Christmas Delights 3 (56 page)

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When Dain woke again, he was in his bed with a solid wall of
man wrapped tight around him. Dain soaked in the warmth and comfort, breathed
in the spicy scent of Jake’s aftershave and sighed. Still exhausted, his head
ached, but the nausea, numbness, and dizziness were gone. The past two days had
been hell, but this was worth it.

Dain turned in Jake’s arms. Asleep, the man was open and
relaxed and beautiful. Despite being tightly ensconced in the sheriff’s arms, a
thousand miles separated them. Dain had created a neatly crafted surface world,
and no one except Jake had seen what was beneath the surface. Despite seeing
Dain’s scary underworld, Jake was still there, but that didn’t mean he would
stay. Once he got wind of the true depth of Dain’s deceit, the years he’d
carried on with it, he’d see Dain wasn’t worth the trouble.

Dain ran his fingertips over Jake’s strong brow, his high
cheekbones and perfect lips. Dain had doubted his boldness to pull this man
into a dark corner and kiss him, but now he understood. Jake was special and
called to everything in Dain. In another perfect life, this would be fate. Now
it was a sad irony of Dain’s life.

“Mmmm.” A smile pulled at the corners of Jake’s mouth and
those hazel eyes reached out and held Dain tight.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Glad you did.” Leaning in, Jake stole a chaste kiss.

Dain smiled. “Thanks for coming and staying. I won’t even
ask how you got in, you know, sheriff and all.” Jake nodded. “After what I
said, how I acted, you didn’t have to come—”

“I’m still here,” Jake interrupted then guilt assuaged his
features. “I’m sorry, Dain, for pushing you. I feel responsible for what Mick
did after the bar. And for your migraine.”

Dain shook his head, removing himself from Jake’s lovely
arms. “That migraine has been coming for a couple of days, and Mick would have
eventually lost it over something else. You’ve been one of the best things to
happen to me in a long time.”

“Yeah?” Jake’s eyes brightened.

Dain dipped his head and nodded. “After that night, I had
nothing. Mick was also my boss. It wasn’t enough to push me down a fucking
flight of stairs so he fired me too. Not that I would have gone back. Dad found
out I was gay. I wasn’t totally in the closet, but I was where he was
concerned. He told the church, and now I’m no longer welcome there. So yeah,
you’re pretty high up there on the list.”

 “Mick’s an ass, and if we ever cross paths it won’t be
pretty. Your dad, too. But your church? Didn’t you say you went to St.
Joseph’s?”

“Yeah, Father Ryan doesn’t want fags in his church.
Apparently, Catholic and gay don’t mix.”

“Dain, I’m gay.”

Dain smirked. “I am aware of that.”

“I go to St. Joseph’s.”

“Make sure you don’t mention the gay part,” Dain warned,
terrified Jake would suffer the same fate he had.

“Father Ryan knows I’m gay.”

Dain swallowed hard and surveyed Jake’s face. “He does?” he
whispered.

Jake sat up next to Dain. “He does, and he’s supportive of
the gay community. He doesn’t shout it from the pulpit, due to people like your
father, but he welcomes anyone who wants to attend. What bothers him more is my
sporadic attendance, not that I’m gay.”

“But my father said...he...Fuck, he lied to me.”

Even Dain heard the crushing pain in his voice. Standing, he
went to the window and stared out into darkness. After years of abuse, and
harsh words and hate, that one deceit sliced deeper than any other had. Why did
Dain allow his father the power to control him, as if he didn’t have a choice
in the matter?  Oh God, Jake was right. Dain had let not only his father have
that power, but Gary and Mick as well.

He closed his eyes against the shame. When he opened his
eyes, he saw a single flake of snow fall in front of the window and then
another, and inside of Dain something cracked open and spilled, something he’d
lost the day his mother died. It felt a lot like courage and hope.

"Momma used to say, 'Wait for the snow that brings
miracles'. She believed in miracles right up until she died but...” As if
riding on a wind from the past, her voice spoke the rest of her words he’d
forgotten.

“Daino, wait for the snow that brings miracles and you
will wait forever. Miracles come from the inside. Make your own.”

