Cindy Holby (17 page)

“You shouldn’t have to work so hard just to have water, not when there’s a pump already here.” Cade eased his body into a chair and unbuttoned his shirt.

Leah picked up a roll of bandage. “I know they hurt,” she said. “Why didn’t you say anything? You didn’t have to suffer through that visit with Bettina just because I didn’t take proper care of you.”

“I didn’t want her to know.”

She tilted her head as if it helped her to see him. “Why?”

Cade shrugged. “It wasn’t any of her business.”

She looked shocked. Of course she did. He wasn’t supposed to say things like that. Ministers weren’t supposed to pass judgment on people, at least not while eating cake in parlors. That was for Sunday morning service, and it was supposed to be done in a kind and general way, so that it didn’t exactly point a finger at anyone. That way people like Bettina could sit in the front row and feel smug.

He could be wrong. Maybe Timothy was one of those fire-and-brimstone type preachers Jasper had posed as a time or two. Scared the people into emptying their pockets
into the collection plate before taking off in the middle of the night with their tithes.

No, Timothy wasn’t one of those preachers. And Timothy never would have said those words. Of course Timothy never would have found himself in the same situation. If not for Cade, Timothy would be fine and dandy and eating chocolate cake like there was no tomorrow.

Not only do you have to think like Timothy, you have to think like Jasper.

Cade rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He looked at Leah. “It’s just that you’ve been so kind to me and I’ve seen people like Mrs. Swanson before. They do love to talk.”

She studied him. Her forehead wrinkled with the intensity of her thoughts. Thoughts that could be dangerous for both of them. Especially for her.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
No matter how bad I wanted to…

Leah opened her mouth to speak, then changed her mind and clamped it shut in a firm line. Guilt, a common enough companion that he usually ignored it, gave him a sharp poke. He couldn’t look at her. Shouldn’t, because he’d just kiss her again.

“This will be easier if you take off your shirt and stand up.” Her tone was all business, as if she were talking to Banks and telling him to do his chores. Cade did as she told and held perfectly still as she padded his wounds and wrapped the bandage tightly around his ribs. He kept his eyes on the cabinet that held the gun. Tonight, while she slept, he’d get it out, give it a good cleaning, then sneak out and get the lay of the land. He might not be strong enough to leave yet, but there was no harm in planning ahead.

She smelled like roses. Her hair was right beneath his face and he could smell it. Each time she moved the scent drifted upward and tempted him to bury his head in her
neck and breathe deep. How could someone smell like roses in the middle of winter?

“Is that too tight?” She backed away, afraid to be close, even though he’d apologized.

Cade put his hand to his side. The bandage was so tight he could barely breathe. That was the way it should be. It would keep him from moving too fast. From doing anything stupid.

If only everything else could be that easy.

T
here was no way Leah could live with that man in her house. The town would just have to make other arrangements for the new preacher. She’d ask Jim to tell the search committee that it was more work than she thought, that she didn’t need the money…

That you want to kiss him again and do some other things that are on the “thou shalt not” list.
She shouldn’t be thinking such thoughts about a minister. But just because he was a minister didn’t make him less than a man. Maybe that was the problem. Was she looking at him as a minister or as a man? Why couldn’t he be both? A very desirable man who happened to be a minister. Just like Nate was a sheriff and Jake was a rancher and Ward a saloon owner.

And what was so wrong about thinking that way? Did she really want to spend the rest of her time on this earth alone? Was it wrong for her to want to love again? Just because she didn’t have any feelings for Jake didn’t mean
she couldn’t have feelings. It was just so unexpected. He was at least a dozen years older than her—not that he looked it. And he definitely didn’t act it.

Leah huffed in frustration as she crossed the street to the diner. She kissed him! He probably thought she was the biggest whore in Colorado. Lord have mercy, what had she been thinking?

He kissed you first…Yes, but I threw myself at him. Didn’t I?
And now Bettina wants to set him up with Margy.
Why not me? Why shouldn’t I have him?

“Will you get a hold of yourself and just think for a minute?” Leah chastised herself as she stopped on the stoop in front of the diner. She grabbed on to the post and put her cheek against it. Her face felt hot and the wood, nearly as chilly as the winter air, helped cool her skin. Pastor Key surely had an effect on her.

Leah looked up at the heavy clouds gathering in the sky and wondered if it was right to ask God for help in such a situation. It seemed to her as if the devil was more involved at the moment than God. The truth of the matter was she couldn’t blame her feelings for Timothy on the devil as it was all her. He had awakened something inside of her that she’d thought she’d buried with Nate.

She needed to talk to someone. If she kept thinking about it she’d drive herself crazy. Leah set off again, back across the street to the Martins’. She heard the steady ping-ping of Jim’s hammer and breathed a sigh of relief that he was at work. This was not something she wanted to talk about in front of Jim.

“Come in,” Gretchen called out when she knocked on the door. Leah followed the sound of her friend’s voice to the back porch where she found Gretchen washing clothes. Even though the air was frigid, Gretchen’s red hair was plastered to her head with sweat from the hard work and the hot water that steamed the air.

“I’m hoping to get this load done before the next storm hits,” Gretchen said by way of greeting. “Of course with this brood that’s an impossible task.”

“Don’t stop on my account,” Leah said. “I don’t know how you do it,” she confessed. “Just taking care of Banks wears me out.”

Gretchen looked up from the washtub. “Taking care of Banks wears you out or taking care of Pastor Key?” It didn’t take Gretchen long to get to the heart of the matter. “He wasn’t quite what you expected, was he?” she asked with a teasing grin.

“I don’t think he’s what anyone expected,” Leah said.

