Christmas on Crack (14 page)

Maybe
it had all been an act. Maybe Betty had always been waiting for the time when
she could prove her superiority over me, waiting to dominate me, as she had
dominated Biff. I felt suddenly disgusted.

If
that were the case, then she would have to try harder. I was resolved to prove
to her, by the time we left Santa’s, that she needed me as much as, and perhaps
even more than, I needed her.

For
the moment, I closed my eyes and focused on sucking toes, until Santa let out
an ecstatic wail and a tremor shivered down to his feet. I lifted my eyes and
witnessed a fountain of sperm billow out of Betty’s mouth. She was a glorious
fountain. I wondered how it felt, a cock rubbing against your lungs and making
your neck bulge out like a walrus’s. When she caught me staring, Betty winked
at me.

After
the sexual encounter in the kitchen, Santa served us milk and snickerdoodle
cookies in the room where I’d awoken. We sat around the fire, Santa and Betty
glowing, and me, picking smelly toe grout from between my teeth. I asked them
about the cookie dough smeared on my pussy.

“I’d
planned to eat you out after you woke up, let you marinate a little,” Santa
said, “but your sister didn’t want to wait. She overtook me and, being the
gentleman that I am, I couldn’t deny her a ride on the jolly stick.” That’s
what Santa called his penis. The jolly stick. “I’d go down on you now if your
sister hadn’t sucked the last ounce of sexual energy from my enormous cock.
Thanks for the toe kisses, though. They were sweet.”

I
took a long drink of milk to hide my disgust.

“What
about your sister fetish?” Betty asked. “Wouldn’t you still like to fuck both
of us? Mabel and I have always fantasized about double-teaming you. It’s a
shame that my urges overcame me and we couldn’t share you tonight, but Mabel
likes big cocks too. Don’t you, Mabel?”

I
choked on the milk. Santa laughed, spraying cookie crumbs across the room. The
cookie dough covering my crotch had grown crusty, and I was beginning to believe
that this really was an elaborate plot of Betty’s, meant to subdue and
humiliate me.

Santa
dipped two cookies in his milk and shoved both in his mouth at once. “You,” he
said to Betty, talking while he chewed, “are the greatest thing the jolly stick
has ever plunged. Given the chance to fuck all the sisters in the world at
once, any time I wanted, I would turn it down just to lay with you a single
time. Unless your sister is as good as you, I don’t think the jolly stick will
feel inclined to plunge another pussy again. You have set my loins, and thus my
heart, on fire. I’ll be placing a call to Mrs. Claus in the morning to request
that she never return from
Nepal
.
You and I are to be married, sweet elf.”

“Won’t
there be outrage over you leaving Mrs. Claus to marry an elf?” Betty asked, her
eyes wide and reflective.

“Mrs.
Claus was infertile. I’m an old man and if I don’t impregnate something soon,
my lineage will be lost forever. You’ll bear me children, won’t you, sweet
elf?”

“It
would be my honor,” Betty said, “but I have one request.”

“And
what is that?”

“I
want my sister to live with us. She’s a wonderful cook. I’m sure she’d love
nothing more than to be Santa’s little chef, isn’t that right sis?”

Rage
boiled up within me. I tried to focus on the crusty toes tapping on the thick
rug. The toes I had just sucked clean while my sister received the largest dick
we’d ever encountered. I couldn’t see any way that this situation could get
worse until Santa shrugged and said, “I’m not looking for a chef, actually. I
take great joy in cooking. Nobody prepares my meals for me. I do all the
cooking around here.”

Betty
sank farther into Santa’s corpulent breast and sighed.

“However,
we do have a sort of a food crisis on hand.” Betty perked up, “Oh?” she cooed.

“I’d
intended to eat Rudolph for dinner on Christmas, you see. He was getting up
there in years and had trouble moving around. Since you ran over him and I
fucked his body cavity, his meat’s no good anymore. With Rudolph gone, I didn’t
know what to eat on Christmas, but you’ve given me an idea. How about I cook
your sister? I’ve never eaten an elf before.”

I
opened my mouth to protest, but Betty interrupted. “That’s a brilliant idea,
Santa. Let’s eat my sister!” She turned to me. “What do you say? We’re always
looking for ways to grow closer together. How about Santa and I eat you? It’s
like you’ll always be a part of us and we’ll always be a part of you.”

“Except
I’ll be dead.”

“Being
dead is easy,” Santa said. “Anyway, if you’d taken after your sister and
learned to fuck like a champion, you wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“Who
said I can’t fuck like a champion?” I cried. “Daddy did.” Betty snapped,
suddenly vicious. “Daddy didn’t say that!”

“Did
too.”

“You’re
a liar. Daddy always tells me I have the squishi- est pussy of any elf.” I
blinked rapidly, trying to fight back the tears. I didn’t want to cry in front
of Betty, not now.

“Yeah,
but Daddy likes his pussy firm. He told me on the phone last week that he tried
fucking a block of tofu and it was useless. He had to stick a finger up his
butt just to come. He said the tofu reminded him of you. He basically called
your pussy worthless.”

“He
did not.”

“Ho
ho ho, cat fight! Break it up, girls. Santa’s tired. I think we’ve reached a
fair and final agreement here. Does anyone else have anything to add, or can we
retire for the night?”

“I
refuse to be anyone’s Christmas dinner,” I said.

“Ho
ho ho, you should have thought of that before you ran over my favorite
reindeer.”

“I
wasn’t the one driving. My sister is a maniac on the road. She’s the reason
your reindeer is dead.”

Santa
smacked his lips and combed a hand through his beard. He didn’t seem to have
heard me. “Come to think of it, I still haven’t gotten the tang of your clitoris
out of my mouth. If the rest of you is as delectable, you’ll be a real
Christmas treat, perhaps marinated in maple syrup and soy sauce.”

