Close to Her Heart (15 page)

But she certainly didn’t want to put herself to the test by having him give her back rubs, and coach her breathing.

No, she was going to be fine giving birth on her own. And she wouldn’t be alone, of course. There would be nurses. And her doctor. By now she’d had so many appointments, Gwen Fong seemed more like a trusted friend than her OB.

What did have Dani a little anxious was the prospect of spending two weeks at the cottage with Eliot. Was it a smart plan given these unexpected new feelings of hers? But Miriam would be with them. So, it would be fine. And anyway, every day she was growing larger, more awkward and uncomfortable. Surely soon, she’d be beyond any sort of sexual reaction, at all.

From a work perspective, Dani was satisfied, too. She’d put in long days at the lab all July knowing she wouldn’t be coming back until after the baby was born. She’d completed the long to-do list Jenna had given her, updating all her files, backing them up and filing a copy with Jenna for good measure.

Dani could tell her boss wasn’t sure she’d be coming back after the baby was born. She wished she could reassure Jenna somehow. Yes, she was about to become a mother. But she also loved this job. Furthermore, she believed the research they were doing was going to help parents raise healthy, successful, well-adjusted children in the future. Who wouldn’t be motivated to go to work every morning with a goal like that?

Out of a desire to leave her office in perfect order, and to reassure Jenna about her commitment to their work, Dani stayed late every night before her holiday. Her body was exacting a price for the long hours. Back aches and swollen feet being two of the most annoying. But she didn’t mind putting in the effort, knowing her reward would be two glorious weeks of relaxing at the cottage, reading and sleeping as much as she liked—with the occasional game of Kings Cribbage or Scrabble thrown in.

What lay beyond the holiday—a few weeks of final preparations, then the birth of her baby—Dani couldn’t really imagine. Her life was going to be so different, but how it would feel, and what it would be like, she had no idea.

Including whether Adrian would play any role at all in their child’s life.

She hadn’t heard from him since he’d left on holiday with Ava. As far as she knew he was still visiting family. Didn’t it occur to him that her due date must be approaching?

Not that she expected him to come to the hospital with her and hold her hand. But, yes, Dani finally admitted to herself the night before her holiday as she was packing her suitcase, she had nursed a tiny hope that he might want to be there with her.

With her open suitcase on her bed, Dani perused her clothing choices. She didn’t have much to pick from. Hardly anything fit. She wasn’t sure she had the nerve to wear a bikini now that she was eight months pregnant. But she’d seen models on the covers of magazines doing it, and since she hadn’t bought a maternity bathing suit, she added the least skimpy of her bikinis to the small pile of T-shirts and sundresses she’d already selected. For the cool evenings she had a hoodie and a windbreaker, both of which fit only if she didn’t zip them up.

Next she added her travel toiletry bag. For sleeping she packed the humungous T-shirt she’d bought at the Copper Mountain Rodeo last fall—never guessing at the time that within the year she’d fill every inch of the voluminous garment.

Done.

She closed the suitcase and set it next to the book bag crammed with her reading material for the holidays. A motley collection of professional journals and beach reads, with a few literary classics thrown in for good measure. She’d always meant to read
Crossing to Safety
by Wallace Stegner. Maybe this year she’d actually do it.

Tenderly, she ministered to her plants, hoping Mr. Boswell wouldn’t overwater them when he came in to check on them next week.

Finally, it was time to sleep. Eliot had warned them he wanted to make an early start the next day. Dani crawled under the covers, taking her phone with her. She stared at the notifications, wishing one would pop up from Adrian.

Of course, she could be the one to reach out. Give him a call or send him a message. But what if he gave her the cold shoulder? Worse, mentioned something about his lawyer again.

No. She’d be smarter to wait. Let him make the next move.

She was setting her alarm for the next morning when a text message popped on the screen.

“All packed?”

She felt a leveling of emotions when she saw it was only Eliot. “You bet.”

