Choices (New Beginnings #1) (2 page)

Michaela felt like she knew his body almost as well as she knew her own. They’d been together so long that she could anticipate every move he was going to make. So, when he finally got her dress off, she was ready for him.

Michaela was working on the buckle of Ethan's belt when her bedroom door suddenly swung open. She pushed Ethan off of her and sat up, grabbing the bed sheet to cover herself.

"Mom!" she yelled. "It's called knocking!"

"Next time, lock the door, dear." Her mom wasn't nearly as distraught as she should have been. Times like these, Michaela actually wanted her to get upset. Instead, she just said, "the guests are arriving. I need you outside."

Michaela and Ethan got dressed reluctantly and hurried after her.      

###

"I'll see you in a few." Ethan gave Michaela a kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the crowd.

She walked through the party in a daze, saying hello and waving at random guests she may or may not have ever met before.

"Happy Birthday," a shrill voice behind her said. She turned to see Meghan Henley, hands on hips and eyes narrowed like a cat. Meghan had what Michaela liked to call "resting bitch face". Basically, for the small amount of time that she wasn't actually being a bitch, she still looked like one. So, you never knew which Meghan you were going to get.

"Hey, Meghan," Michaela said, trying to smile. They were friends in high school, but now they only saw each other when one of their families threw events.

"It's so good to see you!" She rushed forward and gave Michaela a hug. Okay, so she got fake Meghan, not bitch Meghan. She’d take it.

"How are you?" Michaela asked once Meghan released her. This set Meghan off on a monologue about her summer in the Hamptons. That was the nice thing about Meghan. You never had to say much because she did all the talking.

"How's Ethan?" Meghan asked. "I was looking for him earlier." There was something in her voice that Michaela didn't trust.

"He's fine," she replied after briefly scrutinizing the girl standing in front of her. Even though they were friends, Michaela had never liked Meghan. In high school, Meghan was the "it" girl and most people only knew Michaela's name because of who her parents were or because she was Ethan Walker's girlfriend.

"I'll bet he is ...” Meghan said, "fine, that is." She walked off without a second glance, leaving Michaela stunned and slightly angry. That was the world she lived in.

Michaela didn't really care how superficial that world was. She learned a long time ago just to shrug it off. She thought she'd get away from this life when she moved out and went to college, but there were people like that everywhere. She went to Brown because that's where her mother went. It was expected. She joined her mom's sorority. She even applied to her dad's law school, Columbia. She didn't have a say in any of it. Her brother went down the same path, but then he did get out. He created a home in New York. She was looking forward to doing the same. Once she finished Law School, she was hoping she could make her own life. With Ethan? She thought so, but she didn't know how she could escape the world she’d grown up in if he was still by her side. He'd never want to leave it all.

The sad truth was that she didn't know if she even wanted to be a lawyer. She didn't know what she wanted to do, but she didn't think she'd ever get the chance to find out for herself.

Michaela spent hours playing the hostess that night. She talked to so many people that her head started to hurt. Luckily, Chris showed up with a drink just when she needed it.

"Want a break?" he asked, leading her away from the crowd.

"God yes," she sighed. "My feet are killing me in these shoes, and if I have to talk to one more air-headed socialite or boring client of Dad's that can't keep their eyes off my boobs, I'm going to explode."

Chris chuckled as she downed half the wine he brought. "I've been here less than a day and I'm already ready to get back to the city." 

"And I'm so ready to go with you." She emptied her glass and set it on a passing waiter's tray. They walked past the present table without a second glance and headed straight for the desserts. There was a birthday cake, but she knew there would be no singing or candles. "Too childish," or "too pedestrian," her mom would say.

"Michaela, dear, you might want to lay off the desserts." Her mom appeared at her side, as if the mere thought of her had brought her forth. "You've gotten a little pudgy this summer." She patted her daughter's back and walked away before Michaela could even make herself speak.

"Don't listen to her," Chris said, plopping an extra piece of cake on her plate.

"Yeah, whatever."

The pool house was off limits for the party so that's where they went. She sat on one of the lounge chairs and focused on her food.

"Is it just me," Michaela said between mouthfuls, "or does this birthday have an extra helping of suck?"

