“Are you going to tell me that you have people inside to teach sex? Don’t you think that should be left to professionals?”
“Our learning comes from experience, passed down from one guide or lead to another. There are also reference books available for anyone interested. We keep a complete stock of the top ‘how to’ books in the club library. It is X-Dare policy to make sure our people are well trained if anyone is seeking advice.”
Aino cleared her throat. “If you two don’t mind. I would really like to get this over with. You were in the middle of doing an exam on me, and this is getting a bit uncomfortable.”
The doctor’s face brightened with embarrassment. “I am sorry. I am still heated up over the girl that came in. I shouldn’t be fighting with your boyfriend about it.”
“I will make you a deal. Finish the exam and get me off this table, and I will give you a manager’s pass so you can come check the club out if you want. Everything is legal, and the health department does regular inspections. As the saying goes, don’t knock it until you have been there.”
“I will think about it,” she replied, adjusting the light again. She leaned forward slightly and frowned. “This is gonna pinch a little,” she said as Aino gasped with pain.
Condor was at her side a moment later, grasping her hand. “You okay?”
“No, that hurt. What did you do?” she asked Cynthia.
“I am seeing signs of cervical dysplasia, and I took a sample of one. I will send it out with your Pap smear. It is quite widespread and we are going to have to remove it.”
“What is cervical dysplasia?”
“It is abnormal growth in the cervix that can extend into the vagina and the uterus. I don’t want to alarm you until we get the biopsy back. This is one of those iffy things that might just be removed and never come back.”
“Or?” Condor asked.
“Or it could be removed only to come back. We have no way to know if it is cancerous without the biopsy results. At this point, the best case scenario is just removing it and not having it return.”
“So how do you remove it?”
“Depending on how severe it is and what form of intraepithelial lesions we are discussing, it can be frozen or burned with electric current. Worse case is surgery, providing it is not cancerous. It is scraped away under anesthesia to allow the growth of new tissue.”
“So when will I find out?” asked Aino.
“It usually takes a few days to get the test results back, and then I will call you and let you know what needs to be done. Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed. You might have some slight spotting, but nothing serious. If you have any kind of real bleeding, please call me. You might be a bit too sore to have sexual relations, but if you want to, please use a condom without spermicide. You don’t want to go introducing a bunch of chemicals into yourself right now. If you think of any other questions, please ask.”
She set the two slides on the counter and patted Aino on the leg, getting up. “I will see you at the front desk,” she said, walking out and shutting the door.
“You could have been wrong just once today, Condor.”
“Well, this is not something that I wanted to be right about. You’re gonna be fine. Don’t look so worried,” he said, urging her to turn so he could put his arms around her. “Hey, why don’t we blow this joint and go back up north? We can go hang out in Disney.”
“Thanks, but I just can’t walk away from everything. We have a club to create. I’ll be okay.”
“Aino, I just want you to know that if it’s cancer
we
will deal with it. I’m not one of those people who bail if things get bad. Don’t freak out on me and get it in your head that you need to handle this alone. You don’t, and I won’t let you boot me in the ass.”
She leaned into him, laughing. “Whatever you say, boss. Condor, I’m glad you came with me, even though you do have a big mouth.”
He smiled, pushing back her hair and giving her a kiss. “I love you, Aino,” he said, suddenly feeling the need to confirm his emotions. The idea of her having cancer was terrifying, but the thought of losing her was even worse. He focused in on her eyes as she stared at him.
“Are you going to let me up?”
“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking.”
“That could be a bad thing to do, lover. I wanted to go back and check on things at the club, but I am suddenly really tired. Can we just go home and maybe call for something to eat?”
“Whatever your heart desires.”
“My heart desires the bliss of ignorance or that Monday is already here. Somehow I doubt she will have the results before then. Are you going to spend the entire weekend staring at me as if I am going to fade away?” she asked, urging him back so she could get dressed.
“Was that what my face reflected?”
“Yes, and I don’t want to see that look again, so whatever you were thinking, stop it!”
