I am living back on Nothin’ now and it is my intention to settle here for as long as I have left may the SBJ grant that it is more than a season or two. I cannot say that I have known happiness since I came back here a few months ago I cannot say that I will ever know that again but there is quiet out here all the same that suits me and is a comfort to my old bones. You know that Nothin’ has been a special place for me always. You know my feelings for this place and you will understand it was painful for me to be away from it so long. I come back here with no intention of causing you unhappiness.
I want to see you Macu. I want to look at you and not have to speak have to say stupid things I want to look at you and see what you’ve become. I want to hold you for a while. I am sorry to put these words before you I have no choice I must. I am a worm I know that to come back after all this time and what it must do to you it is hard and painful.
You said something to me once I wonder if you remember. You said that no matter what happened we would end up together. Do you remember that? It was probably just something a young girl would say and she was in love but I believed it for years it kept me together for years it kept me from the lip of the grave Macu.
I love you still. That has a horrible bare look to it I know when it is put down on the page maybe the truth is I do want it to cause pain for you. Maybe I believe there is some of that due to you. We make choices and we have to live with them. It might seem like madness that I would write those words after all these years but there you are you can deal with them I have had to deal with them so long.
When we walked the Back Trace and we were kids in Bohane I thought my heart was going to escape my mouth. Lay my hand on the small of your back and it was like stepping off a roof. Big soft grin on my face and I was suppose to be the hard boy in town. You were so slight. And the way that you talked to me low in a whisper almost and that it was so many weeks before you’d kiss me even.
We used to walk on those nights in the Trace and go down to the river. I can hear again the river on the summer nights and the way we’d sit on the stone steps and you would lean your head back onto my chest and rest it there. I thought that nothing that nobody could ever come between us Macu.
I tell myself that to come back here might be a way to break the hold on me you have still. The touch that I have felt on me these years in my dark times always it is your touch. I see you at seventeen, eighteen so perfectly clear every detail the tiny bones under the skin of your brow when you worried for me if there was trouble times in the Bohane Trace. I believe they were the wrong paths we took and what I have seen of your life here with Hartnett does not change that belief.
My days are quiet now. There are places that you would remember I’m sure from our own time when sometimes we’d walk out here. We would lie in the long grass do you remember Macu? As much as things change in Bohane things stay the same on Big Nothin’. The place I am living is no palace but comfort enough I sit like a true auld fella off the Nothin’ bogs in front of my pot belly stove. I’d have laughed back then to see what I would turn into later. Though I will say again the same years I could hardly see on you on Dev Street the other day it took the breath from me you were so familiar. The way that you moved was just as I remembered. Do not think I was spying on you but when I saw you I could hardly be expected to look away.
I am back on Nothin’ to stay and I wish to see you Macu. Even if it kills me I want to see you. What I ask is for a single meeting. The time and the place could be arranged as you see fit. If there are things I should say to you now after all this time then I could say them much better in person. Let me know through Mr Mannion if such a meeting can be arranged. All I can plead is that it would be heaven to see your lips form my name again.
That I may hear from you soon, girl,
The G
12
Who Gots the Runnings?
Dom Gleeson, the lardarse newsman, was on De Valera Street, fresh-shaven, his face still blotchy from the razor. He wore a baby-blue zoot suit and a pair of clicker’d heels that he danced in excitement against the pavement. He was nifty on the hoof for a fat lad and he gazed soulfully in the direction of Big Nothin’. He slowed his moves then and stilled himself. He looked down and regarded his small, sinister feet. He raised his fingertips to his lips. Nibbled them.
‘The Gant’s up top o’ fifty, Mr Mannion,’ he whispered. ‘He’s hardly gonna try and lay a snakey mickey into her at this stage, is he?’
Ol’ Boy in a Crombie against the night chill, wearing a jaunty pork-pie hat, was sat up on the Dev Street railings, moocher-style, and he raised his eyebrows.
‘Love can be so strange and enduring, Dom.’
‘Then Hartnett is gonna have to be seen to act, Mr Mannion.’
‘You ain’t sellin’ a spoof, Big D. He’s got to throw down some class of a welcome for the Gant sure enough. The city’s watchin’. The Authority’s watchin’. And his missus is watchin’ an’ all, y’check me?’
