Choose Wisely (15 page)

             
“How are you?” I asked.

             
“I’m all right. How are you?”

I looked around the room, watching as guards paced back and forth. He didn’t belong here. He was turning his life around. It just wasn’t fair. I gazed into his eyes. He looked tired and sad. There was no doubt in my mind. I was going to ride with him
. I was going to be his rock.

             
“I’m okay,” I stated, answering his earlier question.

“I’ll
be better once we get you outta here. I know you think this isn’t a place for me. But I can handle it. I love you. You need someone to help you through this,”

             
“I appreciate your concern. But I’m good!”

             
I don’t think you understand. I love you. I want to be with you. When you came to my place a few weeks ago, I was caught off guard. I know what I want now, and it’s to be with you,” I pleaded.

He pulled on his goatee, while I waited patiently for him to speak.

              “Listen, the only reason I said I wanted to be with you was because I didn’t want you with dude. I’m sorry but I’m not feeling you like that,”

             
“YOU’RE LYING!” I shouted.

             
“You better keep it down, before they kick you outta here. I’m not trying to hurt you. I care about you but not in the way you think. I don’t know how long I’m going to be in here. I don’t have time to be worrying about what a female is doing on the outside,”

             
“So I’m just some ordinary female to you?”

             
“I never said that. Melissa you are my friend. That’s all you are and that’s all you ever will be. Ole boy seems to really care about you. Go ahead and make things work with him. You deserve to be happy,”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was he serious? I ex
amined his face and tried to get a read from his expression.

             
“So that’s what you want?” I asked.

             
“Yeah that’s what I want. Don’t contact me again. My family will take care of any business that concerns me or Jade,”

I sat speechless as I watched him hang up the phone and walk away. My body went numb. The visit wasn’t even over yet. I quietly stood and quickly walked to the waiting area.
I fought back my tears, grabbing my items from the locker. I raced to my car feeling lower than I ever felt in my life. I struggled with the lock on my car door.

             
“God please help me!” I bellowed.

I jumped in my
car feeling my chest tighten. I tried controlling my falling tears. But it was no use. I was devastated. I had just made a fool of myself. I confessed my love to a man who had no interest in me whatsoever. I forced myself to pull it together. My sadness had turned into anger. If Darius wanted to brush me off that was his lost. I was a good woman, and also a good friend to him. He wanted me to be with Tyrone that’s exactly what I was going to do. Darius from here on out, was a thing of the past.

             
I picked up my purse and searched for my cell phone. I scrolled down through my contacts until I located Tyrone’s number.

If you’re in town meet me at my house. I need to talk to you.

Before pulling off I sent my text. Darius was right about one thing. I did deserve to be happy and Tyrone was just the man I needed to make that happen.

             
I had just dropped David off at my sister’s I was now racing up Route 22, to get to my hair appointment at Hawa’s Beauty Salon. They did the best braiding in Harrisburg. I thought. I was graduating in a few days and I wanted my hair to be perfect.

             
I sat and listened to beauty shop gossip while I waited for my turn in the chair. It had been over week but the news of Darius’s arrest was still a hot topic in my small city. I let the women chatter on. As long as they didn’t say anything I didn’t agree with. I hated gossip. I always thought people who gossiped didn’t have anything going on in their own lives. I now realized, in my line of work gossip was soon going to be my best friend.

             
I was ecstatic when it was finally my turn to get into one of the chairs. Dontae said he had a surprise for me later that evening. I couldn’t wait to see what it was. The owner Marta turned on some music, before she and another woman started braiding my hair. I tried relaxing. But the vibrating of my cell phone caught my attention.

             
I went to my text messages and read the most recent one. It was from my friend Shay; I need you to come over ASAP! It’s important. I texted her back, letting her know I would be over as soon as I could. I prayed everything was okay. She had mentioned she was going out last night alone. Being in my soon to be field of work, I always thought it was best to go out in groups, especially when you were a woman alone.

             
Marta was finished with my hair in less than five hours. That was amazing because some shops took eight hours or more to braid someone’s hair. I gathered up my things, racing out the door to get to Shay’s house. It seemed like I hit every red light possible. I did my best not to get frustrated. I was relieved when I finally pulled into her mother’s driveway.

             
Shay came running out the front door towards me. I figured things were serious, if she couldn’t wait for me to get out the car. I grabbed my purse, rushing to meet her. She hugged me with tears in her eyes.

             
“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She stepped back, and grabbed my hand.
             

             
“Let’s talk inside,” She suggested.

I followed her up the walkway into the house. I hadn’t been
to her mother’s house in years. Shay moved back in; when she broke things off with her fiancé a month ago. I loved her mother’s house. I remembered how peaceful it was growing up. I closed my eyes smelling the scented candles and gently sliding my hand across the inspiring religious art hanging on the wall.

             
Shay brought me out of my trance, by yelling my name. She directed me to follow her into her bedroom. Her room still looked the way it did, before she went off to college. I flopped down in the orange bean bag chair sitting next to her bed.

