The four walls of the cabin were beginning to close in around Tessa, and no matter how nice the bed, she couldn’t get comfortable. The small cabin was beginning to feel like a prison instead of a retreat. She needed company and though Chloe tried she still had a bed and breakfast to run, leaving her alone most of the time. She was going stir crazy but today was her doctor’s appointment and with any luck, he’d give her permission for light activity instead of bed rest. Her sanity depended on it.
She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her hair into a ponytail when she heard Chloe come in. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it when she felt the first flutter in her stomach. She stilled hoping to feel it again.
Is that my baby?
When it didn’t happen immediately she was about to write it off as a nervous stomach.
“Tessa, you okay? You seem a little pale.” Chloe quickly closed the distance to her, taking Tessa’s hand in hers.
“I think…” The flutter interrupted her again.
That’s my baby!
Tears swelled in her eyes, and she wished Cameron were there with her to share this moment. “My baby…I felt her.” She laid her hand on her stomach, a small bump protruding. Until that moment she thought it might have been some mistake, but feeling her child move under her hand she couldn’t deny it.
“That’s wonderful.” Chloe squeezed her hand. “We should be going.”
Tessa grabbed a tissue from the bedside table, using it to dab the tears, before checking her make-up. “Okay. Let’s go.” With more determination to do right by her child—even if that meant bed rest for the entire pregnancy, and therefore her sanity—she rose ready to meet the doctor that would bring her child into this world.
* * *
Cameron,
By now you’ve arrived, and have started your deployment, and I’m sitting here counting down the days until I’ll see you again. Today while I was getting ready for my first appointment with Doctor Bowman, I felt our baby move for the first time. It was just a little flutter, almost like butterfly wings expanding, but it’s amazing. It seemed to make this whole pregnancy real. In less than six months, we’re going to be parents. How scary is that? (Cam, if it’s too much…or if you’ve changed your mind…I’ll understand.)
I had my first ultrasound and everything looks fine. Our sweet child has a strong healthy heartbeat, but we were unable to find out the sex. I had hoped I’d be able to let you know you were having that bouncing boy you wanted. I’ll have another one at twenty weeks, so you’ll have to wait seven more weeks.
The doctor says things are going all right, but tomorrow I’m going to the hospital for an IV iron infusion to bring up my levels. The iron supplements aren’t working as quickly as the doctor would like, and this will be the faster way to bring it to the level he’d like to see for pregnancy. He assures me it’s safe for the baby.
The best part of it…I’ll be off bed rest. I’m only allowed to do light duty and resting frequently but it’s better than sitting in bed all the time. The walls were beginning to close in around me without you here to keep me entertained. I promise I’ll take it easy.
Stay safe,
Tessa
* * *
It was a long grueling night when Cameron was finally able to get back to their temporary base. The dry desert air made the heat worse, but as he logged into his email his day began to have a ray of hope. An email from Tessa shined like a lighthouse to a sailor lost a sea. He felt his shoulders relax as he clicked to open it.
He read the email twice, letting the words sink in.
She felt my son move.
It pained him that he wasn’t there with her, to share in the excitement.
Does she doubt my commitment to her and the baby because of the distance that separates us?
He hated the thought that she questioned him. After all these years, he would have thought she’d known him better than that. He wouldn’t have committed himself to them if he weren’t sure.
Maybe now, is the time to tell her I love her? No, not until I’m safe at home with her. Then I’ll tell her. Telling her now will only make her worry more.
Tess,
I know oceans, and more miles then I care to remember separate us, but please don’t start doubting me—doubting us—now. You, our child (read son) and I are meant to be.
That’s wonderful news. Don’t worry I have faith that in a few weeks you’ll know that we’re having a son. With all kidding aside, son or daughter, it doesn’t matter to me, as long as he or she is healthy.
Don’t forget what we talked about…call the school. See about enrolling in the last two classes you need for your legal studies degree. If you do it now and you’ll be done before the baby is born. You won’t be working once the baby is born, but I know the degree means a lot to you and I want to see you finish it. You’re too close to give up now. You’re on my accounts, checkbook, credit cards, and everything you need is in the top nightstand draw. It will give you something to keep you busy while you’re resting. Do it…
Take care of our child,
Cam
He closed the laptop, and made his way back to his bunk. Tiredness wore at every muscle in his body, but his thoughts were on Tess.
* * *
Tessa relaxed in the recliner, the IV dripping slowly, while her thoughts turned back to Cameron’s email. Going back to school was a big decision, but after the baby was born when would she have the time? It was time she stood on her own two feet, she needed to be able to provide a life for her child, and she didn’t want to have to rely on Cameron.