Dain swallowed unsuccessfully at the irritating lump in his
throat. Blinking rapidly, he fought the burning tears. How could he have
forgotten to make his own miracles?

Jake’s comforting hand rested on his shoulder. "Do you
believe in miracles?"

A tight band squeezed mercilessly around Dain’s heart. Once
upon a time, no, he didn’t. But, turning around, Dain saw his miracle. He never
ever wanted to let this man go, wanted every day and every night, wanted the
smiles and the laughter and the uniform, and wanted to see him naked. He wanted
that promise of forever. Oh God, he was falling in love. 

A realization hit him hard and sudden and he had to squeeze
his arms tighter to keep the shaking from taking over. He could never have Jake
if he didn’t take that miracle into his hands and make it happen. He knew what
he had to do and it terrified him.  

Chapter Six

Dain paced the sidewalk outside of Murphy’s bar. Viciously
rubbing his hands together, Dain ignored the knot in his gut and the voice
screaming for him to get the hell out of there. He couldn’t run. He was
standing on the precipice of his future. Run and he’d lose Jake forever. Leap
and he might have a chance at happiness and freedom from his past.

An hour earlier, he’d reluctantly kissed Jake goodbye as he
left for his evening shift. Jake had questioned the anxious restlessness that
had Dain practically crawling out of his skin, but Dain couldn’t reveal his
plan. This was something he had to conquer on his own, face the monster and all
of that. And now he was heading right into the monster’s lair.

Beads of sweat formed beneath his hat and his knees shook as
he entered the bar. The number of people inside at five o’clock on a Monday
surprised Dain. He found his father on his customary stool at the end of the
bar. Dain just needed to convince his father to come outside with him.

Dain drew in a shaky breath. “Dad?”

Slowly, the hunched man turned. His eyes narrowed and, with
a sneer, he twitched his nose as if he smelled something foul. The deep lines
of age on his father’s face added to the menacing glare. His father rose, and
although they were even in height, Dain was staring up at a towering giant. He
stepped back, but then held his ground.

“Dad, can I talk to you outside for a minute?”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” His father’s voice
echoed through the darkened corners of the bar and every eye turned to them.

The shaking expanded to fill his body but Dain pictured
Jake, beautiful Jake, and he had to do this. “Could you come outside and talk
to me for a minute?” Even his voice shook now.

“Why the fuck would I talk to a sniveling little snot-nosed
faggot?” Not a word slurred. Good. Not drunk yet.

“John,” the bartender warned his father.

“No, Bob. Do you know what you have in your bar? An honest
to God queer. A goddamned sodomite.”

Dain watched Bob pick up the phone, but his father’s advance
took Dain’s attention away. Dain scrambled back until his thighs ran into a
table. The twisted anger on his father’s face meant Dain was going to get it
and it was going to hurt. This was stupid. Dain had to get out of here.

“Apparently, that push down the stairs last month wasn’t
enough to knock some sense into you.”

Dain gasped and tried to grasp a coherent thought. His
father knew?

A smile radiating pure hatred split his father’s face.
“Yeah, I know your fag boyfriend pushed you down those stairs. I was standing
outside your hospital room and heard it all. Also heard him threaten you with
worse if you opened your trap about it. And you didn’t, did you, Daino? You’re
too much of a pussy to stand up for yourself.”

Dain had assumed someone at the hospital had blabbed about
Mick being his boyfriend.

“I told him he did a lousy job since you were still
breathing.”

That brought a collective gasp from the bar patrons. The
room closed in on Dain.

“Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do except keep
your dirty secret and let you beat on me?”
Just answer me that before my
head explodes again.

“You were such a whiny shit, always crying, and your mother
turned you into a momma’s boy. Protecting you and coddling you and making you
less of a man. That woman doted on you, thought you were something special.”

Seriously?
“You hated me because she loved me? I was
her son.
Your
son.”

His sneer deepened. “A son I never wanted. You were weak and
helpless. Made me sick. I tried to toughen you up, but you’d cry and run to her
and she’d feel so sorry for you.”

The door opened and Dain froze as two officers entered,
surveying the room. When Dain’s eyes locked on Jake’s, he froze, his body
prepared to shatter into a million pieces.
No, not now. He can’t see my
piece of shit father tear me apart.

