Nate shook off the water, his heart pounding, feeling the fool for his drenching return. He snatched up his hat, tossed it on the bow along with his wet sunglasses, and scrubbed a hand over his streaming face and hair.
Kay stood there trembling, flushed and sweating, with tearstained face and eyes stricken as if she was seeing a ghost.
Oh, please, don’t let this be a mistake.
No, this time he was sure. He took the first step through the water toward her, the Whisper’s tug on the bowline reminding him to drive the anchor into the sand.
The next moment Kay had flung herself at him, knocking him back two steps, and his arms were full of hot, shaking woman.
“I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry,” she sobbed into his chest.
Her “I love you” took his voice away. Burned and lit him like gasoline and a match. He held her tight, his throat all choked up.
“I thought I’d lost you. I was wrong. I love you. I didn’t understand and it hurt and I was afraid and I shoved you away and I know I’m not making any sense. I love you. Please tell me I’m not too late.”
He tipped her face to his, shaking his head, still speechless. So in answer he took her mouth with his and kissed her hard, tasting the salt of her tears, holding her like he’d never let her go again. He never would.
He tore his mouth away. “You said you love me?”
“I did.” She took the kiss back. “I love you.” Her laughter rang free and bright. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
He felt like he could float and burst from joy. “Just checking. Because you know I love you, right?”
“Yes.” This time her tears were happy.
He hugged her close, tenderly, possessively. She loved him. His own eyes were wet with a tear or two of his own mixed with the water dripping from his hair.
“I have to tell you, Nate. I believe you, honestly, about Olivia. I said no—not because of Olivia—because, because I was afraid. Of everything. I hurt you. I’m sorry. You gave me the ring and blew me away. I…don’t do change well.”
He couldn’t help his chuckle. “Really?”
“I know you have to catch the plane and there’s so much I have to say and then you can go. I thought if I kept my heart safe, it wouldn’t hurt. I was missing you, before you came, and it upset me that I missed you. I didn’t tell you, I tried to move to Boston, to take a new job and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even get on the plane to go to the interview. I’m a neurotic mess, I know.” She gulped for air.
“Just breathe, babe. Take your time.”
“And you wanted to marry me. Everyone I know is unhappy after they marry. That’s what I told myself. My parents swore they loved each other and they had a terrible marriage. My mother keeps marrying again and again. My sister has a terrible marriage. Before she married Lloyd, JoAnn was married before, you know, and that was a nightmare.”
“I know. “ He stroked a hand over her hair. “Lloyd told me a little of Jo’s story.”
“He’s so great for her. They’re wonderful together. So I’m wrong, not everyone has a bad marriage. JoAnn took the chance and it worked out for her. They’re happy and now the baby’s coming, but for years I kept thinking what a stupid, stupid mistake she was making marrying again. I was so wrong.
“The women in my family make nothing but bad choices in love and marriage. I’d decided long ago to never marry, and break the cycle. Then I met you and you were so great.” She swiped at more tears, and looked up.
He couldn’t help his grin. “Great, huh?” He showered kisses over her wet cheeks.
“Well, you were and are. Being with you was so easy. Is so easy. You were perfect. Two weeks, no commitment, no time to get on each other’s nerves and hate each other. No crazed love spats. E-mails and IMs kept it safe between us the rest of the year. We had our routine and it was comfortable and I understood it.” She took two deep breaths, trembling. “I have to get all this out or I’ll chicken out.”
He caressed her cheeks, smoothing the tears away. “I’m not going anywhere. Go for it.”
She ducked her face against his shoulder. “I missed you when you were gone all these years. That’s the real truth. I lied to myself because it was safer. I told myself what I felt for you was friendship. Friendship was safe and easy. I loved your e-mails and those phone calls at three in the morning. I didn’t want reality to ruin my little fantasy, so I didn’t let love have a chance of becoming reality.”
He stroked his hands over her arms, wanting to ease her. Maybe they should go sit down.