             
“So what’s going on?”              I questioned.

Shay was making me nervous. She couldn’t keep still. She just kept
pacing back and forth. I stood, placing my hands on her shoulders. I needed her to stop pacing and tell me what was wrong. She finally stood in one spot, looking into the eyes.             

             
“Something happened to my brother!” She shrieked.

Whatever happened, I knew was devastating to her. Her brother was more like a son to her. They were five years apart and she help
ed raise him. I guided her towards her computer desk, hoping she would take a seat. Once she was comfortable, I sat on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to speak.

             
“I need to know if you can help me. Jason was attacked,”

             
“What do you mean attacked?” She gave me a look like I was crazy for asking that question.

             
“It means I found my little brother with no clothes, no money, beaten up in a hotel room!” She cried.

I stood placing my arms around her to offer comfort. I knew Jason all his life. So to find out he was hurt, was hurting me as well.

              “Where is he now?” I asked.

             
“He’s in his room and he won’t come out!” She sighed.

I wanted to help, but
there actually wasn’t much I could do. I was only a cadet, and the incident wasn’t even in my jurisdiction. The best I could do was speak to my captain and he would inform the proper authorities. I searched in my purse locating tissue for Shay’s tears.

             
“Do you want me to talk to him?”

             
“You can try. Honestly I doubt it will help. He won’t even open up to me,”

I opened her bedroom door and stood in the doorway. I turned and gave her a reassuring smile.
             

             
“I will see what I can do!”

I walked down the hall to Jason’s room. I stood outside the door for a few seconds before knocking. I could hear music playing. But he didn’t answer. I tried again, banging on the door a little harder. I called out his name until I finally got a response.

              “Hey Jason, it’s me Sandy can I come in?”

             
“No disrespect, but I just want to be left alone,”

             
“Okay can you at least tell me if you’re all right? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

             
“No! I just need to be left alone!” He hollered.

I backed away, as I heard the music coming from his room getting louder. I dreaded going back to Shay’s room without any more information than she already had. But I couldn’t force him to talk. I would explain to her, that my hands were tied. 

              I found Shay sitting on her bed, with her hands hiding her face. I sat beside her and rubbed her back.

             
“Sis everything is going to be fine. He doesn’t want to talk right now. Just give him time. I will do what I can on my end,” I kissed her on the cheek, and stood.

             
“I have to go. Call me if you need me,”

She lifted her head and gave me a half smile.

              “Thanks for coming. I love you girl!”

             
“I love you too. I’ll walk myself out. Take care of Jason, and get some rest,”

I checked the time on my cell phone, realizing I was running late. I hurried to my car and sped out of the driveway. I still needed to shower and change, before Donate picked me u
p. As I was getting out the car I felt my cell phone vibrate. Dontae had just sent me a message stating he was running late.

             
I texted him back, letting him know that would be fine. I then left a message with my captain. Explaining everything Shay told me about her brother. It was my obligation as a soon to be officer to report any crime. I would still have to talk with my captain face-to-face. I just felt better giving him heads up before I did.

             
I stepped out the shower and tried to grab my ringing cell phone. I missed the call. My phone alerted me that the caller left a message. I pressed the message icon on my cell phone, so I could retrieve the message. I listened closely to the familiar voice on the other end. It was Jason. He said he wanted to talk to me.

             
I called his phone right back. He didn’t answer. I left him a message advising him to call me as soon as possible. I knew there wasn’t much I could do for him, but if he was willing to open up to me than I was willing to listen. He was like a brother to me, and it was my job to keep my family and friends safe.

             
I was sitting in my cell, feeling lower than low. I had just hurt the one person in the world I never wanted to hurt. If there was a God why would he do this to me? I was finally on the right track. Now I was right back where I started.

             
I picked up my pen and pad, ready to write Melissa. Part of me wanted to fix what I had just broken. But the other part of me decided it wasn’t a good idea. I loved her, probably more than I loved myself. That’s why it was best to let her go. She needed to move on. She needed someone who had his shit together. And unfortunately that man wasn’t me.

             
I laid back on the hard mat, which was now my mattress. I stared at the ceiling, wondering where I had gone wrong. I had no idea what was going to happen to me. All I knew was I did what I had to do to keep my daughter safe. She was my world and I had no regrets. I was about to go to sleep, when I heard my cell gate open.

             
I jumped off the top bunk, realizing my mane was being called. I followed the other men into the day room. That’s where newer inmates were placed, when there were no cells available. I stood in a small line waiting to reach the guard who had my mail.

             
The guard handed me my mail. I glanced at the envelope. The letter was from my mother. I loved my family, despite my circumstances. I knew they would always have my back.  I tucked my letter inside my shirt pocket, while slowly walking back to my cell.

             
Once back inside I listened to the gate close behind me. I climbed back on the top bunk, opening my letter. My mother wrote; my daughter was doing fine, now staying with her and my father. She also advised me that the man I assaulted was still in intensive care. She told me not to worry. They had the best lawyer in the area on my case.