Collection of Stories for Demented Children (3 page)

To the left, the cliffs gradually sloped
downward until they leveled off near the village that was set
between the forest and the ocean about a mile or two away. The
village was where Anise lived her lonely and miserable life with no
one to care about her.

Oh sure, her mother and father doted on her,
all the girls wanted to be her best friend and all the boys in the
village thought she was beautiful, but that was to be expected.
Anise deserved to live in a brilliant white castle with pink bows
and her very own prince to take care of her and give her ponies to
ride. But that was never going to happen. After all, her father was
only an innmaster with a tiny three level inn that only took up two
blocks. How would a prince ever notice her in such squalor?

In the evenings, just before sunset, Anise
would walk up the cliff road past the spooky graveyard where she
was certain that zombies, ghosts and vampires had parties. She
would continue up to the top of this cliff where she could watch
the sun sink into the water at the edge of the world. Here she
would spread her arms out theatrically and wait for a prince to
come along and save her.

Anise wasn’t actually going to jump, but she
wanted very much for a handsome prince to think she was so that he
would find her interesting and take her to the castle to marry him
and live happily ever after while birds sang to her and bunnies
swept the floor; not the terribly sad emo bunnies, but the happy
white fluffy bunnies.

Looking down from the very edge where she
stood, she could see the rocky beach below. It was quite a ways
down. A young voice sounded from behind her. “Hi! Can you help
Zachary get me home to the village?” It startled her and she took a
hurried step back so she wouldn’t accidentally fall over the
edge.

“Don’t startle me like that!” She whipped
around to see who had the nerve to disturb her dramatic musings.
Standing there hand in hand was a zombie and a young boy. She
stared at the zombie with her jaw open in stunned silence.

“Brainsss?” the zombie asked.

Anise screamed a perfectly pitched scream of
terror that echoed up and down the coast. Then she turned and ran
away as fast as possible.

It took her a moment to remember that she
had been standing at the edge of a cliff. Anise let out a fresh
scream.

***

Zachary and Tobias looked over the edge as
the screaming girl fell and went splat against a rock. “Well, that
was stupid,” Tobias observed.

“Yeshh. Shtupid,” Zachary agreed.

“Let’s go to the village and I’ll tell
daddy. He’ll know what to do,” Tobias suggested.

“Villagshe, home.” Zachary nodded and the
two of them turned back to the cliff road that headed to the
village.

A short while later they were walking along
the fence of the graveyard, which bordered the cliff road. Zachary
heard the music from the nightly party that all the dead and undead
attended. “Is that music?” Tobias asked.

“Yeshh. Dead party in graveyard,” Zachary
said slowly. He was good at getting words out if he had time.

“Can we see it before you take me home?”
Tobias asked eagerly. “I always wanted to see real dead
people.”

Zachary thought about it for a minute. It
took that long for the thoughts to make it through the mush in his
head. He really couldn’t think of any reason why not. “Shhure.”
They were at the open front gate leading in. The zombies made sure
it was always open, even breaking the hinges whenever the daytime
caretakers fixed them. No one living ever came around at night
because it was too dangerous.

The bottoms of the clouds still glowed pink
and purple even though the sun had sunk into the ocean at the edge
of the world. Torches had recently been lit along the paths.
Zachary led Tobias, still holding onto his hand. He liked it. Not
many people ever wanted to hold Zachary’s hand anymore or even
touch him . . . or get anywhere near him.

The music came from xylophones made of real
bones and fiddles strung with strings made from tendons. It was an
exciting party. Skeletons spun their bones in wild clattering
dances, while zombies did the shuffle. Ghosts floated to and fro,
talking about the good old days when they were alive. Vampires
acted batty and Werewolf Jack led the entertainment.

“This is so neat!” Tobias exclaimed in
wide-eyed wonder.

“Yeshh,” Zachary agreed. He couldn’t help
but shuffle along, moving his shoulders up and down with the beat.
Alive, dead or undead, everyone enjoyed a good party. They joined a
group of zombies that were doing a line dance. Zombie line dances
were never a good thing. It was certain that a body part or two
would go flying. Most of the time, the parts would get back to the
correct owner, but mix-ups were known to happen.

