Choices (13 page)

I find a vacant table and sit down. I watch the clusters of people getting their bowl on. A part of me yearns for the days I spent with my family bowling and having fun. Maybe they’d want to have a night of it again-with Carter. I smile at that thought.

I watch a little girl with blonde pigtails walk up to the line and hold the ball between her legs and throw it down the lane. It makes a loud smacking sound once it hits the smooth surface. It knocks in five pins. She turns to her family and smiles, her tails bouncing along with her small frame in excitement. She notices me watching her and smiles at me. Something inside me stirs-adoration I suppose. Was I supposed to feel like this so soon?

“Hey, you ready to get smoked little lady?” Carter teases from beside me.

“You wish.” I challenge. He laughs, gesturing to our lane. I follow him, slightly skipping and humming as we sit down. I take my shoes off and slip the bowling ones on. I march over to the balls section and pick out a red size 8 medium and 10 medium.

“Are you hungry?” Carter asks, punching in our names on the scorecard.

“Is this your idea of a date?” I tease.

“Well, I thought we’d do something different. Most dates consist of dinning out and movies. I thought we’d have some fun and talk, get to know each other better.”

“Oh I was totally kidding. This is perfect.” My smile widens when he looks at me with such intensity-his gaze holding mine and I can’t look away. Nerves, followed by anticipation fill me. He breaks contact first and stands up. “So what do you want to know?” I ask.

“No, not yet. This is how it works, each strike we get we have to answer questions from the other.
Well, we have to at least get 5 or more pins in. And if we hit less than 5 or get a gutter ball then we have to do something embarrassing.” Oh crap, is he serious? Carter leans over the table looking at me confused. “Gracie? Are you okay?”

“Huh?” I answer feeling a bead of sweat gather on my forehead. “Oh, yeah I’m fine.”

“What do you want?”

“Oh, um pizza?” I reply with a question.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. If you want, you can start bowling or wait for me. Either way is fine.”

“Okay.
Thanks.” What the hell is wrong with me? I won’t get a gutter ball. I can’t. I stand up and grab my ball, taking in my surroundings. The little girl is bouncing around again; I catch her eye, staring at me and smile as I watch her gracefully roll the ball down her lane again. She has four pins left…can she do it?

“Mommy, look! I got them, I got them!” She’s jumping up and down and her parents are shouting enthusiastically, clearly excited for her.
This girl is good
. I Think. She reminds me of myself when I was young. I give her thumbs up right before I prepare for my strike, that I know I will make.
Focus, Gracie.

I stand with my feet together planted firmly on the ground, bouncing my knees-hands up in concentration and go for it…

“Hey look at you Mrs. Pro-Bowler.” Carter teases from behind me. I turn and wink.
Strike one
. “Okay, question number one…favorite color.”

“Purple.” I answer. “You’re up.” He slides to pick up his ball and prances around the smooth floor.
His clothes glow in the dark along with his skin. I chuckle at his performance, but also find it cute.

“Watch and learn.” He says to me over his shoulder. I do just that. I watch and learn the movements of his body. The way his hips sway from one side to the other, t
he way his legs fit in his khakis-lean and perfect, the contours in his arms when they flex inside his shirt, and the way his hair falls into his face and cover his right eye-oh what a perfect lesson. I took plenty of notes.

“Boo-yah
! Did you see that? Did you watch and take good notes? That’s how it’s done baby!” Oh you bet I did. I watched every bit of it...

“Yes, I watched.” I look over and all the pins are knocked down. Damn, I missed that part-wrong lesson. I grin and get up to retrieve my ball again
. “Okay, my turn. Favorite band?”

“Queen.” I turn around, my head cocked to one side.

“Really?”

“Okay, it’s a tie between them and the Beastie Boys.” I nod in agreement.

“Okay, that’s more like you.” Before he has a chance to respond to my stereotype, I am up at my spot and getting ready to show off again with another strike. I hit in 8.

“Oh, so close. Now you’re screwed.” I look at the pins and of course they are so far apart I may have trouble getting both out. I’ve done it before though; it’s just hard to angle it just right for the ball to bounce from one side to the other without hitting the gutter. So I just go for the one on the left. I hear Carter muttering something that is probably smack a bitch worthy.

“Don’t get too cocky Mr.” It rolls down the center then the last minute it curves to the left right where I want it and knocks the pin down.
Yes! In your face, jerk.
I want to say out loud, but instead I just smile. “Okay, that was good. Favorite scary movie?” He asks as he takes my place.

