Closer to the Heart (The Heart Trilogy Book 3) (22 page)

“Take care Charlotte, you were great this weekend and I'll see you soon”

“Thanks Zach”

With the briefest of kisses on her cheek he strode to the passageway that led to the parking area. Charlie watched before she took the lift back to the apartment. She was knackered, confused but strangely jubilant. Mitchell was not dead, he was alive. Zach's plan might work but what if it didn't? She felt torn between her loyalty to Zach about staying quiet or telling her Mum and James.

After a quick shower her head hit the pillow and she slept soundly until her alarm.

Chapter 29

I had been in New Zealand over a month and despite the still gloriou
s
weather
,
near vicinity of the beach and the ocean I was lonely. Mum was still deteriorating almost on a daily basis. I could see that the bad days were now starting to outnumber the good ones. Dad had flatly refused to let her go into a home nearby so between the two of us her care continued. I generally took the morning shift and we all spent lunch together.

If the weather was nice we sat outside, enjoying the ever changing view of the ocean. Its horizon peppered with boats of different sizes. Mum and Dad's yacht was still anchored in the harbour nearby, unused for the last few years.

“Dad, what will you do with the yacht?”

“Don't really know, maybe we could arrange to take Mum out on it?”

“That's a goo
d
idea
,
it might spark some happy memories for her to cling onto?”

“Yes, it must be hard for you to keep hearing her talk abou
t
your.....” His voice petered out.

I nodded, taking a glance down at my hands. It seemed to be that period she kept returning too.

With Dad firmly in charge I took the afternoon off and sauntered along the road towards the harbour. It was slightly cloudy but still warm and by the time I reached the water front I was thirsty. I took a table at one of the small bars and ordered a white win
e
spritzer. The ocean breeze swept over my clammy skin and with the drink helped to cool me down. I stayed to watch the various people wandering by before I drained the glass and walked along to the harbour masters hut. I knocked a couple of times but there was no answer.

I stepped onto the gangplank that anchored the boats and took a walk along to my parents mooring. Dad had given me the number and I was stunned to find a yacht much larger than the various photographs had depicted. It looked in good order just dirt covered the end. I looked around and found a brush next to a hose reel. I took both from their fixings and ran water over the stern and then lifted the brush and scrubbed. Slowly the name was revealed 'Stephanie's Star' When I finishe
d
the job I stood back and felt in awe of my parents love for me.

Footsteps startled me, along with the sound of wheels on the wooden slats. Shading my eyes from the sun I saw a man behind the handles of a wheelchair. He was struggling over an uneven board so I walked over.

“Can I help you?”

“I've not got the hang of these four wheels yet” he grinned, sheepishly. His cheeks coloured slightly as I drew closer.

“Here let me” I said, as he stepped aside and I grasped the handles. I pulled the chair back and manoeuvred it to the right where the planks were smoother. I pushed it easily forward and shrugged.

I moved around the chair and he stuck out his hand.

“I'm Sebastian”

“Stephanie, glad I could help” I took his hand in mine. I knelt down in front of the young woman in the wheelchair.

“Hi” I said, but her face remained blank.

“Lena, say hello to Stephanie who has just got us free”

I stood up again in the silence and looked across to see his brick red face.

“Sorry, she has early onset dementia” he struggled to get the words out and I yearned to reach out and pull him close.

“I don't know if she remembers me sometimes”

“Tell me about it, my Mum ha
s
Alzheimer’
s
and she thinks I'm still a teenager”

I watched him visibly relax at my disclosure. He smiled again although the haunted shadow coloured his eyes.

“Wow, is that your yacht?”

“It belongs to m
y
parents
,
I came down to see if it was possible to go out in it with my Mum being in a wheelchair. I looked down at the inert woman, so heart-breaking in her forgotten world.

“And”

“Well, so long as I don't get the wheels stuck then it might just work”

We grinned at each other and I looked again at the yacht bobbing in the waves. It was a bit like me, moored and waiting to be set free.

“So do you have a boat?”

“Nope” he shook his head “We met here as teenagers fifteen years ago. When Lena gets agitated we come here, but this is the first time I've had to use a wheelchair”

He looked away, at the distant horizon.

“She's forgotten so much, so quickly” his voice a whisper, hiding the sob in his throat. I heard another set of footsteps and an old guy in overalls approached.

“Can I hel
p
you”

“I was looking for the harbour master” I replied.