"What else happened?" Chris asked.

"I know the only reason Dad came home early is because he has to meet an important client for golf tomorrow."

"Yeah," Chris said. "Did you know he's been in the city a lot lately? He only called me as he was leaving last time." Michaela reached over and grabbed her brother's hand in understanding. They’d known nannies better than they knew their own parents.

The silence was suddenly broken by footsteps coming towards them from the other side of the pool house. Someone was about to interrupt their escape. Michaela just hoped it wasn't their mom.

It wasn't. A big blond head poked around the corner and she jumped out of her seat, squealing.

"Josh!" she yelled, flinging herself into his open arms. He laughed as he spun her around.

"Hey, sis," he said, putting her down next to him. Michaela wasn't really his sister but he'd always called her that. Josh was Ethan's little brother and, by extension, family. "Hey, Chris."

"Hey, man," Chris responded. "We didn't know you'd be here."

"I had a break in my training schedule, so I figured I'd come home for a few days."

Josh was a hockey player. A good one. He was drafted last year by Columbus so that made them Michaela's new favorite team. She grew up watching the Rangers on TV but that didn't stop her from switching her allegiance.

"You're huge!" She grinned. "You were a lot scrawnier last time I saw you."

"That was two years ago," he shrugged. "It was bound to happen."

"We watched the draft on TV last year. I was so proud of you." He blushed at that, and she couldn't help the laugh that came bubbling up. "I can't believe you might play in the NHL this year."

"I'll mostly be in the minors, but Coach said I'll probably get a call up at some point. If I do well in camp, I could start the season with them before they send me down."

"That so cool, man," Chris said.

"Yeah," Josh paused, "they're looking for you guys back at the party."

"You mean my mom is, right?" Michaela sighed.

"And Ethan," Josh winked.

"You guys go ahead and look for them," Chris waved them on. "I'm going to get another drink."

"Ooooh, going to see bartender boy?" she joked.

"Michaela!" Chris shot her a warning glance.

"What? Josh knows," she stated.

"I totally know, dude," Josh said and the two of them were laughing as they walked away.

"So, Columbia next month eh?" Josh asked after they’d been walking for a bit.

"Yeah," Michaela grumbled.

"You don't sound too excited."

"I can't wait to be in the city, but I hate the thought of being in class again."

"I hear you," he said.

"Yeah, because being a nineteen-year-old hockey player who will probably be making millions before I graduate is totally the same thing."

"Touché," he smirked but then his face grew serious. "I've missed you, Mic." He stopped walking and rubbed the back of his head nervously. "This is where I leave you."

"What?" she asked. "What's going on?"

Josh kept backing away, and it was only then that Michaela saw Ethan coming towards her. Her face lit up and he mirrored the expression.

When he reached her, Ethan kissed her long and hard before taking her arm and leading her towards the main party. People were milling about, many sitting at tables, talking and eating.

"Can I have everyone's attention?" Ethan called over the noise. Michaela caught Josh's eye and he winked before she turned her attention back to Ethan. The band had stopped playing and the party grew quiet, so Ethan started talking again.

"We are here today to celebrate the birthday of Michaela Ann Matthews. Some of you know that I have been her better half for going on seven years." The crowd laughed at his joke but Michaela just glanced at Ethan nervously. He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were glued to the crowd, who were eating up his every word. He was a Walker, they'd laugh at whatever he said.

"I think seven years is long enough, don't you?" he continued. "I think it's about time we get married." Ethan flashed the ring towards the partygoers before finally turning to Michaela. "What do you say?"

Michaela swore that her heart stopped, but not because it burst with love or anything romantic like that. She was in the grips of fear as she looked from Ethan to the crowd and then to her mother. Her mom was nodding as if she could control her daughter's answer from where she stood.

"Ethan ..." Michaela croaked. She felt like she should’ve known the answer as soon as he asked. Should terror have been the first thing she felt?

"Just say yes, babe," he cut her off.

As she stared at the people around her, Michaela realized what her answer needed to be. She knew Ethan. She knew what he’d expect the moment they were engaged. She'd have to give up New York. She'd have to give up her chance to break free from this world. She wasn't ready for that.