“See you at eight. We’ll stop for coffee and muffins on the road.”

Dani smiled. Despite her worries about the future, even despite missing Adrian, she was looking forward to this trip.

*

“God, Miriam. We’re just going to the beach. How can you possibly need this much stuff?” Despite the complaint, Eliot tossed both of her vintage-inspired, Kate Spade suitcases into the back of his SUV, along with Dani’s utilitarian black bag and his own leather duffel.

“Careful! You’re worse than the airline baggage handlers.” Miriam used a tissue to wipe a smudge from the side of one of the cases.

Dani had to admit the luggage set—which she’d watched Miriam order on-line—was a thing of beauty. The bags were white with brown leather detailing and bright yellow handles. No less a thing of beauty was Miriam herself, in a black and white striped mini-dress that fit her petite figure like a second skin. Her dark hair was pulled back with a gold hair clip and her Tom Ford sunglasses made her look like a movie star.

Next to her friend, Dani felt like a cow. “I’ll sit in the back.”

“You’ll have more room in the front,” Eliot said. He also looked fashionable, yet masculine, in a pair of plaid shorts, light green golf shirt and dock shoes. His six-foot-two inch body, tanned and muscular, didn’t hurt.

“I’ll be fine,” Dani insisted, climbing up to the seat and trying to make herself comfortable without flopping around like a seal.

As promised, Eliot stopped at a coffee shop before they left the city where they picked up breakfast and coffees to go. Back in the SUV, Dani tried not to complain about her decaf latte. But it was difficult when she could smell the real stuff. She leaned forward and inhaled deeply.

“I miss drinking real coffee more than I miss wine.”

“Bet you reverse that statement around five this afternoon,” Eliot challenged.

Dani groaned. Happy hour on the beach was definitely not going to be the same this year.

“I don’t know where you get your willpower,” Miriam said. “And is it really necessary? Surely a few cups of coffee or glasses of wine won’t hurt the baby. As long as you don’t go crazy.”

“Actually studies have shown that even a small amount of caffeine carries the risk of fetal growth restriction.”

“You sound like such a professor sometimes, Dani.”

“How odd,” Eliot said drily, his gaze in the rear-view mirror meeting Dani’s.

“Smaller babies,” Dani amended, translating the lingo for Miriam.

“Isn’t that be a good thing? I mean, you’ve got to deliver this thing, right?” She looked over her shoulder at Dani, pushing her sunglasses higher on the bridge of her nose at the same time. “Won’t it come out easier if it’s smaller?”

Dani tried not to resent the way she referred to the baby as ‘
it
’. “Yes. But in general smaller babies are less healthy babies and carry greater risk of miscarriage or being stillborn.” Without conscious intent, Dani’s hands had gone protectively to her belly. Her secret fear nibbled at her consciousness, so much so that she almost said something.
And I don’t want to add to my baby’s risk factors when already there’s a chance something will be wrong—

But Miriam was talking again, and the moment was lost.

“Seeing everything you’ve been through has convinced me that I never want to have kids,” Miriam said.

“What if your Green Card husband wants a family?” Eliot teased.

“Hmm. Well, maybe. But he’d have to be really sweet to me.”

This comment, a reminder that Dani was in this pregnancy alone, without a partner to be sweet to her, also stung, though Dani knew Miriam hadn’t meant it to. She sighed, then settled back into her seat and took a sip of the insipid decaffeinated latte. For the next while she let her thoughts drift as Miriam engaged Eliot in a conversation that was difficult for her to hear, and therefore impossible for her to contribute to.

She felt her spirits begin to lift as they left the city behind and vistas of the Pacific peeked out from beyond the highways, offices and condo complexes of Seattle. Having grown up in land-locked Montana, the ocean still seemed exotic to Dani. No matter how long she lived here, she suspected she would always feel this way.