“Uh, I don’t do scary movies very well. Scream is the closest I’ve come to really watching them and that’s more suspense than scary.”

“Oh, well then you’ll have to try it sometime…with me.” I raise my brow in surprise but keep my mouth shut before I say something stupid. I guess, I’m a little rusty in the dating department. He turns and does his thing, knocking in another perfect strike. I bite my lip a little too roughly, a bloody metallic taste in my mouth. I’ll be damned, I’ve met my match.

He winks as I pass him, while I glare at him not letting him deter me. This is going to be interesting.

After about an hour of trying to show his “better” bowling skills, Carter finally realizes that I’m his equal since he missed a couple of strikes. I was afraid
my
game was off, but I quickly remedied that and evened with him, which meant no embarrassing moments for me. Thank God.

“Just give up already, we are the same.” I state proudly. I plop down in the seat taking a sip of my soda. Carter is slightly agitated, which amuses me.

“So who taught you how to bowl?” I ask him, hopeful of lightening the mood. Not sure where he inherited the sore loser skills though. “Hey, we’re both winners tonight.” He looks up and cracks a smile. “My father taught me.” He smiles to himself. “We used to go bowling every Sunday. It was our way of bonding. He was really good.” I could tell talking about his father was hard.
Change the subject Gracie; he’s not ready to talk about it
.

“He sounds really great.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah, he was. Well, I gotta say I’m quite impressed with your mad skills. This has definitely been fun and enjoyable.” He smiles his breathtaking smile.

“You’re up.” I say.
“Oh, wait it’s my turn to answer a question.” He turns to look at me in thought. “Hit me with your best shot.”

His grin turns wicked as if he’s cooked up something evil in his mind. “Do you sleep with guys on the first date?” My face turns red and I can feel the heat rise up my neck. Is he serious?

“Umm, I plead the fifth.”

“Okay, fine then, what’s your favorite part about tonight?” Caught off guard
by his question I blush while trying to keep my nerves from showing and act casual.

“Showing off my skills and almost kicking your ass.” He laughs and gets all but two pins out. But of course his are side by side so it would be hard for him to miss. Just his luck. “Okay, so what’s been your favorite part about tonight?” I ask, standing with my feet apart and bouncing up and down.

“Seeing you smile.” He says. A feeling inside my belly stirs, having nothing to do with the baby or adoration-but something more. I look away, watching what’s going on around me to avoid his gaze. “Your turn.” He points to the screen showing my score at 150.

Parked in front of my house, I’m stalling to end this night. It felt perfect. It was perfect.

“Hey, I’m sorry for acting like a baby. I guess I should have warned you beforehand I suck at losing.” I shift in my seat to face him.

“You were great. Like I said, we were both winners out there.” He smiles, the porch light casts a glow on his amazing features and his eyes twinkle.

“I had a great time. I’m sorry it wasn’t a fancy dinner and a movie kind of date.”

“I’m not a difficult person to please. Tonight was great.”

“I have a question.”

“Shoot.” He looks toward my house, and then shifts his eyes back to me.

“Would you consider a second date with me?” He asks, almost bashful. My heart races at the thought of seeing him again
, in a romantic setting.

“I’d love to. But I get to pick the place right?” He laughs and relaxes in his seat.

“Sure anything you want to do, I’m game.”

“Okay great. By the way, I love everything. I am very adventurous. I love long walks on the beach, picnics in the park or hiking.” Even though hiking now would not be a good idea.

“Hiking?” I laugh at his puzzled expression.

“Yes, hiking. I love a good sweat.” I grab the door handle but I pause, turn to kiss him on the cheek and flee the truck without looking back.

Chapter 24

Lying in bed, I stare up at my uneventful ceiling-not even
bothering to count the sheep. Who does that anyway? And how do you really keep track? Maybe that’s the point though. I let out a long breathy sigh. I’m so confused. Tonight was amazing and apparently he thought so too, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked me out on a second date, right? I don’t know what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be doing this. I mean I work with the guy and yet, I have an attraction to him and he doesn’t know my secret. Maybe this is all wishful thinking. I want to believe that he’s different and would care less about my pregnancy. If he knew…

Sleep eludes me and I begin to feel uncomfortable, tossing and turning every which way.
Focus Gracie. Focus on the important stuff.

Baby.

I have a sonogram on Monday and get to hear the heartbeat. That’s what I need to think about. A smile then touches my lips right before sleep whisks me away.

“Hey Gracie.” Carter greets me as I saunter into work.