Jake looked between Dain and his father with confusion, and
then something akin to understanding. The second officer tried to step forward,
but Jake stopped him and said, “Wait. Dain, you okay?”

Was he? Dain nodded his head. At the confident nod Jake gave
in return, Dain dug for the courage he’d felt earlier. He focused on that
sheriff in his arms and turned on his father.

His father looked between Jake and Dain. “I heard we had a
queer sheriff. Got a new boyfriend, Daino? This one’s got a gun. Maybe he can
finish what the last one couldn’t.”

Dain saw the flinch, and the tick in Jake’s jaw, but Jake
didn’t move.

“You mean what you couldn’t do, don’t you Dad?” Dain spat
back. This wasn’t the place to open his soul and spill it all over the floor,
but he couldn’t stop. “Not that you didn’t try. How many bones did you break?
How many times did I have to drag myself to the emergency room after that first
punch? Do you remember the first time you hit me, because I do. The night after
Momma’s funeral. I had the nerve to tell you I missed her. All I wanted was
comfort after the worst day of my life, and instead you punched me in the face
so hard I spent the night on the kitchen floor, unable to move.” Dain fought to
stop the quiver in his lip and the tears filling his eyes.
Don’t give them
to the monster.

Glancing at Jake, Dain saw the glassiness in his eyes and
the furrow of his brow.
This is me, Jake. The real me. Can you handle it?

“Someone had to teach you that life is hard and no one can
make it easier. The sooner you realized that the better off you would’ve been.
But you didn’t learn that, did you? Look at what you’ve become.”

Dain pointed a finger at his father’s chest. “You made me
what I am! You beat that submission into me so well that I let other people use
me as their punching bag and steal my life just like you did. What you see
before you is all on you, Dad.”

“I didn’t turn you into a faggot.”

“No, God did that.”

The explosion of pain across his cheek was so reminiscent of
that first punch that Dain felt he was getting a chance to start over, to do it
right this time. He flailed back onto the table and brought his hand to his
throbbing cheek. Quickly, he raised his other hand to halt Jake’s progress
towards him.

“How dare you blame God for your immoral behavior!”

Dain got to his feet and realized the giant before him was
at eye level and just a pathetic old man. The rage brewing in Dain’s core no
doubt showed on his face because his father’s eyes widened and he cowered
slightly. That single reaction rushed Dain with a foreign power.

“That was the last time. If you
ever
touch me again,
ever come near me, even look in my direction, I will have you arrested. You’re
a lousy father and a crappy human being, and now everyone here knows you’re an
abuser.”

“Better than being a queer sinner!”

Dain was finished. His entire focus was on getting to the
door in one piece. His father screamed for him to get his worthless ass back
there but, without another glance at his father or Jake, Dain walked out.

In the cold darkness, the tight control Dain had managed
broke. His hands shook violently and his lungs fought for air as he bent at the
waist. Ten years of torment and pain and loneliness flowed freely with his
tears. But this time they were tears of joy for what he had gained—his freedom,
his ability to choose and live and not be afraid. It was exhilarating and
terrifying all at the same time. And Jake had witnessed every messy, nasty bit,
and now Dain waited for the fallout.

Seconds then minutes passed as Dain waited on the sidewalk
for the door of the bar to open. With each tick of an imaginary clock, Dain’s
hopes and dreams faded. Dain was sure that closed door was his answer. Stuffing
his hands into his pockets, he turned to walk away but the door swung open and
Jake swept him up into his massive arms.

“Sweetheart, you were awesome.” He peppered kisses over
Dain’s cheeks, forehead, and lips.

Dain closed his eyes. “When you didn’t come out, I
thought...”

He opened his eyes. Tears filled Jake’s eyes. His big bad
sheriff was crying. “Had to add my two cents with your father.” The tenderness
in his gaze was worth every minute of the torture he’d endured. Jake caressed
his bruised cheek. “You, Daino Hayes, are my fucking hero,” he said, with a
smile.

Not a hero. Just someone who finally stood up for himself. 

“And you, Jackson Ramos, are my miracle.”

Right there on the street, in front of God and everyone,
Jake pulled him into a searing kiss filled with all of the hope and need and
love Dain had ever wanted.