Going back to school would give her something to focus herself on while she waited for Cameron to come home. With only two classes left, it shouldn’t be too difficult, especially since all her classes would be online. She unlocked her cell phone, pulling up the Internet and searched her email for the number. She’d make a life for her and her child, if Cameron stayed with her or if he didn’t mattered only to her heart. She wanted the degree whether she stayed married or not, it was something her mother thought she’d never accomplish and she would prove her wrong yet again.
Tessa thumbed through one of the law books for her class, the sun was beginning to set over the lake, and she’d have to go in soon. She preferred to be outdoors, sitting by the lake, especially while the weather was so welcoming.
She had been here three weeks, her stomach growing quicker than the time was passing. She longed for Cameron to be home, she ached to hold her child in her arms. Things were changing faster than she could keep up with, turning into something, she never expected her life to be—turning out to be exactly what she wanted. She let the pages of the book fall shut, her gaze drifting skywards and she let her mind wander.
Her cell phone that lay discarded beside her on the bench vibrated.
Cameron?
Her heart skipped a beat, with hope it was him. When she grabbed her phone, her stomach plummeted.
Tony.
Her hand went to her stomach. The biological father of her child was the last one she wanted to hear from. She was tempted to not answer it but he’d only call back.
She took a deep breath and answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Tessa, my love.” His voice was ingratiatingly sweet, making her sick to her stomach. “I’ve gone by your apartment the last two nights, but you’re never home. Where are you sugar?”
“Tony, we made it clear we were done weeks ago, why are you calling now?” She expected hurt—or even disappointment—after all she devoted the last year of her life to this man before she found out he was married. But all she felt was impatience. She was tired of his lies.
“I miss you. Let me come over tonight and you won’t doubt my love for you any longer.” His husky voice clawed along her skin, but he left her cold. She wanted nothing to do with Tony.
“We’re done. We would have never started if I knew you were married. I’m not into married men Tony. So go back to your wife and leave me alone.”
“It’s that Marine of yours, isn’t it? Carmen? I heard you were kissing him. Damn it, you’re mine! Come back to me and we’ll let your cheating fall by the way side.”
A red robin landed on the path around the lake, catching her attention. “His name is Cameron. Cheating? Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black? You’ve been cheating on your
wife
for over a year now. Nonetheless, it no longer matters. Tony, we’re finished. I’m not some possession that you can claim, I’m a person and have needs and wants of my own. I won’t be the second woman. Don’t go by my apartment again, I’ve taken a job out of town for the time being.” With that, she ended the call. She wouldn’t tell Tony she was pregnant, not that he’d want anything to do with the child, but because her son or daughter deserved better than him as a father.
If Cameron never offered to help, it still wouldn’t have changed things. She’d never let that man use her child as a weapon. Her anger spiked. She couldn’t believe he had the audacity to ask her if she was with Cameron. Who she was with was none of his business, Tony was the cheater.
A four-wheeler powered down the path in her direction, jarring her from her thoughts. She tilted her head and spotted Jordan and Chloe.
Dinner time.
She rose, grabbing her things, before crossing the path to the cabin.
“Hey Tessa, we thought we’d have dinner with you tonight at the picnic table if that’s okay?” Chloe climbed off the four-wheeler with a large tray of covered dishes.
“That will be great. Thank you. Shall I grab drinks?” She sat her stuff down on the table, and took a step towards the door.
Jordan came around the four-wheeler towards them, he held up a cloth bag. “I’ve got that covered.”
Chloe took the lid off the plates to reveal spaghetti and meatballs, and set up the table. “Just what you asked for…” She smiled at Tessa.
“Thank you, Chloe. When Cameron comes home he won’t recognize me if you keep giving in to all my cravings.” Tessa teased, sitting down on the bench, swinging her leg under the table.
“I have strict orders to see to all your needs.” Chloe shot her a quick smile before taking a bite.
As they ate, they made small chit chat, talking about the bed and breakfast, her pregnancy, anything except the white elephant in the middle of the table, Cameron and his deployment. It was the one thing that seemed to consume Tessa’s every waking thought.
“If you ladies will excuse me I promised Sheriff Ryder I’d meet him, we’ve got to discuss the plans for that upcoming conference.” Jordan rose, and added the gathered plates onto the tray before kissing his wife. “Don’t rush, Ryan and I will be awhile. I’ll leave the four-wheeler for you.”