“Hey. Look, I wanted to apologize for rushing off the way I did.” He smiles.

“I was wondering what that was about. I thought maybe I scared you off.”

I shake my head. “If you scared me off, I wouldn’t have done that.” I say, remembering the peck on the cheek move.

“True. So I guess you had fun then.” He lifts an eyebrow
, waiting for me to answer. Of course I had fun. Who wouldn’t have fun around him? He’s so laid back and funny. That’s the problem though; I have too much fun with him. I need to back off.

I stand behind the counter surveying the amount of customers needed tending at the moment. Everyone seems happy, conversing amongst themselves. I grab a glass to fill with water since I’m still reluctant to drink coffee. Luckily, I’ve become immune to the God awful smell that permeates the café, but I’m not completely used to it yet. Sometimes a whiff of the beans makes me gag a little.

“Well, well, well.” I freeze at the sound of the familiar voice that haunts me-filling my bones with dread and bitterness. Please tell me I’m dreaming. Please let this be a dream. I turn around and face an amused Jana. Dammit, this is the opposite of a dream.

“Can I help you?” I ask with as much politeness as I can muster, given the unfortunate circumstances.

“Oh I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by and see with my eyes that it’s true.”

“What’s true?”

“That you work here, and you do. Nice clothes. They seem to be shrinking, or you’re just getting bigger.” My face and neck heat up and probably turn a shade of crimson. Still, I keep my composure. I look around for Carter but don’t see him.
Good, please stay away.

“Why do you like tearing people down Jana? Is it so you can feel better about your miserable, pathetic life?” She narrows her hazel eyes at me and presses her lips together in menace.

I walk away taking a drink of water to keep from passing out.
Breathe Gracie. Just breathe.

“I want Nick.” I flinch at her words, meeting her gaze confused.

“What?”

“I said I want Nick.” I roll my eyes from one side then to the next, still bewildered.

“You do know we’re not together anymore, don’t you?”

“Yes, but he’s still pining for you for whatever reason. He doesn’t want to date anyone.
”

“Well, that’s not my problem. If he doesn’t want to date you, it’s because you’re a bitch.” I grab a wash rag and start washing down the area to keep busy-hoping she’ll go away. She doesn’t take a hint.

“Talk to him.” I lean forward with my hands gripping the counter for support. Is she insane?

“Excuse me?”

“Talk to him. He’d listen to you.”

“I’m not telling my ex-boyfriend to date my worst nightmare.”

“Do it, or I’ll tell the whole school your little secret. I mean it’s going to come out anyway, when you start waddling like a penguin. Why prolong the inevitable? But if you talk to him, I won’t spread lies to make it sound worse.” My eyes bore into hers, while giving her the most evil, menacing facial expression a girl like me can give, which isn’t much.

“Is everything okay?” Carter stalks out of whatever hole he was hiding in and stands beside me. He notices the tension in the air, or it could be the white knuckles gripping the edge of the counter that gives it away. “Gracie? What’s going on?”

“Just think about it, sweet friend.” Jana says as she prances her jerk ass out the door. I’m too angry to cry.

“Hey.” Carter lightly touches my arm and my head mechanically moves in his direction. I loosen my grip. “Are you okay? Who was that?”

“I’m fine. She’s my worst nightmare. I need to work now.” I take a deep breath and head to a table with known customers.

“Gracie, glad to see you.” I give a fake smile and nod.

“What can I get for you?”

“I want a banana muffin and a cappuccino.” A man I know as Mr. James tells me, then he looks at his friend Jesse and says, “They’re sandwiches are delicious.” My heart is still beating above normal and my chest feels tight.

“Yeah, I will try one another time. I just want a cinnamon bagel, not toasted with strawberry jelly stuff and decaf coffee please.” Jesse says. They are regulars who always ask for me when I’m working. They are good tippers so I’m not complaining. A couple of other tables get my attention for service and I start to relax a little, keeping myself busy.

Since the day I ran into Jana, it’s been awkward around Carter. Our conversations have been so short and not at all sarcastic or playful as it had been. I know it’s my fault. I’ve put up a barrier for my defenses to protect myself-and my baby. I shouldn’t have gotten close to Carter. It was stupid. It’s bad enough people at school suspect something and soon enough everyone will know.

October is here, my favorite month of the year. Or it used to be. To me Halloween was the best holiday growing up, which is ironic since I hate scary movies. Every year I went to haunted houses with Meg and Mason. And every year we dressed up to go to parties. This year, I won’t be doing either and I’m kind of bummed. Well, I suppose I can still dress up and take Tyler trick or treating. He’d love it.