“Well, you've found him” he smiled and we shook hands “I'm Russell and I hope I can help you”

He looked across with recognition at Sebastian and Lena.

“Great day for it eh
,
Seb
.
Looking gorgeous as ever Lena” he patted her shoulder.

A terrier bounded forward and between his legs, before jumping up on Lena's lap.

“See even Wilbur is pleased to see you”

The little dog licked her cheek and a small giggle escaped her lips. Her hands closed over th
e
dog’
s
body and she started to stroke.

“I came to find out if it was possible to board a yacht with a wheelchair. I'm parents Vic and Sandra own it” I paused but didn't need to say another word.

“Yeah, sure that's possible, haven't seen them down here for a couple of years now. If you want I'll get my son Josh to give her a clean for you”

“That would be great, can we give you a call with a date as it all depends on how Mum is and not just the weather”

He dived into his pocket and produced a business card.

“Just give me a ring on th
e
morning
,
I'll get it cleaned over the next couple of days”

“Thanks Russell”

“My pleasure Stephanie” his eyes flitted over the name on the yacht. I blushed and smiled.

“A beautiful name for a yacht”

With a quick whistle Wilbur jumped down and they made their way back along the walk way.

“I'd better be going, thanks again Stephanie”

“Just call m
e
Step
h
and if you ever need to chat about things”

“Yeah” the sound of a scream wrenched throug
h
th
e
air from Lena. Sliding his hand along her bare arm he silenced her and then moved behind to grasp the handles. He strode away and it was only when he was out of sight that I realised we hadn't even exchanged numbers. I reached out and touched the smooth wood, tracing the stylised letters of my name. I pulled out my phone and took a photo, sending it to James with the message “Our dream” I knew I wouldn't get a reply until later.

The next few days passed with a mixture of rain and Mum in no suitable state to go anywhere. But then a break in the clouds and her mood changed so Dad gave Russell a call and told him we'd be down. I had been haunted by thoughts of Sebastian and I hoped that perhaps I would catch him again on our trip to the harbour. We were greeted at the gateway entrance by Russell and Wilbur, who eyed my Mum's lap. I saw Russell greet my parents and a small spark appeared in my Mum's eyes. She unfolded her arms and Wilbur quickly jumped up and settled there.

“I think he wants to go for a ride” my Mum said, a smile played on her lips as her hand took pleasure in the feel of his soft hair.

Dad pushed and we followed in a train behind her wheels. Reaching the yacht I gasped to see it in its full gleaming glory. A wide ramp had been anchored between its side and the boards and between Dad and Russell Mum was soon on board. Wilbur jumped down as we fastened a life jacket on her and then helped her from the wheelchair to a seat. I folded up and looked around for a storage solution.

“Here, I'll look after it” Russell said, reaching out and picking it up “just radio when you're on the way in and I'll be waiting”

Dad shook his free hand and we watched him and Wilbur return to the walk way.

Freeing us he tossed the rope aboard and I caught it while Dad took the wheel. The blue sky was dazzling as I took the seat next to Mum and we motored out past the harbour walls and then onto the open ocean. Then Dad called me forward.

“Take the wheel and I'll unfurl the sails” I nodded, slightly apprehensive at my first sailing lesson. Glancing back I saw the brightness in my Mum's eyes as the wind whipped her hair to and fro.

Dad took the time to show me all the ropes, so to speak and the difference between port and starboard. For a while he let me take control again as we followed the shoreline and he wrapped his arm around my Mum's shoulders. It was the best feeling with the wind in my hair and the tang of salt water on my skin. I had caught the sailing bug as we turned back towards the shore and the harbour walls. With the sails back down I steered us in under Dad's guidance and let him toss the rope back to a waiting Russell. I scanned the walk ways but saw no sign of Sebastian and Lena.

“Fabulous day for it” Russell said, after helping Mum back ashore.

“Yes, just blew those cobwebs away” I said, as his hand gripped mine while I stepped off. Dad looked windswept and slightly sunburnt but overjoyed.

While Dad helped her back into the car I turned to Russell.

“I don't suppose you know anyone who could give me a few sailing lessons?”

“I think I just might, come back tomorrow afternoon and I'll fix you up with the best instructor I know”

“Thanks and yes I'll see you tomorrow”

Back at the house I called James and we chatted over Skype. He told me they had a slight breakthrough with the investigations and the police were looking into a private investigator called Keith Madison. I told him about my day on the yacht and explained that I was going to take some sailing lessons.