The city’s mood was a blend of fear and titillation. There was going to be an almighty collision, and a small world shudders when giants collide.
‘He’s been wantin’ a bead on the Gant outside on Nothin’, Mr Mannion. An’ I could hardly be seen not to oblige …’
‘I wouldn’t worry about the G out on Nothin’, Dom.’
Ol’ Boy smiled his reassurance, and there beneath the Dev Street lights the Dom, amped on the city’s intrigue, tiptoed a dance step again. Shimmied his hips. Swivelled them. Made gasping little fishmouths. Winked then, and whispered:
‘They say the missus’ eyes straighten in her head when she gets fleadhed, Mr Mannion?’
‘They do so that, Dom.’
The Dom gurgled, and gazed to the stars, and he swirled with them. Went kind of woozy and glad.
‘Oh we got us a love mess on our paws!’ he shrieked.
‘We certainly have, Dom.’
The newsman swivelled his peepers over a shoulder as though he might be watched from back there, and he leaned closer then to Ol’ Boy.
‘An’ o’ course we got other problems, Gant aside.’
‘Don’t talk to me about the Cusacks, Dominick, please.’
Dom clutched himself tragically about the chest. Made as though to drop and hit the stones.
‘Oh my angina!’ he wheezed.
Ol’ Boy regarded him soberly.
‘If the Calm breaks,’ he said, ‘we can all go an’ whistle for a Beauvista tram, Dom. And every last site for a manse beside it, y’hear me?’
‘Cathedral bells, Mr Mannion. Last thing Bohane needs is a winter o’ blood, like.’
Ol’ Boy climbed down from the railings, and together the men made aim for the S’town footbridge: it was the hour in Bohane when gents would be inclined towards recreation.
‘What we gotta be askin’?’ said the newsman. ‘Who’s it truly gots the Bohane runnings right now?’
‘Oh that’s the question, Dom,’ said Ol’ Boy. ‘I said that’s the capital Q, y’check me?’
Big lunks of polis made a cordon at the entrance to a Smoketown alleyway.
Rubberneckers piled down the dune end and stalked out their eyes to see past.
‘Back away to fuck’ll ye!’ yelped a polis. ‘We need a stretcher backin’ in here, like!’
Wisecracker in the crowd didn’t miss a beat:
‘More’n a stretcher that fella’s needin’!’
A low round of chuckles ribboned out and even the polis good-naturedly joined in. Bohane was (and is) a perpetual source of amusement to itself.
Down the alleyway, a polis ’spector knelt by the bloody remains and peered closely at the bootmarks on blue flesh.
‘Fancy,’ he whispered.
He gestured to a raw polis, a mouth-breather not long off the Nothin’ plain, and the young ’un crouched beside him.
‘See this?’ said the ’spector.
He showed in the pool of blood the particular shape of the clicker’d boot heels that had made their marks there.
‘If this tells us it’s an F-boy caper,’ he asked the young polis, ‘what else does it tell us?’
Mouth-breather was a quick learner, and he rose, and he faced the crowd at the alley’s maw, and he addressed them loudly.
‘S’lookin’ like another suicide, lads.’
‘Good boy,’ the ’spector whispered.
Up from the river an assault of wind came knifing and it had a bone-deep chill in it for a sharpener.
That would be the winter in on top of us.
Girly Hartnett cued up a Mario Lanza flick from 1952 – Peg would have been eighteen; she dated the flicks always to her mother’s age.
Because You’re Mine
it was, the one where he sang ‘Granada’, a powerful set of lungs on the boy. She took a sip of John Jameson from her tumbler and she recapped the pill bottle. She relaxed her old bones to enjoy the rush of tranquilliser and the soaring of the young tenor’s voice.
Girly was downtown.
Girly was seeing the lights.
Girly startled as a particular knock sounded on her door, the knock that always came late on, and she answered it with a single, sharp whistle.
Jenni Ching entered, and sat by the bedside, and poured herself a whiskey. She kicked her tiny lethal feet up onto the bed and Girly fondly laid a hand across them.
‘Manners on ’em yet out there, Jenni-chil’?’
‘Oh aye, Girly. Manners o’ pigs an’ dogs.’
Girly squinted then, and she made out the bite marks rearside of Jenni’s neck.