“I’m going to be Tommy Lee this year.” Mason states.

“Are you kidding?” I ask, trying not to laugh.

“No, I can totally pull it off.”

“Okay, I think you lost your brain somewhere.” I interject. I grab my books and shut my locker, which I’ve decorated with Halloween decals.

“I’m going to be Pamela Anderson.” Meg approaches us. I raise my eye brows and bite my tongue.

“Wow, you guys are going to be dressed as the worst couple in history. Have fun with that.”

Just then I spot him in the west wing. “Hey, I’ll see you guys in class.”

I walk away, trying to stay focused and cross my arms as soon as I approach him...

“Gracie.” He says, surprised to see me. He gives me a skeptical look.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting ready for class.” He shuts his locker and leans against it, books clutched in his hands.

“Stop pining for me. Go out and date.” I’m not usually one to tell another what to do, but my hands are tied. I have to at least try. He flinches, as if I’d slapped him.

“What? Why are you telling me to date? And who told you I was pining for you?” I hear irritation in his voice.

“Look you left me. You’re free to do what you want. I hear Jana likes you so go tap that ass. “The words leave a bitter taste in my mouth and I almost don’t recognize my own voice.
Go tap that ass?
Who says that anymore?

“Jana? Are you fucking kidding me? You know I can’t stand her. What is really going on Gracie? And don’t lie to me.” I look around the hall for nosy ears before proceeding, but realize the halls have mostly cleared out.

“Jana threatened me a few weeks ago. She said if I didn’t talk to you about going out with her.” I swallow the bitter pill and continue. “She was going to tell the whole school I’m pregnant.”

“Um, I think they’re going to find out anyway. You can’t hide that forever.”

“Yeah, thanks genius I know that. But I don’t want them to find out because of her. Who knows what kind of story she’d make up to make me look bad?”

“Are you sure you want to have this baby? Have you considered adoption? So many women can’t have babies. I’m sure they’d find a great home.” I roll my eyes, irritated.

“God, you make it sound like I’m giving up a puppy for adoption. This is my baby and I’m keeping it. Look, just fix it.” As I start to turn away, he grabs my arm. I look at him then at his hand, which he swiftly moves to rest at his side.

“Gracie, can we please talk? I still love you.” I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say so I say nothing.

“Fix it Nick. If you love me, you won’t let her ruin me or this baby.” I leave and don’t look back.

I’m ready for this
year to be over. There are too many judgmental people in my school. “Are you going to the party next weekend?” Meg asks while we’re sitting on my bed, having a slumber party.

“No, I don’t think so. No more parties for me for
a while.”

“What? You go every year.”

“You’re forgetting I’m never pregnant every year. This year is different.” She pouts a little obvious so I throw my pillow at her. “Cheer up. You can still go. And, you get to take Mason as your date. You’re going to have a blast.”

“It won’t be the same without you.”

“It never is.” She smiles and we settle in my bed for our movie. During The Notebook my mind wanders. I think about Carter and what he’s doing. I miss him, his laugh and his beautiful smile. The way he looks at me and always puts me first, his kind heart, nice hair and his eyes that makes you willing to do anything for him with just one gaze.

“You want some popcorn? Meg pulls me out of my depressing stupor. I miss my friend.

“No thanks.” I’m not even looking at the TV.

Meg sits down beside me. “What’s wrong?” After a few minutes of silence, Meg runs her fingers through my hair soothingly. “Did something happen with Carter?”

“Not really. I just haven’t talked to him much, thanks to Jana. She came to my work a few weeks ago threatening to tell the school about my pregnancy if I didn’t hook her up with Nick.”

“Are you serious? What is wrong
with that bitch? Did he find out?”

“No he wasn’t around, thank God. But I was so freaked out. I’ve been acting weird around him ever since. I miss him. Meg, I’ve fallen for him. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want this to happen and God knows it’s stupid to think of him as anything other than a friend. Even if we’re just friends, I’ll take it.” I put my head in my pillow, feeling the self-pity party starting.

Then I feel the bed creak as Meg gets up.

“You need to go talk to him, now. Fix your friendship. I don’t care how, just do it. Don’t let some tramp control your life.” I lift my head, about to agree when Tyler peaks his head in my bedroom. “Carter’s here.” I glance at Meg in surprise and sit up.

“Well, he’s your chance. Go get him honey.” I jump off my bed, anxious and curious what brought him here. I grip the banister as I make my way to the door smiling.

“Hey.”