Her words tumbled on, “Then you came this time and asked me and everything just imploded together. I wanted to say yes. I was thinking if there were ever anyone I would say yes to, you would be the only one. Then the R.J. and Olivia thing blew up. Then Mother married again. And I kept thinking about my parents. Dad was never around, and we were always moving, and Mother was always alone in places she hated and never happy. They swore they loved each other at the top of their lungs, but they made each other so miserable. I have no idea why I love the desert so much when I have so many miserable memories here.”
More shakes rattled through her like she was chilled to the bone. “We camped here all the time and I loved the desert so much, but Dad and Mom fought all the time, and Dad…well, he was like an R.J. He…I saw…I was ten…” Her wavering voice choked. Shudders rocked her as she buried her face harder against his chest.
“Take a breath, babe, just take your time.” He steeled himself to take whatever she was going to say.
“I saw him…with…well, like R.J. and April. And I never I told anyone. If I told, they’d fight, and I didn’t want them to fight anymore. I just wanted Dad to stay home.”
Aw, hell. Nate’s heart sank and lurched with disbelief and anger. She’d seen her dad doing
that
?
Kay’s despairing laugh ended in a choked-back sob and tore at his heart. “Then R.J. and April. Then Olivia kissed you and I just lost it. I do believe you, but it pushed buttons…and I do have the shows, and the gallery, and school. I couldn’t figure how to juggle everything. It was too much. Oh, and I am so tired of crying. I don’t cry, ever. And here all I do is cry. I let my fear win. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
He sighed and hugged her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “And I didn’t help by practically giving you an ultimatum instead of trying to talk it out.”
“You did try to talk. I wasn’t willing. Well, I wanted to talk. Just couldn’t. Didn’t know how. Not the way we need to. Then you got this job, and you were leaving me again, and I swore I wasn’t going to be like my mother ever. I would let you go. I would be happy for you. I will let you go. I am happy for you. It’s a fantastic opportunity for—”
“You don’t need to let me go.”
Just hold on, babe
.
She blinked and puzzlement filled her eyes. “You came back. Why did you come back? You couldn’t possibly have heard me yelling like a maniac from the point.”
Nate laughed in surprise, and his heart flipped for her all over again. “You? My quiet Kay yelled like a maniac?” He gripped her shoulders and looked her over: her lovely flushed face, her captivating blue eyes confused, but the tears clearing away.
Her flush deepened. “It’s true. Just ask our friends. They cheered.”
“You’re blushing. They cheered? What on earth did you yell?”
She buried her face against his chest and groaned. Her arms closed nice and tight around him. Her words came muffled and mortified, “Oh, just that I was sorry and that I loved you. Loudly. Really, really loudly, and I waved my arms like a crazy woman.”
Grinning hard, he nudged her away so he could see her face. “You yelled that you loved me? Damn, I wish I’d heard you.”
She burrowed against him again. “JoAnn will never let me live this down. Ever. I knew you couldn’t possibly hear me, and I knew I was too late, but then you turned around. I couldn’t believe it.” She looked up and it was her turn to pull back, but he kept her wrapped in his arms. “So why did you turn around? You’re going to miss your plane, Nate, if you don’t hurry.”
****
Kate waited, her heart thumping away with crazy anxious relief. He’d come back, but he had to leave, now. If he didn’t get going now, he’d never make his flights. She’d said what she needed to say: I love you, and she meant it, and everything was going to be okay now. They could fix this as the days went on, by Internet and phone.
Nate looked far from in a hurry to catch a plane as his face set sober and thoughtful. “I’m right where I need to be. I’m going to Tucson with you.”
She gaped at him, hearing every single word he was saying, and none of it made sense. “What? You can’t. Are you crazy—I mean, Nate, the trip, Antarctica—” She pushed, palms against his chest, but he held tight.
