College Sex - Philosophy for Everyone: Philosophers With Benefits (4 page)

Does using digital technology in more socially accepted ways also pose ethical issues for students’ romantic and sexual lives, e.g., meeting and communicating mainly or even exclusively over the Internet or cell phones? Moral philosophy, social philosophy, and the philosophy of technology can be very useful in finding reasonable answers.

The essays in this book are divided into four units: Freshman Year: Hook Up Culture (experimentation, shame, and alienation), Sophomore Year: Friends with Benefits, JuniorYear: Ethics of College Sex, and Senior Year: Sex and Self-Respect. This structure loosely parallels Abraham Maslow’s (1908–70) “hierarchy of needs” – a psychological theory of motivation ranging from physical needs up to self-actualization. The themes of each unit progress as the social and intellectual skills of a col- lege student would as he developed through his college years. The first unit looks at initial experimentation, technology, and clothing, while the second unit deals with “friends with benefits relationships.” The third and fourth units revolve around more abstract ethical issues, characteris- tic of the changing and perhaps less egocentric perspective of upperclass- men. The fourth unit specifically accounts for self-respect and mutually respectful relationships, akin to Maslow’s “self-actualization.” At this stage, the freshman has journeyed through the wild space of college – experimenting with the different kinds of relationships and college cul- ture at hand – and has matured intellectually into a college graduate who understands the complexities of sexual respect and communication.

The first unit deals with aspects of college culture, or
hook-up culture
, as some writers have called it. These essays explore the following: the motivations and risks of sexual experimentation, the way college dating and sexual practices are enmeshed in technologies like Facebook and text messaging, and how the clothing students wear can signal moral judgments.The first essay in this unit,“Sex and Socratic Experimentation” written by George T. Hole and Sisi Chen, describes an experiment given in one of Hole’s classes.The experiment explores ways students can make meaningful changes in their lives by reflecting philosophically on their life choices. Hole and Chen make this concrete by providing several examples in which students described the despair to which naïve experi- mentation led them and, remarkably, how they used philosophical meth- odology to recover a sense of self based on reflective thinking and action. These examples are intriguing because they show how philosophy can positively impact one’s life.

One of the sexual clichés that runs rampant is that college students, particularly females, will experiment in homosexuality.This cliché misses

that the opposite is also true. “The Straight Sex Experiment,” authored by Bassam Romaya, explores a widespread practice involving openly gay or lesbian college students who occasionally experiment with heterosex- ual sex acts. In tandem with their heterosexual peers, Romaya argues that the sexual experiments of gay and lesbian youth reveal a sense of mys- tery, intrigue, and social or sexual rebellion by stepping outside the limits imposed by group-specific expectations in matters of sexual conduct. Ultimately, these haphazard experiences serve similar beneficial objec- tives, such as confirming one’s understood and accepted sexual persona, eliminating mundane adolescent curiosity, or simply strengthening and broadening individual understanding of human sexual diversity. Romaya’s essay is a much-needed analysis of college sexual identity, and moreover it provides a window into an often unheard portion of the story of college sexual experimentation.

It used to be a big deal to get a girl’s phone number, but with the popularity of social networking sites, has this step been bypassed alto- gether? Michael Bruce’s essay, “The Virtual Bra Clasp: Navigating Technology in College Courtship,” examines the ways in which tech- nology influences sex and love for college-age people. He first argues that there are certain socially acceptable steps of courtship for different technologies such as text messaging, My Space/Facebook messaging, phone calls, talking through friends, and old fashioned face-to-face communication. The ways students initially meet, stay in contact, break up, and reunite are all commonly mediated by technology in a way that is unique to the age group (though it may continue afterwards). Bruce reasons that technology has a tendency to alienate people who employ traditional methods – “Just walk up and talk to her” – and these direct tactics are viewed by younger generations as creepy. Bruce’s essay unpacks the layers of technologies in which modern courtship is enmeshed, and in doing so he argues that social networking tools often function in the
opposite
way of their intended function, namely, to fur- ther remove and disenfranchise people.

