Choices (11 page)

Chapter 20

Being seventeen and working is quite normal. I’ve known kids my age to get a job younger than me. Once, I begged my parents to let me work at the mall when I was fifteen but they didn’t see the point. They figured school was more important and was afraid I’d fail if I took a job. It shows how much faith they had in their daughter. But the biggest reason was the fact that you’re only a kid once and should enjoy it as much as possible before entering the real world and having to pay bills and understanding responsibility, which now I totally get. But my situation is different at this point. Being pregnant has given me a new perspective on life.

“You’ll get the hang of it. Just be patient and have fun along the way. Some of these people are regulars and like socializing. So here’s the drink station, you have all the ingredients to make coffee and lattes and frappes. Everything you need. You will learn what goes in what in no time.” I look up at Carter and smile. My first day was not bad. I shadowed Carter most of the day, watching his every move. Of course my nerves got the best of me a few times. I dropped a glass; spilled coffee all over a customer which got me cursed at and got an order wrong. I almost broke down in front of everyone, but held my emotions in until I was in the backroom. I didn’t want to embarrass Carter. He was very patient and kind-giving me words of encouragement that I can do this and it will just take time. It made my nerves a little more manageable.

“I’m sorry for breaking the mug. You can take it out of my paycheck.” He smiles warmly.

“It’s not necessary. It was your first day. I can’t expect you to be a pro. I’m assuming this is your first job...ever?” Was it that o bvious? I nod, embarrassed by my lack of experience.

“My parents wouldn’t allow me to get a job. They felt school was more important and since I’m still a kid in their eyes, they wanted me to stay a kid till I graduated.”

“True and true. Although some of us aren’t that lucky, having to grow up quicker than the rest. What made them change their minds?” I look away and watch a couple, whom look in love talking and laughing as they’re holding hands across the table. They seem so happy. I wish I had that still. I wish Nick still wanted me, if he ever wanted me. Do I even know what that’s like? Sure we were in love, weren’t we? I guess it’s hard to really be in love when you’re only seventeen.

“I threatened them with their life if they didn’t give in.” Holy crap, that just came out with no warning. I look back at Carter who is gaping at me in surprise. I can’t help it, I bust out in hysterics.

“I’m kidding. Seriously, I’m not that scary. But I can be very convincing.” This time however didn’t take too much convincing on my part.

“I’m really not that naïve, but you fooled me there.” He laughs and I soon join in. His laugh is so cute, his teeth so perfectly straight and white inside his mouth.

“Are you hungry?” He asks. I shake my head. I’m hungry but not for food. I roll my eyes at my naughty hormones raging inside of my body. Damn, I need to be careful around this guy. He brings the bad side out. I reach into my purse and grab my cell phone which has been turned off all day. After turning it on, there are no messages or texts which mean there is no Meg.

“Well, Meg will be here soon. I should wait outside for her.”

“Well with the exception of a few minor mishaps, I’d say your first day was a success. And please, don’t get discouraged. We all drop stuff and get orders wrong. Even I still do at times. But that is how we learn, through our mistakes.”

“Thank you Carter, for everything. For being patient. I feel like a moron, not knowing what I’m doing. But having you there really helps.” We both get out of the booth, standing face to face.

“You’ll get it Gracie. I’ll guide you every step of the way.” We smile at each other and for a split second, I don’t want to leave.
But I do.

I sit on the curb, waiting for Meg’s car to pull up. I frequently steal glances at Carter cleaning and closing up wondering if I should help him. I admire his muscular frame from the massive window, sneakily in case he catches me watching him. I check my phone but there’s still nothing. Where can she be? I call her, and get her voicemail.
Great.

“Hey Meg it’s me. Where are you? My shift is over. Call me back please.”
I hang up, resigning to the fact that she has probably forgot about me. I glance at the road in front of me. I could walk home-but it’s probably not a wise idea, since I’m a young female. I push that thought aside. The September breeze whips through my hair which has fallen out of my ponytail, making me shiver. I hug my knees wondering how the heck I’m getting home. I start to panic. I could call my mom. Just then, my phone chants loudly to Cindy Lauper’s “Girls Just Want To Have Fun”-Meg’s ringtone.

Me:
“Meg, where are you?”

Meg:
“I’m sorry I’m not there Gracie. I can’t make it. Something has come up.”

Me:
“Where are you?”

Meg:
“What? I can’t hear you. Gracie? My phone is cutting out.”

Me:
“Hello? Meg? Where are you?”
End of call.

Shit.
So she’s not coming, just terrific. I stand up and dust off my butt.

“Is everything okay?” Carter asks from behind me.

“Oh, well it seems something has come up and Meg is not able to make it.” I frown.