“I was thinking that I am nuts for not asking you to marry me.”
She stopped midway through zippering her jeans and stared at him. “Don’t you dare!”
“Dare what? Ask you to marry me? Why not?”
“Because you don’t want to get married, and now that you think I might have cancer you are asking out of pity. I don’t want pity,” she replied, slamming her zipper to the top and stomping into her sandals before heading toward the door.
Condor grabbed her arm, spinning her around. “I am not pitying you. I came down here this weekend with asking you in mind. If you doubt that, call Benny. I asked him to be my best man if you said yes,” he snapped, unclipping his cell phone and handing it to her.
She pushed it away, blowing out a long, regretful breath. “I’m sorry, but now was not a great time to ask. I’m a little stressed.”
Condor suddenly saw the fear in her eyes as she fought back tears. He pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair. “I know. Think about it at least? It doesn’t have to happen tomorrow or anything. I just want something more concrete from you.”
“I thought we weren’t doing concrete?”
“Yeah, I said that a long time ago. I’m entitled to change my mind, aren’t I? You have to admit that things are still going great between us. Life isn’t perfect, but we get along great, and we seem to agree about everything that’s important. We are alike in a million ways, but still different enough to not get bored with each other. Isn’t that what having a successful relationship is about? We are friends, partners, and lovers.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m sorry, Condor, but…”
“Okay. Just don’t shut me out, Aino. I want to be here.”
“You are here.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know what you mean, Condor. I’m just feeling like something chewed me up and spit me out for the buzzards. I want to go home and lie down.”
He pushed back her hair, opening the door for her. The doctor was already in with another patient, and the receptionist smiled. “Cynthia will call you as soon as your test results come in. Do you have a co-pay?”
“No.”
“Then you are all set. You will probably hear from us on Monday.”
Aino handed him the keys. “You drive home.”
“You are going to let me drive your baby?” he asked in a teasing tone. “You never let me drive.”
“I just don’t feel like it. Don’t hit anything.”
Condor laughed as he opened her door and walked around the car. The blue SUV had cost her close to thirty-five grand, and she didn’t allow anyone to even look at it wrong. For her to allow him to drive it was a major step for her. He climbed in behind the wheel, turning on the ignition and checking out the array of instruments before carefully pulling from the lot. “This thing handles real nice. Maybe I should get myself one. Sporty to look at and fun to drive, what else is there?”
“When are you going to let me drive your Corvette?”
“We’ll discuss it,” he said in a skeptical tone.
“He wants me to marry him, but he doesn’t trust me to drive his car.”
“That was a low blow, Aino. It has nothing to do with trust. I am just very protective of my little silver baby.”
They drove by the club, and she leaned her head back, sighing. “My father died of cancer. That puts me in a higher risk pool, doesn’t it?”
“I think it does. It doesn’t mean that you have cancer.”
“I keep telling myself that, and it is already sounding like a skipped record. I remember that after he found out, he was afraid to go to sleep. He would stay up all night long taking care of little things he had meant to do sooner. I would get up because I heard a noise or I wanted a drink, and he would be sitting at the table doing some project. His eyes got darker and darker from not sleeping, and then he would go to bed and not wake up for the entire day. My mother would cook large portions of his favorite meals, and he ate them, yet he kept losing weight. He got thinner and more tired with each passing day until they rushed him to the hospital because his liver failed. My mother sat next to his hospital bed, and I remember him begging her to take him home. He didn’t want to die in the hospital. He did though, alone, on a cold night when my mother had gone home to take a shower.”
Condor pulled in the driveway, parking in her spot. He took her hand, pulling her out of her reverie. “Aino, you are not going to die.”
“I know,” she replied, keeping her eyes closed as if she were too tired to open them. “I have to get up, huh?”
“Unless you want me to carry you across the parking lot.”
“I think I am better off walking,” she said, opening the car door and getting out. She was glad when he put his arm around her. It felt good to have him touching her, and she was happy to lean on him. “You have always been deceptively thin, Condor.”
