Chore Whore (28 page)

Read Chore Whore Online

Authors: Heather H. Howard

Thank you, God!!!

I thank my mom, Patti, and sister Melissa for six long and drawn-out years of reading, re-reading and editing my book again and again. And then, just when you thought you couldn't edit it one more time, doing it again. Your editing skills and dedication are astounding. I couldn't have done it without you!
Merci beaucoup, grazie mille, mucho gracias and efharisto poli
. I also deeply thank my sister Laura for having a fresh pair of eyes to look at my book and fine-tune it. And of course, my wonder boy Cayman, thank you for encouraging me to “hurry up and write.”

I owe a very big and grand thank you to my editor, Josh Behar, for believing in me and having a vision that I hope I stepped up to the plate and delivered. You're brilliant.

My attorney/agent and friend, Martin Groothuis—thanks for the “papa” lectures, reality chats and your encouragement.

A huge thank you to my publicist, Seale Ballenger, who steps lightly, eyes wide open with kindness and insight. You provide fabulous guidance!

A round of applause from me to the crew at HarperCollins Publishers: Michael Morrison, Libby Jordan, Will Hinton, Judith Stagnitto Abbate, Betty Lew, Shubhani Sarkar, Julia Bannon, Susan Kosko, Tim Bower and Susan Sanguily. I truly cherish all you've done. Thank you.

A special round of applause to Andrea Molitor at Harper for explaining the process, the “word of mouth” and your kind spirit. You're an angel.

To Kristen Green, thank you for starting me out with your “fishing” techniques. You rock!

To one of my best and most courageous friends ever, Dan Rastorfer, I owe you tremendously. Thank you for every ounce of your love, help and friendship. Viva Jamaica!

My super good friend Stacy Cheriff—you've rescued me innumerable times and I value you. Our dinners at Spumoni on Montana—unforgettable!

I thank my dear friend Marla Rubin, you're a pillar, unstoppable, and you brought Paris alive. The food, God, the food! Marilyn and Bob Goldman, very clever you two are!

For Twyla Heckard—thank you for the times you've let me just write! You're a good friend . . . and your fried chicken ain't bad either!

Michelle Forbes and big sister Danielle Forbes, you're great friends and troopers and your mothering skills are right on the mark. I've learned a lot from you two. Papa John—you've done well!

Dr. Judith Perez, thank you for your professional insight. I appreciate the time you gave me.

Laura Kulsik and Bart Yasso, thank you for reading the book in the middle of the L.A. Marathon!

To Cheri Mancuso, who set me straight and instructed me on making the most important decision of my life, a big hug.

A special note of gratitude to the folks at Chipman-United Moving Lines—Bob Ensign, Amalia Espinoza, Mike Foreman and of course, Ron Quinn. You move me! Over and over. Nelson, I miss you!

A big hug to my Beverly Hills “family,” Virginia Hirsh, Barbara Barrett, Arnold Clements, Kevin, Beth and Hannah Hirsh, Brian, Cathy and Liah Hirsh, Dean, Tammy and Brooke Clements.

Kelly Gouldrick, thank you for your cheerleading.

To Morgan Stevens, the original, I send my best love.

A special thank you to Joseph Barba, a teacher, coach and friend. You're an extraordinary human being and inspiration.

Jeanne Tripplehorn, Leland Orser and your gorgeous baby boy, August, I have deep gratitude. I treasure your honesty and trust.

Michael Abrams, thanks for your kindness, advice and peace.

To Mary Michiels at Almor Liquor, thanks for being a lifesaver during the holidays and every time I needed you to be one.

David Silberkliet, master chef, thanks for the foodie talks and friendship.

A huge thank you to Rebecca DeMornay, your generosity and insight astound me. At the wildest times, I pull your pearls of wisdom out of my memory banks. Sophia and Veronica—you're lucky!

Barbara Birnbaum, Karen Hollis, Cecile Cabeen, Kathy Smith, Kate Mackie and Louise Wechsler, thanks for taking on the challenge!

To my neighbors and nighttime chat friends, Anika Jackson, Shirley McNair and Mark Berry. You're good neighbors.

To Elaine Young and Barbara Eisner—you're great friends! Café Roma at one?

My niece Joelle Wagner, brother Hollis Howard and my bro-in-law, Robert Caplan—I love you all.

