“I’m going to say it again: I will not be traveling forever. I don’t want to. I won’t need to. Kay, come on, give me a chance. Give us a chance. We can make this work.”
She sighed and let her head fall back against the chair. “I’m sorry. I’m raining on your parade. I really am happy for you, Nate. My dysfunctional family has nothing to do with us.”
He scrubbed a hand over his head.
Yeah, it does
.
****
Of course, the first person to see Kay arrive at Spider Camp had to be Olivia.
“Oh, Kay, what on earth happened to you!” Olivia tossed aside the just-scooped pancake and spatula onto a plate and rushed over, full of friendly worry as if nothing had happened last night.
Because nothing had happened.
And like the first rolling pebble signaling the start of a landslide, Olivia’s exclamation led to a stifling crush of sympathy over her bandages from everyone, adding to her guilt since she’d been a flaky, jealous idiot and caused the fall herself.
Nate’s hand tightened on her shoulder.
No one knew what had happened between Nate and her. No one knew Olivia had kissed Nate. Olivia probably didn’t even know what she’d done. Why couldn’t she get a grip? It was true Olivia had hit the vodka and tonic hard yesterday, and who could blame her for wanting to get a little wasted after her marriage imploded? Of course, Nate would escort her back to camp. He’d do that for anyone.
Who could blame Olivia for wanting to kiss Nate? Nate had been kind, was kind. Olivia had no problem showing affection.
It was not Nate’s fault. She needed to stop using that moment as an excuse to sidestep the real issues and dig an ever-widening canyon between Nate and herself.
“I tripped, fell on the trail last night. I’m fine.” Like she could say anything else?
The next moment, between Olivia’s nursing reflexes, JoAnn’s nesting instincts, and Dave’s natural paramedic bossiness, Kay was sitting down and given no choice but to submit to more first aid, a big debate over whether she should see a doctor anyway, whether she agreed or not, and, finally, fresh, tidy bandages for her hands and knees.
Nate hung back quietly through the noisy chaos, looking tense and guilty.
After the delayed breakfast, Dave leaned back in his chair. He winked at Kay, cheerful mischief brewing in those brown eyes of his. “Okay, my friends, ready to strike camp and hit Vegas? The day’s a wasting. Elvis is waiting.”
Kay’s pulse leapt crazily. Oh, no, no, no.
Patti cheered. “I’m for it. We’ll have a blast.”
“Sounds like great fun. A little marriage. A little blackjack,” Mark chipped in.
Kay looked around for Nate. Fine time for him to need to go pee. Dave was seriously sure they should do it. She was so tired the temptation to give in and let them sweep her along was overwhelming. Let them take the decision out of her hands.
Accidentally engaged and unintentionally married? That made a perfect matched set, right?
Right, so adult of you. Get a grip.
Pippa bounced in her chair. “I vote we stay overnight in Vegas. Really make a night of it. We’ll find Kay and Nate one of those champagne-glass bed hotel rooms. Do they still have those?”
“I think that’s the Poconos, hon,” Chuck answered in all seriousness.
“And they’re whirlpool baths, not beds, sweetie.” Patti shook her head, shaking with silent giggles.
Kay couldn’t help herself, and the giggles took her over. No way. If she was going to stay in a hotel room, she wanted a real tub and big bed.
“I can probably get a comp room at Harrah’s.” Rich stood and cleared his place. “I’m in.”
“Ooh, they should stay at the Venetian. If they have to have a one-night honeymoon, let’s not make it a tacky one.” Patti tapped her chin thoughtfully.
“What are you all talking about?” Nate said behind Kay.
“We’re getting ready to pack up and head to Vegas. Get you to the chapel on time and all that.” JoAnn sipped at her decaf tea. “We’re making it an overnighter. You’re just going to have put off leaving until Monday.”
“What! No way! We are not going to Vegas. No. The joke’s gone on long enough. Come on, guys, knock it off.” He set his hands on her shoulders, fingers alternating between gripping and stroking.
If only she could see his expression. Was he saying this for her sake? Was he finally having as many doubts as she was?
Kay twisted around in her seat and found him glaring in consternation at their friends. He flashed her a rueful smile, his brows all rumpled. Sweet warmth rose. He was so cute when he was flustered.
“Thanks, guys, really, but Kay and I can plan a wedding just fine ourselves.” He brushed a kiss over her temple. “And whatever we plan, I intend to give us far better than one rushed wedding night.”
Saved.
Or was she?
After breakfast, Nate hovered at a distance, hanging with the guys, talking engines and fish.
Kay lost the track of the conversation she found herself in with Margie, Olivia, and Pippa. Her lousy chitchat skills failed her, she had an unshakeable headache from the heat, her hands hurt, and she kept finding all sorts of new muscles she had wrenched in her tumble. She gave up and shut up.
Just another relaxing summer day with friends. Riiiight.
She could feel the minutes ticking away like a second pulse, and the weight of her needing to answer Nate was crushing her down.
She almost worked up the nerve to talk after lunch, but Nate got busy photographing JoAnn and was all focused Mode One artiste, so she pulled out her sketchpad, ignored the pain in her hand, and worked out several sketches of JoAnn silently in the background.
Dave plopped down in the chair beside her and eyed her sketch. “Niiice.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ve never seen her so happy.” He nodded thoughtfully. “It’s good.” His simple statement resonated with emotion. “How’re your hands feeling?”
“Better. Thanks for the pro bandaging. How’s your hand doing? Honest now.”
