Chompin' at the Bit (Horse Play #2) (40 page)

I had barely been driving for ten minutes before my cell phone vibrated. Smiling at seeing Jensen’s name on my caller ID, I held it to my ear. “Hey, what’s up?” 

“Where are you?” Jensen demanded, sounding frantic. 

“Um, heading into town for feed, why?” I inquired, confused by his frenzied state. 

There was an aggravated sigh on the other end, and I could just imagine Jensen fisting his hair with his free hand. “Why didn’t you tell me you were heading into town? I’d have offered to come with you.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You and Tom have to get that fence done. How’s it coming along?” I asked, knowing I needed to change the subject. 

“It’s fine. When will you be back?” 

“Soon, I promise. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?” I told him. 

“Sure. I’ll see you soon.”

As I made my way into Savannah, I thought back on how Jensen had been behaving the last couple weeks. For the life of me, I couldn’t think of how to assure him that everything would be fine, nor could I think of how to help him relax. Yes, I was pregnant now—but barely—and I was fairly certain that alone shouldn’t impede my ability to do any aspect of my job.

His offer to drop everything to run an errand with me wasn’t the first; it happened almost daily. In fact, I was surprised I was allowed to pee by myself most days. While I loved him, there was so much going on (and so quickly) that sometimes I just needed a minute alone to breathe. His constant hovering made that difficult.

Most couples so early into a relationship had the luxury of going to their own houses for time apart, Jensen and I had been living together since before we even became a couple, making it hard to find a minute to be alone. Telling him that would upset him, though. And I had done enough of that since it was confirmed we were expecting. My foot-in-mouth syndrome seemed to be flaring up a lot lately, and everything that came out of my mouth was sure to be tainted in some way. It was probably best to just keep my feelings to myself for a bit. 

Needless to say, this errand for Dad was the perfect opportunity for me to sneak away for some alone time and maybe pick up something special for Jensen. I started juggl-ing ideas of how I could help him see that I was just as happy about our situation as he was.

I had just hit the outskirts of town when I had a great idea for what to do for him. The only problem with my plan was that I could potentially risk outing the pregnancy. Deciding it was a risk I was willing to take, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Lilah’s number while trying to figure out how to word my question to guard our secret as best I could. I still wanted to have the doctor confirm everything was fine before we told anyone else. 

Not surprisingly, the phone only rang twice before she picked up. “Madi, hey. How’s it going?” 

“Really good,” I answered. “Listen, I don’t have long to talk as I’m just driving into town, but I just wanted to ask you something…” 

“Shoot.” 

Running the question through my mind once more, I decided to just ask. “Well, you see, Christmas is coming up, and I was wondering what Jensen’s favorite book as a child was. Do you know by chance?” I asked, nervously awaiting the
why’s
that were likely to follow, because “Christmas” just didn’t seem plausible enough. 

There was silence on her end before she hummed quietly. “Oh!” she said suddenly. “I think I remember when we were younger, Mom used to read him
The Velveteen Rabbit
all the time. Like,
all
the time.” 

“Yeah? Thanks, Lilah. Hey, are you still coming out this weekend to ride?” I asked, quickly changing the topic so she wouldn’t think too much about my odd question. 

“You bet. I can’t wait. Oh, and Madi?” 

Shit.
“Yeah?” 

I could almost hear her smile. “I think the book is a really sweet idea. He’ll love it.” 

“Thanks. I’m grateful for your help,” I told her. “Well, I’m going to have to let you go, but I’ll talk to you later?” 

“For sure. Drive safe.” 

The first stop I made after hanging up with Lilah was for a cheeseburger—because I couldn’t seem to get enough lately. After our camping trip, Jensen took me into town where we stocked up on ground beef and steak to satiate my cravings. He was so great about it, never once making me feel worse than I already did about it.

After eating my lunch in my truck, I decided to check out a couple of the local bookshops—not the ones where they sold the new shiny books, but the ones where they sold older ones. Some of the books were usually pretty pricey, but usually just the rare ones. 

I pulled to a stop in front of one of my favorite shops and got out of my truck. Just as I was stepping through the doors, my phone rang, and I looked down to see it was Jensen again. It had maybe been thirty minutes.

“Hey,” I said softly, gaining a welcoming smile from the lady behind the desk. I waved at her and continued on my way toward the children’s books. 

There was a sigh from Jensen’s end before he spoke. “You on your way back yet?”

“Uh, not quite. I stopped for a quick snack, and I had a couple of other things I needed to do in town. I won’t be long.” 

“What other things?” he asked, and for a minute, I thought he sounded terrified. 

Finding myself in the children’s section, I smiled as I perused the titles, really hoping I could find a copy of
The Velveteen Rabbit
. “Don’t you worry about it,” I told him through my grin, knowing for sure he had to know I was up to something—he always did. Even though I knew he’d probably see right through me, I told a tiny fib so that I could get him off the phone. “Look, I’m driving through town now, and don’t want to risk an accident. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Oh, uh, okay,” Jensen stammered slightly. 

With my phone tucked back in my pocket, I continued to read the titles of the books. There were so many classics; it was hard to abstain from buying them all for the baby’s book collection. That thought of course got me to thinking of converting my old room into a nursery. The crib would go where the bed currently sat, the dresser along the other wall and the rocking chair would remain right by the window where we would rock our child to sleep night after night. Maybe even reading him or her
The Velveteen Rabbit
. My vision blurred as tears welled in my eyes before I blinked them back to refocus on my search. 

Unpredictable hormone surges? Check.

