Close to Her Heart (8 page)

*

The day didn’t get better. Adrian had to put off their plans for a Thai dinner when Ava came down with a spring cold. And on Friday night, after turning down Miriam’s invitation to join her and Eliot for a movie, Dani felt more alone than ever.

Perhaps, she should have agreed to go to that movie. But she still hadn’t forgiven Eliot for what he’d said after their run. Frankly, she’d been expecting an apology and could hardly believe he still hadn’t offered her one.

She ordered a pizza for dinner, assuaging her guilt by eating it with a glass of milk and handful of baby carrots. When she was done, she tried phoning the Circle C, hoping to speak to Callan. But she’d forgotten her baby sister’s penchant for hanging out at Grey’s Saloon on Friday nights and got her father instead.

“Hi Dad. How are you? It’s Dani,” she added, because she knew that she and Callan sounded similar on the phone.

“Good. You?”

If she’d had a different kind of father, Dani might have broken down right then and confessed everything. But as a little girl she’d learned it didn’t pay to take her troubles to her father. “I’m good, too. Has the snow melted yet?”

Spring arrived a lot later in Montana than it did in Seattle. From experience she knew the trees wouldn’t even start budding for another week or two.

“Still lots up in the mountains.”

“How’s calving going?”

“Pretty much done now.”

The line went silent as she ran out of questions.

“I’ll tell your sister you called,” Hawksley said. And then he hung up.

She tried calling Sage next, but ended up leaving a message. Of course, she was probably busy with the cowboy who’d come courting her at the Copper Mountain Rodeo last fall. Dawson O’Dell was now a Deputy Sheriff in Marietta, living in a cute house on Bramble Lane with his young daughter Savannah. Dani didn’t expect it would be much longer until Sage was living there, too.

When she thought about all the things Dawson had done in order to win Sage’s heart—he’d untangled himself from an unhealthy marriage, given up the rodeo, taken community college classes and moved to Marietta—she felt even worse about her relationship with Adrian.

Despite their six months as lovers, she’d never been invited to his home or introduced to his daughter. At work they had to pretend they were only colleagues. And even when she suggested introducing him to Miriam and Eliot, he’d balked.

It was like he’d relegated their relationship to a glass bubble that existed within his world but wasn’t really a part of it.

Only now, she was pregnant. And this baby—if she kept it—was going to cause that glass bubble to break.

Dani stared morosely out the window, but since it was now dark all she saw was her reflection gazing back at her. She had no answers. So she went to the sofa, drew up a soft blanket, and then turned on the TV.

An hour later, she was asleep, and didn’t wake up until the next morning. She went about her usual weekend chores, half expecting that Eliot would stick a note under the door, maybe suggest a run or Sunday brunch.

But she didn’t hear from him or Miriam all weekend.

On Sunday, Portia arrived at six. Not wanting to hurt her niece’s feelings Dani tried not to let on that she’d totally forgotten about their dinner plans.

“Hi honey, do you like Vietnamese? I was thinking of ordering in. Where’s Austin?”

“Sure, Vietnamese is good. And Austin is doing final edits on his paper. But he said to thank you for the invitation.” Portia looked absolutely adorable in worn jeans, a peach sweater and a pair of funky boots which she took off at the door.

While Dani ordered their meal off the Internet, Portia went to the bank of windows, and sighed. “Mom is always raving about the view at our ranch. But this is so much better.”

“I guess if you hadn’t grown up around the mountains and Flathead Lake, you might side more with your mother.”

“Maybe. Poor Mom might not have that view much longer. Dad wants to sell Bishop Stables.”

Dani had been afraid of something like this. Besides her daughters, Mattie lived for the Tennessee Walking horses she and her husband had been raising and training since they married. How would her older sister cope if Wes went through with the divorce and sold the property?

“I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

Portia shrugged. “I don’t think Dad ever really liked the family business. Wren says that’s why he kept at the rodeo for so long.”

“He’s working at a lumberyard in Billings now, though, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. And he seems to like it. Oh, I almost forgot. I bought a bottle of wine.” Portia went to the foyer when she’d left a backpack next to her boots. She pulled out a white viognier that she must have noticed Dani serve before. It was one of her favorites.

“That’s so sweet. But how did you get it?”

“Austin’s twenty-one. He picked it up for me.”

Dani had been debating about whether to tell Portia her news. She didn’t want to. She hadn’t even decided if she was keeping the baby. But she had to give her niece an explanation for not opening the wine.

“I’m going to have to save that bottle. I have some news. It was a surprise to me and it’s probably going to be an even bigger one to you.”

She could tell by Portia’s face that she didn’t have a clue where this was heading.

“I’ve been seeing a man for about six months now. You haven’t met him because we work together and we’ve been keeping our relationship quiet.”

“Is that the surprise?” Portia settled on a stool, next to her aunt. “Is he coming for dinner?”

“No.”
If only.
“The surprise is that I’m pregnant. It wasn’t planned and—” She hesitated, not sure how Portia was going to react. “I still haven’t decided if I’m carrying the baby to term.”

“Oh.
Oh.
”

Dani sighed. “I guess I’m a living example of everything your mother warned you against.”

“Drugs and alcohol were pretty high on her list too.”

“Well, I don’t use drugs. I’m probably not the best example when it comes to alcohol though, since you know I enjoy my white wine.” Her sister Mattie almost never drank, a decision she’d made after a girl she’d once given riding lessons to, Neve Shephard, got drunk and ended up drowning at a party after her high school graduation. The accident was something Dani remembered well, since Neve had been in her grade. It was the only time Dani had ever been grateful for her nerd status. She hadn’t even been aware of the party, let alone that she hadn’t been included.

“We learned at school and from Mom that no method of birth control is one-hundred percent reliable.”