An arm flew off and hit Zachary in the
shoulder. The owner grabbed it quickly. “Shorry,” he told
Zachary.

“Shalright,” Zachary assured him. A part of
him remembered that he was supposed to be collecting newts for Gert
the Wicked Witch, but with a quick shake he moved maggots to that
part of his brain and the thought went away.

An exquisitely dressed vampire with slick
black hair and a long elegant cloak walked up in front of Tobias.
“What have we here? Is it an innocent little boy?” he asked in a
heavy accent. “How delicious.” Then he smiled a toothy smile.

Tobias grabbed onto Zachary’s leg and looked
at the vampire fearfully. Luckily, zombies were immune to all
vampire powers, so Zachary wasn’t the slightest bit afraid. “Bite
yourshhelf,” he told the vamp.

“Give him to me now, zombie! I hunger for
innocent blood.” With that, the vampire lunged forward.

Zachary head-butted the vampire, knocking
him to the ground. The zombie line dance stopped as they all
watched in fascination. A few other vampires came to back up their
friend. Zachary started moving toward the path leading back out of
the graveyard.

The vampire slowly stood back up, shaking
his head in an attempt to recollect his senses. “Eww!” he
exclaimed, wiping his forehead with a sleeve. “I now have zombie
mush on my face, you moron!” He flapped his cloak about. Zachary
led Tobias down the path, backing away from the outraged vamp.
“This is gross, you idiot! Eww, eww, eww! My pale skin is fragile
and perfect. It will take me hours to get this mush off.”

It was then that another zombie head-butted
the vampire. Suddenly all the zombies were head banging and
body-slamming the vampires. Werewolf Jack had the musicians play
heavy metal music by banging chains on empty suits of armor. One of
the vampires was being carried along the top of the crowd of
zombies and skeletons while waving his arms and legs in the air.
The party was getting serious.

Zachary and Tobias managed to get back to
the main gate and they continued back down the cliff road toward
the village. “That was neat! You’re my best friend ever, Zachary.”
Tobias gave him a big hug. Zachary really liked the boy. He didn’t
even mind it when Tobias tried to wipe off some of the zombie slime
that had gotten on his hands.

The sky was completely dark by the time they
neared the village. The magical streetlights that illuminated the
main street of the village had been activated. Side streets had
simple lanterns to light them. Scents of evening meals wafted
lazily by while the sight and sound of people going home for the
night filled the air.

They walked into town along the main road.
Zachary knew there was something wrong with the plan, but it was
taking him a while to figure it out. A woman shrieked, “Zombie!
That zombie is eating the little boy’s brains!” That’s when Zachary
remembered that they should be walking through dark alleys instead
of down the main street. He took offense to the accusation that he
was eating Tobias’s brains as he was doing no such thing.

A couple of men came out of a door with
pitchforks and torches in hand. Zachary wondered if villagers kept
those things next to their front doors. Luckily, the torches
weren’t lit and the villagers had to stop to do so.

“C’mon Zachary! We have to get away!” Tobias
shouted. He yanked on Zachary’s arm, pulling it off again. Zachary
picked it up and reattached it as he shambled into a nearby alley
behind the boy. They turned down the next street, which didn’t have
anyone on it and then they dodged down the next alley. Tobias was
panting heavily as they turned the corner of another alley that led
behind a small inn.

Zachary was impressed that he had kept up
with the boy. He could move fast for a zombie. “I think we’re safe
now,” Tobias said, looking back around the corner. “My house is on
the edge of the forest. I know the way and we can stay on the back
streets if you keep me safe.”

“Yeshh, home, shhafe,” Zachary agreed. They
continued down the alley. The back door to the inn opened as they
walked by and a cook came out of the kitchen with trash in one hand
and a frying pan in the other.

“Zombie!” the cook yelled in surprise. He
swung the frying pan and smacked Zachary in the head, causing a
ringing sound in Zachary’s skull. Everyone knew frying pans were
one of the most dangerous weapons to use against a zombie.