"Ethan ..." she said again as tears pooled in her eyes. She thought she could feel the cracks forming in her heart. Why did he have to ask now? Why couldn't he wait? "Ethan, I love you, but I can't. I'm so sorry." She started to walk away, but she could hear him behind her.

"You don't get to run from me." He lowered his voice so only she could hear. "Don’t be such a bitch. This is happening."

Michaela felt the heat from the crowd's stares burning into her back as the tears let loose. “No, it’s not.” She sprinted towards the beach. She had to get away. She had to think.

Ethan reached the beach moments after she did, and he was angry.

"I thought that was what you wanted!" he yelled.

"Ethan, I do, just not now," she cried.

"Well, now is the only time I'm offering it," he growled.

"I can't. I don't want all of that." She gestured towards the party and thought he knew what she meant. "At least not yet."

"Dammit, I wish you would've told me that seven years ago and I never would've gotten involved with a bitch like you." He stepped close to her and narrowed his eyes. "If you think you can just embarrass me in front of everyone in town and waltz out, then ..."

"Then what?" Another voice broke in. Michaela looked up to find Chris and Josh, the latter with a hand on his brother's arm, trying to pull him away from her.

"Chris," Michaela said, as he pulled her to him and her chest heaved with sobs.

"Don't threaten my sister," he snarled at Ethan.

"Your sister isn't worth it anyways," Ethan shot back. "Stuck-up little whore."

Michaela barely saw it happen. Chris stepped away from her and in the same movement, punched Ethan, flattening him to the sand.

"Come on, sis, let's get out of here, tonight."

Michaela hugged Josh and glanced down at Ethan once more before Chris led her away. Before she knew it, they were in the car driving away from her old life and headed for New York City.

Two

Every morning was the same. Michaela woke up feeling like everything was okay, and then it hit her like a fist to the gut. She’d lost the man she thought she was going to marry. She still did want to marry him, one day.
Why did he have to ask me now?
She couldn't say yes, not yet. Michaela knew that the moment she was engaged to Ethan Walker, she’d be sucked back into that world. His family would have expected her to give up Columbia. She didn't care about law school so much, but she couldn't give up New York City. She couldn't give up her chance to create her own life, away from her parents’ expectations and judgments. She was pretty sure she would've suffocated in Connecticut.

Michaela always assumed she’d end up back there some day. Ethan would join his father's medical practice, and she’d attend all the social functions with a pained smile pasted to her face. Just the thought of it sent her head reeling.

What Michaela wanted for her life had always been at odds with her love for Ethan, but she knew she’d eventually choose him. She knew he hadn’t meant the awful things he said. They’d been together for so long that she didn't know who she was without him.

Ethan hadn't called since she left, and Michaela was staring at his name in her phone, again. She’d barely been out of bed all week, instead living on cereal and Netflix. She knew she had to get it together. School started in a few days and she was not looking forward to it. If there was one thing Michaela did know, it was that she did not want to be the corporate lawyer that her dad expected her to be.

Making a snap decision, Michaela scrolled past Ethan's name in her contacts and found the number she was looking for. She cleared her throat of the phlegm the crying had created and waited for someone to answer.       

"Columbia Admissions," the voice came over the receiver.

"Uh, hi. My name is Michaela Matthews. I'm supposed to be starting law school in a few days, but I need to defer."

"I can get the paperwork put through. Are you sure this is what you'd like to do?"

"Positive." Michaela gave the rest of the information that was needed and hung up. "What did I just do?" she whispered, falling back onto her pillows.

That was when the panic started.
What am I doing?
Michaela thought. Here she was, in New York City, no boyfriend and no school. She felt like everything that kept her tethered to the earth was suddenly gone.

Giving in to her growling stomach, Michaela dragged herself out of bed. As she passed by, she caught her reflection in the mirror and saw her tangled hair and the red splotches that always appeared on her face when she cried. She was not an attractive crier. She considered putting a robe on over her short-shorts and tank, but then remembered her brother wasn't home. Sighing, she made her way to the kitchen in search of some Lucky Charms.