“What exactly does that mean?”
“You look thin, not skinny, but not bulky either. When I am close to you, I know that is a deception. You are actually very muscular and strong.”
“Being thin doesn’t mean you are weak. You’re thin but not fragile. Ask anyone who has been at the end of a whip you are wielding.”
Aino laughed, taking out the keys and opening up the front door. The condo looked half finished to her, and she sagged against him.
“Now what’s wrong? You were just laughing.”
“I know. This place needs so much work to get it together. I bought paint, but it isn’t painted. I have furniture, but it needs to be put together and then finished. There is almost no food in the refrigerator, and my supplies are minimal. It just occurred to me that if I have surgery I won’t be able to do anything heavy for a while. We won’t be able to have sex either.”
“This is really getting to you, isn’t it?”
“Why, shouldn’t it be? Should I be jumping for joy that I might have cancer?”
“No,” he said in a slow, reprimanding tone. “Don’t be sarcastic. I’m as scared as you are, but we can’t go crazy worrying about this for the next four days. If worst comes to worst, I will send Benny down here, and you can come sit in my office and do his job. You are quite capable of doing the books and making up the schedules.”
“I don’t want Benny to do it. I’m enjoying putting the club together. I like watching it happen.”
“I know that. I remember, and it was a kick to come down here and see what you have accomplished. If concessions need to be made to get you healthy, then you are going to have to deal with it. I can’t stay down here with you forever, and I don’t want you alone.”
“This really sucks.”
“I totally agree. Why don’t you go lie down? Where is the cabinet that you wanted me to put together?”
She tilted her head, pursing her lips in an expression of despair. “I wanted to do it together.”
“Do you want me to paint?”
“I want you to come lie down with me.”
“You are impossible,” he replied with a smile. “I will come lie down until you fall asleep, and then I am going shopping. I want to get something done.”
“Okay. I’m sorry that I am being such a downer. I just feel helpless all of a sudden. It is an emotion that I suck at.”
“You, of all people, are not helpless. You will get through this.”
She sighed, closing her eyes for an instant in weariness. “I know. I just don’t want to deal with it at the moment. I have too many good things happening to get sick. I have been feeling kind of enlightened, as if everything was going right. I enjoy what I am doing. I have the perfect man who loves me. I have a nice place to live, and every day is a challenge. I can’t help thinking that I’m about to lose it all to a stupid thing called dysplasia. It sounds like something that happens to a German shepherd’s hips.”
“I think it is, but I don’t know about if the spelling is the same. It probably is. Leave it to you to think of something like that. You’re not going to lose everything. I won’t let that happen.” He took her hand and led her into the bedroom, undressing her with his usual flair and pushing her back onto the bed. She watched him as he stripped off his shirt and pants and then smiled as he crawled over her. Condor kissed her and then rolled to the side. “I’m gonna get all your favorite foods and fatten you up a little.”
“Good. While you are there get toilet paper and pads.”
He frowned at her. “Pads?”
“Yeah, you know the things that stick on my underwear so that after the surgery I won’t get my clothes all stained with blood. If they are going to scrape me, then I am going to bleed.”
“I didn’t think of that. Okay, no biggy, anything else?”
“I could use some nice dish towels. Preferably black. They don’t show stains like white ones.”
“I think I could manage that.”
“Thanks, Condor,” she said, rolling over and snuggling up to him. He lay drawing tiny circles on her stomach until he was sure that she was no longer awake and then slipped quietly from the bed, grabbing his clothing on the way out. He wanted to stop and check the jobsite and then go shopping.
Aino sat up quickly, a dream startling her from sleep. She looked around the room, feeling the sweat on her body go cold as she threw back the quilt. The condo was silent, the room as always bathed in darkness. She got out of bed, going into the bathroom and washing her face with cold water. Her hair was rumpled, the fringes of her bangs damp and matted looking. “Oh shit. What a crappy dream. I look like hell.” Her eyes were tinged with the darkness of restless dreams, her skin abnormally pale.