“I can take you home.” He offers.

“Oh well, I just called my mom. She’s on her way.” I lie. He leans against my car for a minute.

“I can wait with you if you want.” Just say yes, my subconscious screams.

“That’s okay. She’ll be here very soon. I’ll be fine, but thank you.” He looks hesitant but then nods as he passes me to lock up the café.

After twenty minutes of me sitting, waiting for no one to come and for Carter sitting in his car
, staring at me-I give up when the chill becomes too much. He gets out of his vehicle, resting one arm on the side of his truck and the other on the door.

“Come on Gracie. I’ll take you home.” This time, I don’t argue. I’m more than grateful he stayed the whole time, watching out for me. He is starting to win me over, little by little. And it’s scaring me.

When we pull up to my driveway, we both sit in silence. I want to know what he’s thinking. But more importantly, I want to know what I’m thinking. Because right now I’m so confused.

“I’m sorry you had to take me home tonight. But I really appreciate it.” He smiles, making my insides melt. He should be in a toothpaste commercial, with that gorgeous smile.

“Don’t apologize. It really was no trouble.” I unbuckle my seat belt and reach for the door handle, but he grabs my arm freezing me in place. I look at his hand then up at his face.

“Would you like to go to dinner with me this weekend?” My eyes widen in surprise by his
straightforwardness. I let go of the door handle and face him.

“You mean like a date? Carter are you asking me out?” I ask, feeling my face flush.

He smirks and says, “Yes, I guess I am. It’s only one date. It could be fun.” He looks away embarrassed. I chuckle to myself.

“Do you always ask your employees out on dates?” He looks at me again and grins.

“No, just the interesting ones.” He jokes. “Oh and the ones that don’t like coffee.”

“Well, what did you have in mind?” I ask.

“I’ll let you know. I just think a night out for you would be good. You seem to have a lot going on. You should have some fun.”

“Well, I’m all for fun. So I’ll take you up on your offer
.” I hop out of his truck. “I’ll see you tomorrow Carter.” I wave to him as he pulls away from the driveway and out of sight.

The next morning at school, I stroll down the hall and see Meg through the crowd standing at my locker, waiting for me. She looks guilty. Good, she ditched me. I have a right mind to pull a Ricky Ricardo on her ass, saying “Meg, you got some splaining to do” accent and all. I’ve mastered that accent over the years, watching it with my mom every week. But instead I approach her, as she moves away giving me room to open my locker.

“I’m so sorry Gracie. I didn’t mean to stand you up. We were on our date and Mason got a call from his brother. He was in some serious trouble so we had to take care of that and we were about forty minutes away when I called. Plus we were in a bad reception area and got cut off. I’m truly sorry.” She sounded genuinely upset.

“My best friend stood me. I’m so damaged.” I say dramatically. “I don’t know how I’m going to get over it.” I let out a laugh and she slaps me in the shoulder for being a smartass. “Okay, I’ll forgive you. But you’re going to have to make it up to me.”

“Anything you want. I’m really sorry.”

“You should be. I didn’t have a ride home and had to walk. I could have been kidnapped. Then you’d really feel like shit.” When I see her face, I mentally slap myself for being so mean. Sometimes my big mouth just doesn’t know when to
shut up.

Insert foot in mouth…check.

“Did you really walk home? I was sure Carter wouldn’t allow that to happen, even if he doesn’t know about you being pregnant.” I give her a skeptical look.

“I see. So did you plan this so I could be the Damsel in Distress and he could be my rescuer?” I cross my arms over my chest, tapping my right foot on the tile rhythmically.

“No, it was not on purpose. I promise. But did he? Rescue you?” My foot stops tapping and I lean my head against the locker, sighing. She catches my expression and slaps my arm. “He did, didn’t he?” I smile.

“Yes, he did. He also asked me out on a date.” She starts jumping up and down, squealing like a Beiber fan.

“Oh my God. He finally asked you out. Unbelievable.”

“Asked her what?” Mason comes sauntering up to us, confused by Meg’s excitement. He nods in my direction, I smile in return.

“Carter asked her out on a date. Oh my God, we have to go shopping. Today after school.”

“I can’t. I have to work.” Her high evaporates.

“Oh, well we have to before the big night.” I close my locker with a big
bang
.

“Definitely.” We walk to class together.

Chapter 21

The next few days at work become easier. Carter was behind me, guiding me every step of the way. I’ve had less incidents and better luck with orders, which meant happier customers. I felt positive about my progress and that made me feel a little less stressed out.

“Take it slow. Don’t rush it. You’re more than likely to get it right that way. Most of these people are regulars and they’ll be patient with you.” Carter told me one night after a pretty decent shift. And that’s what I did.