   The box was sitting on the kitchen counter, but when she lifted it, it was empty. "Come on!" She stomped towards the trash can to throw it away and heard the TV on in the living room.

"Chris!" she called, walking towards the couch. "If the box is empty ..." she stopped, realizing it wasn't her brother sitting on the couch eating her Lucky Charms.

"Hey," the man said.

"Where's my brother?" If Michaela was going to live there, they needed ground rules. Chris had a bad habit of bringing strange men home.

"He had to go meet a client," he said.

"Who are you?"

"Jason. I'm a friend of Chris's."

"I gathered that. What are you doing here?" Suddenly realizing how underdressed she was, she crossed her arms over her bra-less front.

"Eating." He held up his spoon as proof.

"Why are you here eating my cereal rather than back wherever you crawled out of?" Michaela didn't know where the anger was coming from, but she couldn't seem to stop it. She felt awful, and needed someone to take it out on. This stranger was just here. He didn't take offense though; he just laughed, making her feel even worse.

"Your brother asked me to check on you." 

"I'm fine," she said, completely aware of what a mess she must look like … not like this guy would care, since he just spent the night with her brother. She had to admit, her brother had good taste. Thinking about Jason's blond hair made her eyes start to water again. That was the only similarity between him and Ethan, but it was enough.

Unable to hold the tears back any longer, she turned and fled back into her room before her chest heaved with sobs. She slid down the wall and pulled her knees in, hugging them close.

"Are you okay?" Michaela didn't answer but looked up to where Jason was standing in the open doorway. She wiped her eyes and looked away again. She was crying so hard, she couldn't speak enough to tell him to go away. He sat next to her, but she hardly noticed. She felt as if she wasn't attached to her life anymore. As if it was all happening to someone else. All she could focus on was the pain. Before she realized it, Michaela was crying into the stranger's chest. The solidness of Jason's arms around her felt like the only thing keeping her from falling to pieces.

Michaela would be eternally grateful that Jason didn't once say that everything would be okay. He didn't ask her what was wrong. She assumed Chris told him something, but he didn't try to understand. He just let her cry.

"You should try to get some more sleep," Jason finally said. She nodded, and he helped her to her bed. He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand.

"Please ... I ..." She sighed, "I don't want to be alone." His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed and let out a breath before sitting with his back against the headboard. He was stiff at first, but then she felt his arms come around her again when she curled into his side.

It should have been weird, but it was ... comfortable. It was probably because her heart was so broken she couldn't think of anything else. Then there was the fact that Jason was gay. She felt safe in his arms.

Jason's shirt was damp with tears underneath her cheek, but he didn't seem to mind. He rubbed small circles on her back until her breathing evened out, her eyes dried, and she fell asleep.

###

"I see you two have met." Chris's voice came from the doorway, waking them. Jason had fallen asleep as well, but he jumped at the sound of her brother's voice.

"Sorry, bro," Michaela said, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly, "I borrowed your friend and his wonderful arms to keep from dying of self-pity."

"Is that a smile?" Chris asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the door frame. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

He was right, for the first time in a week, Michaela didn't feel like bursting into tears.

Jason detached himself and Michaela sat up. "Food?" she asked Chris.

"You mean you're done living on cereal?" he asked mockingly. "Take a shower and we'll go out. You need to get out of this apartment." He turned but then stopped before walking away. "Jason, that's not an excuse for you to take a shower with my sister." He laughed as he walked away and Michaela felt her face heating up as she looked at the man beside her. She hadn't noticed how cute he was before. The gay ones always were. His curly, blond hair was flattened from sleep, but his blue eyes were striking and his smile was warm.

"Um," she started, "thanks for ... you know."

"Any time." He smiled.

"Do you think we could start over right now and forget about all of this?"

"In bed?" he smirked.

"Look ..."

"I'm just kidding," he said quickly and then held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Jason Marks."

"Michaela Matthews." She took his hand and he smiled before releasing her and standing.

"Whoever it was you were crying about is an idiot." He stopped before reaching the door. "I think we're going to be friends, Michaela Matthews." He was gone before she could respond.