Saying good-bye I reached to touch the screen, wishing that he was with me or that I was there with him. Blowing kisses I watched the screen turn black and whisk my love away from me once more. I took my mug of hot chocolate out onto the veranda and watched the sun dive into the ocean, before the moon took its place and the stars sprinkled their random pattern onto the black fabric of the night.

“Seems like waiting, makes me love you even more”

Chapter 30

The next morning passed in a flash, Mum was still enjoying her good mood and talking about sailing in an animated fashion.

“I think it worked” Dad said, as we sipped our juice.

“It worked on m
e
too
,
I'm off to get an instructor this afternoon”

“That's m
y
girl
,
I'd like to leave it to someone who will appreciate its magic. Just wish it was me teaching you”

“God no Dad, remember my driving lessons” I let out a loud groan and then we both laughed, sharing the memories.

“Well I hope you have fun and I'll see you this evening”

“I'll grab some fish and chips for tea on my way home”

Grabbing my lightweight jacket I sauntered down to the harbour and found Russell reclined on his deckchair, Wilbur asleep beneath.

“Hi Russell, great afternoon”

“Sure i
s
Steph, your instructor is at your mooring”

I was curious to find out who he was as I approached and found a familiar figure.

“Sebastian” I gasped.

“Stephanie and please just call m
e
Seb”

“Likewis
e
Step
h
is better for me”

He held out his hand as I climbed aboard then he jumped up alongside.

Se
b
was immediately business like as we went through all the technical terms and names before he untied us.

“Do you want me to steer us out?”

I nodded and sat down on the bench seating, gazing ahead towards the horizon. The sun danced its sparkling feet on the crests of the waves to the sound of the winds song. I felt so happy and free as we passed through the harbour walls and out into the ocean
.
Se
b
beckoned me over to the wheel and moved aside so that I could take over.

“Head starboard and we'll follow the coast and see what she can do”

“Aye, aye Captain” I giggled in response aware that he stood closely behind me.

I started to feel the pull of the sail and understand when to change course to either slow down or speed up. Then it was back along the coast to the harbour, two hours had flown by. We hadn't really spoken apart from the technical talk but the atmosphere between us was comfortable, like that of old friends. Back on dry land he showed me the best knot to tie and then we wandered back towards Russell's hut. He was nowhere to be seen.

“Same time tomorrow, weather permitting?”

“Yes, I'd like that” I said “but what if the weather is bad?”

He pressed a crumpled piece of paper into my hand.

“My mobile number should you need it”

Before I had chance to say anything else he glanced at his watch and hurried off in the direction of the car park.

I was starving and my head was spinning with all the new information crowding it so I picked up tea and walked briskly home. Dad was wringing his hands on the veranda where I found him.

“What's wrong Dad?”

“She's getting worse, she seems breathless and agitated”

I walked into the bedroom where she lay on the bed, her ches
t
risin
g
rapidly, her eyes flickering but not seeing.

“Mum” I knelt down by the bed “Mum, can you hear me?”

I looked around and saw Dad standing in the doorway.

“Ring for an ambulance, now”

I picked up her one hand and rubbed it in mine, it felt like ice.

I glanced across at the bedside cabinet and that was when my world slipped out of sync. Her glass of water had toppled over and splintered on impact, droplets spread out and dripped over the edge to pool on the floor. I stood up and walked slowly round to the far side of the bed, her arm dangled over it and my legs buckled at the sight. Blood seeped out across the lines and wrinkles of her skin, it coloured the broken piece of glass that had fallen beneath it. It was warm on my knees as the pool greeted them.

“Dad...DAD” I screamed, so high pitched I could hardly comprehend it was coming from my mouth.

I grabbed the thin throw that lay across the end of the bed and tried clumsily to dam the stream. Tears clouded my vision along with the dreams of my own suicide attempt. Now I was seeing and feeling what Sarah and Chris must of in the early hours of 1989, twenty four years ago. I don't remember much else until strong arms lifted me from the floor and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. Blue lights flashed outside the windows as a stretcher took my Mum away. I followed and sat in shock next to my Dad as the ambulance took off with speed. I felt his shaking arm slide over my shoulders, he shook and I guessed he was trying to be a man and hide his sobs.

The wait in the sterile room of the hospital was almost too much for me. I paced while Dad sat with his head in his hands. We jumped when the Doctor emerged but his face was relaxed.