He has taken me home a couple more times too. I think I prefer it that way. Maybe being stranded that first night wasn’t such a bad thing after
all.

“You’re totally falling hard for this guy.” Meg tells me.

“We are friends. Let’s not rush anything.” I state casually. But she’s right, I am falling for him. It just can’t be anything more right now. It can’t. It would complicate everything.

“Does he know you’re pregnant yet?” Mason asks during lunch a couple days later.

“As if. She’s not crazy. Give her time to wrap him around her finger, then she’ll drop the bomb.” I gape at Meg but then turn my attention to Mason.

“No, I haven’t told him yet. I want him to like me and get to know me first. Maybe then he won’t care.” I know that’s absurd and stupid to believe. But I have to hold on to some kind of hope. At least a little.

The day approaches and my date with Carter is just hours away. I’m on a shopping spree with Meg. Carter let me have today off which was a relief. Normally Saturdays are busy but he got someone to cover my shift. I needed to get my focus and my head on straight. In the dressing room, I tried on several outfits and each one I was certain made me look like a blimp. Standing in front of the mirror, I sighed audibly-fairly irritable. “Maybe I should just go in my pajamas.”

“Quit it.” Meg stares at me through the reflection in the mirror.

“I don’t like any of these.” I sit down on the bench next to Meg.

“You’re not going in your pajamas.”

“Then tell me Meg, what will look good on me? Because I look like a fucking blimp in everything I tried on. Maybe I should just cancel and tell him I’m sick.” I hear her mutter to herself as she gets up and stands in front of me-looking slightly pissed off. She bends down so we’re eye level and speaks very frighteningly angry.

“Gracie, I’m seriously getting just a bit pissed off with your negative bitchy attitude. For the last fucking time, you’re going to have a God damn baby and you need to get over your insecurities and your God forsaken negative attitude about it. Yes, you got pregnant and yes it was an accident and yes it’s totally changing your life. But accept it and move the fuck on. Please. Stop letting it control every aspect of your life because this Gracie is annoying.” I’m stunned, silent, and afraid to even blink. I’ve never seen this side of Meg before and I don’t think I want to see it again. She rarely uses GD which means she’s pretty pissed and I better run for the hills. A tear slips out of my left eye and I refrain from wiping it away, but soon more start to fall.

She’s right, I’ve been such a baby and ungrateful and selfish at times. But aren’t I allowed to be? My hormones have taken over my body and my senses are out of whack. I can’t distinguish which are my own and which come from the pregnancy. I let my head fall and Meg sighs, sitting back down beside me.

She takes my hand, her warm, soft hand comforting my sweaty one. “I’m sorry Gracie. God, I’m so sorry for snapping at you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through
.” Her voice is soft and full of remorse. I shake my head in response.

“No, you’re right. I’ve been a brat and I’m sorry you’ve had to listen to me bitch and moan all the time.” I lean my head back against the wall, staring at the door to the dressing room. I hear muffled voices in the next room to our left and wonder if they heard any of Meg’s loud screaming.

“I’m scared and I don’t know how to get over it. This is such a big change. My body, mind and soul will be altered in ways I’m not sure I can handle.”

“You can handle it. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Remember the time we went horseback riding on my uncle’s ranch and you fell off?” I nod, remembering the awesome and painful experience.
“You got right back on and rode him again. You were relentless and would not let Rider win. I was so proud of you.” Luckily it wasn’t too bad but I hurt my leg pretty good. A smile touches my lips. After that summer, I became a pro. I even helped groom the horses for two summers after that. Uncle Richie even let me have one, but he kept him at the ranch for me so I could ride him when I came to visit. I named him Rider, he was a beautiful brown color but his hair was darker than the rest of him. I laugh a little. Good times.

“I know it’s not the same thing, but you belittle yourself too much. You can handle this pregnancy with grace and confidence. I have faith in you my awesome fighter friend. I’ll be here the whole time, holding your hand or pushing your ass out. Either way, I won’t let you fall. Too
hard anyway.”  Now my eyes are misting again. I lean my head on her shoulder, grateful for never failing love and support.

“I’m scared Meg. What if I really like him and he even likes me but then there’s this secret between us that could shatter every good thing in my screwed up life. I couldn’t handle another rejection.”

She lets out a loud breath shaking her head. “Nick really screwed you up. Okay look at me.” I lift my head and face her, feeling really tired. “First of all, Carter is nothing like Nick. He’s sweet, caring and more mature being that he’s older. I don’t see him being a complete douche or self-righteous and arrogant. Give him a chance. I’ll bet he’ll surprise you.” Nick wasn’t always that way. He had some good qualities, I’m sure.