Michaela jumped in the shower and had to stop herself from sitting down and letting the hot water scorch away her tears
. I am done crying.
She told herself that over and over. If she repeated it enough, maybe it would be true
. He wouldn't wait for me, so I will not cry over Ethan Walker anymore. He does not deserve my tears
, she thought to herself, but do the seven years she spent with him deserve tears? What about the plans she made with him?
No
. She scrubbed vigorously until her skin felt raw. She wanted to hit something.

Chris was waiting for her when she was finally dressed and they headed for a cafe around the corner.

"I just want to say this," Michaela started after the waitress took their drink orders. “I’ve reached the point where you just can't cry anymore, so don't ask me how I'm doing. It's that breaking point where you either go into some deep depression or you move on with your life. I don't do depression, so I'm going to try to move on."

"Does Jason have anything to do with this new outlook?"

"Why would he?" she asked. "I wouldn't exactly say I'm his type."

"What do you mean?"

"He's gay."

Chris almost spat water at her as he started laughing. “By the way he was holding you, I think he'd be pretty upset you thought so."

Michaela suddenly felt stupid and stupidly self-conscious.

"He doesn't have a problem with my preferences," Chris continued, "but he definitely likes women." The previous few hours flashed through her mind. She was such a wreck. His chest, his arms were the only things that kept her from floating away in her misery. "Stop!"

"What?" she asked.

"Don't even think about it," Chris commanded. "Jason is a good guy. He is not your rebound. In fact, don't rebound with any of my friends."

"I'm not going to rebound!" she practically yelled before lowering her voice. "We just broke up."

"Exactly. Trust me, sis. You will need a rebound sooner than you think. It'll get that ass out of your system."

"I can't even hear this right now."

"Well, that's not all I have to say. You've been holed up in your room for too long now. It's time to get back to your life. Law school orientation is in a few days. Are you ready?"

"I'm not going," she said.

"Don't make a decision you'll regret."

"I'm not," Michaela said but was then interrupted by the waitress coming to take their order. "I'll have a cheeseburger, medium well, and fries. Mom hasn't let me have fries all summer."

Chris ordered a turkey club and then turned back to her. "Mic ...”

"No. While I was 'holed up in that room', I did a lot of thinking. I don't want to be a lawyer. At least not right now. So I won't."

"Mom ...”

"Mom can deal," she stated.

"Can you stop interrupting me?" Chris was annoyed but there was something else in his voice. "I was going to say that Mom will be pissed, but I'm proud of you."

"Oh," she said, smiling, "thanks."

Their food came, and they focused on eating for a bit before Chris put down his sandwich and looked at her intently. "Okay, here's what you'll do. I assume you've already deferred Columbia. We can tell Mom and Dad you want some experience in a law firm first. My firm has an opening for a receptionist. I can get you the job and you can work there while figuring out your next step."

Michaela could've jumped across the table and given her big brother a hug. He had everything figured out. She could stay in the city and work to put everything else behind her. Instead, she just nodded and said, "That works."

"Cool, well, you up for going out tonight?" Chris rarely stayed in during the week, let alone the weekends. Michaela found herself agreeing because he was right. She needed some fun.  

###

Don't go there
, Jason told himself for the millionth time that day.

Michaela. Man, that girl was a wreck. Jason balled a bar towel in his hands, gripping it as hard as he could. What he really wanted to do was wring the neck of whoever it was that made those tears fall down that beautiful face. He didn't understand why he was feeling so protective of a girl he barely knew. Jason was not a violent man. In fact, he abhorred it. He'd had his bouncer kick more people out of his bar than he could count. People that hadn't yet caused any problems but that he'd suspected were close.

Jason threw the towel onto the bar and headed towards the back to help unload a beer delivery. His muscles strained as he carried a case inside.

"Hey, boss," Aaron, the bar's assistant manager said, coming in behind him.

"Happy you finally decided to grace us with your presence." Jason dropped his load with a grunt and went out for another.

"Sorry, dude, I had a thing."

"We open in an hour." Jason's voice was flat.

"It was important." Aaron put another case down and looked at his boss nervously.

"Yeah yeah." Jason waved him away to continue working. "I'm just going to make you close tonight so I can get some beauty rest."