The vast and powerful Pacific Ocean nurtured creatures so different from the deer, elk, cattle, horses, dogs and cats she’d been surrounded by all her life. Last summer she and Eliot had seen dolphins and humpback whales when they were out on the kayak. Sea lions were a common sight and otters often came right up on the dock when they were in a playful mood.

When the tide was out they dug clams and picked oysters right on the beach. Other times Dani would pick out interesting seashells and sand dollars for the glass jar collections in the cottage. Patrolling the air were pelicans, cormorants and albatrosses, as well as the great blue heron and, of course, the bald eagle.

All of this seaside magic came back to her as the miles flew by.

They stopped in Belfair for groceries, then pushed through to the seaside cottage which Eliot’s grandparents had purchased over sixty years ago. The two-story, timber-frame home was rarely used since his mother’s death, especially as family members had moved to follow careers and opportunities in other parts of the country. But a property management firm kept the place well-maintained and clean and when Eliot unlocked the front door, they were greeted with the fresh scent of lavender wafting from a generous bouquet on the kitchen island.

The walls and vaulted ceiling were finished in larch and the floors were smooth slate in the entry way and though to the kitchen. Dani dropped the two grocery bags she’d been carrying to the island, then rushed off to the bathroom while Miriam supervised Eliot putting away the stores.

When Dani returned to the kitchen five minutes later she felt much more comfortable. “Sorry I ran off like that. My bladder’s gone from vente-sized, to grande, to small in the past eight months.”

“Why didn’t you say so in Belfair? We could have stopped at a place with restrooms.” Eliot was crouched in front of the wine fridge, unpacking the bottles Miriam had added to their grocery cart. She’d selected some expensive vintages, but had said nothing when it came time to pay the tab, letting Dani be the one to cover the bill over Eliot’s protests.

Dani didn’t know if Miriam truly was more annoying these days, or if Dani’s pregnancy was making her less tolerant. In any case, it would be a long two weeks if things kept on this way. She handed over a bag of tinned goods. “Put these away would you? As I recall they go in the corner pantry.”

Miriam said nothing, just took the bag and dutifully did as requested, while Dani stocked the fridge with their vegetables, cheese and meat. Once all the food was taken care of, Eliot carried their suitcases to the bedrooms. Dani was pleased to be given the same corner-room she’d occupied last year. It was smaller than Miriam’s but the attached bathroom had an old-fashioned, claw-footed tub that molded perfectly to her back. She was looking forward to a long soak tonight.

“What do you want to do first?” Eliot asked them, standing in the hall outside his room. He always left his parents’ master room vacant, taking instead the room he’d used as a boy. “Unpack? Go for a walk on the beach?”

“How about we sit on the deck and open a bottle of that nice bubbly?” Miriam suggested. “Toast the first day of our holiday.”

She was looking at Eliot as she said this, and not for the first time, Dani felt like the third wheel. Again her annoyance flared, but was it fair? It wasn’t Miriam’s fault that Dani couldn’t drink. Maybe what she was really resenting, wasn’t the things Miriam was saying—because it was totally in character for her to suggest opening a bottle of champagne like this—but the fact that Miriam looked so damn pretty and adorable while she felt like a big, fat loser.

“You two go ahead. I’m actually wiped. I think I need a nap.”

Eliot had looked disposed to veto Miriam’s suggestion until Dani mentioned needing a nap. “Sure, Dani. Whatever you like. If you feel like a walk when you wake up, let me know.”

“Have a good rest,” Miriam added, already on her way down the stairs. “You look like you need it.”

An urge to take a couple of books and hurl them down the stairs suddenly swept over Dani. But just as quickly the anger left her. She
was
tired. She hadn’t been making it up as some sort of excuse to get out of drinking wine with her friends.

Sighing, she slipped into her corner bedroom.

The iron bed stand was painted white, except for the corner brass bedposts. A beautiful sea-blue quilt was spread over the queen-sized mattress, and a sprig of lavender had been placed on the folded-over edge of the white cotton sheet beneath.