“Okay so help me pick out an outfit or dress.” She smiles and hugs me.

“I love you Gracie. I just want good things for you and if it happens to be a baby, then so be it. But you need to think positive and be happy. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Remember that.” She gently pushes strands of hair behind my ear the way my mother does. It’s a comfort I’ll never grow tire of.

“I love you too Meg. Thank you for always being there.” We get more clothes for me to try on. It takes more than thirty minutes to finally settle on something that flatters my figure, even if it was just a small pudge
barely peeking through. I want to hide it.

“Oh Gracie, he’s going to turn into putty at the sight of you.” I twirl around where the bottom flares out. It’s a black gown with a silver sheer look to it. It’s simple but also very elegant. It hits my feet, which I still shaved my legs.

“Thanks Meg. Do you think it’s too long? Boring? Plain?”

“Relax, it’s perfect.” She assures me. I’m standing in front of my long f
loor length mirror in my bathroom, smoothing my dress down with my sweaty palms.

“You need some earrings.” Meg tells me. She stands behind me fixing my hair up in a perfect bun with just enough strands left out-curling them on each side of my face.

“I’ve got some.” I take out my jewelry box from the cabinet under the sink and pick some silver hoops.

“Are you nervous?” Meg asks me, smiling at my reflection. I laugh at her timing to ask such a question.

“Well, to say I wasn’t would be a lie. But I think I got this. I think. I mean, I have been on a date before.” As true as that is, it’s been awhile since Nick and I have actually gone on a real date. Part of me is anxious and excited. Dates with Nick consisted of putt putt golf and loud concerts of bands I was vaguely familiar with. Still, they were fun at the time. I can only hope Carter has something better in mind.

“Oh my word!” My mother squeals from the doorway.

I turn to her elated expression. “I’m guessing that’s a good reaction?” She laughs, walking in to asses my appearance, hands over her mouth.

“You look dazzling Gracie. Absolutely stunning. Oh this boy is going to be putty in your hands when he sees you.”

“Hey that’s what I said too.” Meg states.

“I’m just so excited to meet this boy. Is he cute?”

“Cute? That’s for boys! He’s a man and a hot one at that!” Meg comments rather enthusiastically.

I’m really excited for my mother to finally meet him too. Regardless of what becomes of us, he’s still my friend and my…boss? “Yeah, his blue eyes are so captivating-the color of the ocean. Beautiful.” I say dreamily. They both look at me with surprised faces, like I just said the most absurd thing they’d ever heard.

“I knew you always had a thing for him! I knew she would Mary. I kept telling her but she refused to listen or believe me.” Satisfied to hear that she was right all along, she goes back to finishing my hair.

“Well, I’m sure boys weren’t really on her mind much lately. Ya know, with everything else going on.” My mom absentmindedly starts rubbing my shoulders, not realizing she’s putting me in a trance. It feels so good, my eyes start to close. She had a knack for giving massages.

“I’m really glad she’s got you Meg. She’d probably be lost and alone if it wasn’t for you. Thanks for looking out for my little girl.” She stops moving her hands and I see in the mirror that her eyes are glistening, wet with tears.

I turn around and hug her. “Don’t cry mom. You’ll make me cry and I’ll ruin my make up.” She pulls away abruptly, wiping her eyes.

“Oh look at me. I’m such a sap.” She says.

“I love your daughter like a sister and would never let anything happen to her. You know that. I’m glad to help her through this.” Meg hugs my mom and she gets teary all over again. Oh boy, women.

I look at myself once more, satisfied with my bun on top of my head, make up applied perfectly and my dress..rockin’. But something is missing.

“Crap.” I walk out of the bathroom, into my room with my mother and Meg in tow.

“What’s wrong?” Meg asks. I open my desk drawer becoming frantic of one of my most valuable possessions being lost.

“Ah-ha!” I find my mother’s locket-old and rusty thing-and open the clasp to put it on my neck. My mother smiles and takes it from me.

“Let me help.” Once she snaps it together, the metal rubs against my skin and I feel a sigh of relief slip through my lips. It doesn’t go with the dress really but it is something I’ve always worn as a child, any time I was nervous or excited. I used to never take it off until I became a teenager and stopped wearing jewelry. It’s a locket with a picture of my mother and grandmother Grammy. While wearing it, I always felt closer to them and my fears or doubts would subside. Now it might seem silly but as a kid, I believed it was powerful.

“I remember that locket. I’m so glad you still wear it. Grammy would be happy too.” She takes my hands and looks me over again. “You look so beautiful.” She gently caresses my cheek
, and then rubs my belly for good luck I suppose, before she leaves the room.

That’s when we hear the doorbell.