When my eyes finally settled on the title I was looking for, I held back an excited squeal that bubbled to the surface. I snatched the book off the shelf and started to look it over carefully to be sure it was in decent shape and that no pages were missing. It wasn’t a first edition, but it was old and still worth a pretty penny. Price didn’t matter. I’d happily pay double if it meant showing Jensen in some way that I was happy. I just hoped this book would do that as well as make it easier to have a conversation I knew was long overdue. 

With my book by my side in the truck, I drove over to the feed shop to pick up our order. On the way, I heard my phone vibrate on the seat next to me. I waited until a red light before reaching for it, knowing that Jensen would shit bricks if I read my text messages while driving. Not that this was any more legal or safe.

“Speak of the devil,” I said quietly. 

Hey. Just Finished the fence.

How’s it going?

I quickly tapped out my response. 

I can’t wait to see your handiwork.

Light’s about to turn green. I’ll talk

To you soon. XX

Setting my phone back on the seat, I drove forward when the light turned green and proceeded down the street. I made it maybe a half block before my phone vibrated again. 

OK. Well, let me know when

you’re on your way.

What was with his strange behavior? He was hovering unnecessarily again, and I couldn’t figure out why. This wasn’t the first time I’d run an errand by myself, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. 

A half hour later, Ken was helping me load the feed into the bed of my truck, and I was finally on my way home. Because of my two unscheduled stops, I was going to be a touch later than anticipated, but I was sure Jensen would forgive me when I gave him the book. Since it was already after six, I knew he’d probably be at home starting dinner by the time I unloaded the feed. I may have dawdled a little, hoping I’d make it back a little closer to dinner actually being ready. 

“Hey, you’re back,” Dad greeted, exiting and locking up his office. “Jensen’s been asking if I’d heard from you for the last hour. He must really have it bad for ya.” When he winked, I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Apparently. I probably should have texted him to let him know I was on my way.” Inwardly, I scolded myself for forgetting to tell him I was leaving the feed store. “Oh well. I’ll just get this unloaded and head home.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Dad approached the tailgate of my truck, forcing me off to the side. “I’ll handle this, you go on to dinner and put your beau at ease. He’s so anxious when you’re not around lately.” 

“Yeah?” I asked. Dad nodded once. “Okay, thanks. See you in the morning.” 

I quickly grabbed the brown paper gift bag with Jensen’s book in it before running off toward the house. The excitement pumping through my veins had me feeling as though I wasn’t going to be able to make it to dinner to give it to him—and I was pretty certain I was okay with that. 

I was barely through the door before Jensen’s arms were around me in an almost bone-crushing hug, his present forgotten. 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” he breathed into my neck, kissing below my ear several times before lifting his head to look at me. “Why didn’t you call?” 

“I forgot?” Something definitely wasn’t right with his behavior. 

“I asked you to let me know when you were on your way home,” he stated firmly, his eyes flashing with mild irritation. He turned from me and headed for the kitchen where it looked like he was only just starting dinner. 

Following him, I set the bag on the island and crossed my arms across my body defensively; my frustration had finally reached its peak. “I said I was sorry. Had I known it was such a big deal, I’d have called.” Were we seriously fighting about me not calling when he knew I wasn’t going to be gone long? 

I was staring at his back as he placed his hands flat on the counter in front of him, slumping his head and shoulders almost like he had been defeated. “I was just … worried,” he confessed, his voice soft and barely audible. 

“About what? You knew where I was.” I was growing more and more confused as time went on. 

He snapped his head around, his eyes narrowed. “Did I?” 

Whoa.
What? 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demanded with an evil glare. 

“It doesn’t take almost three hours to pick up feed—especially if your dad’s already called the order in.” 

“Now hold on just a minute,” I demanded. “Are you accusing me of something?” Pausing for a beat, I gave him the chance to respond. When he didn’t, I continued. “Do you think I’m …
cheating
on you?” He turned to face me completely. Tears stung my eyes and my chin trembled. “You don’t trust me?” 

He continued to stare at me, his face completely void of any kind of expression that indicated he was just grouchy. It was his eyes that startled me most; the sparkle that usually lit them was dull. If it was possible, they looked darker than usual as he stared at me almost accusingly. 

In an instant, my heart clenched and my stomach rolled with nausea as I realized what was really going on here. 

“You think I …” Uncrossing my arms, I placed my hands over my abdomen protectively, choking on the words before they came to rest on my tongue and burned like acid. The first of my tears fell from my eyes, and I cursed my raging hormones for making me appear weak in the wake of his heinous accusation. 

Mustering up the courage and piecing together what little control I had left over my own body, I drew in a large—albeit shaky—breath and marched up to him. I refused to let my eyes or my voice reveal just how hurt I was in that moment. Knowing that he was comparing his past with Kaylie to his present with me broke my heart, though.

Yes, at first I had been terrified—wasn’t everyone when something this life-altering happened unplanned? We hadn’t been together very long. Was I not allowed to be scared? I realized I’d behaved poorly, saying things without first thinking how they might affect him, but had I really been so awful these last couple weeks to deserve these allegations? How could he possibly think I could
ever
do what she had done? 

“I’m. Not. Kaylie. You have no
idea
what I’m feeling.” No matter how hard I tried, my voice still betrayed me, trembling on
her
name and following through to the last word. 

“Because you won’t fucking talk to me about any of this!” he shouted. 

A single, humorless laugh escaped accidentally. “Oh, and you’re just a fountain of fucking feelings since this all started?” I countered, yanking the paper gift bag off the counter and thrusting it at him as more tears spilled down my cheeks. His hand came up to hold the bag against his chest, brushing my knuckles as I pulled mine back. It wasn’t how I envisioned giving the gift to him, but maybe he needed to know I was in this with him—that I was
never
against him and I never would be. 

Unable to say another word, I stormed from the room and down the hall, turning into my old bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

Chapter
34. Impulsive Decisions