Close to Her Heart (19 page)

She was tall—the same height as Dani. Slender and long-limbed. And young. Mid-twenties would be a stretch.

“I
was
the nanny, as you say. And you?”

“I—” Before she got any further, Adrian appeared in the doorway. His expression of slight annoyance quickly morphed into shock.

“Dani? What the—” He checked himself, then turned to Olga, placing a hand on her arm. “This is work, honey. Would you mind going back to the kitchen with Ava? I’ll just be a few minutes.”

“What the hell is going on?” Dani demanded, when instead of inviting her inside, Adrian joined her on the front stoop and closed the door.

“Come.” Adrian took hold of her elbow and forcibly led her back to her car. At the driver’s side door, he spoke again. “Inside.”

“You can’t make me.” She searched his eyes for some sign of caring or warmth. But from his expression she would have guessed he was dealing firmly with a recalcitrant student.

“Please don’t make a scene here on the street.” He took her keys, which she was still holding in her right hand, hit “unlock,” then walked around the car and got into the passenger seat.

The best option seemed to be to join him. So she got behind the wheel, making awkward adjustments for the girth of her belly. She sensed Adrian’s impatience as he waited for her to get settled.

“You were never supposed to come to my house.”

She’d had time to think. To process the pretty blonde’s appearance at the door and her “I
was
” when Dani had presumed she was the nanny.

“You mean your Swedish girlfriend doesn’t know about me? Or the fact that I’m pregnant with your child?” She felt her body shaking. She should have guessed Adrian’s circumspection had little to do with his child. Almost from the beginning she’d felt like the other woman in his life. And that was exactly what she’d been.

“I’m going to tell her. Obviously.”

He didn’t have much choice. Not since she’d shown up at his door. But if she hadn’t, Dani guessed the news might not have been forthcoming. “So how long has this been going on? You and Olga?”

“I hired her to replace the other nanny in April. We fell in love very quickly. I’m sorry I didn’t end things with you right away. But then you told me you were pregnant. And I—well, obviously I didn’t handle the situation very well.”

Finally he was accepting at least a little bit of responsibility. “So the text messages you sent me—what were they about?”

“I wanted to see you. To tell you about Olga. We’re engaged now you see. And I also have something for you from my lawyer. You should get a second opinion, of course. But I think you’ll find the payment schedule I’m proposing is on-side with Washington family law requirements.”

Dani felt like a buoy out on the ocean during a big storm. The waves kept coming, pounding into her. But she stayed afloat. Riding them out.

The thing was, none of this felt like a surprise. It was as if, on some level, she’d always known Adrian was holding his heart apart from her.

Maybe it was even what had drawn her to him.

Despite her education, and the fact that she should have known better, she’d given her heart to a real asshole.

Just like dear old dad. Now, there was an insight she’d have to ponder later.

Her instinct was to demand Adrian get out of her car and keep his dirty money, too.

But he did have an obligation to their baby. And she couldn’t be blind to the possibility that this child might have financial needs in excess of what she could comfortably provide.

“Fine. My attorney is Eliot Gilmore. You can instruct your lawyer to send the documentation to him.”

Adrian was quiet for a long while. “That’s it? All you have to say?”

She nodded.

“Look. You have every right to be angry with me. I’m sorry things worked out this way. It’s not like I planned to fall in love with Olga.”

She sighed, suddenly terribly weary. “I don’t care about you and Olga. Just please give me your word that what happened between us won’t affect our professional relationship at the University.”

“It won’t.”

She wondered if that was true. But it was too late now for her to do anything about it. Hopefully, her work with Jenna would provide all the real job security she needed. “Great. Then I think we’re done.”

Oddly enough Adrian’s eyes softened then. For the first time, he let his gaze drop to her belly. He looked like he was going to say something. Maybe enquire how she was feeling. But then he seemed to think better of the impulse and instead dropped a kiss on her cheek.

Dani held herself still, not reacting in any way. And then, he left.

Chapter Six

September

W
hen the fall term started at the University, Dani felt disconnected from it all. Not just because she was on leave. She was drawing into herself, preparing in a very primal way for the big change that was about to happen. Like a caterpillar in the process of metamorphosis her body was changing, giving her subtle signs that it would soon be time for the baby to come.

Already, she was a week past her due date. But at her last check-up with Gwen she’d been told that the baby had dropped and it would be happening soon.

Dani could feel it. Knew it was true.

Portia was back at school and Dani felt guilty about not picking her up at the airport this time, or inviting her for dinner. But she didn’t feel up to either of these things, and she hoped Portia would understand. At least it was her niece’s second year. She knew her way around. And she had friends. Austin Bradshaw, Mattie informed her, was still very much in the picture. Over the summer he’d spent as much time at Bishop Stables as he could spare away from the rodeo circuit.

Funny how Portia had fallen for a rodeo cowboy—just like her dad.

Patterns. It was so easy to fall into them. Just the way she had fallen for Adrian.

Dani felt sad for herself—that she’d been so naïve. And sad for her baby, who would grow up without a dad. But she didn’t feel heartbroken. Somehow her feelings for Adrian had lost their vibrancy, become shadows of love rather than the real thing. She suspected Eliot had something to do with that. But she couldn’t examine that possibility too closely right now. Their friendship had deepened since Miriam’s departure and their two weeks at the cottage. But it didn’t seem right to consider where the changes were headed.

Her baby was all that concerned her now.

On the morning of September fifteenth, Dani woke with an urge to go for a long walk. She was out for an hour. The city was beautiful this time of year. Still green and lush, but the days were getting shorter. Winter was inevitable. Before too long gray days and rain would replace all this beautiful sunshine.