“No! He’s taking me home. Please don’t hit
him with the frying pan!” Tobias exclaimed, grabbing onto the
cook’s arm. The cook stopped, impressed by the fact that the boy
said please.

The ringing in Zachary’s head clouded his
thoughts. He got angry and his inner zombie took over. “Brainsss”
Zachary moaned as he wrapped his arms around the cook and bit his
head.

“Oww! He’s biting my head! He’s biting my
head! Make him stop! Aaaggghhhh!” the cook shrieked in terror.

“Zachary! No! Stop biting his head!” Tobias
began pulling on Zachary’s arm, the good one. Rational thought came
back and Zachary let go of the cook right away, ashamed of what he
had done. A soulless zombie wouldn’t have stopped, but Zachary was
better than that.

“He bit my head!” the cook exclaimed in
outrage, holding the wound in both hands. “Eww! The zombie bit my
head! Eww!” Tobias pulled Zachary away from the cook who sat down
on the back step of the door, rocking back and forth. “I can’t
believe a zombie bit my head!”

A few minutes later, they were near the edge
of the forest where Tobias’s home was. They walked up to the front
gate of the white picket fence. It was a nice cottage with
whitewashed stone walls, a thatch roof and flowers planted around
the outside. It even looked pretty in the darkness.

“This is my home. Thank you, Zachary.”
Tobias gave him a big hug, which made Zachary feel warm inside.
“You better go home before those villagers find you. They seemed
really mean.”

“Shalright,” Zachary reassured him.
“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Zachary,” Tobias replied. With
that, Zachary went around the picket fence and into the forest. He
stopped at the edge to wave one last time at Tobias who waved back.
He said, “Brainsss,” one last time before disappearing into the
trees to go find newts for Gert the Wicked Witch.

***

Tobias waved at Zachary and heard him say,
“Brainsss.” Then he went inside the house where his mother yelled
at him tearfully for going into the forest and being out past dark.
His father came home a short while later. As they washed the zombie
goo off Tobias, he told them of his adventures

After dinner, they tucked him into bed and
Tobias asked, “Can I play with Zachary again tomorrow?”

“No Tobias,” his father said sternly.
“Zombies eat brains and even though Zachary didn’t eat yours today,
it’s best not to take chances.”

“Aww, Dad,” Tobias protested.

They kissed him goodnight and blew out the
candle. Tobias fell asleep dreaming of zombie parties and fuzzy emo
bunnies.

***

Prince Dashing rode to the edge of the sea
cliff on his majestic white stallion and looked at the moon casting
its reflection on the calm waters. He would have arrived a day
earlier, but had been held up by a newt infestation in the forest.
A deep sigh escaped his lips as he gazed at the beautiful scene.
The fresh smell of saltwater filled his nose and the sound of the
gentle ocean surf relaxed him.

He had been searching the lands for a
beautiful girl to make his princess. If only he could find a simple
innkeeper’s daughter and spoil her lavishly. He would take her to
his castle where she could listen to the birds sing and have
bunnies sweep the floor of her room, not the terribly sad emo
bunnies, but the happy white fluffy bunnies. Prince Dashing would
buy her ponies and let her put pink bows all over the castle.

With another sigh, he turned and rode down
to the village in the hopes of finding a simple girl to spend the
rest of his life with.

The End

###

This story is dedicated to all the straight
people who still love rainbows.

***

Rainbows have existed throughout the
universe since shortly after its inception. Born from light and
moisture, they have expanded along with galaxies and other cosmic
goo. They only die from the destruction of worlds, absence of
moisture, or the long loss of light. Many are ancient, being nearly
as old as the universe itself. Others are young, only born moments
ago. All are beautiful, although many beings in the universe think
them to be evil bearers of bad tidings and illness.

This is the story of one rainbow, neither
ancient nor young . . .

***

“Hey, you, are you using this tree?” Drippy
asked two cute little bunnies nuzzling by a stately tree. One was
black with purple streaks while the other had chestnut brown fur.
They weren’t hopping around energetically like all the other
bunnies in a nearby clearing. The tree was a tall maple with
vibrant green leaves stretching out toward the sky.