“Why
don’t you fill her with your cum? I bet it’d bring out some real festive
flavors,” Betty said.

“Ho
ho ho, Santa doesn’t fuck his dinner, child. It’s bedtime now. I’m much too
old to stay up late on Christmas Eve anymore.” Santa rose to his feet slowly
and awkwardly.

“Can
I sleep with you, Santa?” Betty asked, rubbing one bare breast up and down
Santa’s hairy leg.

“I’m
afraid not. Until Mrs. Claus and I begin divorce proceedings, it’s immoral to
share my bed with you. Sleep out here by the fire. We’re eating your sister
tomorrow, so enjoy your final night with her.” To me he said, “Don’t try to
escape. My bedroom is right here, so I can hear everything. My sleigh is out
back and my reindeer are in top shape. If I find you gone in the morning, I
will track you down and eat your heart while it’s still beating.” Then he
chuckled, “Ho ho ho,” and turned toward the hall.

“I’ll
keep an eye on her. Goodnight, Santa dear,” Betty said. Santa waddled into his
bedroom and shut the door behind him. Betty sighed and reached for the last
snicker- doodle on the plate. She broke the cookie in half, giving half to me.

“What
the fuck,” I said, crumbling the cookie between my fingers.

“What
the fuck yourself. I would have eaten that,” she said, eying the cookie
remnants on the rug.

“Like
you’ll eat me?”

“Oh
come on, it’s not that bad.”

“Not
that bad? This is the biggest fucking betrayal in the history of ever, and you
know it.”

Betty
scowled into the fire. “Don’t you realize what a great opportunity this is for
me? If you loved me, you’d be happy.”

“Happy
about what? Happy that my own sister set me up to become Christmas dinner for a
fat geriatric in a red suit?”

“Don’t
talk about my future husband that way. Besides, I set nothing up. Things just
happened how they always happen.”

“And
how’s that?”

“I’m
fuckable, so I fuck. And you just leech off of the chemistry between me and my
partner.”

“I
do not. I add...”

But
Betty interrupted me, “Think about it, Mabel. When’s the last time you got
fucked really good?”

“Last
night. You and I . . .”

“I’m
your sister. Fucking me doesn’t count.”

“We
do everything together, Betty.”

“We
did everything together, now I’m moving on. I don’t understand why you can’t
just be happy for me.” Her face was still slick and reflective with dried cum
and the firelight flickered on her cheeks as she stared at me blankly.

“I
thought we were close. I thought you loved me.”

“I
do love you,” Betty said. “Digesting you and shitting you out will be erotic.
You and me will never be closer than when you squeeze through my bowels. Go to
sleep now. And be glad that life has worked out the way that it has.” Betty
turned away from me and fell fast asleep, her face to the fire. I was
devastated. True, I had known from the beginning that this was all a plot to
humiliate and destroy me so that Betty could have everything to herself: Santa,
Daddy, the bull, they were all the same to her - possessions. And she didn’t
want to share.

I
had hoped. I’d hoped that I was mistaken, that this was just a joke or another
one of her games. But then, who could blame her? With the loss of my clitoris, I
would never feel the things we had felt together again. I was just a number of
lifeless, dry, spongy orifices. I was no use to anyone.

Tears
streamed down my cheeks. I hated Betty, I hated every inch of her, from her
luscious fawn-colored locks to her slender white ankles. I didn’t deserve to
die. To be trumped, humiliated, ignored, and then eaten. I needed to escape, to
brave the storms. I could find my way to Daddy’s by myself. I might even be
able to hijack a reindeer.

Gathering
my courage, I stumbled to my feet. I crept toward the front door, willing the
wooden floorboards not to creak. At last my fingers closed on the doorknob.

I
pulled the door open. There was a loud snort. I jumped. As the porch light
clicked on a menacing face peered in from the swirling blackness of the night.
It was Prancer. He snorted again and took a step forward. His antlers were
thick, enormous, like huge wooden webs blocking my escape. In desperation I
grabbed hold of one antler and pulled down, smashing Prancer’s face into the
cold stone. With a sort of whine, he attempted to shake me off but I held on,
braced myself against the frame of the door and pulled as hard as I could. The
thousands of cocks I’d hand-fucked had given me tremendous upper body strength.
With a mighty crack, the antler broke away from Prancer’s skull and the
reindeer collapsed in a pool of blood.

I
stumbled back, dragging the antler. Out of the darkness beyond, other faces
were materializing. Dasher, Dancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen. They
were livid. Not only had we killed their most beloved company member, Rudolph,
I had just stripped another of his reindeer manhood.

I
slammed the door. Reindeer couldn’t open doors. Or could they?

I
turned the deadbolt, just in case.

From
the other room I heard the creaking of a massive body shifting in bed. I
couldn’t wake Santa. And I couldn’t let him know I’d just vandalized another
reindeer.

I
hid the antler in the coat closet, behind a big box of bondage gear.

Looking
at my sister, curled up on the rug by the fire, I suddenly knew what I must do.

I
went into the kitchen and searched through the drawers for the biggest knife.
I found a cleaver large enough to butcher an elephant.

I
held the cleaver behind my back and returned on tiptoes to the room where Betty
slept. The logs on the fire snapped and crackled loudly, but they did not wake
her. She was a heavy sleeper. I would have her head off before she so much as
batted an eyelid.

I
stood above her and raised the cleaver over my head, clutching the handle in
both hands. For a second, I expected her to open her eyes and say, “What are
you doing, sister? What’s driven you to this? Don’t you know it was all a joke?
I love you more than anything. Did you really think I would eat you?” But of
course she said no such thing. She remained fast asleep.