Dani nodded, glad to let her niece assume this was what had happened in her case. “That’s very true. And now I’m going to have to ask a favor of you. Do you think you can keep this a secret between us? I haven’t told any of the family yet. Partly because I’m not sure I can keep the baby.”

“I won’t tell,” Portia promised. “At least no one in the family. But can I tell Austin?”

“Why not? He’s going to be able to see for himself that I’m pregnant soon enough.”

Dani realized she was talking as if she was going to keep the baby. But the news from the ultrasound and the decision her doctor expected her to make in the next day or two, still weighed heavily on her mind. It wasn’t the sort of quandary she wanted to share with her niece. So as usual, she kept her worries to herself as she got out dishes and poured them glasses of sparkling water in preparation for the meal that would be arriving shortly.

As she moved about her efficient U-shaped kitchen, she could sense Portia watching her. Finally she stopped and lifted her shirt so Portia could see her little belly. “I’m not showing much yet. But soon I’m going to be trending toward blimp status.”

Portia giggled. “When is it due? I mean—if you decide to keep it?” Her eyes were big and yearning, and Dani could tell that in her mind her niece was already picturing the addition of an adorable little baby to the family.

But would she be so excited if she knew the baby might have Down Syndrome?

“Second week in September.”

“Wow. That’s a long time from now.”

Dani nodded. In one way it did seem like a long time. But when she considered that almost everything in her life was set to change—it didn’t seem nearly long enough.

Chapter Two

May

M
arvelous things started happening in Dani’s body in May. As her baby bump pushed out, she began to feel the fluttering motions of the fetus inside. She pictured her baby floating in the amniotic sac like an astronaut in space. When she was alone, she talked to the baby and sometimes sang songs she remembered her mother singing to Callan when she was born. Suddenly, she felt energetic and was never nauseous. Her buoyant good health seemed to her to be an omen. Nothing was wrong with her baby and she refused to allow negative thoughts to spoil this magical time.

Because she loved being pregnant. The changes in her body were beautiful to her. She kept to a strict, healthy balanced diet and the nutritious food seemed to be picking up her mood as well. She’d expecting to crave ice cream and pickles, or other inexplicably weird food combinations. Instead, she ate her way through pints of luscious blueberries and cherries, creamy tubs of yogurt and batch after batch of crispy baked kale.

The word was out at work—though the father hadn’t been named. Dani was sure her colleagues were speculating, but only Jenna had dared to ask.

“Someone I’ve been seeing for about six months,” Dani had answered. “The baby wasn’t part of our plans, obviously, and we’re still trying to work things out.”

Jenna, who was older, and had made it clear that neither marriage nor children were in her future, looked puzzled but hadn’t commented further. Dani supposed that she, too, wondered why Dani was going through with this pregnancy. She was grateful that Jenna hadn’t actually asked the question, because she was tired of trying to explain.

She still hadn’t called home with her news for the same reason. Her sisters would grill her, and she just wasn’t up to that. Day to day was her new motto.

On Mother’s Day, Dani and her sisters connected via Skype, all four of them at the same time. They’d started the tradition the year after their mother’s death, back when Mattie was twenty-one, Dani sixteen, Sage twelve and Callan only eight. They’d been at such different stages back then. Mattie had been married and a new mother herself, Dani in High School had been making plans to leave home when suddenly she was in charge of looking after her younger sisters. Sage had still been so young—Callan even younger. They’d had the least time with their mother, but it couldn’t be helped. It was sink or swim for the Carrigan girls, and somehow they’d all managed to swim.

Dani set her computer on the dining room table, so only her upper shoulders and face were captured by the camera. On her screen she could see Sage was in the backroom kitchen at her chocolate shop, red hair tied back, and an apron covering her long lean torso. Mattie, looking too thin, but lovely in a gray sweater and jeans was on the sofa by the fireplace in her home at Bishop Stables, while petite, but tough, Callan was in her bedroom at the Circle C, sorting laundry into piles on her bed, and wearing a thin tank top and flannel pajama bottoms.

“How’s the weather in Seattle?” Callan wanted to know. She was always preoccupied with the weather—most ranchers were. “We’ve had a cold, wet spring. Even had snow last week, though most of it has melted now.”

“It’s beautiful this week,” Dani said, biting back the impulse to invite her sisters for a visit. This was the first year none of them had made it to Seattle in time to see the spring blossoms, and she knew it was because they all had things going on in their own lives that made travel difficult. But she was just as happy.

A visit from one of her sisters would mean all of the extended family and the town of Marietta finding out she was pregnant—and Dani didn’t want that.

At least, not yet.

But she did enjoy connecting with her sisters, even if not all of the news was good. Mattie’s marriage seemed to be truly over. Callan felt their father’s health was getting worse, but he refused to book an appointment with a doctor.

Only Sage seemed truly happy. Her relationship with Dawson O’Dell was going well and she got along well with his daughter, Savannah. “There’ve been a bunch of weddings happening in Marietta, what with the Big Wedding Giveaway and all,” Sage added.

“Yes. Callan told me about that.” It seemed one of the Sheenan boys had come up with a PR stunt of paying for one couple’s dream wedding, and half the town had entered into the contest.

“Well, Dawson and I have decided we’re going to tie the knot too.”

“You didn’t win the contest, did you?”

Sage laughed. “No. We’re thinking of having our wedding after homecoming weekend. The town will have settled down by then and we can keep things easy and low-key.”

“I’m happy for you Sage,” Mattie said. “Do you want a church wedding? And a catered dinner and dance after?”

“We were thinking of having a smallish affair. At the ranch,” Sage said. “What do you think Callan? Would that be too stressful for Dad? Not that we’d expect him to do any of the work.”