Some college students have “one night stands,” and these can lead to incredibly awkward mornings. “Smeared Makeup and Stiletto Heels: Clothing, Sexuality, and the Walk of Shame” is both a light-hearted and compelling account by Brett Lunceford, a specialist in the field of com- munication. Lunceford uses semiotics, the study of signs and sign sys- tems, to analyze the relatively new phenomenon referred to as “the walk of shame.” This act is usually typified by a college coed walking home in the morning while still wearing her party outfit from the night before,

suggesting a sexually promiscuous act had taken place the previous night. Having described the stigma surrounding the walk of shame, Lunceford argues that the clothing worn during the walk of shame functions as a specific type of sign of sexuality, which is marked, especially in young women, as shameful. Lunceford’s analysis is unique because it provides a framework through which to understand the walk of shame, which, though it is a common occurrence in the life of many college students, is often neglected in academic discussions of college life and sexuality.

Many freshmen move to college and leave behind a significant other, daring to enter into the much discussed and much dreaded long-distance relationship. Bill Puka’s essay, “Relations at a Distance,” uses current cognitive therapy techniques to outline the range of personal difficulties and dilemmas, special anticipations, and delights of college couples try- ing to conduct relationships at a distance. The essay emphasizes the freshman experience of trying to maintain relationships that started in high school, but Puka also discusses more recent innovations that many couples use throughout their college years to keep the spark going dur- ing their long-distance relationships. These innovations include sexting, Skype sex, and phone sex. Puka’s essay is grounded not only in philo- sophical argumentation but also in interviews he conducted. He pro- vides an in-depth account of these college couples’ long-distance relationships, and he argues that long-distance relationships are not only something that can last but moreover that can be enjoyable and highly fulfilling.

In the second unit, Sophomore Year, the essays investigate “friends with benefits” relationships.This is a phenomenon that has recently been getting a lot of attention in the media as well as in academic research. The introductory essay in this unit looks at this kind of relationship in light of ancient Greek philosophy, while the concluding two essays are philosophical commentaries on experiments conducted by scholars working in the discipline of communications. These essays look at how common these friends with benefits arrangements are and how and why they begin.

What would the ancient Greeks think about friends with benefits rela- tionships? William O. Stephens’ essay, “What’s Love Got to Do with It? Epicureanism and Friends with Benefits,” applies Epicurean philosophy to this aspect of college sexuality. The essay looks at the phenomenon of friends with benefits from the standpoint of the Epicureans, a school of thought based on the pursuit of tranquility through knowledge, friend- ship, and a modest life. Stephens writes that Epicureans regard good

friends to be much more reliable than good sex, and therefore college students should refrain from sex in order to keep their friends.

In the first of the essays related to the field of communication,Timothy

R. Levine and Paul A. Mongeau’s essay “Friends with Benefits: A Precarious Negotiation” explores a variety of questions about friends with benefits relationships: What are they? Can people really have sex with friends and remain friends? Is friends with benefits a new type of relationship, or have people always had sex with friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of friends with benefits? Why do some people have friends with benefits relationships while others avoid them? Levine and Mongeau survey the different modes of communication sur- rounding these kinds of relationships, e.g., how people talk (or don’t talk) about friends with benefits relationships with their other friends. This essay does an excellent job of framing the friends with benefits phe- nomenon with data that show how common the relationships are and what the outcomes statistically will be.

The second unit closes with “The Philosophy of Friends with Benefits: What College StudentsThinkThey Know,” penned by Kelli Jean K. Smith and Kelly Morrison. Smith and Morrison supply a philosophical com- mentary to a study they performed, the goal of which was to collect infor- mation about multiple dimensions of friends with benefits relationships. These dimensions include how such relationships begin, the motivations for them, obstacles and emotions related to them, the maintenance rules associated with them, the outcomes of these relationships, and how these relationships are discussed and supported by same-sex friend networks. Smith and Morrison conducted this research to further their understand- ing of friends with benefits by exploring personal accounts of these kinds of relationships. The data revealed the presence of relational, emotional, and sexual motivations and barriers, as well as a broad array of emotional responses. People who are in friends with benefits relationships, or con- templating doing so, will find the information in this essay invaluable.