“Everything wen
t
well
,
it wasn't a deep cut so she should recover with just a little scarring”

I looked at my own gashes, they would never disappear.

“So how soon can she come home?” Dad asked.

“Well possibly a day or two, the consultant will speak to you about that”

We shook hands and as we did he noticed my scars. A flicker of puzzlement glinted in his eyes as he tried to make sense of this parallel. He didn't ask as he showed Dad to the nearest phone so we could ring for a taxi. The drive home was silent, I re-heated our supper but we both just pushed it around on the plates. I hardly slept that night as every time I closed my eyes the image of my Mum mingled with the red bath water of my own. As dawn broke and started to colour the vines I cradled my first mug of coffee and tried to clear my mind. I pulled out the crumpled piece of paper wit
h
Seb'
s
number on it, wondering whether I should call and cancel.

But as the sun rose higher and sprea
d
it
s
light over the clear blue sky I knew that I would rather be sailing than sitting in the hospital with my Mum and Dad. After breakfast Dad drove ther
e
an
d
I sauntered down to the harbour, I foun
d
Se
b
on board. I hopped on and untied us so that we were free to the currents of the ocean.

"Do you want to guide her out?"

I nodded and took the wheel, hoping that once we hit the open waves it would wake me from the nightmares that were still close. I stood hunched over the wheel, my moves felt stilted and I jumped whe
n
Se
b
placed his hands on my shoulders and started t
o
knee
d
them.

"You're tense today, what's up?"

His kind enquiry toppled my resolve to hold it all in, as my sobs wrenched free and I shook.

Se
b
reached around and took the wheel from my tight grasp and allowed me the space to sit and cry. He steered us into a small inlet and dropped anchor. I felt his arm rest lightly on my shoulder, his silence comforting.

"Mum's in Hospital" I muttered "She tried to kill herself last night"

Slowly I stuttered the story out to him as the tears dried on my cheeks, he passed me a tissue and as I grasped it he noticed my scar. Grabbing my hand in his he took a longer look. I glanced up into hi
s
face
,
mine covered in my usual rush of shame.

"It'
s
ok
,
you don't have to tell me"

I pulled my hand from his and shook my head.

"That's a long story and for another day, I've burdened you enough"

"Sometimes you need to unload
"
Se
b
murmured, quietly.

"Feel free" I replied.

Standing u
p
Se
b
started to pull up the anchor.

"Enough counselling I think we need to finish this sailing lesson"

"Aye, Captain" I tried a grin, the darkness of my thoughts floating away on the soft breeze. Taking the wheel agai
n
Se
b
stood beside my shoulder and stared into the distance
.
I
hoped that he would open up about him and Lena but he stayed silent
.
Back in the harbour he jumped off to tie us up and then held out his hand to help me down.

"I can't do tomorrow or the day after but are you ok for Friday?"

"Yes, that will be fine"

We lingered awkwardly next to the yacht, the bond between us strengthening our friendship. Then he glanced down at his watch.

"I'd better go, tak
e
care, Steph"

"You to
o
Seb"

I watched his jog down the pathway and into the car park, before I turned and walked towards the sea wall. Sitting down on the warm concrete I pulled out my phone. I knew it would be the early hours of the morning but last night had left me in need of a chat with my James.

"Is everything ok
,
Steph" his words worried by the early hour of my call.

"Just wanted to hear your voice, sorry I woke you"

I hesitated as the waves lapped against the solid wall.

"I've just been out sailing and wish you were here sharing it with me"

"I do too honey" his voice warm and tender. Closing my eyes I imagined him under the covers of our bed, his warm body just waiting for my tender touch.

"Is everything alright at home?" I enquired.

"Yes, Darren and Sophie are working on a new costume drama. Mum and Dad are looking after me in their usual fashion and Charlie rings every Friday night"

"And"

"No more news on Mark's murder, they are back against that brick wall"

I sighed, I knew how important it was for James to try and get some answers for me but in my heart I only blamed one person. I had no grounds to think it was Felicity, apart from my intuition.

"I'd better let you go back to sleep"

"Yep, I'm on early shift so will be up and about in a few hours. Take car
e
baby
,
I miss you more that you can imagine"

"About as much as I miss you then" I breathed, cherishing our love.

Hanging up I stayed and watched the ocean, moving t
o
it
s
own lullaby. The walk back home was a slow one and in the empty house I crashed out on my bed and found sleep.