“What do you mean?” Gretchen wrung out a shirt and tossed it over a line strung between the porch posts.

Leah chewed on her lip, not sure of how much she should say. “Where’s Nonnie?”

“She walked out to the stable with Dusty. He came to get a kitten.” Gretchen gave her a look; much like the one she gave her children when they were disobedient. “What happened?”

Leah glanced around to make sure there wasn’t anyone to hear. “He kissed me?”

“What?” Gretchen looked up from the washtub. “Really?”

“Yes, but then he said he shouldn’t have.”

“Well of course he shouldn’t have. But he did.” Gretchen grinned. “How was it?”

“Um…it was nice, I guess.”

“What do you mean ‘I guess’?”

“I mean it was nice when he kissed me, but then when he apologized it made me feel…I don’t know…cheap? I would rather he hadn’t kissed me at all, if he was going to apologize after.”

“He’s confused,” Gretchen advised. “Just like you are. He feels like he’s overstepped the boundaries. And he’s probably weak because of his illness.”

“That does make sense,” Leah agreed. “But…”

“But what?”

Leah wasn’t sure if she should tell Gretchen more. That she felt like there were things about Pastor Key that didn’t fit. The pieces were all there but something wasn’t quite right. He kissed her like there was no tomorrow and then he apologized. He gave vague answers. He said he didn’t remember getting shot. How could you not remember something like that? And he didn’t seem to want anyone to pursue his attacker. She needed time to figure it all out. She wasn’t ready to pass judgment on him. It wasn’t her place.

“Did something else happen?” Gretchen asked.

“No,” Leah answered honestly. “He just eats a lot.”

“What minister doesn’t?” Gretchen laughed. “But be honest. Are you uncomfortable having him there? Do you need him to go someplace else?”

This was her chance. Did she want him gone? If she asked someone else to take him there’d be talk. People would want to know why. It was a small town with a long hard winter that was just now getting started. Everyone would gnaw on the news like a dog with a bone, and more than likely what they came up with would be far worse than what had actually happened.

“No. There’s no need for him to go. But do you think you could ask Jim to get my doors finished?”

“Should he put locks on them too?”

“No,” Leah laughed. “It’s not that drastic. It’ll just keep things from getting uncomfortable if…” Her voice trailed off, as she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say.

“I will.” Gretchen quickly assured her as she wrung out one of Jim’s shirts and plopped it on the line. She dried her hands on her apron and wiped the sweat from her face with the back of her hand. “If you answer one question for me.”

Leah wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the question. But there was no going back now. “I’ll try,” she said.

“Would it be a bad thing if something did happen between you and the pastor?”

“Oh no, I don’t want…”

“Why not?” Gretchen interrupted. “It’s been four years since Nate passed. Do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life?”

“I’m not ready,” Leah insisted. Or was she?

“Will you just think about it?” Gretchen put another pile of clothing in the washtub. “There must be something there or it wouldn’t have bothered you so much.”

Leah had to admit the older woman was right. But she wasn’t exactly sure how she felt, and she didn’t think anything else was going to happen. Not after Timothy regretted kissing her. “Thanks for listening. I’ll think it all over. Now I’d best get back to work.”

“Good luck!” Gretchen called after her.

Leah took a deep breath as she headed back to the diner. Talking to Gretchen hadn’t solved her problem but she did feel better. It was almost as if she’d gone to Gretchen seeking permission. For what exactly she couldn’t put her finger on.

Smoke poured from the chimney of the white steepled building at the northern end of the street. The paint on it was still so new that it matched the fresh coating of snow piled up around it. The people of Angel’s End had all donated to the building of it, all participated in its construction, even Banks and the Martin kids had driven nails and painted the walls. The building had been built to serve a double purpose. It was the church and the schoolhouse. Banks was there now, working away at his lessons. He was her first and only concern. She couldn’t, and she wouldn’t, expose him to anything unseemly. Timothy’s apology led her to believe that nothing else would happen between them. She would take him at his word and let things be for now.

And he did offer to repair the pump. She hadn’t dared ask anyone else to fix it because then there would be
comments about her not making it on her own. They’d all predicted she couldn’t survive on her own when Nate died. Everyone thought she was crazy for not marrying Jake. Sometimes pride was a horrible companion. It sure didn’t do much to keep you warm on a cold winter’s night.
That’s what Dodger is for…

Leah smiled at her foolishness. The answer to her dilemma was quite simple actually. All she needed to do was keep things formal between her and the pastor. It should be easy now that he was healing up. She wouldn’t have to get close to him. Wouldn’t be tempted. And hopefully Jim would have her doors done soon, especially since Gretchen knew why they needed to be finished sooner rather than later. Until then she could hang a drape over the openings to the bedrooms.

Once he was better and about his job she’d probably not see much of him. Everyone would be eager to have him over for supper, and Dusty was supposed to take care of the rest of his meals. It would be easy to stay busy at the diner so she wouldn’t have to talk to him much. She would just make sure to be out the door before he got up in the mornings.

Maybe he and Margy would hit it off. They could get married and the town would build them a little house by the church where they could live happily ever after. Just like she’d planned with Nate.

He pushed me away…
Leah had to admit her ego was crushed in no uncertain terms. She was humiliated and embarrassed. She felt like a fool. But he was the one who kissed her. She’d only gone where he led her. The man was confusing with the kissing and the spouting of Bible verses and the way he looked at her. She shouldn’t let her feelings cloud her judgment. The problem was she couldn’t figure out exactly what her feelings were at the moment.

“You gonna stand out there all day?” Dusty interrupted her musings. “It’s colder than a nun’s teat out here.”