The third unit, Junior Year, is centered on ethical and epistemological issues – what is ethical and how do we know it to be so? – relating to sexuality that arise in college life, both for the students and teachers. Andrew Kania’s “A Horny Dilemma: Sex and Friendship between Students and Professors” argues that two plausible claims lead us to a dilemma about the ethics of relationships between students and their professors. First, there is no clear line between an intimate friendship and a loving sexual relationship. Second, sexual relationships often, per- haps ideally, develop out of close friendships. This suggests that either

professors and students should refrain from entering into friendships at all or we should condone sexual relationships between them. Kania’s intriguing essay not only questions what qualifies a relationship as a sex- ual one, but also what constitutes the act of sex itself. This essay is a must-read for anyone interested in the sometimes blurry line between friendships and romantic relationships.

Danielle A. Layne’s “Philosophers and the Not So Platonic Student- Teacher Relationship” presents historical examples (Socrates and Alcibiades, Abelard and Heloise, Heidegger and Arendt) within Western philosophy where students and teachers have become intimately involved. This essay is fascinating, as it covers topics ranging from Socrates’ flirt- ing with young men, the castration of Abelard, and a complicated affair between a Nazi sympathizer and his Jewish lover in an internment camp. Layne draws parallels to current academic policies regarding student- teacher relationships, arguing that policies against such relationships inhibit young adults from exercising their autonomous judgment.

How do you know what you think you know? Ashley McDowell’s “Thinking About Thinking About Sex” is an enticing essay that draws from the area of philosophy called epistemology, which deals with the nature of knowledge and justified belief. McDowell’s essay will provoke you into asking yourself questions like “Am I good in bed? Did she have an orgasm? How would I know for sure?” Insecurities beware – McDowell argues that if college students are to have healthy and good sex lives, they must improve themselves epistemologically. Epistemologists can help stu- dents recognize the difference between what one accepts on the surface and what one
really
believes. McDowell shows readers how to evaluate their own prejudices, inconsistencies, and blind spots. With a heightened sense of awareness of their epistemic standing, college students can start guiding themselves towards good thinking and in turn good sex.

For various reasons, both parental and institutional, children are often raised with the belief that sex is something reserved for people who are in love. In “Exploring the Association Between Love and Sex” Guy Pinku considers the classic relationship between sex and love and reveals hid- den philosophical assumptions within this kind of relationship. Pinku argues that the connection between sex and love is based upon, and reflects, the complicated body-mind relationship, and he argues that even if sex may express love in some cases (which is controversial) there is neither a natural connection nor a normative one between love and sex; sex and love are different, not necessarily related phenomena. As a result, nothing is missing or wrong with sex without love. For Pinku, the

connection between sex and romantic love is based upon a tendency to extend feelings towards the body and apply them to the mind; without this extension, sex – which is based only upon an affection towards the body – might be experienced as limited or even as vain.

Prostitution is said to be the world’s oldest profession. College is expensive. It doesn’t take a logician to conclude college students might venture into morally questionable employment to help fund their college education. “Sex for a College Education” by Matthew Brophy shines a light on a contemporary paradox confronting many college women: that to become autonomous through higher education, they must subjugate themselves, sexually, to afford it. Higher education increases one’s auton- omy, cultivates individual flourishing, and affords graduates greater opportunity. Paradoxically, the expense of a college education often coerces women to engage in sexual enterprises that betray a lack of autonomy, inhibit flourishing, and often results in personal degradation. Brophy argues that prostitution, even when undertaken to pay for col- lege, violates the intrinsic value and dignity of the prostitute because the body is used as a means and not an end in itself. As evidence for this claim, Brophy highlights the practices of college prostitution and web- cam pornography and considers philosophical theories of autonomy, eudaimonia, utilitarianism, and Kantian and feminist ethics. To make his argument more concrete, Brophy presents examples from several recent cases, such as Natalie Dylan, John Getcher, and Ashley Dupré.