‘S’it the Wolfie kid been havin’ an aul’ jaw on ya, girl?’
Jenni took a stogie from the tit pocket of her white vinyl zip-up. Torched the motherfucker.
‘For me to know,’ she said. ‘Now c’mere till ya hear the latest.’
She would tell the old bint as much as she needed and no more.
*
On Beauvista, Macu and Logan lay in the bed their long marriage had made and they held each other grimly against the coming of the winter. He sniffed hard at her as he sought a telltale smell – the taint of another – but he found no deceit.
‘Don’t you ever fucking leave me,’ he said.
Fucker Burke and Wolfie Stanners walked the Big Nothin’ plain in the great vault of dark. They came to the particular turn from the High Boreen and took it and it led to the ridge path that skirted the granite knoll and soon the Eight Mile Bridge loomed, and it was a moonless night surely as the tout said it would be, and they went by the water’s edge and climbed down the bank and came underneath the arches of the bridge.
Tout waited for them sure enough.
He was tied by his ankles to a girder of the bridge, and his hands were tied also, and much of his skin had been taken off, and his throat was reefed plain open, and he was bled like a pig, with a pool of it congealing blackly beneath him, and the eyes were gouged from the sockets for badness’ sake – draw a bead now! – and what was left of the skin hung in white rags and shreds from him.
On the stone of the bridge’s arch where the tout was hung two words were daubed in blood:
WITH LOVE
Fucker looked at Wolfie.
Wolfie looked at Fucker.
They headed at pace for the High Boreen.
*
The night always on Nothin’ brought dread with it and gusts of hardwind swayed the walls of the Gant’s aluminium trailer. The bassoon call of a bittern sounded – that forlorn bird – and there were mystery rustlings and creakings outside, and the nerves were not a hundred per cent on the Gant just yet.
Pulse still up.
Head unsettled.
A roar of hot wind in his ears.
He shivered and tensed at every sound. He asked the night for forgiveness. His legs blazed with the cold aches of age and as he rose from his stool he moaned the same moan that had chorused his poor father to the grave. Even the moans get passed down. He heard the shrieks of the night critturs outside and droning voices among the reeds.
He wrapped himself in a buckskin and blew out the candles. He went to the darkness. He knew it was better to be among it and to be an agent of it than to sit and tremble with guilt in the trailer. He closed his eyes as he walked and he tried to attune himself to her proximity, her frequency.
He walked to a high vantage and across the bog plain the lights of Bohane city burned – was a Babylon on fire in the October dark.
II
DECEMBER
13
The View from Girly’s Eyrie
Here was Girly, after the picture show, drugged on schmaltz, in equatorial heat beneath the piled eiderdowns, a little whiskey-glazed and pill-zapped, in her ninetieth – Sweet Baba help us – Bohane winter, and she found herself with the oddest inclination: Girly had a notion to get out of the bed. It was afternoon yet below on De Valera Street and she was determined to have a good old lamp at the place. Some fucker was playing a melodeon down there despite it all.
She shifted with a lung-quaking sigh the eiderdowns and the effort caused a dose of pins-and-needles across her shoulder blades that would put down a good-sized horse. The pins-and-needles, another of her daily trials, were symptomatic of thirty-odd years buzzing on off-script tablets, hard liquor and Hedy Lamarr pictures.
‘Hell,’ she said, but stoically.
She swung her legs out over the side of the honeymooners’ special. She sat a moment, for breath, and regarded her legs carefully. It was Girly’s opinion that she still had a fine pair of pins on her, all told, but it took a massive effort to plant the bastaring things on the floor and raise herself to an uncertain stand. This move in turn seemed to unseat a kidney. A dart of pain squirmed up through the small of her back on a zigzag course and it was as though the devil himself was jabbing at her with a pared stick. She sat back down again.
‘Mother o’ fuckin’ Jay,’ she said.
A frail arm she swung onto the bedside table and it upended a family-sized tub of tranquillisers. She fished a couple from the spill and aimed them at her gob. There was no great dignity here, of course. The pills that landed on her tongue – and she had a tongue like sandpaper today, whatever was after going skaw-ways in that department – she washed down with a swallow of John Jameson taken direct from the neck of the bottle.