Boyd Schulz of Victoria, B.C., your antics make my life look boring. Long live Milano!

The kidlets—Todahtiyah and Sundiata Forbes, Simeyon Forbes-Mays, Kobie Lee, Drew Cheriff, Miles Kneedler—you keep my place rocking!

Dr. Joshua Trabulus and Dr. Myles Cohen—thank you for keeping me functioning!

Thank you for being in my life! Elsa Lopez, Lina Parrillo and Pasquale Fabrizio of Pasquale Shoe Repair, Arthur Amaral, Robyn, Kennon and Andrew Pearson and Bob, Libby, Debbie and Ian Roseman, Imelda Colindres, Kristine and Eirick Haensheke, Rosalyn Myles, Marija Krstic-Chin, Shelby Marlo, Ann Martin, Karen Michaels, Hugo Nathan, Richie May, Lisa Nicholls, Laura and Melanie Parker, Marina Schlesinger, Mike Shen, Don Spina, Norma Snyder, David and Tor Strawderman, Edy Foglino, Cheryll Roberts, Linda, Josh, Dylan and Maeve Almos, Frank Galassi, Jeff Haas, Joan Howard, Michael Flynn, Shaunse Neighbors, John, Gloria, Veronica and Yvonne Wehrmann, and to Kate Svoboda-Spanbock thanks for the name suggestion. Good choice.

Tallia and Michael Amos, thanks for being the beautiful, insightful people.

To all the Quaker folks at the Visalia Friends' Meeting—your community service and spirituality deeply inspire me.

My special thoughts and prayers go to those who have passed: my father, Melvin Howard, grandparents Florence and Harold Pimlott, my UCLA professor and good friend Dr. Erskine Peters, my client Anton Furst, friends Tony and Nancy Artley and my bro-in-law, Klaus Wagner—I love you and miss you all.

And thank you to the fifty-plus celebrities—actors, singers, musicians, producers, writers, directors and presidents—who have kept my life very, very interesting and busy for the past twenty years.

H
EATHER
H. H
OWARD'
s experience as a personal assistant to some of the biggest names in Hollywood for more than two decades inspired this wickedly funny fictional exposé of her clients' egotistical follies. She lives in Los Angeles with her eleven-year-old son, Cayman.

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

Cover photograph by Benjamin Hill

This novel is a work of fiction. Any references to real people,
events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to give the
fiction a sense of reality and authenticity, and are used fictitiously. All other
names, characters, and places, and all dialogue and incidents portrayed in this
book, are the product of the author's imagination.

 

CHORE WHORE.
Copyright © 2005 by Heather H. Howard. All rights reserved
under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the
required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to
access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be
reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored
in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form
or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter
invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins
e-books.

The Library of Congress has catalogued the
hardcover edition as follows:

Howard, Heather H.

   Chore whore : adventures of
a celebrity personal assistant / by Heather H. Howard—1st ed.

      p.
cm.

   ISBN 0-06-072391-2
(acid-free paper)

   1. Hollywood (Los Angeles,
Calif.)—Fiction. 2. Administrative assistants—Fiction. 3. Motion
picture industry—Fiction. 4. Celebrities—Fiction. I.
Title.

PS3608.O923C48 2005

813'.6—dc22

2004054177

ISBN-10: 0-06-072392-0 (pbk.)
ISBN-13:
978-0-06-072392-7 (pbk.)

 

EPub Edition © JUNE 2011 ISBN: 9780062109606

06  07  08  09  10
/RRD
10  9  8  7  6  5  4  3  2  1

About the Publisher

Australia

HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

25 Ryde Road (P.O. Box 321)

Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia

www.harpercollins.com.au/ebooks

Canada

HarperCollins Canada

2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor

Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada

http://www.harpercollins.ca

New Zealand

HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited

P.O. Box 1

Auckland, New Zealand

http://www.harpercollins.co.nz

United Kingdom

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

77-85 Fulham Palace Road

London, W6 8JB, UK

http://www.harpercollins.co.uk

United States

HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

10 East 53rd Street

New York, NY 10022

http://www.harpercollins.com

Other books

Killing Ground by James Rouch
The Gooseberry Fool by Mcclure, James
The Saga of Colm the Slave by Mike Culpepper