By the time she returned to the condo, she knew the bands of muscles tightening around her abdomen were telling her something. No longer just uncomfortable, they were becoming painful. And closer together.

She had a suitcase by her door. All she had to do was call the taxi.

Eliot had told her to phone him when the time came. Didn’t matter if he was at work, or in court, in a meeting or at lunch, he’d come and take her to the hospital. He understood she didn’t want him with her during the birth. But he wanted to be close at hand.

Dani appreciated his offer. A lot. But deep inside she felt that this was a journey for her to take on her own. So she watered her plants, then went down to the lobby to wait for her taxi.

Before long she was at the clinic, being examined by a nurse who asked her why she had waited so long. No sooner was the question asked, than Dani’s water broke.

And it all happened quickly after that.

Her doctor was her lifeline, arriving just when the pain was at its worst. “How are you doing, Dani? Your nurses tell me you’re progressing quickly.”

“If that means it hurts like hell, they’re right.” Dani ground out the words, taking hold of the hand Gwen offered and squeezing it tightly.

“Unusual for the labor to progress this quickly for a first baby. But it’s going to be okay. Is there anyone you want me to call?”

“No.” Inside Dani was cursing every decision she’d made leading up to this day. Having unprotected sex with Adrian the night of the Christmas party. Keeping the baby. Not going for the amniocentesis. Not reaching out to one of her sister. If she hadn’t been so stubborn Sage, or Mattie or even Callan would be with her right now. And it would have helped, to have someone who loved her.

She hadn’t understood that until this moment. Notwithstanding the medical personal continually checking her, how alone she would feel.

Time passed. Seconds or minutes, she couldn’t tell. Several nurses were hovering, checking vitals, preparing something out of her field of vision. Then Gwen asked her to put her feet into the stirrups.

“You’re fully dilated Dani. It’s time to push.”

One of the nurses stayed by her side. Her name was Cindy and she was very kind. She coached her through it, telling her when to breathe, when to push, when to relax.

There was terrible pain, and a feeling of urgency. The baby was coming but it was pulling her apart. “I can’t!”

“Yes, you can.” Cindy’s voice was gentle and assured. Like Dani’s mother’s.

Yes. You. Can. The words ran through Dani’s head, over and over and the cycle of pushing, breathing and relaxing went on and on and on.

And then it was “One last push, Dani. We see your baby’s head—”

And whoosh. It was done.

“You have a beautiful baby girl.”

Dani didn’t have the strength to lift her head. A girl. She hadn’t admitted it until now, but she’d been hoping for a daughter. “Let me—” She wanted to ask to hold her baby, but her voice gave out.

Someone new came into the room and introduced themselves. She tried to focus on the name. Dr. Wittingdale?

“How are you doing?” Gwen came to the side of her bed and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “We just need to deliver the placenta. Try to relax.”

Dani did. She was so relieved the pain was over. She had a baby. She’d done it. That Dr. Wittingdale—had he said he was a pediatrician? He must be checking her baby. When he was finished, maybe they’d let Dani hold her.

Time went by. Her brain was too foggy to process how much. She heard murmured voices from one corner. A nurse was washing her up, raising her bed so she was in a semi-seated position. Then Gwen was back, surgical mask removed and smiling softly.

“There is good news. Your baby’s heart and lungs are fine. She scored a nine on the Apgar test. A healthy, strong little thing. Six pounds, ten ounces.”

Dani felt another contraction. This one of her heart. She wanted to pray. But she could tell it was too late. She pushed her upper body away from the bed so she could study her doctor’s familiar face. “But?”

“Well, Dani, I’ve called in Dr. Wittingdale. He’s one of our top pediatricians. And he suspects—well, he’s quite sure—that your daughter has Down Syndrome.”

Unexpectedly, Dani felt angry. “You can’t know that for sure.”

Her doctor didn’t seem perturbed by her harsh words. “No. Not until we get the results from the blood test.”

Dani tried to think of something logical to say. But every thought she had seemed to run up against a brick wall. In the end all she could manage was, “I want to hold her.”

“Of course.”

In stepped the nice nurse. Cindy. She had Dani’s baby already bundled into a cotton blanket. “And you can try to nurse her, too, if you can manage. Sometimes babies with Down Syndrome have a little trouble.”

“That hasn’t been proven, yet.” Dani found herself snapping again.

But as soon as she saw the little face, the dark, almond-shaped eyes, she knew.

And in her heart, she admitted it was no less than what she’d expected. It was why she’d avoided the extra tests, because she’d known what they would find and the predicament they would put her in.

She hadn’t wanted to make that choice, deciding to end the life of her baby.

But by avoiding the test, she had made a choice. To bring this child into the world.

And now it would be all up to her, to protect this sweet baby and love her. To make a home for her. To be her family.

*

Eliot picked up two orders of Thai salad on his way home from work. Lately, he and Dani had been having most of their evening meals together. Their friendship had continued to grow tighter in the wake of Miriam’s departure from Seattle. Which showed every sign of being permanent. Just that weekend there’d been an open house at her condo unit.

She was selling.

He felt guilty, but relieved. It wasn’t often a guy had to kick a naked woman out of his bed. Conversation after-the-fact was bound to be awkward.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care about Miriam anymore. But she’d crossed too many lines.

He tapped on Dani’s door, intending to drop off the food, then go home and change before joining her. When she didn’t answer, he modified his plans and went home first. Once he was in casual shorts and T-shirt, he sent her a text message.

Ten minutes later, he tried her door again.

By now he wasn’t worried about the Thai food getting cold. She was having the baby. He just knew it. Still, he remained calm enough to phone the clinic and confirm that she’d been admitted. She had. Eight hours ago.