“Nope. Not going. I’m always sailing off. Never told you how I felt about you, really, until this week. Then Olivia…well, that didn’t help. How could you trust me? What was I really to you? A convenient temporary lover two weeks of the year? I decided I was going to camp on your doorstep until you called the cops, if that’s what it took to prove I’m serious about sticking around with you.”
Not going? It was a good thing Nate was holding her; the rush of delight and shock spun her head. “But you have to go. Antarctica. I want you to stay, but this is your dream. You must.”
“I’ll hire someone to take care of the house, get a tenant if I need to, until you’re ready to go there with me. We’ll date, talk, do whatever we need to do to make this right. Give me a chance to prove it’s the place for us. Yeah, I thought I wanted that gig with Kincaid. Shiny, longtime dream. You know.” He shrugged and shot her a complicated smile.
Oh, Nate…he couldn’t give this up for her…
His words resumed, deep and husky with emotion. “But I learned now there’s something I want more desperately than an old childhood dream. You. I told you was I was done traveling. I am. I want to be with you, with you wherever you are. I can live without that gig. I can’t live without you.”
He cupped her face. His gray eyes flashed. “Don’t let me go.”
Touching his lips lightly to hers, he slid his hands over her arms. At his kiss, the first peace she’d felt all day rose warm and welcome.
His caresses met her clenched fist. He wrapped his hand around hers, and looked up, his expression tender and questioning.
She winced and pried open her cramping hand. She’d locked her grip so tight her fingers refused to open. “I saw you left the ring and I—well, I ran. Why did you leave the ring?”
He studied the ring resting in her banged-up hand and brought his gaze back to her face, his eyes soft and forgiving and asking forgiveness. “Because it was meant for you. I saw how much you loved the ring, even if you couldn’t say…So I wanted you to have it, even if you wouldn’t have me. I kind of hoped, at least you’d think about me, from time to time.” His voice went gravelly and he cleared his throat.
“Oh, Nate…I do love the ring. It’s perfect. I love the ring and I love you and I’m sorry it took me so long to understand you’re more than my friend. I love you.” This time, the answer was easy. The confusion vanished. The words flowed strong and true, straight from her soul.
Nate took the ring from her, raised her hand to his lips and kissed the pressed marks on her palm. Still holding her left hand, his eyes serious and expression deep, he dropped to one knee in the water. “Going to do this right this time.”
A second chance. A chance to set everything to rights.
Amazement and relief overwhelmed Kay, tears flooded her eyes, and the shakes set in again. “Oh, lord, I’m crying again. You did it perfect before.” She rubbed the back of her free hand at her tears.
He smiled up at her, his gray eyes now fierce pirate silver, determined, disarming, and sending her pulse bounding even faster. “Kay Browning, I love you. Will you marry me?”
****
Nate held his breath, even as he believed.
Don’t let me go.
Kay laughed and blinked back tears, her smile shining. “Yes. I love you, too. Yes.”
Feeling like he’d shed a cargo ship’s weight in anchors, Nate slid the ring onto her middle finger, back where it belonged.
Thank you, God
.
Kay fell laughing into his embrace and kiss, wrapping her legs around him as he sank down to both knees, the cool lake water washing about their waists.
Hope and relief filled this kiss, warm and soothing, as he slanted his lips over hers. He’d chosen right. This was where he was meant to be. He’d never been more certain in his life. “I’ve given you my words. Now let me show you I mean them.”
Merriment filled Kay’s eyes. “We’re better with pictures.”
“Always.”
“So…what do you want to show me first?”
“Precisely, thoroughly, how much I love you.” Shifting under her, he widened his stance to kneel more comfortably and settle her firmly onto his lap. He traced kisses along the curve of her jaw, until he reached the hollow below her ear, nibbling gently at her earlobe, teasing and brushing his beard across her delicate skin, smiling at her sweet shivers and sighs.
“Oh, yes…” She tipped back her head and stroked her hands over his shoulder and arms.
They took their time, lost in kisses, tasting and touching, rocking slow and easy, with the lake softly lapping and tugging.