah - yesterday about twelve years ago. Amazing!
“What’s for dinner, inquiring minds want to know?” Vanessa asked.
“Oh, are we having French toast sticks? They’re my favorite!”
“Jacob, we can’t have French toast sti
cks for dinner every night. It is totally gross.” informed my gray eyed Brielle, short for Gabrielle.
“I don’t care Mommy. Whatever you feel like cooking.”
Ah, Brielle, the middle child, the easy one. She just celebrated her first double digit birthday...WOW...ten...I’m amazed...again.
“I have a pork tenderloin thawing and baking potatoes scrubbed and ready for the oven. There will be broccoli and salad and if you’re cooperative, maybe we will have more ice cream for dessert.” I informed them.
The girls were
pleased; Jacob however, had other ideas.
This was now the pattern of my life.
My days began at five, thirty minutes on the treadmill, breakfast, lunches made, getting kids ready for school, a husband ready for work and myself ready for a day of messy bed pans, screaming toddlers and crying parents and then back home for housework such as wash and cleaning, paying bills, checking emails and planning dinners. Then I got up and did it all again the following day. I remember when my life revolved around my own needs and wants. Honestly I am not complaining, okay, maybe a little, but, your life is never your own anymore when you have children. They are the most beautiful, delightful, heart warming, exasperating, frustrating creatures I’ve ever met. There are days when it just becomes overwhelming and I want to scream, “Okay, I’ve had enough, you can stop the roller coaster ride now! Thanks, I’ve had fun, now I need a break.” When did it get so hard? I actually thought studying to become a nurse was difficult…ha…ha. That’s a laugh. It’s the most difficult and rewarding job I’ve ever had. One minute I could throttle them all and the next I’m teary eyed because someone just made me a simple I love you because card. It’s exhausting, messy, frustrating, beautiful, profound and so lovely, simply lovely being a parent even on the days when I look like I set my hair on fire. When did I become a parent? When did that happen? Oh, yeah, right that happened at the same time I was growing my waistline and living my life. My kids are great, I love being a nurse, I love being married, most days, when my husband is sober and able to control his demons but there are times when I get selfish and want to say, okay can I have some time for myself again? Is that so wrong? Can someone give me a hug too, please?
N
eedless to say we made it home and accomplished dinner, homework, baths and yes, ice cream for dessert. Whew, no wonder I am dog tired anymore at 9 p.m. Gosh, I miss my husband. You know the husband I saw when we were dating. The good stuff he showed. I miss the promises and the dreams and the motto “we’re in this together.” Where in the wedding contract did it say that I was to be the sole preparer of dinner, the omniscient homework advisor, bath giver and bottle washer? I thought marriage was supposed to be a joint effort. Well, my mother Helen always said “you make your bed now you lie in it.” Deep down I always knew Paul had demons. Don’t we all? I never believed he would change, I always believed he would be strong enough to be my man, if I can quote Sheryl Crow. Since turning forty, I’ve realized me alone, is not enough. I can do it all alone but I chose not to anymore. I don’t have a Wonder Woman complex. I don’t need to prove to anyone that I can do it all. I know I can. I’ve done it long enough already. I’m strong, I’m brave, I’m fearless and I’m loyal. The last trait I think I’ve proven long enough now for sixteen years, waiting, waiting for Paul to admit to his demons. My time is running out and I’m getting tired, so very, very, tired.
“Mommy, Aunt Kristy
is on the phone!” Vanessa’s voice shook me out of my reverie. Ah, Aunt Kristy. God, where would I be without her! I have known Kristy for let’s see…how many years now…good Lord twenty eight years! Now is that possible? Am I old enough to have had a friend for twenty eight years?
“So how’s my skinny new girlfriend? I knew you would be able to do it! Have I told you today how proud I
am of you, Laurel? Girl, you rock!” Kristy always knew how and when to make me feel good. She is one of the most selfless people I have ever met or will meet for that matter. Kristy is amazing. Amazing doesn’t even scratch the surface of what her heart is capable of doing. The love, compassion and graciousness she holds for her family and friends, and even strangers for that matter, are bar none! My life would be empty without her. She is everything to me - and not just because we have a long history together. Kristy was my personal cheerleader when I was struggling last year trying to get rid of fifty extra pounds that insidiously found its way around my waistline.
Again, I ask myself, when and how did that happen? I was always thin. I was never athletic but, trim and fit.
I’m 5’8” with a mass of riotous rich copper colored curls that I’ve been told through the years that many people pay tons of money at the beauty salon for hair like mine. Little did they know I would have gladly traded it for free! I always wanted super straight, sleek, hair. I have curls that aren’t big, loose, sexy S waves but tight, thick, wavy curls, not as tight as ringlets and not as kinky as an afro, but curly nonetheless. Big sigh, alas, you always want what you can’t have. The grass is always greener or the hair is always straighter at the next door neighbors, right? The natural born red head, I have to admit I always loved. It’s a color not everyone has or can pull off. I’ve learned to embrace the true beauty of my hair. It’s taken me quite some time to claim ownership for that. My hard - fought battle with my hair is about all I truly own; that and my battle with my weight. I was 115 pounds the day I got married fifteen years ago this past October. I’m not telling you what I weigh now. Suddenly, turning thirty-five, having my third baby, going back to work, nursing and having a husband who traveled for work and struggled with his own set of demons, seemed to raise my stress meter into overdrive and voila...there were all the ingredients for an obesity cocktail.
Kristy
was my Rock of Gibraltar during those times as well. I was teetering on some seriously shaky ground when I had to go back to work as a nurse. I was deluged with thoughts about figuring out how to balance home and work. Where would I get the energy to take care of my own three little people as well as nursing sick little people? Whoosh…in came Kristy with all the love, support and answers that only she could give. The way that woman was able to bolster my self esteem to help me find the courage to tackle my life was phenomenal. I have never met anyone so loving and I doubt I ever will. At times I would often think why she even bothers with me.