He held out his hand, palm up, and smoothly flexed each finger. “Honest truth is it will be fine. Had a great doc. When it happened, and I was bleeding like shit all over the place, it was strange what bounced through my head. Shock is weird stuff. First all I could think was how am I going to play my guitar? And I was pissed I needed a new glove, then, shit, there goes overtime and hazard pay, and damn it all, my injury-free record. Wasn’t until I was cooling my heels in the ER that the brain kicked into real time and the fact I could be really, permanently hurt hit me. Not a happy moment. But, all fixed, and healing just fine here. Upside, extra R and R with my best friends.”
“I’m so glad you’re okay. We worry about you, you know.” She always had a rush of relief when his e-mails and Tweets showed up after his being away at a fire. Was this what having a brother felt like? Dave and the others, they were more a family to her than her blood relations.
“Thanks. I know, and I appreciate it.” He took her hand in his, his gaze going serious. He looked from her, to Nate in his utter focus as he gently adjusted JoAnn’s pose, and back to Kay. “Nate’s solid as rock, and I don’t mean like a rolling stone. You don’t have to worry with him. Ever.”
She failed to cover her flinch.
He firmed his grip, the feel of his calloused hand on hers so different from Nate’s. Sunlight ignited his irises to the burning deep gold of autumn leaves. She couldn’t break their locked gaze.
“I mean it, Kay, okay? Nate and I go way back, but you’re my friend, too, and he’s only ever had eyes for you. I may joke around about most things, but I don’t bullshit anyone about love.”
He held her gaze for the longest second more, and then gave her his usual wink and brilliant smile. “Okay, now, back to our regularly scheduled fun. Want a beer?”
Swimming, skiing, supper, sunset…all came and went, and Kay still hadn’t worked herself up to the answer.
Like three nights ago, Nate and she sat on opposite benches of the Whisper’s cockpit, lazily fishing, with all the opportunity and privacy in the world to finally talk.
And they hadn’t said a word. The minutes were ticking away. She wanted to. She must say
, I will
.
“Nate?”
He turned to her, beautiful in the moonlight, one patient brow rising in question, his smile warm.
“I…can’t go to Oregon. I—I—I’m sorry. I just can’t.” Cold, sick nausea gripped her, and she wanted to slap her hands over her mouth.
His face froze emotionless in the dim light, but Kay could see his breath catch that second. A horrible pain knifed her.
“Okay.” His voice was flat.
“It’s just…” Keep things simple. No demands. She stayed. He went. Those were the rules. Better that way.
“Okay.” He reeled in the line and, with a snap of his wrist, flicked the lure whizzing out.
“I just can’t.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. It was that damned kiss from Olivia. You don’t trust me.”
“No. Not that. I told you I believe you.” How could he be so quiet and his voice stay so calm? A lump burned in her throat. She caught his ring in her fingers, swallowed hard, and slowly twisted off the band.
His face set like stone.
“It’s beautiful. I can’t keep it. Not, well…I can’t.” She held the ring out to him.
When he didn’t take it from her, she set the ring on the cushion beside him. “I’m sorry. Not now, not with the school right now. The shows…Gabe Anderson, I’m booked at his gallery. It’s a big deal…I can’t cancel. So much to do…” All lame reasons. So very lame, and not the real ones.
“Okay already!”
His sharp words drove a jerking flinch through her. She stumbled back, wishing she could run fast and far, and huddled in the farthest seat corner.
Nate finally closed his hand around the ring, as if he was picking up a spider, and shoved it in his pocket.
He reeled in his line and cast again.
They fished in silence, keeping nothing, until the night was late.
Back at camp, they got ready to sleep with minimal conversation.
Nate popped a beer and threw himself into his chair, his back to her. He tipped the can, taking a long swallow.
Kay slunk off to bed alone. Her finger felt naked without the ring. Exhausted, wired, and headachy, she wanted to cry, but the tears would not unlock and she was sick of tears. She’d cried more in this one week than she had in her life.
She’d made the right decision.
Chapter Fourteen
So, that was that. Nate slumped in his chair at the water’s edge, staring across the dark lake.
Nothing would ever get the sight of her cringing away from him in fear out of his brain. That was the worst of it all.
The turn down, yeah, that sucked and hurt like hell, but that she would ever be afraid of him?
Behind him in the tent, Kay was quiet. Was she sleeping? Was she lying there doing a rewind of the whole shitty evening like he was?
Maybe he should just pack up now and head out tonight. Not like he was going to sleep, beer or no beer.
Take off in the dark like R.J. Yeah, that’ll go over great
.
If only he’d given into Dave’s teasing plan. Instead he had to blurt out a no and sound horrified at the idea to boot. He used to have a way with words, and the reviews to prove it, but apparently he’d chucked that skill overboard along with his smarts. Maybe she wouldn’t have backed out. Maybe making it real and happening would have saved them.
Or worse, she could have left you standing jilted in front of Elvis. Real cool.
Fury at himself stuck in his throat, and beer would not wash it away. His fault he’d lost his time with her. Even if the trip they’d planned wasn’t set in stone, it was something for them to work on together, another step in the road.
He dug the ring he’d given her along with his heart out of his pocket. He’d been in such a lovesick stupor of happiness picking out the ring and buying the house, so convinced by the synchronicity of everything, that he’d never acknowledged the possibility of no. Then no had come, and he wasn’t ready.
She didn’t love him. Or wouldn’t love him. Why?
Did it matter?
Yeah. It did. Hot frustration and the need to know launched him from his chair and over the short hard strides to the tent, where he stopped cold, sickened with the need to shake the truth out of her.
Don’t hurt her
, they’d warned him over the years. Maybe not in those exact words, but warned him all the same.
And now he wanted to shake her, fight with her, shout at her.
And be just like her father, right, and whoever else in her life had hurt her.
He swung himself around, numbly grabbed another beer from the ice chest, and straightened that damned towel of hers once more.