When Jordan was out of hearing range Chloe turned back to Tessa, her eyebrows rose in question. “What’s going on today? You seem upset. Feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.” Tessa didn’t want to tell Chloe all the details, especially since she and everyone else, believed Cameron was the father. “I just heard from an old acquaintance, and it brought up some bad memories. That’s all.”
Bad memories…that’s how she described a year of her life wasted. The only good thing to come from that relationship was her pregnancy, and the possibility to explore what had been in hibernation between she and Cameron for years.
I guess the saying, all bad things happen for a reason is true.
* * *
Cameron,
Chloe and I are getting along better than I could have expected. She’s truly an amazing woman, and she seems to bring out the best of everyone around her. I don’t know how she manages to stay sane running Winterbloom day after day, but at least now, she has Jordan. Aww, what a sweet couple they make, so much in love.
I started back to school, turns out, I have enough credits that I only have to take a couple tests for one class and I’ll graduate. This means I’ll be finished long before our child’s born. I’ve even started taking on some freelance legal projects…don’t worry I’m not taking on too much. It gives me something to do while I’m taking it easy.
Tony called…guess my landlord told him we were together. He suspects I’ve been with you… Nevermind none of that matters, I only brought it up because I didn’t tell him he’s the father. I don’t plan to either. I won’t let him use this child the way he used me. If you decide you don’t want to be a surrogate father, then I’ll raise him or her on my own. I just thought you should know…I don’t want anyone besides us to know his role. Our child deserves the world, she doesn’t need to know I’m a complete screw-up.
Our child is active in the evenings, fluttering around like a small butterfly. She seems to find peace in our evening stroll by the lake. Clearwater is such a peaceful place, in the city you never hear the birds chirping as you do here. I thought I would go crazy with the lack of noise, but I’ve found peace in it.
Stay safe. Missing you,
Tessa
Setting the laptop aside, she rose from the couch, and she rubbed the small of her back trying to ease some of the tension that resided there. Doubts plagued her as she went for her evening stroll. In all the years she had known Cameron, she had never known him to commit himself to something he didn’t believe in. Yet still she couldn’t help but question if he stepped up as a father to her unborn child out of some duty rather than his commitment to her. She wanted him to be a father and husband because he loved her.
Why do feelings always have to get in the middle of a good relationship? Why can’t I be satisfied with our friendship? Instead, I need him to return the love I have for him. Things are always so damn complicated.
* * *
Cameron winced as the coldness of the icepack on his bare shoulder, the heat of the air and his body made the icepack a mixture of relief and torture. The damn IED explosion rocked his team but at least no one died. He sent a broken man home to his family, his leg nearly gone, but the important part was he’d live. His bruised shoulder was the worst of his injuries, and he’d be sore for a few days but the Marines taught him to work past that. There was no room for sissies in the Marines.
He opened his email knowing there’d be another message from Tessa. She had been emailing him daily, giving him a touch of home through the many miles that separated them.
My Tess, always the worrier, when I get back I’ll wipe all the doubt from your mind.
He hated there was nothing but words he could give her now to try to relieve her doubt that he wanted to be a father to her child. With time, he’d prove he could be the father, and husband she wanted. Realization dawned on him, like the sun coming over the hills, he’d always wanted to marry her, to be the one man in her life. The thought of her needing something he couldn’t give—a man that was there, with a safe career—was the only thing that held him back. He had always loved her.
Tess,
Your daily emails are the connection I need to make this deployment not seem as lonely. Especially today, when I had to make the notification that one of my men would be returning stateside due to injuries he sustained. Damn IED’s.
I only have words to tell you I’m committed to our child. I’ll be home soon and I’ll prove just that. Until then think of me as our child moves within you, and know the secret is safe with me. He will only know us as his parents, and he’ll be a happy bouncing boy. Which if you notice I keep referring to our child as he while your email mentions she. Know this, boy or girl, I don’t care as long as our child and you are healthy. Two weeks until we know the sex…two weeks until I’m proven right.
Clearwater is a beautiful place. The small town is so different then where we were raised. It’s a safe town, with residents who bond together in a time of need. Downside, it gets snow, and I mean lots of snow.
Cam
Before hitting the send button, he stared at the last paragraph, and wondered if he was serious about giving up his military career and settling down. This deployment was one of the worst since his first, his thoughts turning to Tess each chance it had, and he longed to be home. He knew he was leaning towards giving it all up, setting down and living the life Jordan seemed to love so much.
If he did, Clearwater would be a perfect place to start over. They had no ties anywhere else, and she already seemed to be forming a close friendship with Chloe.